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A vision for my singleness

Discussion in 'Mature Singles' started by Unapologetically_Wild, Jun 4, 2020.

  1. Unapologetically_Wild

    Unapologetically_Wild Member

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    A vision for my Singleness


    It is so true that in today’s church culture - especially may I add for the ones in the so called “Bible Belt”- that being single is viewed as something to be despised and frowned upon. We are “abnormal” not “fully grown” parts of an adult culture, where being married and having a family is being idolized to the max.


    This is leaving a deep identity crisis for many of my age (if you don’t know, I will be 32 in July “Woop….”) and deepens our sense of loneliness to the max. Where is there a place for us - middle aged single people? Should we go to the young adults ministries where issues are being handled that rarely pertain to our own situation? Where 18-24 year olds look at us as weird “Old wanna be young” people? We are not stranded Beach Whales. We are single. Not lepers.


    But there is the single college ministries and then we hop into the married couple ministries. The mother or expecting mother ministries. The children’s ministries. The old People ministries and prayer groups where people of this category are seen as freaks as well and I get a sense of “Oh I wonder how long she will hang in there”.


    Really? Because we seem to forget that our Saviour, blessed and holy Jesus himself was indeed SINGLE! And in his ministry he was in his thirties! He was happy, not chasing this idol called marriage. Or relationship. He was fulfilled by the ministry his Father had for him, his relationship which was perfect with Holy Spirit and Father God AND his disciple and the people he knew on a horizontal level here on earth.


    YOUNG SINGLE PEOPLE - Stop chasing a relationship with a person out of loneliness. There is probably nothing worse than to be lonely in a marriage you fell into out of desperation to escape loneliness and now you feel trapped because you are also not meant to be divorced. And I mean who wants to be that person at 24? WAIT for the Lord but don’t be discouraged or even depressed.

    Jesus and Paul had so much to say to single people. We are the enviable ones. The ones that can focus their entire lives on serving Jesus, being used by Him for His amazing works. Getting to know him more deeply than our fellow sisters and brothers in marriages might never be able to. But if we keep running and hidin from the truth that SINGLENESS isn’t a curse…. It’s a tremendous blessing in fact…. Then we will never be fulfilled in our season of life.


    The only events we see celebrated is Engagements, Marriages, Baby announcements, Births and all this stuff - because having a family seems to be what people expect us all to submit to. All of which - when we scroll through Instagram - makes us feel even more abnormal and lonely. Well perhaps just take a Sabbatical from the whole social media thing. To reconnect to God’s heart for you - that he doesn’t view you as a freak for being single but wants you to reach out to HIM in the midst of it more than ever.


    I am going to attach a Sermon from Bridgetown Church on singleness to this post - and if you are not single or if you are single - please listen to it. Because the single people in your communities need to have the church as a family come around us too - we are part of your family and we can do more than you can - give us a part in your churches. Because we have TIME! GOSH TIME IS ALL WE HAVE! We don’t have children that depend on us every minute of every day so REACH OUT and let us take part in the ministries of our churches. We are not incapable and not dysfunctional in our singleness. Please stop looking on us as if we need to reach a different stage in life to be acceptable members of our family - we aren’t the freaky weird aunt or uncle. We are in the prime of our lives - just like you - and we want to be taken seriously.


    Help us to be able to embrace the gift of Singleness - whether it is for life or for a Season.


    Yours in love -

    All Single Christians


    Sermon Link:

    Singleness - Bridgetown Audio Podcast
     
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  2. Sketcher

    Sketcher Born Imperishable

    +6,033
    Non-Denom
    Single
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    I don't know about "despised" and "frowned upon" in my area at least, but I do understand that communities for singles in their 30's don't really exist. Fortunately for me, men's groups do exist, and I'm in one.
     
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  3. WrappedUpinHisLove3

    WrappedUpinHisLove3 Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for this. I am voluntarily single and childfree. I have never desired marriage or children at all. I am not fussed abot romance, relationships etc never have been. I dont knwo whether am just asexual/aromantic (am not 100 per cent sure of my orientation because i am capable of being attracted to men and have been in love even. and also women, until God set me free fromt hat same sex attraction. i still dont feel "straight" though. I dont fancy women anymore but I also sense am not like other girls either. THis may be innate or it may because I have had a hard time with people in the past. could be part of my PTSD and trust issues resulting from the abuse.

    so i dont know. I have told God i am open to marriage when am healed if that is His desire for me but at same time, i am pretty independent and introverted and can see myself not being fussed either way. i think we are all different. my sister endured the same horrific upbringing as me but she is someone who has always fantasised about her wedding day and i can see her as a natural mother. she is atll waiting for her husband and i pray for her. it is the desire of her heart and i believe if it God's will, He will make it happen.

    I do not believe in any way shape or form that singleness or choosing to be childfree even are sins. though some may say certain forms of contraceptives that are abortificents (eg some forms of the Pill) should be avoided by married couples, as they kill fetal cells by preventing them implanting. which would technically be abortion. I do not think the Bible says anything about limiting family size. I do know children are considered a blessing and i would sy that for the majority of couples, to increase and multiply is a good thing. But those with certain health issues that may make either carrying, giving birth or raising a child difficult, i do not believe it is sin to be childfree or just have one or two. of course i believe God has a different plan for each of His children and i should imagine mos couples should really discuss this before they get to the altar. the Duggar family and many Quiverfull types may be very happy but their circumstances are such that they can afford and care for a huge family. so many cannot.
     
  4. WrappedUpinHisLove3

    WrappedUpinHisLove3 Well-Known Member

    +582
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    i have found that many singles events at churches for 30s/40s seem to bevery much about pairing up rather than just hanging together and having fellowship. it i ssurely much better to just relax and get to know others and maybe let a friendship develop before something more (unless you know for certain they are the one God wants for you- i know a few christian couples for whom that was the case) i tend to avoid church singles events for that reason- i dont need the pressure. i am quite fortunate in my church that i am friends with a few people of both sexes and we jsut hang together as friends quite informally (often in the pub together after church services. no drunkenness. just an odd pint or two and informal chat). But i do think in Britain we are less hung up about singleness than some nations. I go to a laid back chilled Anglican church and I feel less pressure than I did when I was in more Evneglical circles. I was brought up very Evangelical (Sort of the nearest thing in Britain to Fundie) and i remmebr as a child being told it was selfishness to choose not to marry and have children. But i always preferred the idea of a career and having a place to call my own where i could set my own boundaries and feel safe from any harm and not crushed bt he expectations of another person living with me.
     
  5. WrappedUpinHisLove3

    WrappedUpinHisLove3 Well-Known Member

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    excuse typos. am kind of rubbish at htis
     
  6. Going_Nowhere

    Going_Nowhere Member

    167
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    Being single is underrated. It's too bad there are people out there who don't see or realize the pros of it.
     
  7. Miles

    Miles Well-Known Member

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    .
     
    Last edited: Jun 6, 2020
  8. Unapologetically_Wild

    Unapologetically_Wild Member

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    I personally have felt that flow of energy from some people.
    But I am glad that you don't seem to have ran into this! :D

    I just want to enjoy this season without people making me feel I have to hurry up and get hitched. The ladies in my Church are trying to hook me up with literally ANYone. "Well this guy - he needs a woman to bring him up - you feel like doing that?"
    WHAT? You mean like have a grown man-child at home? HELL NO. He ain't ready and I ain't here to bring up your son - whom you should have raised... :doh:

    I am not desperate enough for that. And honestly Jesus HAS to come back soon... And when He does I will be waiting to be part of His glorious bride. talking about a perfect Husband.
    The only Christian boyfriend I ever had would get so angry at me when I would mention things he was expecting that were unbiblical and once he said "WHAT? You expect me to be like Jesus???" And I was straight up... "Um. Yes. Actually I do. Because that is what all Christian's should strive to be like. And since I will be giving up my very intimate relationship with Jesus - to serve you and be with you and make room for you where there is just Jesus and Me now... You better believe I want you to be like Jesus." I broke it off a week later lol

    I mean... It just opened my eyes. Now I just started a new Job yesterday doing something that I've been called to do for years but wasn't ready to do and now I honestly have no idea if I will ever have room for another person like that in my life. I don't think I feel like I have to be married to be fulfilled...
     
  9. Unapologetically_Wild

    Unapologetically_Wild Member

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    Agreed!
    I mean I see the good of both - marriage and singleness - they are both needed.
    It seems couples who serve together have a lot of fun and it is super meaningful to them.

    But the thing that terrifies me most is to marry a man who might pull me away from Christ rather than to draw me closer to Him. And there is many men like that sadly. They go to Church, they believe but they have no fire in their belly.
     
  10. Unapologetically_Wild

    Unapologetically_Wild Member

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    Sister - I feel you!!
    A carrier and close and intimate rel
    ationship to Jesus is definitely not a bad thing. That is what I was trying to say in this post. Don't push us to settle for anything less than what Christ would have for us.

    And for many a relationship is a crutch, they are running from emotional pain. They need it to be fulfilled because they feel empty and like half a person without it. Many expect their partners to fill that void. And in my eyes - I used to be that person. And I don't think it is fair to expect ANYone other than Jesus to fill that void. Nobody can bear that heavy burden of my insecurities on their shoulders.

    <3 Hope you are well cutie!
     
  11. Sketcher

    Sketcher Born Imperishable

    +6,033
    Non-Denom
    Single
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    Well, with possibly over a billion Christian males out there, it's a big tent. Some of us will be better, some will be worse. None of us are going to be just like Jesus all of the time though, it gives us something to work towards for the rest of our lives.
     
  12. Unapologetically_Wild

    Unapologetically_Wild Member

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    Naturally *lol*
    Over a billion? I don't know if I am confident there is that many sincere Christians... female or male. But What do I know :D
     
  13. dayhiker

    dayhiker Mature veteran

    +4,932
    Charismatic
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    I was single for 27 years and then married for 28 years and now single for 13 years.

    One can love God married or single as far as I'm concern. Some ministries/jobs work much better being single and some married but most don't matter whether one is single or not as far as I can see.

    I will not marry again tho. That is because I am terrible at monogamy. But I am really good at being a friend and helping people thru things that are going on in their life. I also love my alone time and a few things that I want to do like hike for days that most women my age aren't interested in. I also love to travel and I have found people to to travel with me or singles groups that I can join and travel with. So really there is no need for me to get married.

    I find I am witnessing much more for Christ that I did when I was married and in church several times a week. I don't do any minister thru my church because I have disagreements with some of their membership requirements that I don't find Biblical support for. So I attend and am friends with them but I don't do any leadership stuff as I don't want to be part of a scandal like happened the last time I became a member and it came out that I didn't believe exactly like the denomination I was in. Beside I really find I can love people like Jesus did much more than I could in a church building with programs by being out with the unchurched people.
     
  14. ThisIsMe123

    ThisIsMe123 Not sure

    +409
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    Well, if a lovely lady like yourself was close by...I'd be more than happy to tempt fate and we could grab a bite. :)

    But yeah...with more people staying single, longer...this is even happen at a secular level, too. But it does seem that single aren't catered to all that much and you feel like an odd duck as you're probably the only one in the congregration.

    I think this has driven single Christians to stop attending brick and mortar church venues altogether. Because I RARELY see an unattached person at church these days. It seems to be more reserved for married people with families.

    I am curious though, are you purposely not wanting to get married? I mean, are you purposely turning down date offers?

    I think there was another post where someone was bothered by the fact there are no Christian singles groups or ministries.
     
    Last edited: Jun 11, 2020
  15. ThisIsMe123

    ThisIsMe123 Not sure

    +409
    United States
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    Yes, good point. It's rather unrealistic to expect this in a future partner. What's worse is, a Christian woman that only to be just like Jesus, but also to be 6 feet or taller with a full head of hair.

    Also, what makes her think that she's going to be like Jesus all the time as opposed to seeing as it just being a lifelong goal to strive for?

    I dunno, maybe I'm biased because I'm pretty much the last in my line in the family tree. At least on my father's side. Being an only child doesn't help with the loneliness and I don't have too many friends or they married and stopped keeping in touch.

    In a nut shell, I desire marriage whole-heartedly.

    Also, I don't know why people use anecdotal experiences of other people to deter them from this decision?

    "Yeah, I knew this one couple that got married, they wound up hating each other, don't want to wind up like that....so...I'll never marry!"

    1 + 1 = orange?
     
    Last edited: Jun 11, 2020
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  16. ThisIsMe123

    ThisIsMe123 Not sure

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    Have you ever had someone from your church try to get you to go to the singles groups?
     
  17. solid_core

    solid_core Well-Known Member

    +1,252
    Austria
    Protestant
    Single
    Yeah, we are kind of in noone's land.

    But when I look at people who married early and now are divorcing or having many problems... thanks God for being single.
     
  18. WrappedUpinHisLove3

    WrappedUpinHisLove3 Well-Known Member

    +582
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    yes and I declined because am happy in my single state. I prefer just informally hangign out with other christians socially without pressure to date or look for a mate.
     
  19. ThisIsMe123

    ThisIsMe123 Not sure

    +409
    United States
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    What makes you think there's any pressure involved if you participate in a singles group?
     
  20. ThisIsMe123

    ThisIsMe123 Not sure

    +409
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    So you use the experience of others, their bad experiences, as a reason not to participate in dating?
     
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