A search for hope

[Chance7]

Hello, my name is Chance. I’ve written posts like this before, but I have been much too unfair to God in them. Let me explain:


I have been having problems with God. I don’t hate God. In fact, I love Him. I long to be close to him. I want him to be my Father. But I haven’t treated him very well. For this, I am desperately sorry to God. Here’s the thing: The problems I’ve been having, I attribute to God. Maybe that’s right, maybe it’s not. But it seems to be logical. It seems to be where they are coming from. See, I am not expecting things to be perfect, But the thing is, it seems like I am cursed by God below all. Evil things happen to me constantly. From the people in my life. From the things that I try to to. Even from everything neutral. Like everything is against me. Now, I know that trials and tribulations are normal but this doesn’t seem normal.


My health has gotten worse And I can barely do any of the things I used to. And I live in pain. Now, I have messed up my body plenty and I’ll admit that this may be my fault in part. But not nearly all of it. I’ve been this way long before that. Ever since I was born I’ve had major problems.


My mental health has deteriorated severely as well. I am depressed and suicidal quite often. I have severe anxiety disorder, Bipolar 1, and severe OCD. All of these affect my Spiritual life...


See, all of the things above, ironically, I never really cared about as much. In fact, it was just life. But God came to me in a divine experience and ever since, I’ve been expecting for my relationship with him to be the cornerstone of the entire galaxy!...but it has actually gotten so much worse. To the point that I am not even sure that God exists sometimes, as much as it hurts me so deeply to say. But what else can I possibly think? I have Read my Bible, Prayed, Fasted, Gone to Church, Went on my own and just tried to Grow closer to God, Tried to seek God, Begged, Pleaded, Beseeched, and Asked God to please do anything to help me. But it’s always like this. The things Above wouldn’t be as bad, I don’t believe, but the worst part: It feels like God himself has forsaken me.


And because of that, the things above feel like a testimony to that thought. I live with constant thoughts of utter terror, judgement, and condemnation. And we all know what happens to those who are fearful in the last days. Which only compounds the issue. It never relents. I doubt everything and can’t stop. And no doubter receives, which makes it worse. I imagine what hell will be like in vivid detail and even have dreams of it. I am tortured night and day. I pray and get no answer that I believe to be from God. And what I do get, I doubt. Or I hear horrible condemning messages all day. I read the Bible and feel nothing but fear and condemnation. And what little peace I get from it doesn’t last long. The scriptures that scare me echo in my ears all the day, even if I’m not sinning. And I never get rest. I go to church and feel that it is a sham and that no one there is really saved. That God really hates us. I always feel like God is angry with me, unpleased with me, disgusting with me. No matter what. Even the very words of the Bible sound angry. Everything that sounds harsh must be true and everything that sounds good must be too good to be true. I’ve even heard that listening to prayer music is sinful because it’s supposed to be a cappella. Just like I’ve heard about the verse “Whatever is not from faith is sin”. Can you even imagine what that does to a person with anxiety and OCD? I spend hours trying to decide and even praying to God if everything that I eat, drink, wear, and do is a sin and because of it, I am in torment. I have no Peace and I never feel assured of my salvation Anymore. I’m not sure that I ever have. Not without at least a little doubt about it, at least most of the time. Except for maybe a few where I may have felt saved


I’ve talked to people and only ended up in confusion. Some say that we are still under the law. Or that Paul is a false apostle. Well, how can i(or anyone)possibly be saved? Pork is everywhere! Bacon is everywhere! Gelatin is everywhere! I’m just supposed to throw all our food away? Brake and burn our appliances? Tell my female family members that they can’t come inside because they are menstruating? Get rid of all of the utensils and jars that have ever touched pork or had a dead bug touch them? Somehow get my family to go completely kosher? Or what, Shall I just go live in the woods somewhere? Because that’s just about all I can really think of. Because the Bible has over 600 laws in it and it doesn’t say that you can just keep what you will or keep it the best you can, it says all. ALL. Not some, all. Every last one. And whoever stumbles at one, fails them all. And pork alone is in a lot more than you think it is...Some say that calling the Lord “God” or “Jesus” is a sin and it has to be “Yeshua” or “Yah” or “JEHOVA” or whatever people say...Some say that the Bible is corrupted and can’t be trusted and only the “Whatever” Bible can be trusted. Others say that unless you read the apocrypha you can’t be saved. Still, others say that getting into Heaven is very difficult and I’ve heard one say that “1 in 1000 will make it” and another that “in the last days many sincere Christians will be told to depart”. So, yeah. What’s the point in even trying to follow Christ if that’s the case? Of barely anyone makes it. These people above even use scriptures to prove their points. Clearly asking people hasn’t been very helpful, and yet, here I am. Because I don’t know many other things to do.


It’s for this very reason that I have grown weary. Because it seems like God is destroying me. I have fought with God and repented and been overwhelmed with the guilt thereof. So much that I have become suicidal that I would hurt God. I have become extremely impatient, uncaring, angry, confused, short tempered, unhappy, and severely suicidal and have begged God day and night to please take it away, change my heart, cleanse my mouth and heart, save me, get me out of this, help me not sin, give me what I need, help me stop cursing, Give me Peace.......none of it has come to pass


So then,I have been exhausted beyond belief. And I just have to say this. I am not trying to get pity. I don’t want it. I don’t need it. I need ideas. I have thrown myself down at God only to be burnt. I believe God has done me good but I just can not take this. I just want to know, am I reprobate because of my sins? Have I blasphemed the Holy Spirit? Has God forsaken me and given me up? Please, no pity. I just want ideas. I need advice. I need help. I need someone who knows Good deeply. Most of all, I desperately need Prayers, please. If you will. Thank you, so much. For anything that you do. Please God, help me.


God bless you!

 

[anna ~ grace]

Hello, my name is Chance. I’ve written posts like this before, but I have been much too unfair to God in them. Let me explain:


I have been having problems with God. I don’t hate God. In fact, I love Him. I long to be close to him. I want him to be my Father. But I haven’t treated him very well. For this, I am desperately sorry to God. Here’s the thing: The problems I’ve been having, I attribute to God. Maybe that’s right, maybe it’s not. But it seems to be logical. It seems to be where they are coming from. See, I am not expecting things to be perfect, But the thing is, it seems like I am cursed by God below all. Evil things happen to me constantly. From the people in my life. From the things that I try to to. Even from everything neutral. Like everything is against me. Now, I know that trials and tribulations are normal but this doesn’t seem normal.


My health has gotten worse And I can barely do any of the things I used to. And I live in pain. Now, I have messed up my body plenty and I’ll admit that this may be my fault in part. But not nearly all of it. I’ve been this way long before that. Ever since I was born I’ve had major problems.


My mental health has deteriorated severely as well. I am depressed and suicidal quite often. I have severe anxiety disorder, Bipolar 1, and severe OCD. All of these affect my Spiritual life...


See, all of the things above, ironically, I never really cared about as much. In fact, it was just life. But God came to me in a divine experience and ever since, I’ve been expecting for my relationship with him to be the cornerstone of the entire galaxy!...but it has actually gotten so much worse. To the point that I am not even sure that God exists sometimes, as much as it hurts me so deeply to say. But what else can I possibly think? I have Read my Bible, Prayed, Fasted, Gone to Church, Went on my own and just tried to Grow closer to God, Tried to seek God, Begged, Pleaded, Beseeched, and Asked God to please do anything to help me. But it’s always like this. The things Above wouldn’t be as bad, I don’t believe, but the worst part: It feels like God himself has forsaken me.


And because of that, the things above feel like a testimony to that thought. I live with constant thoughts of utter terror, judgement, and condemnation. And we all know what happens to those who are fearful in the last days. Which only compounds the issue. It never relents. I doubt everything and can’t stop. And no doubter receives, which makes it worse. I imagine what hell will be like in vivid detail and even have dreams of it. I am tortured night and day. I pray and get no answer that I believe to be from God. And what I do get, I doubt. Or I hear horrible condemning messages all day. I read the Bible and feel nothing but fear and condemnation. And what little peace I get from it doesn’t last long. The scriptures that scare me echo in my ears all the day, even if I’m not sinning. And I never get rest. I go to church and feel that it is a sham and that no one there is really saved. That God really hates us. I always feel like God is angry with me, unpleased with me, disgusting with me. No matter what. Even the very words of the Bible sound angry. Everything that sounds harsh must be true and everything that sounds good must be too good to be true. I’ve even heard that listening to prayer music is sinful because it’s supposed to be a cappella. Just like I’ve heard about the verse “Whatever is not from faith is sin”. Can you even imagine what that does to a person with anxiety and OCD? I spend hours trying to decide and even praying to God if everything that I eat, drink, wear, and do is a sin and because of it, I am in torment. I have no Peace and I never feel assured of my salvation Anymore. I’m not sure that I ever have. Not without at least a little doubt about it, at least most of the time. Except for maybe a few where I may have felt saved


I’ve talked to people and only ended up in confusion. Some say that we are still under the law. Or that Paul is a false apostle. Well, how can i(or anyone)possibly be saved? Pork is everywhere! Bacon is everywhere! Gelatin is everywhere! I’m just supposed to throw all our food away? Brake and burn our appliances? Tell my female family members that they can’t come inside because they are menstruating? Get rid of all of the utensils and jars that have ever touched pork or had a dead bug touch them? Somehow get my family to go completely kosher? Or what, Shall I just go live in the woods somewhere? Because that’s just about all I can really think of. Because the Bible has over 600 laws in it and it doesn’t say that you can just keep what you will or keep it the best you can, it says all. ALL. Not some, all. Every last one. And whoever stumbles at one, fails them all. And pork alone is in a lot more than you think it is...Some say that calling the Lord “God” or “Jesus” is a sin and it has to be “Yeshua” or “Yah” or “JEHOVA” or whatever people say...Some say that the Bible is corrupted and can’t be trusted and only the “Whatever” Bible can be trusted. Others say that unless you read the apocrypha you can’t be saved. Still, others say that getting into Heaven is very difficult and I’ve heard one say that “1 in 1000 will make it” and another that “in the last days many sincere Christians will be told to depart”. So, yeah. What’s the point in even trying to follow Christ if that’s the case? Of barely anyone makes it. These people above even use scriptures to prove their points. Clearly asking people hasn’t been very helpful, and yet, here I am. Because I don’t know many other things to do.


It’s for this very reason that I have grown weary. Because it seems like God is destroying me. I have fought with God and repented and been overwhelmed with the guilt thereof. So much that I have become suicidal that I would hurt God. I have become extremely impatient, uncaring, angry, confused, short tempered, unhappy, and severely suicidal and have begged God day and night to please take it away, change my heart, cleanse my mouth and heart, save me, get me out of this, help me not sin, give me what I need, help me stop cursing, Give me Peace.......none of it has come to pass


So then,I have been exhausted beyond belief. And I just have to say this. I am not trying to get pity. I don’t want it. I don’t need it. I need ideas. I have thrown myself down at God only to be burnt. I believe God has done me good but I just can not take this. I just want to know, am I reprobate because of my sins? Have I blasphemed the Holy Spirit? Has God forsaken me and given me up? Please, no pity. I just want ideas. I need advice. I need help. I need someone who knows Good deeply. Most of all, I desperately need Prayers, please. If you will. Thank you, so much. For anything that you do. Please God, help me.


God bless you!

Hey, friend.

Theology and the sheer diversity of theological ideas and opinions out there can be confusing as heck. And scary and disconcerting, especially if you already struggle with OCD and fears.

Keep it simple. Trust in Christ, live for Christ. Don't rely on your feelings to tell you how you're doing. Feelings come and go. Some folks struggle with anxiety and depression, but are quite holy. Others seem quite friendly and happy and talkative, and on fire for the Lord, then it turns out they were into all kinds of pretty awful stuff, minus any apparent guilt or repentance. One never knows; whereas we see the outside, God looks at us in different ways, and knows more than we ever can.

I struggle with depression, sadness, guilt, uncertainty, and isolation. I don't trust my feelings much. I try to keep turning the eyes of my soul towards Christ, crucified. Towards His love, power, mercy, compassion, grace, wisdom, and authority. He is the focus. Not me or how I feel.

Yes, we are sinful. We will fall, fail, and stumble. Ask for grace, repent, keep going. Christ loves you. Gradually, gradually, often way more slowly than what we are hoping for, Christ will help us to become more like Him. It takes a life time. It is not generally something that happens in a moment. Keep going, friend. Don't be so, so hard on yourself. Discipleship and freedom from carnality are journeys. In Heaven, we will be free from all sin, forever. But until we get there, by God's grace, we will struggle. Sint Paul struggled.

 

[Rachel20]

Hello Chance7,

Whenever I have thoughts that have torment, I immediately recognize they're not from God. If my thoughts tell me he's angry, I rememeber scripture tells me he's slow to anger. If my thoughts tell me he doesn't love me, I remember scripture tells me he loved us so much he sent his own son and that he never changes or grows weary but that his mercy endures forever. So whenever our thoughts are contrary to him, it leaves us with a choice. I hope you choose to believe him. Nothing else really matters, iincluding the tribulation we go through. And I know so many that are right now. In my own situation, my elderly mother went from being a vivacious extroverted mobile person to a bed-ridden, energyless one in less than 6 months, and now she's showing dementia. She asked me the other day who my mommy was. It's heart-breaking, but I choose to believe God and I'm thankful for his blessings, even in this. He'll never leave or forsake us, inspite what the enemy of our soul tells us and wants us to believe.

 

[dqhall]

Hello, my name is Chance. I’ve written posts like this before, but I have been much too unfair to God in them. Let me explain:


I have been having problems with God. I don’t hate God. In fact, I love Him. I long to be close to him. I want him to be my Father. But I haven’t treated him very well. For this, I am desperately sorry to God. Here’s the thing: The problems I’ve been having, I attribute to God. Maybe that’s right, maybe it’s not. But it seems to be logical. It seems to be where they are coming from. See, I am not expecting things to be perfect, But the thing is, it seems like I am cursed by God below all. Evil things happen to me constantly. From the people in my life. From the things that I try to to. Even from everything neutral. Like everything is against me. Now, I know that trials and tribulations are normal but this doesn’t seem normal.


My health has gotten worse And I can barely do any of the things I used to. And I live in pain. Now, I have messed up my body plenty and I’ll admit that this may be my fault in part. But not nearly all of it. I’ve been this way long before that. Ever since I was born I’ve had major problems.


My mental health has deteriorated severely as well. I am depressed and suicidal quite often. I have severe anxiety disorder, Bipolar 1, and severe OCD. All of these affect my Spiritual life...


See, all of the things above, ironically, I never really cared about as much. In fact, it was just life. But God came to me in a divine experience and ever since, I’ve been expecting for my relationship with him to be the cornerstone of the entire galaxy!...but it has actually gotten so much worse. To the point that I am not even sure that God exists sometimes, as much as it hurts me so deeply to say. But what else can I possibly think? I have Read my Bible, Prayed, Fasted, Gone to Church, Went on my own and just tried to Grow closer to God, Tried to seek God, Begged, Pleaded, Beseeched, and Asked God to please do anything to help me. But it’s always like this. The things Above wouldn’t be as bad, I don’t believe, but the worst part: It feels like God himself has forsaken me.


And because of that, the things above feel like a testimony to that thought. I live with constant thoughts of utter terror, judgement, and condemnation. And we all know what happens to those who are fearful in the last days. Which only compounds the issue. It never relents. I doubt everything and can’t stop. And no doubter receives, which makes it worse. I imagine what hell will be like in vivid detail and even have dreams of it. I am tortured night and day. I pray and get no answer that I believe to be from God. And what I do get, I doubt. Or I hear horrible condemning messages all day. I read the Bible and feel nothing but fear and condemnation. And what little peace I get from it doesn’t last long. The scriptures that scare me echo in my ears all the day, even if I’m not sinning. And I never get rest. I go to church and feel that it is a sham and that no one there is really saved. That God really hates us. I always feel like God is angry with me, unpleased with me, disgusting with me. No matter what. Even the very words of the Bible sound angry. Everything that sounds harsh must be true and everything that sounds good must be too good to be true. I’ve even heard that listening to prayer music is sinful because it’s supposed to be a cappella. Just like I’ve heard about the verse “Whatever is not from faith is sin”. Can you even imagine what that does to a person with anxiety and OCD? I spend hours trying to decide and even praying to God if everything that I eat, drink, wear, and do is a sin and because of it, I am in torment. I have no Peace and I never feel assured of my salvation Anymore. I’m not sure that I ever have. Not without at least a little doubt about it, at least most of the time. Except for maybe a few where I may have felt saved


I’ve talked to people and only ended up in confusion. Some say that we are still under the law. Or that Paul is a false apostle. Well, how can i(or anyone)possibly be saved? Pork is everywhere! Bacon is everywhere! Gelatin is everywhere! I’m just supposed to throw all our food away? Brake and burn our appliances? Tell my female family members that they can’t come inside because they are menstruating? Get rid of all of the utensils and jars that have ever touched pork or had a dead bug touch them? Somehow get my family to go completely kosher? Or what, Shall I just go live in the woods somewhere? Because that’s just about all I can really think of. Because the Bible has over 600 laws in it and it doesn’t say that you can just keep what you will or keep it the best you can, it says all. ALL. Not some, all. Every last one. And whoever stumbles at one, fails them all. And pork alone is in a lot more than you think it is...Some say that calling the Lord “God” or “Jesus” is a sin and it has to be “Yeshua” or “Yah” or “JEHOVA” or whatever people say...Some say that the Bible is corrupted and can’t be trusted and only the “Whatever” Bible can be trusted. Others say that unless you read the apocrypha you can’t be saved. Still, others say that getting into Heaven is very difficult and I’ve heard one say that “1 in 1000 will make it” and another that “in the last days many sincere Christians will be told to depart”. So, yeah. What’s the point in even trying to follow Christ if that’s the case? Of barely anyone makes it. These people above even use scriptures to prove their points. Clearly asking people hasn’t been very helpful, and yet, here I am. Because I don’t know many other things to do.


It’s for this very reason that I have grown weary. Because it seems like God is destroying me. I have fought with God and repented and been overwhelmed with the guilt thereof. So much that I have become suicidal that I would hurt God. I have become extremely impatient, uncaring, angry, confused, short tempered, unhappy, and severely suicidal and have begged God day and night to please take it away, change my heart, cleanse my mouth and heart, save me, get me out of this, help me not sin, give me what I need, help me stop cursing, Give me Peace.......none of it has come to pass


So then,I have been exhausted beyond belief. And I just have to say this. I am not trying to get pity. I don’t want it. I don’t need it. I need ideas. I have thrown myself down at God only to be burnt. I believe God has done me good but I just can not take this. I just want to know, am I reprobate because of my sins? Have I blasphemed the Holy Spirit? Has God forsaken me and given me up? Please, no pity. I just want ideas. I need advice. I need help. I need someone who knows Good deeply. Most of all, I desperately need Prayers, please. If you will. Thank you, so much. For anything that you do. Please God, help me.


God bless you!

The Old Testament laws about what is clean and what is unclean are not all scientifically valid. Pork and red meat are carcinogenic. Pork used to be infested with parasites and imperfectly cooked pork might have filled them with worms (trichinosis). They did not know about mad cow disease or bird flu. They did not know the water they bathed in to try to rid themselves of uncleanness might be infected with polio, cholera, or other pathogens.

God is truth. Those who worship him should learn science is truth. I found a passage in the Gospels that if I do a good thing for Jesus, I will not lose my reward. If I give some bread to a hungry person in Jesus’ name, I might be happy. That keeps me hanging on.

 

[GirdYourLoins]

Sounds a bit like me, except without those mental health problems. I had a violent father who brought me up after my mum had to leave because she couldnt cope with him any more. He said he would kill us all if she took me and my brothers so she left us with him to save our lives. i made some poor lifestyle choices in my trying to cope with the aftermath of life with him. He died when I was 21. Then in work I have always suffered with bad bosses. I have had loads of bosses who had a reputation of being the worst in the company. I have been through 21 company restructures, 20 were damaging to my career, either being placed under a new boss who was bad or being moved to a worse job within the company. I left and tried to go self employed. It has been thwarted at every turn. As it was in a regulated industry you have to work under the supervision of a network. The last two were free masons and deliberately sabotaged my career when they found out I was a Christian. I've never had a lucky break, or any big piece of luck. Whenever things seem to be going well its just setting me up for a bigger fall.

Im not suicidal but I do at times struggle to understand why it keeps happening. Like you I am worn out by it, weary beyond what most people can understand. Everything is a struggle. I have fibromyalgia as a result of my childhood which is chronic pain and chronic fatigue and I struggle with bad bosses when they are having a go at me, it just seems to make them want to do it more though. I also have a food allergy that means I cant eat most foods as the additives affect me. I have chemical sensitivity so most perfumed products affect me including perfumes, deodorants, air fresheners and cleaning products.

I've come to hope I am storing up treasures in heaven persevering with these sufferings. I wont deny God or give up my salvation, but I do question why He does/allows it to keep happening. Its been decades of constant problems.

 

[anna ~ grace]

I've come to hope I am storing up treasures in heaven persevering with these sufferings.

This. 1,000% this. I have some biographical convergence points with you, friend. Big time. My body is also beginning to fall apart, my mind is fraying, I struggle with depression and what may be undiagnosed ptsd. I hear you.

Follow Christ. He is precious, He is our treasure, He is our reward, and yes, the suffering we go through down here is redemptive and useful. Offer it up, friend. Often the holiest of Saints have the toughest, weirdest, most apparently "unlucky" lives, and through this, God helps them to become deeply holy, and united to Himself. It's tough, though, I know. Just keep going, mate. Christ will be worth it.

 

[1watchman]

Dear Chance, You have been given some very good advice herein. DO NOT EVER suppose our Creator-God would do bad things to you, for that trouble comes from our enemy: Satan ---the 'deceiver' who is ever present to draw us away from God. Our God only seeks the good of mankind, though he will cast souls into Hell one day after they leave this world, without God's "...so great salvation" in His "beloved Son": the Lord Jesus (see Hebrews 2:3). Note John 3; John 14; Romans 8; Galatians 2:20; etc. to see what God wants to say to you.

Make the Lord Jesus your best Friend and Lord of your life, and He will help you in every trial of life. We ALL have trials, and we must then stay close to our Lord. That is what pleases the Father! Trials are sometimes to accomplish good things too.

Now, you might also consider you have some kind of physical ailment affecting your health, friend, which is causing the ailments you experience; but don't get discouraged with trials, and STAY CLOSE TO GOD, and NEVER suppose God abandons His children.

 

[SANTOSO]

Hello, my name is Chance. I’ve written posts like this before, but I have been much too unfair to God in them. Let me explain:


I have been having problems with God. I don’t hate God. In fact, I love Him. I long to be close to him. I want him to be my Father. But I haven’t treated him very well. For this, I am desperately sorry to God. Here’s the thing: The problems I’ve been having, I attribute to God. Maybe that’s right, maybe it’s not. But it seems to be logical. It seems to be where they are coming from. See, I am not expecting things to be perfect, But the thing is, it seems like I am cursed by God below all. Evil things happen to me constantly. From the people in my life. From the things that I try to to. Even from everything neutral. Like everything is against me. Now, I know that trials and tribulations are normal but this doesn’t seem normal.


My health has gotten worse And I can barely do any of the things I used to. And I live in pain. Now, I have messed up my body plenty and I’ll admit that this may be my fault in part. But not nearly all of it. I’ve been this way long before that. Ever since I was born I’ve had major problems.


My mental health has deteriorated severely as well. I am depressed and suicidal quite often. I have severe anxiety disorder, Bipolar 1, and severe OCD. All of these affect my Spiritual life...


See, all of the things above, ironically, I never really cared about as much. In fact, it was just life. But God came to me in a divine experience and ever since, I’ve been expecting for my relationship with him to be the cornerstone of the entire galaxy!...but it has actually gotten so much worse. To the point that I am not even sure that God exists sometimes, as much as it hurts me so deeply to say. But what else can I possibly think? I have Read my Bible, Prayed, Fasted, Gone to Church, Went on my own and just tried to Grow closer to God, Tried to seek God, Begged, Pleaded, Beseeched, and Asked God to please do anything to help me. But it’s always like this. The things Above wouldn’t be as bad, I don’t believe, but the worst part: It feels like God himself has forsaken me.


And because of that, the things above feel like a testimony to that thought. I live with constant thoughts of utter terror, judgement, and condemnation. And we all know what happens to those who are fearful in the last days. Which only compounds the issue. It never relents. I doubt everything and can’t stop. And no doubter receives, which makes it worse. I imagine what hell will be like in vivid detail and even have dreams of it. I am tortured night and day. I pray and get no answer that I believe to be from God. And what I do get, I doubt. Or I hear horrible condemning messages all day. I read the Bible and feel nothing but fear and condemnation. And what little peace I get from it doesn’t last long. The scriptures that scare me echo in my ears all the day, even if I’m not sinning. And I never get rest. I go to church and feel that it is a sham and that no one there is really saved. That God really hates us. I always feel like God is angry with me, unpleased with me, disgusting with me. No matter what. Even the very words of the Bible sound angry. Everything that sounds harsh must be true and everything that sounds good must be too good to be true. I’ve even heard that listening to prayer music is sinful because it’s supposed to be a cappella. Just like I’ve heard about the verse “Whatever is not from faith is sin”. Can you even imagine what that does to a person with anxiety and OCD? I spend hours trying to decide and even praying to God if everything that I eat, drink, wear, and do is a sin and because of it, I am in torment. I have no Peace and I never feel assured of my salvation Anymore. I’m not sure that I ever have. Not without at least a little doubt about it, at least most of the time. Except for maybe a few where I may have felt saved


I’ve talked to people and only ended up in confusion. Some say that we are still under the law. Or that Paul is a false apostle. Well, how can i(or anyone)possibly be saved? Pork is everywhere! Bacon is everywhere! Gelatin is everywhere! I’m just supposed to throw all our food away? Brake and burn our appliances? Tell my female family members that they can’t come inside because they are menstruating? Get rid of all of the utensils and jars that have ever touched pork or had a dead bug touch them? Somehow get my family to go completely kosher? Or what, Shall I just go live in the woods somewhere? Because that’s just about all I can really think of. Because the Bible has over 600 laws in it and it doesn’t say that you can just keep what you will or keep it the best you can, it says all. ALL. Not some, all. Every last one. And whoever stumbles at one, fails them all. And pork alone is in a lot more than you think it is...Some say that calling the Lord “God” or “Jesus” is a sin and it has to be “Yeshua” or “Yah” or “JEHOVA” or whatever people say...Some say that the Bible is corrupted and can’t be trusted and only the “Whatever” Bible can be trusted. Others say that unless you read the apocrypha you can’t be saved. Still, others say that getting into Heaven is very difficult and I’ve heard one say that “1 in 1000 will make it” and another that “in the last days many sincere Christians will be told to depart”. So, yeah. What’s the point in even trying to follow Christ if that’s the case? Of barely anyone makes it. These people above even use scriptures to prove their points. Clearly asking people hasn’t been very helpful, and yet, here I am. Because I don’t know many other things to do.


It’s for this very reason that I have grown weary. Because it seems like God is destroying me. I have fought with God and repented and been overwhelmed with the guilt thereof. So much that I have become suicidal that I would hurt God. I have become extremely impatient, uncaring, angry, confused, short tempered, unhappy, and severely suicidal and have begged God day and night to please take it away, change my heart, cleanse my mouth and heart, save me, get me out of this, help me not sin, give me what I need, help me stop cursing, Give me Peace.......none of it has come to pass


So then,I have been exhausted beyond belief. And I just have to say this. I am not trying to get pity. I don’t want it. I don’t need it. I need ideas. I have thrown myself down at God only to be burnt. I believe God has done me good but I just can not take this. I just want to know, am I reprobate because of my sins? Have I blasphemed the Holy Spirit? Has God forsaken me and given me up? Please, no pity. I just want ideas. I need advice. I need help. I need someone who knows Good deeply. Most of all, I desperately need Prayers, please. If you will. Thank you, so much. For anything that you do. Please God, help me.


God bless you!

Dear Chance,
You need help ! You need advice !

This is what the Lord have helped me discover when I was discouraged, felt spiritually hopeless and depressed.

This is what I have written to remind myself again how the Lord rescue me :

Are you feeling hopeless in these days of troubles ?
After all the battles and efforts, you are unable to do what is expected of you?
Or perhaps you have no strength and feeling poorly ? or even a hopeless case, spiritually; the chains of sin are getting tighter.

Can you still hear the steadfast love of God ? Can you still believe that God know the way that you should go?

God is love.
In love He ( God ) predestined us for adoption to Himself as sons and daughters through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of His will, to the praise of His glorious grace, with which He has blessed us in the Beloved ( Jesus Christ ).-Ephesians 1:5-6

Yes, God the Father love us through Jesus Christ !

Yes, God the Father in His love, has planned for every area of our life, including our weakness and inability !

Yes, God the Father in His love, allows us to suffer for our bondage !

Yes, through this breaking process, God The Father‘s purpose strengthen the new man in us, in order that, we be conformed to the image of His Son.

As Jesus have said before:
For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake ( Christ’s sake) will find it. -Matthew 16:25

For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul? -Matthew 16:26

For the Son of Man ( Jesus ) is going to come with his angels in the glory of His Father, and then He ( Jesus) will repay each person according to what he has done. -Matthew 16:27

Do we lose our life for our sake or for Christ’s sake?

It is time that we live for Christ’s sake

When we are feeling hopeless?
Do we feel pressed down?
Are we groaning silently ? Do something heavy weigh us down? Do we feel dry in these times of trouble?

Similarly, David have written this in psalm:

For when I ( David ) kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. -Psalms 32:3
For day and night Your hand ( God the Father’s hand ) was heavy upon me;
my strength was dried up as by the heat of summer. Selah ( Pause to reflect) -Psalms 32:4

What David have done to get out this situation? David prays:

I acknowledged my sin to You( God the Lord),
and I did not cover my iniquity;
I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the LORD ( the Lord Jesus Christ)," and You forgave the iniquity of my sin. Selah -Psalms 32:5

What answer David find ?
Therefore let everyone who is godly offer prayer to You (God) at a time when You ( God) may be found;
surely in the rush of great waters ( troubled waters),
they shall not reach him. -Psalms 32:6

What David confess about this spiritual experience?

You ( God ) are a hiding place for me;
You ( God ) will keep me from distress;
You ( God ) surround me with songs of deliverance. Selah -Psalms 32:7

What God the Holy Spirit have said:

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
I will counsel you with My eye upon you. -Psalms 32:8
Be not like a horse or a mule, without understanding, which must be curbed with bit and bridle, or it will not stay near you. -Psalms 32:9
Many are the sorrows of the wicked, but steadfast love surrounds the one who trusts in the LORD. -Psalms 32:10
Be glad in the LORD, and rejoice, O righteous, and shout for joy, all you upright in heart! -Psalms 32:11

Yes, indeed God the Holy Spirit have spoken about His steadfast love that we may hear!

Yes, God the Holy Spirit have instructed and teach us in the way we should go !

Also, David reaffirm this:
Good and upright is the LORD; therefore He ( the Lord Jesus Christ) instructs sinners in the way. -Psalms 25:8
He leads the humble in what is right, and teaches the humble His way. -Psalms 25:9
All the paths of the LORD are steadfast love and faithfulness,
for those who keep His covenant and his testimonies. -Psalms 25:10
For your name's sake, O LORD, pardon my guilt, for it is great. -Psalms 25:11

Have we humbled ourselves before the Lord Jesus Christ for acknowledging our sins everyday ?
Have we keep His covenant of love and goodness ?
Have we kept in our hearts what He have testified ( said ) ?
Have we seeked out God’s mercy?

What David do when he felt oppressed and the troubles of his heart are growing:

My eyes are ever toward the LORD, for he will pluck my feet out of the net. -Psalms 25:15
The troubles of my heart are enlarged; bring me out of my distresses. -Psalms 25:17
Consider my affliction and my trouble, and forgive all my sins. -Psalms 25:18
Consider how many are my foes, and with what violent hatred they hate me. -Psalms 25:19
Oh, guard my soul, and deliver me! Let me not be put to shame, for I take refuge in you. -Psalms 25:20

Yes, when our eyes are ever toward the Lord, that is, when our desire rest on our Lord Jesus Christ,
Yes, our Lord Jesus Christ preserve us in perfect peace.

Yes, our foes are many, like the evil spirit of The Valley, the evil spirit of oppression, the evil spirit of hate, anger, shame, guilt, bitterness, rejection, etc.

This is what we are encouraged to do:

Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. -Ephesians 6:13

Yes, we need to take up the whole armor of God that we may be able to withstand in the evil day, having done all,
to stand firm in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ that He forgive our sins
and yes, we trust in the power of His name, that His steadfast love surround us every day
and yes, in the power of Jesus Christ’s name, we push down our foes.-Psalms 44:5

Yes, we trust in His holy name:
In the power of Jesus Christ’s name,
we push down the evil spirit of the valley, evil spirit of oppression, hate, anger, shame, guilt, bitterness and rejection.

Yes, when we resist our enemies, the enemies shall flee.

For we have been admonished:
To you, O LORD, I lift up my soul. -Psalms 25:1
O my God, in you I trust;
let me not be put to shame;
let not my enemies exult over me. -Psalms 25:2

No one waiting for You ( Lord Jesus Christ) will be disgraced;
Disgrace awaits those who break faith for no reason.-Psalm 25:3

Therefore, it is important to keep our faith when we felt in times of despondency;

For everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world.
And this is the victory that has overcome the world'our faith ( in our Lord Jesus Christ). -1 John 5:4

O my Strength, I will watch for you, for You, O God, are my fortress.
My God in His steadfast love will meet me;
God will let me look in triumph on my enemies.-Psalm 59:9-10
To God be the glory forever.
Amen

 

[SANTOSO]

Hello, my name is Chance. I’ve written posts like this before, but I have been much too unfair to God in them. Let me explain:


I have been having problems with God. I don’t hate God. In fact, I love Him. I long to be close to him. I want him to be my Father. But I haven’t treated him very well. For this, I am desperately sorry to God. Here’s the thing: The problems I’ve been having, I attribute to God. Maybe that’s right, maybe it’s not. But it seems to be logical. It seems to be where they are coming from. See, I am not expecting things to be perfect, But the thing is, it seems like I am cursed by God below all. Evil things happen to me constantly. From the people in my life. From the things that I try to to. Even from everything neutral. Like everything is against me. Now, I know that trials and tribulations are normal but this doesn’t seem normal.


My health has gotten worse And I can barely do any of the things I used to. And I live in pain. Now, I have messed up my body plenty and I’ll admit that this may be my fault in part. But not nearly all of it. I’ve been this way long before that. Ever since I was born I’ve had major problems.


My mental health has deteriorated severely as well. I am depressed and suicidal quite often. I have severe anxiety disorder, Bipolar 1, and severe OCD. All of these affect my Spiritual life...


See, all of the things above, ironically, I never really cared about as much. In fact, it was just life. But God came to me in a divine experience and ever since, I’ve been expecting for my relationship with him to be the cornerstone of the entire galaxy!...but it has actually gotten so much worse. To the point that I am not even sure that God exists sometimes, as much as it hurts me so deeply to say. But what else can I possibly think? I have Read my Bible, Prayed, Fasted, Gone to Church, Went on my own and just tried to Grow closer to God, Tried to seek God, Begged, Pleaded, Beseeched, and Asked God to please do anything to help me. But it’s always like this. The things Above wouldn’t be as bad, I don’t believe, but the worst part: It feels like God himself has forsaken me.


And because of that, the things above feel like a testimony to that thought. I live with constant thoughts of utter terror, judgement, and condemnation. And we all know what happens to those who are fearful in the last days. Which only compounds the issue. It never relents. I doubt everything and can’t stop. And no doubter receives, which makes it worse. I imagine what hell will be like in vivid detail and even have dreams of it. I am tortured night and day. I pray and get no answer that I believe to be from God. And what I do get, I doubt. Or I hear horrible condemning messages all day. I read the Bible and feel nothing but fear and condemnation. And what little peace I get from it doesn’t last long. The scriptures that scare me echo in my ears all the day, even if I’m not sinning. And I never get rest. I go to church and feel that it is a sham and that no one there is really saved. That God really hates us. I always feel like God is angry with me, unpleased with me, disgusting with me. No matter what. Even the very words of the Bible sound angry. Everything that sounds harsh must be true and everything that sounds good must be too good to be true. I’ve even heard that listening to prayer music is sinful because it’s supposed to be a cappella. Just like I’ve heard about the verse “Whatever is not from faith is sin”. Can you even imagine what that does to a person with anxiety and OCD? I spend hours trying to decide and even praying to God if everything that I eat, drink, wear, and do is a sin and because of it, I am in torment. I have no Peace and I never feel assured of my salvation Anymore. I’m not sure that I ever have. Not without at least a little doubt about it, at least most of the time. Except for maybe a few where I may have felt saved


I’ve talked to people and only ended up in confusion. Some say that we are still under the law. Or that Paul is a false apostle. Well, how can i(or anyone)possibly be saved? Pork is everywhere! Bacon is everywhere! Gelatin is everywhere! I’m just supposed to throw all our food away? Brake and burn our appliances? Tell my female family members that they can’t come inside because they are menstruating? Get rid of all of the utensils and jars that have ever touched pork or had a dead bug touch them? Somehow get my family to go completely kosher? Or what, Shall I just go live in the woods somewhere? Because that’s just about all I can really think of. Because the Bible has over 600 laws in it and it doesn’t say that you can just keep what you will or keep it the best you can, it says all. ALL. Not some, all. Every last one. And whoever stumbles at one, fails them all. And pork alone is in a lot more than you think it is...Some say that calling the Lord “God” or “Jesus” is a sin and it has to be “Yeshua” or “Yah” or “JEHOVA” or whatever people say...Some say that the Bible is corrupted and can’t be trusted and only the “Whatever” Bible can be trusted. Others say that unless you read the apocrypha you can’t be saved. Still, others say that getting into Heaven is very difficult and I’ve heard one say that “1 in 1000 will make it” and another that “in the last days many sincere Christians will be told to depart”. So, yeah. What’s the point in even trying to follow Christ if that’s the case? Of barely anyone makes it. These people above even use scriptures to prove their points. Clearly asking people hasn’t been very helpful, and yet, here I am. Because I don’t know many other things to do.


It’s for this very reason that I have grown weary. Because it seems like God is destroying me. I have fought with God and repented and been overwhelmed with the guilt thereof. So much that I have become suicidal that I would hurt God. I have become extremely impatient, uncaring, angry, confused, short tempered, unhappy, and severely suicidal and have begged God day and night to please take it away, change my heart, cleanse my mouth and heart, save me, get me out of this, help me not sin, give me what I need, help me stop cursing, Give me Peace.......none of it has come to pass


So then,I have been exhausted beyond belief. And I just have to say this. I am not trying to get pity. I don’t want it. I don’t need it. I need ideas. I have thrown myself down at God only to be burnt. I believe God has done me good but I just can not take this. I just want to know, am I reprobate because of my sins? Have I blasphemed the Holy Spirit? Has God forsaken me and given me up? Please, no pity. I just want ideas. I need advice. I need help. I need someone who knows Good deeply. Most of all, I desperately need Prayers, please. If you will. Thank you, so much. For anything that you do. Please God, help me.


God bless you!

Chance, you say that you are searching for hope ! You don’t know what you can do !

This is what we have heard:
Remember my affliction and my wanderings, the wormwood and the gall! -Lamentations 3:19
My soul continually remembers it and is bowed down within me. -Lamentations 3:20
BUT this I call to MIND, and therefore I HAVE HOPE: -Lamentations 3:21

Yes, what you need to do is to call to your mind everyday and therefore you will have hope !

You may wondering what you need to call to your mind or remember daily. This is what we have heard:

The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; -Lamentations 3:22
they ( steadfast love of the Lord and His mercies ) are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. -Lamentations 3:23
"The LORD is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in him." -Lamentations 3:24
"The LORD is my portion," SAYS my soul, "therefore I will hope in him." -Lamentations 3:24

From here, we are told to say as we remember in our mind :

“The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; the steadfast love of the Lord and His mercies are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. The LORD is my portion, therefore I will hope in Him.”

So if you want to have hope daily or every time, say it as you cal to your mind !

I understand that you have prayed, fasted, and seek God but you doubt about things above and felt God have forsaken you.

When it comes to prayer, you must understand this :

Behold, the LORD's hand is not shortened, that it cannot save, or his ear dull, that it cannot hear; -Isaiah 59:1
but your iniquities have made a separation between you and your God, and your sins have hidden His face from you so that He does not hear. -Isaiah 59:2

Or you pray and don't receive, because you pray with the wrong motive, that of wanting to indulge your own desires.-James 4:3 CJB

Get right your relationship with God !

Repent in true contrition and wholeheartedly DAILY, and He will forgive your sins.
Why you need to repent daily? You need to submit yourself to God and resist the devil.

When you have seek the Lord’s mercy wholeheartedly and pray, believe that you have received it - then you will be righteous in His sight because of the sacrifice of the Lord Jesus Christ and He will hear your prayers.

Then you need to treasure His words in your hearts so that you would not sin against Him. You have to be ready to fight the battle of faith against sin daily by proclaiming the words of God that you treasure in your heart.

Then His words will lead you to live a godly life.

 

[SANTOSO]

Hello Chance7,

Whenever I have thoughts that have torment, I immediately recognize they're not from God. If my thoughts tell me he's angry, I rememeber scripture tells me he's slow to anger. If my thoughts tell me he doesn't love me, I remember scripture tells me he loved us so much he sent his own son and that he never changes or grows weary but that his mercy endures forever. So whenever our thoughts are contrary to him, it leaves us with a choice. I hope you choose to believe him. Nothing else really matters, iincluding the tribulation we go through. And I know so many that are right now. In my own situation, my elderly mother went from being a vivacious extroverted mobile person to a bed-ridden, energyless one in less than 6 months, and now she's showing dementia. She asked me the other day who my mommy was. It's heart-breaking, but I choose to believe God and I'm thankful for his blessings, even in this. He'll never leave or forsake us, inspite what the enemy of our soul tells us and wants us to believe.

Hello Chance7,

Whenever I have thoughts that have torment, I immediately recognize they're not from God. If my thoughts tell me he's angry, I rememeber scripture tells me he's slow to anger. If my thoughts tell me he doesn't love me, I remember scripture tells me he loved us so much he sent his own son and that he never changes or grows weary but that his mercy endures forever. So whenever our thoughts are contrary to him, it leaves us with a choice. I hope you choose to believe him. Nothing else really matters, iincluding the tribulation we go through. And I know so many that are right now. In my own situation, my elderly mother went from being a vivacious extroverted mobile person to a bed-ridden, energyless one in less than 6 months, and now she's showing dementia. She asked me the other day who my mommy was. It's heart-breaking, but I choose to believe God and I'm thankful for his blessings, even in this. He'll never leave or forsake us, inspite what the enemy of our soul tells us and wants us to believe.

Stay strong in the faith, sister.
Pray on behalf of your mom, I believe it is good and pleasing in the sight of the Lord.
Tell her about Jesus Christ and remind her how good He has been to her.

For this is what we have heard:
The LORD is the strength of his people; he is the saving refuge of his anointed. -Psalms 28:8
Oh, save your people and bless your heritage! Be their shepherd and carry them forever. -Psalms 28:9

Continue to take refuge in the Lord until the storms pass by.
May God gird Your loins with His strength.

 

[SANTOSO]

Sounds a bit like me, except without those mental health problems. I had a violent father who brought me up after my mum had to leave because she couldnt cope with him any more. He said he would kill us all if she took me and my brothers so she left us with him to save our lives. i made some poor lifestyle choices in my trying to cope with the aftermath of life with him. He died when I was 21. Then in work I have always suffered with bad bosses. I have had loads of bosses who had a reputation of being the worst in the company. I have been through 21 company restructures, 20 were damaging to my career, either being placed under a new boss who was bad or being moved to a worse job within the company. I left and tried to go self employed. It has been thwarted at every turn. As it was in a regulated industry you have to work under the supervision of a network. The last two were free masons and deliberately sabotaged my career when they found out I was a Christian. I've never had a lucky break, or any big piece of luck. Whenever things seem to be going well its just setting me up for a bigger fall.

Im not suicidal but I do at times struggle to understand why it keeps happening. Like you I am worn out by it, weary beyond what most people can understand. Everything is a struggle. I have fibromyalgia as a result of my childhood which is chronic pain and chronic fatigue and I struggle with bad bosses when they are having a go at me, it just seems to make them want to do it more though. I also have a food allergy that means I cant eat most foods as the additives affect me. I have chemical sensitivity so most perfumed products affect me including perfumes, deodorants, air fresheners and cleaning products.

I've come to hope I am storing up treasures in heaven persevering with these sufferings. I wont deny God or give up my salvation, but I do question why He does/allows it to keep happening. Its been decades of constant problems.

God allows you to persevere is because He wants to make you complete and whole, and lacking in nothing.

As we have heard:
Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, -James 1:2
for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. -James 1:3
And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. -James 1:4

Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. -James 1:12

May you continue to love God when you are under trial.
May God give the strength to carry the cross and follow Him and have the light of life that He has promised.

 

[1watchman]

Having meditated in all that you say, Chance 7, it seems one thing underlies your difficulty: it is a strong drive as a 'perfectionist' as you stated ---and "I haven't treated God well", you say. I think you need to STOP reasoning over God and surrender your will to Him (I know that might seem impossible to you). This strong drive you seem to have is being used of Satan to oppose the mind and ways of God. There will be NO PEACE in that! Note the word of the Lord Jesus on the Cross: "...nevertheless, not My will, but Thy will be done" as he placed Himself in the hands of His Father-God.