A Struggling Homosexual

[Jlan97]

Hi. My name is Jacob, and I’m a Christian struggling with same-sex attraction. Modern society views same-sex relations as an acceptable practice. Some churches even encourage it. As a follower of Christ, however, I fully understand God’s law regarding sexual relations: they’re designed exclusively between one man and one woman who are married. Although today’s world is accepting and encouraging of same-sex relations, I am still determined to do what is right by the Bible. I want to honor God with my body, considering that my body is His temple. However, living my life like this has been an ongoing struggle during these past few years. I have strong lustful desires towards masculine men. Because of this, I often turn to inappropriate contentography to satisfy those desires. Although viewing inappropriate contentography seems enjoyable at first, it also causes a strain in my relationship with Christ. I have never physically acted upon these desires, but I am concerned that my frequent inappropriate contentography usage will cause me to act otherwise. I kindly ask anyone who reads my introduction to pray for strength as I battle through this daily challenge. I'm hoping that one of these days I will experience change through Christ. I believe change is possible as I've seen numerous people who were former homosexuals become married to someone of the opposite sex after actively turning to Christ for help. I would also love to connect with you if you're interested.

 

[Carl Emerson]

Hi. My name is Jacob, and I’m a Christian struggling with same-sex attraction. Modern society views same-sex relations as an acceptable practice. Some churches even encourage it. As a follower of Christ, however, I fully understand God’s law regarding sexual relations: they’re designed exclusively between one man and one woman who are married. Although today’s world is accepting and encouraging of same-sex relations, I am still determined to do what is right by the Bible. I want to honor God with my body, considering that my body is His temple. However, living my life like this has been an ongoing struggle during these past few years. I have strong lustful desires towards masculine men. Because of this, I often turn to inappropriate contentography to satisfy those desires. Although viewing inappropriate contentography seems enjoyable at first, it also causes a strain in my relationship with Christ. I have never physically acted upon these desires, but I am concerned that my frequent inappropriate contentography usage will cause me to act otherwise. I kindly ask anyone who reads my introduction to pray for strength as I battle through this daily challenge. I'm hoping that one of these days I will experience change through Christ. I believe change is possible as I've seen numerous people who were former homosexuals become married to someone of the opposite sex after actively turning to Christ for help. I would also love to connect with you if you're interested.

Jacob,

If you want to PM me I may be of help...

 

[Tigger45]

Welcome Jacob and prayers for strength upon the particular sins you struggle against

 

[Jlan97]

Jacob,

If you want to PM me I may be of help...

Hi Carl. I want to PM you, but don't know how.

 

[Carl Emerson]

I sent you a PM...

 

[packermann]

Hi. My name is Jacob, and I’m a Christian struggling with same-sex attraction...

My heart goes out to you. I also struggle in a different way. I struggle with gluttony. I would like to share with you from a Catholic perspective.



Although the Catholic would say that homosexuality is a grave sin, you will not be held accountable for the sin unless you do it deliberately and knowingly. You seem to know how serious this sin is since you say that you are struggling, so I do not think that you are sinning deliberately. Just do not give in to despair. God takes into account your struggle.



Also, the Catholic Church sees celibacy as a tremendous gift. You do not have to be married at all! If you are not attracted to women, I would encourage you to see it as gift. Do not force yourself to think you must be attracted to a woman when you are not. That would not be fair to her. I am married and love my wife. But one thing I have realized as a Catholic is that my soul-mate is not her or any other person. My soul-mate is God. And that is the wonderful advantage that a celibate has. He can concentrate all his efforts into building an intimate relationship with God. Sometimes, when I see a monk or a nun, I envy them. They can be intimate with God far more than I could ever dream. When we get to heaven, we will realize that Jesus is our all in all. Even those who do not make it to heaven will realize that what they really needed was God all along – but it will too late.

 

[JackRT]

I have an ancient aunt. In her youth she became a nun and eventually she was actually serving as a minister in parishes that had no priest. Along the way she was the mother superior in a convent that was actually an old age home for geriatric nuns. She once told me in effect that "You really do not know what goes on here. These are women who have denied their own sexuality for almost their entire lives. It all comes out here. You would never believe what goes on in here."

 

[packermann]

I have an ancient aunt. In her youth she became a nun and eventually she was actually serving as a minister in parishes that had no priest. Along the way she was the mother superior in a convent that was actually an old age home for geriatric nuns. She once told me in effect that "You really do not know what goes on here. These are women who have denied their own sexuality for almost their entire lives. It all comes out here. You would never believe what goes on in here."

With all due respect, this is anecdotal. There are many celibates who are happy and faithful. The Bible is full of celibates. Except for Hosea, all the OT prophets were celibates. John the Baptist was a celibate. Paul was, too. And so was Jesus.

Any monk or nun that let "it come out" had deeper problems. They did not have a strong relationship with Jesus. Celibacy cannot work without that - it just becomes a stupid, externalt rule.

My wife was married and divorce when we were married. We went to Catholic Church for 10 without taking the Eucharist. We then decided to become serious about our Catholic faith. She applied for an annulment. It took 2 years. In order to receive the Eucharist, we refrained from sex while waiting. It did not all come out some other way. I did not molest a boy or anything like that. Even after the annulment and our marriage convalidated in the Church, my wife had physical problems that prevented us from having sex. From that time on I have been celibate. My wife and I have lived like brother and sister. I have had no affair, I have looked at no inappropriate content, I have not looked at a woman lustfully, and I have not even once masturbated. This has been for the last 20 years. I have loved my wife these last 20 years more than I have ever loved her before. It was all because of the grace of God. What is impossible for man to do God can! So I know that there are celibates doing it today faithfully and happily today. I am doing it.

 

[Dave-W]

Except for Hosea, all the OT prophets were celibates. John the Baptist was a celibate. Paul was, too. And so was Jesus.

We do not know the marital status of most of the Hebrew prophets. Judaism considers them all to have been married. If they were not, they were violating the most ancient command from God: Be fruitful and multiply.

We have no record one way or the other for John the Baptist. But as a young priest, he would have been expected to be married. His parents would have made an arrangement when he was about 7 or 8 years old.

Paul had to have been married, at least prior to his "conversion." The Pharasaic rules were that at bar mitzvah age, (13-14) any student in the pharisee schools was to be married, and that to a daughter of a graduate from the "other" school. If he was as he said "ahead of all of his peers" and had as personal tutor Gamaliel the Great, there is no way that would have been allowed had he NOT been married at the time.

 

[Jlan97]

My heart goes out to you. I also struggle in a different way. I struggle with gluttony. I would like to share with you from a Catholic perspective.



Although the Catholic would say that homosexuality is a grave sin, you will not be held accountable for the sin unless you do it deliberately and knowingly. You seem to know how serious this sin is since you say that you are struggling, so I do not think that you are sinning deliberately. Just do not give in to despair. God takes into account your struggle.



Also, the Catholic Church sees celibacy as a tremendous gift. You do not have to be married at all! If you are not attracted to women, I would encourage you to see it as gift. Do not force yourself to think you must be attracted to a woman when you are not. That would not be fair to her. I am married and love my wife. But one thing I have realized as a Catholic is that my soul-mate is not her or any other person. My soul-mate is God. And that is the wonderful advantage that a celibate has. He can concentrate all his efforts into building an intimate relationship with God. Sometimes, when I see a monk or a nun, I envy them. They can be intimate with God far more than I could ever dream. When we get to heaven, we will realize that Jesus is our all in all. Even those who do not make it to heaven will realize that what they really needed was God all along – but it will too late.

That was so beautifully said. Thank you! I understand that I can still be happy in this life as a single man. I’m just trying to get there. If I die as a virgin, I think that will be wonderful in God’s eyes. Even if I get married to a woman, when I’m in heaven, I fully understand that we will no longer have our earthly relations.

 

[Dave-W]

In order to receive the Eucharist, we refrained from sex while waiting. It did not all come out some other way. I did not molest a boy or anything like that. Even after the annulment and our marriage convalidated in the Church, my wife had physical problems that prevented us from having sex. From that time on I have been celibate. My wife and I have lived like brother and sister. I have had no affair, I have looked at no inappropriate content, I have not looked at a woman lustfully, and I have not even once masturbated. This has been for the last 20 years. I have loved my wife these last 20 years more than I have ever loved her before. It was all because of the grace of God. What is impossible for man to do God can! So I know that there are celibates doing it today faithfully and happily today. I am doing it.

A nice story and it seems that God has graced you for that.

But that kind of grace is a highly individual thing. Just because you did that does not mean the next guy has the same special grace. God's grace is not to be presumed upon.

 

[packermann]

A nice story and it seems that God has graced you for that.

But that kind of grace is a highly individual thing. Just because you did that does not mean the next guy has the same special grace. God's grace is not to be presumed upon.

I never said that celibacy is for everyone! Even when Jesus talked about some being like eunichs for the kingdom of God, He ended it "Let anyone who CAN accept it, accept it". I made that clear from my very first post about this. I said that celibacy is a great gift. I just encouraged the person who started this thread to be open to it. I wanted him to know that if he is not attracted to women he should not force himself. That would not be fair to the woman he would be involved with. All I was saying is that celibacy is a viable option.

 

[Dave-W]

He ended it "Let anyone who CAN accept it, accept it"

Bad rendering:

Matthew 19:11
But He said to them, “Not all men can accept this statement, but only those to whom it has been given.

In 1 Cor 7 Paul says that those who are not supposed to marry have a gift from God and he uses the word "charisma" which is the same word he uses in chapter 12 to describe prophecy, healing and miracles.

Real but VERY RARE.

 

[packermann]

We do not know the marital status of most of the Hebrew prophets. Judaism considers them all to have been married. If they were not, they were violating the most ancient command from God: Be fruitful and multiply.

Wow! So every single person has sinned against God????

And this would mean Jesus sinned!

There is no sin in being single and chaste all your life. I know of no Protestant denomination that holds to this.

We have no record one way or the other for John the Baptist. But as a young priest, he would have been expected to be married. His parents would have made an arrangement when he was about 7 or 8 years old.

Where did you get that he was a priest??? He was a "voice crying in the wilderness". Since he lived in the wilderness, he was probably a lone wolf.

Paul had to have been married, at least prior to his "conversion." The Pharasaic rules were that at bar mitzvah age, (13-14) any student in the pharisee schools was to be married, and that to a daughter of a graduate from the "other" school. If he was as he said "ahead of all of his peers" and had as personal tutor Gamaliel the Great, there is no way that would have been allowed had he NOT been married at the time.

Please quote from a primary source that every student had to be married at the age of 13 or 14.

Not only that, but Paul in 1 Cor 7 encouraged everyone to remain unmarried (if they were able), and he commanded those who were married to remain married. He did NOT tell them that they should get married, have children, and then leave their families - which you seem to believe is more moral than never to be married at all (referring back to your quote that never being married is violating the most ancient command of all)!

 

[Jlan97]

I wanted him to know that if he is not attracted to women he should not force himself. That would not be fair to the woman he would be involved with. All I was saying is that celibacy is a viable option.

I couldn’t agree with you more on that!

 

[Dave-W]

Where did you get that he was a priest???

Luke 1:5 In the days of Herod, king of Judea, there was a priest named Zacharias, of the division of Abijah; and he had a wife from the daughters of Aaron, and her name was Elizabeth. 6 They were both righteous in the sight of God, walking blamelessly in all the commandments and requirements of the Lord. 7 But they had no child, because Elizabeth was barren, and they were both advanced in years.

8 Now it happened that while he was performing his priestly service before God in the appointed order of his division, 9 according to the custom of the priestly office, he was chosen by lot to enter the temple of the Lord and burn incense. 10 And the whole multitude of the people were in prayer outside at the hour of the incense offering. 11 And an angel of the Lord appeared to him, standing to the right of the altar of incense. 12 Zacharias was troubled when he saw the angel, and fear gripped him. 13 But the angel said to him, “Do not be afraid, Zacharias, for your petition has been heard, and your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son, and you will give him the name John.

The Aaronic priesthood was by patrilineal decent. Father to son.

 

[packermann]

Bad rendering:

Matthew 19:11
But He said to them, “Not all men can accept this statement, but only those to whom it has been given.

I was quoting for memory the NIV - "The one who can accept this should accept it."

In 1 Cor 7 Paul says that those who are not supposed to marry have a gift from God and he uses the word "charisma" which is the same word he uses in chapter 12 to describe prophecy, healing and miracles.

Real but VERY RARE.

There are gifts other than those. Here is what 1 Cor 12 says:

28 And God has placed in the church first of all apostles, second prophets, third teachers, then miracles, then gifts of healing, of helping, of guidance, and of different kinds of tongues. 29 Are all apostles? Are all prophets? Are all teachers? Do all work miracles? 30 Do all have gifts of healing? Do all speak in tongues? Do all interpret? 31 Now eagerly desire the greater gifts.
(NIV)

So there are also gifts of being teachers, of helping, and guidance. Are these to be rare? Since these are not rare, one cannot use this argument to say that celibacy is rare simply because it is a gift from God.

That being said, I never posted that most Christians have the gift of celibacy. All I am trying to do is encourage a struggling homosexual to leave celibacy as a viable option. If he cannot be attracted to women, what do you propose he should do?

 

[Dave-W]

Please quote from a primary source that every student had to be married at the age of 13 or 14.

The age was tradition. BUt that the students of the 2 main pharasaic schools were to be married is indisputable. The following article quotes from the Talmud (soncino translation) on them marrying back and forth. Paul went to Beit (school of) Hillel since Gamaliel was Hillel's grandson.

Hillel and Shammai | My Jewish Learning

 

[Dave-W]

I was quoting for memory the NIV - "The one who can accept this should accept it."

The Nasb is a better rendering of the Greek.

There are gifts other than those. Here is what 1 Cor 12 says:

Those gifts are charisma - where it says "gift."

So there are also gifts of being teachers, of helping, and guidance. Are these to be rare?

And the greek uses different words for "gift." The supernatural ones that require the Holy Spirit to perform are "charisma." Those are the rare ones.

 

[Jlan97]

The Nasb is a better rendering of the Greek.

Those gifts are charisma - where it says "gift."

And the greek uses different words for "gift." The supernatural ones that require the Holy Spirit to perform are "charisma." Those are the rare ones.

A nice story and it seems that God has graced you for that.

But that kind of grace is a highly individual thing. Just because you did that does not mean the next guy has the same special grace. God's grace is not to be presumed upon.

Hey Dave. I respect you as a person but I wasn’t expecting this forum to be filled with a major debate. I think you’re missing the main point of this discussion: that I’m looking for spiritual and emotional support as a struggling homosexual who wants his same-sex attractions under control. We all can agree that same-sex relations violate the Lord’s boundaries regarding sex, and I all I want to do is abide by those boundaries despite my struggle doing so. My whole point in my original post is that I’ve witnessed individuals who were former homosexuals become married to someone of the opposite sex—not because they forced themselves to—but because they actively and patiently turned to Christ for spiritual change. It’s not the fact that they married the opposite sex that motivates me, but instead that Christ eventually relieved them of their sinful struggles. I don’t care whether or not I remain single for the rest of my life. All that matters is I’m faithful to my true soulmate, our Lord. All I’m asking from everyone that reads this is for prayer and support, not to debate with other users to prove their own points.