Actual bloopers from church bulletins (spelling errors left):
1. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
2. The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
3. Evening massage - 6 p.m.
4. The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
5. The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.
6. Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 pm. Please use the back door.
7. Ushers will eat latecomers.
8. The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.
9. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
10. The Rev. Marriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.
11. The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."
12. During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.
13. Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."
14. Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice.
15. The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's "Hamlet": in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
16. The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.
17. Pastor is on vacation. Messages can be given to church secretary.
18. Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan in preparing for the girth of their first child.
19. The associate minister unvelied the church's new giving campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge--Up Yours."
20. The cost for attending the Prayer and Fasting conference includes meals.
21. The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
22. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
23. Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person(s) you want remembered.
24. Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.
25. Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the carpet will come forward and do so.
26. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.
27. The Lutheran men's group will meet at 6 p.m. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.
28. The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
29. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
30. The church is glad to have with us today as our guest minister the Rev. Shirley Green who has Mrs. Green with him. After the service we request that all remain in the sanctuary for the Hanging of the Greens.
1. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
2. The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
3. Evening massage - 6 p.m.
4. The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
5. The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.
6. Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 pm. Please use the back door.
7. Ushers will eat latecomers.
8. The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.
9. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
10. The Rev. Marriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.
11. The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."
12. During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.
13. Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."
14. Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice.
15. The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's "Hamlet": in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
16. The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.
17. Pastor is on vacation. Messages can be given to church secretary.
18. Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan in preparing for the girth of their first child.
19. The associate minister unvelied the church's new giving campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge--Up Yours."
20. The cost for attending the Prayer and Fasting conference includes meals.
21. The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
22. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
23. Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person(s) you want remembered.
24. Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.
25. Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the carpet will come forward and do so.
26. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.
27. The Lutheran men's group will meet at 6 p.m. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.
28. The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
29. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
30. The church is glad to have with us today as our guest minister the Rev. Shirley Green who has Mrs. Green with him. After the service we request that all remain in the sanctuary for the Hanging of the Greens.
..... 
