- Aug 20, 2020
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Inspired by @Haley Taylor and following a recent thread from @Christian Bowler this is my personal testimony not of my conversion but of God's grace.
There was a time when I had found the love of my life. She loved me more than anything, and I loved her more than anything. The year we spent together was the happiest time of our lives. This girl was not a Christian, but I told her everything about God. I pointed towards Jesus with everything I did and everything I said.
But one day God called me. He called me to leave everything behind and to live for Him only. I refused. I was not willing to give up my dreams. The next day God called me again. It didn’t matter whether I was reading the Bible, the daily devotionals or whatever, there was always God telling me to end my relationship, my friendships and everything else in my life. I resisted for about a week, every single day. Only then I surrendered. When God goes „serious mode“ on you there is no escape.
I bid my love farewell, I bid my friends adieu, deleted my social media and quit university, even moved to another city. I made a cut with my past so deep that it went right through my heart. And I knew exactly, why. I was in danger of loving this girl more than God. I was too close to value my relationship with an amazing human higher than my relationship with Jesus.
That day I added the words to the desktop-background of my PC:
"Sometimes God breaks your heart to save you".
But it freaking hurt. The only thing I did for the next three days was crying and sleeping. Crying and sleeping. And I realized that I could bear the pain of losing my beloved girl in this life, but it was unbearable to see her get lost.
In all this pain I cried out to God "why do you force me to leave her? How can you allow someone like her to be lost?"
I’ll never forget God’s answer. "If I make you let her fall, don’t you think I will catch her?"
I wasn’t convinced. I thought it couldn’t be that easy, and kept begging God to save her.
A few days later I read a story of a miracle that truly happened. An American soldier in the Gulf War had a gun pointed at his head. On the other side of the world it was in the middle of the night, but his mother woke up and immediately knew something was not right. She kneeled down and prayed to God to protect her son, the only of her three children still alive. In that moment the Iraqi took his gun and ran away – even though they were completely alone.
When I read this story I felt an incredible peace. In that moment I knew God had affirmed to me that my prayers for this girl were answered. Just as God saved this soldier’s life He would save the soul of my beloved.
Since that day it says on my desktop
"Sometimes God breaks your heart to save both of you".
From now on my life belongs to God only, and I’m not going to get close to a girl in this life again.
There was a time when I had found the love of my life. She loved me more than anything, and I loved her more than anything. The year we spent together was the happiest time of our lives. This girl was not a Christian, but I told her everything about God. I pointed towards Jesus with everything I did and everything I said.
But one day God called me. He called me to leave everything behind and to live for Him only. I refused. I was not willing to give up my dreams. The next day God called me again. It didn’t matter whether I was reading the Bible, the daily devotionals or whatever, there was always God telling me to end my relationship, my friendships and everything else in my life. I resisted for about a week, every single day. Only then I surrendered. When God goes „serious mode“ on you there is no escape.
I bid my love farewell, I bid my friends adieu, deleted my social media and quit university, even moved to another city. I made a cut with my past so deep that it went right through my heart. And I knew exactly, why. I was in danger of loving this girl more than God. I was too close to value my relationship with an amazing human higher than my relationship with Jesus.
That day I added the words to the desktop-background of my PC:
"Sometimes God breaks your heart to save you".
But it freaking hurt. The only thing I did for the next three days was crying and sleeping. Crying and sleeping. And I realized that I could bear the pain of losing my beloved girl in this life, but it was unbearable to see her get lost.
In all this pain I cried out to God "why do you force me to leave her? How can you allow someone like her to be lost?"
I’ll never forget God’s answer. "If I make you let her fall, don’t you think I will catch her?"
I wasn’t convinced. I thought it couldn’t be that easy, and kept begging God to save her.
A few days later I read a story of a miracle that truly happened. An American soldier in the Gulf War had a gun pointed at his head. On the other side of the world it was in the middle of the night, but his mother woke up and immediately knew something was not right. She kneeled down and prayed to God to protect her son, the only of her three children still alive. In that moment the Iraqi took his gun and ran away – even though they were completely alone.
When I read this story I felt an incredible peace. In that moment I knew God had affirmed to me that my prayers for this girl were answered. Just as God saved this soldier’s life He would save the soul of my beloved.
Since that day it says on my desktop
"Sometimes God breaks your heart to save both of you".
From now on my life belongs to God only, and I’m not going to get close to a girl in this life again.
