Adoption

[nyj]

Based on the comments of some people in the abortion thread, I figured I'd start this thread to get people's opinions. Honestly, I will consider adoption if my wife and I cannot conceive a child ... though all the time, paperwork and cost seems prohibitive and somewhat daunting. Not to say that I won't do it ... but I'd rather not have to fly all the way to Russia to adopt a child, especially when there are children here in the US which also need parents.

This issue is also of ultimate importance ESPECIALLY since we, as conservative christians, oppose abortion and suggest adoption as the only acceptable alternative for pregnant women.

So, thoughts?

 

[Tangeloper]

Now I get what you meant! LOL I will come back and offer my opinions on adoption when I have a bit more time. As an adoptee I have a lot of information to share about this subject, as well as a lot of opinions, and experiences to share. I wish I could get more involved in helping to fix the adoption system... It's just so crazy and there are so many problems -- for the kids and for the parents and families who would love to take them in...

 

[free2be]

I am adopted....my birth mother was 14 when she got pregnant with me. I haven't met her but I can say that I think she must be a very strong woman to be able to carry a baby to term and give it up.

Women nowadays have much more choices about adoption than in the days when I was born. Back then, you had the baby, gave it away, never to be heard from. These days, the b-mom has more say. They can choose who they want to parent and how much involvement they would like to have with their child throughout his/her life. There is good and bad to that but better than the alternative.

Most girls that I deal with dont' usually see adoption as being an option...they say they could never carry the baby, bond with it, then go through the pain of delivery only to give it away. Choosing adoption is still very difficult...there is still the grief of loss to heal from.

 

[GreenMunchkin]

Based on the comments of some people in the abortion thread, I figured I'd start this thread to get people's opinions. Honestly, I will consider adoption if my wife and I cannot conceive a child ... though all the time, paperwork and cost seems prohibitive and somewhat daunting. Not to say that I won't do it ... but I'd rather not have to fly all the way to Russia to adopt a child, especially when there are children here in the US which also need parents.

This issue is also of ultimate importance ESPECIALLY since we, as conservative christians, oppose abortion and suggest adoption as the only acceptable alternative for pregnant women.

So, thoughts?

There are so many children out there who don't have something as fundamental as a mum and dad who will love them and look after them when they're poorly. Adoption is a wonderful thing.

It must be so indescribably painful for the mother, though. A child staying with its birth mum is almost always the best option if it's possible, but when that's just not on the cards, it's so much better that a child be adopted into a loving home rather than be brought up by the state.

Who will love them if they're being bumped from foster home to foster home? In the West, we think we're so evolved because we don't have barren orphanages like in Southern America and Eastern Europe and Asia, but in England anyway, the child welfare system is appalling. Adoption is always preferable to that.

There are other issues, such as do you tell the child? At what age? And kids who are adopted later on in life often find it impossibly hard to adapt, and they act out horribly. But the issues were always there - it's just being in a safe environment means they have the freedom to test the boundaries.

I work with a lot of adopted kids, and with kids who are in the foster care system, and 99 times out of 100, the adopted children are much, much happier than those that are in foster care. It comes down to a feeling that for some reason, they aren't wanted. Like they're not good enough to have a family, as if they are fundamentally unloveable. No child deserves to grow up feeling that

 

[DerSchweik]

We are only marginally up on the difficulties involved with adoption in the US - but we know it can be both difficult and expensive, which is unfortunate.

It is my desire to see the red-tape and expense to adopt reduced significantly so that more children would be able to have loving parents to raise them.

We also realize the complexities involved in making sure the adoptive parents are qualified (maybe not the best word). We know there are people out there who simply would not make good parents (and some would make horrible ones) so we know the effort to ensure the children go to good homes is a worthy one.

That having been said - I think it is truly sad that it is easier for a woman to abort than for a couple to adopt. If we could tip the scale there and reverse that, making adoption (safe, loving, healthy adoption) easier than abortion, I think we would "win" on both accounts: more children being adopted into loving homes and fewer children being murdered for convenience.

In Him,

 

[Epiphanygirl]

I'd adopt if I could....hoping we can in the near future...God willing Right now its just not an option.

 

[BelindaP]

Actually, if you are willing to take a less-than-perfect child, adoptions can be relatively quick and inexpensive. In fact, some states provide subsidies to parents who adopt special-needs children. And really, those are the children who need parents the most. I grew up in 'the system' and could tell you stories that would curl your hair. Please consider a child like that.

 

[rmw8855]

I love kids - any kids. I have thought about adopting when I eventually get married (hear that God I'm waiting). I don't particularly care about race, gender, or age. Kids are kids and they all need love.

What I find frustrating (or maybe a better word is confusing) is some minorities feel that a white person can't raise a minority child because how are they going to teach them about their culture. Isn't loving the child and giving them a good home what's important? Is it better to leave a child in foster care because there aren't any minority parents available who want that child? If the child expresses an interest in their cultural history, I figured that would be a wonderful experience/opportunity for the parents & child to learn together. Why is that necessarily a bad thing?

 

[Mary_Magdalene]

i have had many people ask why we adopted from china last year vs. from the U.S.

looonng story short? We were drawn to china as the plight of the girls there is the reason we adopted in the first place. Where does a child that grows up in an orphanage end up here vs. where does a girl in a chinese orphanage end up?

we started with no money for the adoption but got it all penny by penny. garage sale by garage sale...lol..

she is considered 'special needs' so she was in the orphanage for 2 yrs before God gave her to us.

it is a miracle in itself that our daughter wasnt aborted. gotta show a pic... both of our 4 yr olds. We call them our "twins"

 

[GreenMunchkin]

Aww, sis, they're *beautiful* God bless you for giving that angel a family

 

[Miss Shelby]

Based on the comments of some people in the abortion thread, I figured I'd start this thread to get people's opinions. Honestly, I will consider adoption if my wife and I cannot conceive a child ... though all the time, paperwork and cost seems prohibitive and somewhat daunting. Not to say that I won't do it ... but I'd rather not have to fly all the way to Russia to adopt a child, especially when there are children here in the US which also need parents.

This issue is also of ultimate importance ESPECIALLY since we, as conservative christians, oppose abortion and suggest adoption as the only acceptable alternative for pregnant women.

So, thoughts?

I think there are pretty stringent stipulations involved with adopting in the U.S., such as the age of the parents. I have had more than one friend be turned down because they were past the 38 or something crazy like that, and it's one of the main reasons they went abroad to adopt. I think it's wise to have precautions in place, but I don't think that a cut off age for the parents should necessarily be one of them. Or at the very least, make it something reasonable for crying out loud, like post menopausal age or something.

 

[Mary_Magdalene]

I think there are pretty stringent stipulations involved with adopting in the U.S., such as the age of the parents. I have had more than one friend be turned down because they were past the 38 or something crazy like that, and it's one of the main reasons they went abroad to adopt. I think it's wise to have precautions in place, but I don't think that a cut off age for the parents should necessarily be one of them. Or at the very least, make it something reasonable for crying out loud, like post menopausal age or something.

thats horrible. i didnt know that. i know that China has added more stipulations in the past year. they used to allow singles to adopt but now they dont (they caught on that homosexuals were adopting and china is against that). they also dont allow people who are overweight to adopt...

but that is so dumb about the age thing...and sad to think of all those kids and parents that are missing out on having a family.

 

[Miss Shelby]

thats horrible. i didnt know that. i know that China has added more stipulations in the past year. they used to allow singles to adopt but now they dont (they caught on that homosexuals were adopting and china is against that). they also dont allow people who are overweight to adopt...

but that is so dumb about the age thing...and sad to think of all those kids and parents that are missing out on having a family.

Well it could be one of those things that vary from state to state, but yeah, I've heard it's ridiculous.

I had a friend who adopted a baby from China several years ago.. like 15 years ago, she was single. And guess what? She IS a homosexual. AND she was overweight. Haven't seen her in years, though maybe she lost some weight since then. She was also in her mid forties when she adopted her daughter.

 

[rmw8855]

gotta show a pic... both of our 4 yr olds. We call them our "twins"

Your twins are gorgeous. You are blessed.

 

[Tenebrae]

The adoption process is a pain in the heiny here.


The mother must keep the baby for 2 weeks post natal, this is to ensure that she doesnt want to change her mind, you know, all the usual.

A story that came out here recently, a young woman who got pregnant didnt want to have the baby, so decided to give the child up for adoption. She chose the birth parents, people she knew and trusted, and wanted to arrange it so she could go the the hospital have the baby and then hand the baby over to the adoptive parents to be, she felt if she had the baby for any particular length of time, it would create a bond which would make it much harder to give the child up.

CYFS (who are the child welfare agency) told this woman that she couldnt do that, and would have to look after the baby for two weeks, or they would oppose the adoption. Her parents couldnt get paid for looking after the child, yet if they were to employ a stranger (any stranger) to look after the baby, CYFS would pay them.


In the end, the child still got adopted out, however the birth mother ended up bonding with the child and it made it really hard to let go of the baby



The system sucks, figuratively speaking, I think the only way to fix cyfs is to bomb it off the map and start over.

 

[Criada]

gotta show a pic... both of our 4 yr olds. We call them our "twins"

They are beautiful!

It is sad that adoption is so hard in this country. Our neighbours spent two years trying to adopt, and gave up in the end due to emotional exhaustion...

 

[PreachersWife2004]

Obviously I am a strong supporter of adoption.

I am adopted, and my case actually led to some serious work on adoption laws because my bio mom kept changing her mind.

I have also given up a baby for adoption. This is not anything I've ever shared on this site before. I got pregnant when I was 19 and gave birth to a beautiful baby girl (my only one) who turned 14 this year. I don't have contact with her, but I know that the parents she was placed with are wonderful people, Christians, and her older sister is also adopted.

I never considered abortion while I was pregnant, although I didn't tell my parents until I was about 6 months along. I was scared to death to tell them, because we were such a strong religious family, and it was compounded by the fact that I was date raped by someone who I really liked.

In the end, though, I was able to give someone else something they couldn't have otherwise, and that was another baby. I can't feel bad about anything that happened back then simply because of this fact. Truly, everything happens to the glory of God.

And I'm sorry if this got a little too personal for anyone...

 

[BelindaP]

Not at all, dear. You live what you preach, a true example to us all. s

 

[free2be]

Obviously I am a strong supporter of adoption.

I am adopted, and my case actually led to some serious work on adoption laws because my bio mom kept changing her mind.

I have also given up a baby for adoption. This is not anything I've ever shared on this site before. I got pregnant when I was 19 and gave birth to a beautiful baby girl (my only one) who turned 14 this year. I don't have contact with her, but I know that the parents she was placed with are wonderful people, Christians, and her older sister is also adopted.

I never considered abortion while I was pregnant, although I didn't tell my parents until I was about 6 months along. I was scared to death to tell them, because we were such a strong religious family, and it was compounded by the fact that I was date raped by someone who I really liked.

In the end, though, I was able to give someone else something they couldn't have otherwise, and that was another baby. I can't feel bad about anything that happened back then simply because of this fact. Truly, everything happens to the glory of God.

And I'm sorry if this got a little too personal for anyone...

Thank you for sharing that...and I commend you for being so strong. It sounds like you have a real peace.

 

[PreachersWife2004]

I can honestly say that I wouldn't have that strength but for two things: my supportive family and my faith.

Sure, my folks were disappointed, since they had always talked about saving ourselves for marriage, but they are also the type that once a thing is in motion, they get on board and they are there for the duration. I imagine they couldn't be like that without their faith, either.