- Jul 19, 2015
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- United States
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- Non-Denom
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- Single
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The normal calling for Christian singles is marriage. We recognize there are those called to singleness for the purpose of some ministries but for everyone else marriage is the normal state. Churches understandably gear much of their ministry around the family. If you don't have local family then you are often assumed to be an adopted member of another church family. Spending holidays alone does not fit the vision of the church.
Where I feel like alien in church is in the fact that I am not married (divorced 10 years) and not seeking remarriage. I don't feel I have enough need or desire to be around another person to have the right conditions for a marriage. I still work full-time and I don't feel I am "called to singleness" for the sake of ministry. Like many I am a broken person. I grew up with an alcoholic mother, married a highly legalistic, cold woman which led to some serious stress and anxiety issues. Despite years of therapy, meds, and now electromagnetic brain therapy I've never been able to shake my anxiety and at times depression. I suffer from social anxiety so forcing myself to be around people even small groups does not help. Due to health and maybe psychological reasons I don't care for intimacy and tend to be pretty quiet. I can be very fun when the mood hits me but the rest of the time prefer to be alone. I have moments of depression when I wish I had someone around but the rest of the time I do well alone.
Unless something changes I can't see myself remarrying yet can't honestly say I am "called to be single." I do wish the church would do more to recognize there are people like me out there instead of assuming everyone is married or has close family and friends and is naturally spending all their holidays with others. I actually don't care for holidays and I don't feel the least bit depressed to be alone at holidays.
My life is not ideal but at times the constant emphasis on family gets a little old.
Where I feel like alien in church is in the fact that I am not married (divorced 10 years) and not seeking remarriage. I don't feel I have enough need or desire to be around another person to have the right conditions for a marriage. I still work full-time and I don't feel I am "called to singleness" for the sake of ministry. Like many I am a broken person. I grew up with an alcoholic mother, married a highly legalistic, cold woman which led to some serious stress and anxiety issues. Despite years of therapy, meds, and now electromagnetic brain therapy I've never been able to shake my anxiety and at times depression. I suffer from social anxiety so forcing myself to be around people even small groups does not help. Due to health and maybe psychological reasons I don't care for intimacy and tend to be pretty quiet. I can be very fun when the mood hits me but the rest of the time prefer to be alone. I have moments of depression when I wish I had someone around but the rest of the time I do well alone.
Unless something changes I can't see myself remarrying yet can't honestly say I am "called to be single." I do wish the church would do more to recognize there are people like me out there instead of assuming everyone is married or has close family and friends and is naturally spending all their holidays with others. I actually don't care for holidays and I don't feel the least bit depressed to be alone at holidays.
My life is not ideal but at times the constant emphasis on family gets a little old.