AlpacaOne

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Hi and thank your for reading this.
I’m married and when I went to court to get married with him, my husband told me he was divorced,
this marriage was not an actual marriage (he married his friend do do her a favor, as she had helped him in the past so he returned the favor)… I believe him. It was never to gain a benefit , but in the eyes of God, as it is a legitimate marriage (they actually went to a court to get married), is this an actual marriage in the eyes of God? They were never together so he didn’t leave his wife for another woman. ( not trying to make excuses but they never established an actual relationship) but I fear, Am I in adultery? My husband is a non believer and I am struggling with praying, battling with his functioning alcoholism. I don’t know what to do and I don’t feel I have a clear answer from God about this. Any advice or keep mein your prayers for wisdom, courage and discernment will truly be appreciated wholeheartedly. God bless you. - Iveth.
 
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Dave L

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Hi and thank your for reading this.
I’m married and when I went to court, my husband told me he was divorced, this marriage was not an actual marriage (he married his friend do do her a favor, as she had helped him in the past so he returned the favor)… I believe him. It was never to gain a benefit , but in the eyes of God, as it is a legitimate marriage, is this an actual marriage in the eyes of God? They were never together so he didn’t leave his wife for another woman. ( not trying to make excuses but they never established an actual relationship) but I fear, Am I in adultery? My husband is a non believer and I am struggling with praying, battling with his functioning alcoholism. I don’t know what to do and I don’t feel I have a clear answer from God about this. Any advice or keep mein your prayers for wisdom, courage and discernment will truly be appreciated wholeheartedly. God bless you. - Iveth.
They called it marriage but it seems it didn't fit the definition. I knew a guy who married a ballerina in the woods by a guy with a Popular Mechanics Minister's credentials. It was a joke but was it a marriage by definition?
 
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Abaxvahl

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Hi and thank your for reading this.
I’m married and when I went to court, my husband told me he was divorced, this marriage was not an actual marriage (he married his friend do do her a favor, as she had helped him in the past so he returned the favor)… I believe him. It was never to gain a benefit , but in the eyes of God, as it is a legitimate marriage, is this an actual marriage in the eyes of God? They were never together so he didn’t leave his wife for another woman. ( not trying to make excuses but they never established an actual relationship) but I fear, Am I in adultery? My husband is a non believer and I am struggling with praying, battling with his functioning alcoholism. I don’t know what to do and I don’t feel I have a clear answer from God about this. Any advice or keep mein your prayers for wisdom, courage and discernment will truly be appreciated wholeheartedly. God bless you. - Iveth.

It doesn't sound like he was remotely in a legitimate marriage with that other woman and so you are not in adultery. Marrying to do some kind of legal favor is not a marriage in the eyes of God.
 
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Hazelelponi

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Hi and thank your for reading this.
I’m married and when I went to court, my husband told me he was divorced, this marriage was not an actual marriage (he married his friend do do her a favor, as she had helped him in the past so he returned the favor)… I believe him. It was never to gain a benefit , but in the eyes of God, as it is a legitimate marriage, is this an actual marriage in the eyes of God? They were never together so he didn’t leave his wife for another woman. ( not trying to make excuses but they never established an actual relationship) but I fear, Am I in adultery? My husband is a non believer and I am struggling with praying, battling with his functioning alcoholism. I don’t know what to do and I don’t feel I have a clear answer from God about this. Any advice or keep mein your prayers for wisdom, courage and discernment will truly be appreciated wholeheartedly. God bless you. - Iveth.

I guess that depends what you use to define marriage.

Biblically marriage isn't a certificate given by the state it's a covenant between two people before God who then "cling, adhere, abide fast together" as one flesh.

I would argue that anything that doesn't follow that definition wasn't marriage at all...

But Pastors may disagree with me on this.
 
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Maria Billingsley

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Hi and thank your for reading this.
I’m married and when I went to court, my husband told me he was divorced, this marriage was not an actual marriage (he married his friend do do her a favor, as she had helped him in the past so he returned the favor)… I believe him. It was never to gain a benefit , but in the eyes of God, as it is a legitimate marriage, is this an actual marriage in the eyes of God? They were never together so he didn’t leave his wife for another woman. ( not trying to make excuses but they never established an actual relationship) but I fear, Am I in adultery? My husband is a non believer and I am struggling with praying, battling with his functioning alcoholism. I don’t know what to do and I don’t feel I have a clear answer from God about this. Any advice or keep mein your prayers for wisdom, courage and discernment will truly be appreciated wholeheartedly. God bless you. - Iveth.
Welcome to CF. Your post is unclear. Why were you in court? Was your supposed husband still married when he married you? If so, your marriage is not valid.
If he has divorced his other wife then married you, NO you are not in an adulterous relationship. I would suggest to stop focusing on this and start focusing on more positive things. Blessings.
 
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AlpacaOne

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It sounds to me that your husband is a bigamist, which would make your marriage invalid. But maybe I got the facts wrong.
I didn’t explain myself very well .. thank you for your input. We decided to get married and it wasn’t until we went to the court to get married that he “casually mentioned” he was married before (or as it shows on our marriage certificate documents, he’s divorced) as he actually married this woman who was his friend. Legally this marriage happened, but they were never actually a marriage or in a relationship. So this is where I feel confused or unsure if that marriage is considered valid in the eyes of God. Thank you again!
 
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Nitsud

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Sounds to me like it was a mockery of God for personal gain. He will surely be held accountable for that unless he repents unto the Lord.

I believe that when a marriage happens it is more than just two people committing to each other to not sleep around. The Lord said, " And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh." Mark 10:8. This as spoken by The Lord himself hold profound meaning.

Check out this atricle: How Quantum Entanglement Works (Infographic) | Live Science

As for you being married to an unbeliever: We as Christians(Christ like) are to be the example.
1 Corinthians 7:14
 
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AlpacaOne

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What is the question here? And what are you trying to accomplish? Are you trying to find a way to get out of a marriage that you no longer like?

I am unsure if his previous marriage is a valid marriage in the eyes of God.
No I’m not trying to find a way out. It wouldn’t be an easy decision but I also don’t want to lie to myself or be a coward if this is indeed adultery.
 
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AlpacaOne

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Sounds to me like it was a mockery of God for personal gain. He will surely be held accountable for that unless he repents unto the Lord.

I believe that when a marriage happens it is more than just two people committing to each other to not sleep around. The Lord said, " And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh." Mark 10:8. This as spoken by The Lord himself hold profound meaning.

Check out this atricle: How Quantum Entanglement Works (Infographic) | Live Science

As for you being married to an unbeliever: We as Christians(Christ like) are to be the example.
1 Corinthians 7:14

thank you so much for your feedback I appreciate it and will meditate on these verses and will check out the article.
 
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AlpacaOne

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I guess that depends what you use to define marriage.

Biblically marriage isn't a certificate given by the state it's a covenant between two people before God who then "cling, adhere, abide fast together" as one flesh.

I would argue that anything that doesn't follow that definition wasn't marriage at all...

But Pastors may disagree with me on this.

That is my thinking too, it wasn’t a legitimate marriage but then again according to our marriage certificate he’s a divorced man. I hope I get filled with more wisdom , and I am holding on to James 1:5 and Matthew 7:7 , ask and if you shall receive. Thank you kindly for your input!
 
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AlpacaOne

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It doesn't sound like he was remotely in a legitimate marriage with that other woman and so you are not in adultery. Marrying to do some kind of legal favor is not a marriage in the eyes of God.
Thank you much for your feedback!
 
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AlpacaOne

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So your husband was married before but divorced and then married you?
Yes he was divorced , but they were friends he married her to do her a favor… she helped him out when he most needed it so he reciprocated the favor..
but yes according to our marriage certificate he’s divorced.
 
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AlpacaOne

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They called it marriage but it seems it didn't fit the definition. I knew a guy who married a ballerina in the woods by a guy with a Popular Mechanics Minister's credentials. It was a joke but was it a marriage by definition?

thank you for your input. he married his friend and divorced her. He married her to do her a favor. (Crazy favor sure). And he’s not a believer so marrying and remarrying is not a big deal (I guess) .. anyways he went to court it wasn’t in the woods.. but my dilemma comes from the fact this was an actual marriage (in the eyes of the law) although they were never together.
either way thank you again!
 
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Albion

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I didn’t explain myself very well .. thank you for your input. We decided to get married and it wasn’t until we went to the court to get married that he “casually mentioned” he was married before (or as it shows on our marriage certificate documents, he’s divorced) as he actually married this woman who was his friend.
Thank you. That explanation squares with what I was thinking you meant to tell us.

Legally this marriage happened
Okay. That also is what I thought.

that, but they were never actually a marriage....
Oh yes. They were in a marriage.

What you've described was not a "play" marriage. It was a marriage. The bride and groom made vows, no one objected on any grounds, the officiant pronounced them married, the state recognized it, and then they apparently held themselves out to the public and the government as being married.

Honestly though, I find several parts of his story to be fishy. For one thing, how is it that there was no 'benefit' to that woman involved? Did she simply like the idea of being married and so he married her but didn't live with her afterwards? This seems very unlikely. And if there was a divorce, there has to be a record on file which you might want to check into.

That aside, what I don't think is that God considers it adultery if one party was deceived into thinking that their partner was free to marry.

And if it's the case that there was a indeed a prior valid marriage, motives aside, and then a legal divorce occurred before you entered the picture, most churches would not call your situation one of adultery. But some would. Therefore, you may want to check all this out with your own church and/or speak to the pastor.
 
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HIM

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Yes he was divorced , but they were friends he married her to do her a favor… she helped him out when he most needed it so he reciprocated the favor..
but yes according to our marriage certificate he’s divorced.
Then Do you ask about this because you feel guilty?
 
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com7fy8

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So, Iveth, how are you doing?

There are things we clearly know God wants us to do, in any case.

Keep our forgiving up-to-date.

Love your husband; learn how to live in God's way so you can be his good example.

Spend time with Christian people who you know are good examples of how to live God's word, how to relate in their marriages, how they bring up their children. Make a point of spending time with mature Christian seniors who help you grow in Christ and how to relate in love . . . not only with your husband, but how our Father has us sharing with one another who are children of God. And God can use this to help your husband.

I do not know you well enough to know the real reasons why you married him. But in case you have had wrong ways of doing things, you need to get wise to your own ways so they do not keep on effecting how you live and love and make decisions.

And find out how God has you loving your husband. Read God's word and pray for God to have you love the way His word means, while you feed on the good example of Christian people who help you with this.

Like I say, make sure you share with mature Christian people.

But be ready to forgive anyone who turns out not to be for real. As you get stronger in forgiving, you can be stronger for loving in good Christian relationships. You can get stronger for loving you husband, and this can help you grow in family sharing with children of God. And your family sharing with Christian people can help you be more loving as family with your husband . . . so he can feed on your example.

"nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock." (1 Peter 5:3)

So, do not try to just control him, but go with being a good example and depending on God to use your good example. And love "hopes all things" > in 1 Corinthians 13:7. So, Jesus does not give up on you, and in God's love you don't give up on anyone.
 
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AlpacaOne

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Thank you. That explanation squares with what I was thinking you meant to tell us.


Okay. That also is what I thought.


Oh yes. They were in a marriage.

What you've described was not a "play" marriage. It was a marriage. The bride and groom made vows, no one objected on any grounds, the officiant pronounced them married, the state recognized it, and then they apparently held themselves out to the public and the government as being married.

Honestly though, I find several parts of his story to be fishy. For one thing, how is it that there was no 'benefit' to that woman involved? Did she simply like the idea of being married and so he married her but didn't live with her afterwards? This seems very unlikely. And if there was a divorce, there has to be a record on file which you might want to check into.

That aside, what I don't think is that God considers it adultery if one party was deceived into thinking that their partner was free to marry.

And if it's the case that there was a indeed a prior valid marriage, motives aside, and then a legal divorce occurred before you entered the picture, most churches would not call your situation one of adultery. But some would. Therefore, you may want to check all this out with your own church and/or speak to the pastor.

Appreciate your very thought and detailed response. Yes it’s sound fishy and it’s a crazy “favor” to do for a friend, I met the friend and as crazy as it sounds I believe it for the fact that she was the person who helped him when he had no one else so he did it to reciprocate the favor , I don’t think he thought about this through? I’m not sure what his thinking was… but again my concern is that legally this marriage was legitimate although not emotionally/physically. But again I appreciate your response !
 
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