A Romantic Failure

Jun 18, 2011
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This thread is asking the ladies a question. Athough, I will accept feedback and/or advice from men as well.
During my Halloween Cruise,our Cruise Leader,when she advertises,always points out that our cruises are for singles looking for friendships, for like minded singles, that like to travel.This company is not a dating service. And,one should not attend the cruises hoping to find "The One"
But,during the last night on the seven night cruise,at our private function,she honored eleven couples,who are married,and some who are now in a relationship, that met during our cruises,as "Success Stories". Now ladies,during this mix message,does that mean that I am a failure?
I do admit that I have made some positive connections with some ladies on the six single cruises that I have been on. But they all live out of California.For example,the lady pictured with me likes me. After a cocktail party,I asked a lady out to dinner.She just ignored me. As I was leaving to head for the buffett,she approached me and asked me out to dinner! I was going to ask her out. But, she "beat me to the punch." I was surprised and accepted her invitation. I then asked myself,"Why can't I find a friendly, an intelligent, woman like this in California?
She told me that she really appreciated the fact that I was the first man to ask her to dance,as she was dancing all by herself,when I first met her.
But,during the last night,she "Friend Zoned "me. She said it was because,I was eleven years older than her. And the fact she lives in Canada.
I have heard married women also tell me that I am a sweet,wonderful man. I never smoked, dranked(therefore not an alcoholic),took illegal drugs(not a drug addict),never been arrested, and never been in jail. But,I am just not good enough to attract a woman, whom I am interested in.
So,you can tell me the truth,ladies. My picture is enclosed. Am I really ugly? If not,since I have so many things going for me in life,why I fail to attract someone,who has a lot going for her,the same as I do? Now,last Monday night,during Formal Night,when I was wearing my tuxedo,many women came up to me and told me how handsome I looked. I thanked them. But,my only problem is,that I cannot wear my tux to church, and/or to the store where I go grocery shopping. Also,when a woman tells me that I am "nice man",are they code words that means she thinks that I might be good in bed? I have heard woman say that they want a nice man .I have heard many women tell me, "S…….. you are a nice man." But,I have yet to her a woman say to me,"S…….you are a nice man. And I want you!"

That is why I think and/or feel,that I am a romantic failure. I have been a successful Scientist. I have been in a couple of movies.I was in a commercial with a famous basketball player .And, I have traveled the world.I have done things that millions of people,including myself,have dreamed about.
2018 Halloween.jpg
But,I do not know how to "verbally seduce " a woman whom I am interested in.
 
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Beauty is only skin deep. Have you looked in the heart? Church is a nice place to meet ladies. God bless you!
Of course I have looked in the heart! By,the way,I have had Christian women lie to me.That is not supposed to happen. It is sad,but true. I have seen more acceptance and "Jesus" in non-Christian women,than I have seen in Christian women.
As far as beauty is concerned ,I have been told. "The package (the outside) attracts. The product (the inside) keeps" God can see the heart. But people cannot see the heart. And it is people ,whom we see and have to deal with,everyday
 
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Speaking as a man: Calling you a "nice man" is likely just meaning that you're nice. I've never heard of it being a code for anything, except maybe that they like you & don't want to admit it, but California's a different world than my Indiana, so vernaculars may differ. This kind of code may be figured out just by what kind of woman she happens to be. Get to know her, and you'll find out.

I wish I could say something optimistic about "putting yourself out there", and "she'll come soon", but I know so many good guys that are still single, some for a lifetime, that all I can tell you to do is maintain hope. I've been praying for a girlfriend for a long time, years, and still single since my disastrous high school break-up, but God keeps sending me good people for some companionship. I have loyal, good friends, many female, and people that I invest heavily in, all of which alleviates the loneliness. Keep hoping, keep praying, and appreciate what you have; gratitude is an incredibly useful tool we often forget we have.
 
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timewerx

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View attachment 244737 But,I do not know how to "verbally seduce " a woman whom I am interested in.

Wow! You both look great in that picture! I think you both have chemistry just looking at your picture.

I didn't like the attitude of many local women (and also men) in California either. They were keen to judging you based on what you wear! I'm a bit old fashioned and it seems to be massive problem in California!! I traveled there once and were not as warm as women to the east and south. I don't live in the USA but went there once on a business trip during better times.

Try not to be insecure about how other people behave around. What matters is that some people appreciates you a lot. It's the same thing with me and it's enough for me to keep going. At least you got lucky with career. For me, I've just begun building a career at a very late age. I only look young but I'm very old already.
 
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Speaking as a man: Calling you a "nice man" is likely just meaning that you're nice. I've never heard of it being a code for anything, except maybe that they like you & don't want to admit it, but California's a different world than my Indiana, so vernaculars may differ. This kind of code may be figured out just by what kind of woman she happens to be. Get to know her, and you'll find out.

I wish I could say something optimistic about "putting yourself out there", and "she'll come soon", but I know so many good guys that are still single, some for a lifetime, that all I can tell you to do is maintain hope. I've been praying for a girlfriend for a long time, years, and still single since my disastrous high school break-up, but God keeps sending me good people for some companionship. I have loyal, good friends, many female, and people that I invest heavily in, all of which alleviates the loneliness. Keep hoping, keep praying, and appreciate what you have; gratitude is an incredibly useful tool we often forget we have.
My brother's middle name is Thomas.I do not have a middle name. Maybe I should have been named Thomas. Because,until I hear a woman.whom I am attracted to say, "S….. I want a nice man.You are a nice man. And ,I want you!" I ….will...….not......believe! :(
 
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Wow! You both look great in that picture! I think you both have chemistry just looking at your picture.

I didn't like the attitude of many local women (and also men) in California either. They were keen to judging you based on what you wear! I'm a bit old fashioned and it seems to be massive problem in California!! I traveled there once and were not as warm as women to the east and south. I don't live in the USA but went there once on a business trip during better times.

Try not to be insecure about how other people behave around. What matters is that some people appreciates you a lot. It's the same thing with me and it's enough for me to keep going. At least you got lucky with career. For me, I've just begun building a career at a very late age. I only look young but I'm very old already.

Yes, we did have chemistry. :) Today, she Instant Messaged me. She told me,"You are a sweetheart. But,you are not my sweetheart." Well alone again. naturally.
 
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Speaking as a man: Calling you a "nice man" is likely just meaning that you're nice. I've never heard of it being a code for anything, except maybe that they like you & don't want to admit it, but California's a different world than my Indiana, so vernaculars may differ. This kind of code may be figured out just by what kind of woman she happens to be. Get to know her, and you'll find out.

I wish I could say something optimistic about "putting yourself out there", and "she'll come soon", but I know so many good guys that are still single, some for a lifetime, that all I can tell you to do is maintain hope. I've been praying for a girlfriend for a long time, years, and still single since my disastrous high school break-up, but God keeps sending me good people for some companionship. I have loyal, good friends, many female, and people that I invest heavily in, all of which alleviates the loneliness. Keep hoping, keep praying, and appreciate what you have; gratitude is an incredibly useful tool we often forget we have.

Well,now I have good news! I saw this post today,on 11/5/18. We both are Medical Lab Techs. I just wish that she told me that she is a sapiosexual before we went on our Singles Halloween Cruise last week. If I had known that she is a sapiosexual ,I surely would have spent more time with her.

Well, that is the story of my life. I find out things too late.

Here is what she wrote, and the definition of sapiosexual.

J S... Let me tell you something, S W... the one person I HAD to meet when I got on the ship was YOU. Nothing got me more excited than knowing there would be a fellow laboratorian in our group. One of the highlights of my trip was you swinging me around on the dance floor. A tux is nice, but to some of us, a lab coat is even sexier. And to those of us who are sapiosexuals, who cares what you wear as long as you talk nerdy to me. It truly was a pleasure to meet you! MTs of the world unite!








sapiosexual Definition in the Cambridge English Dictionary

https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/sapiosexual

sapiosexual meaning: 1. a person who is sexually attracted to intelligent people2. sexually attracted to intelligent people:


Well...... I feel better now! Someone who really appreciates me!
 
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Well,now I have good news! I saw this post today,on 11/5/18. We both are Medical Lab Techs. I just wish that she told me that she is a sapiosexual before we went on our Singles Halloween Cruise last week. If I had known that she is a sapiosexual ,I surely would have spent more time with her.

Well, that is the story of my life. I find out things too late.

Here is what she wrote, and the definition of sapiosexual.

J S... Let me tell you something, S W... the one person I HAD to meet when I got on the ship was YOU. Nothing got me more excited than knowing there would be a fellow laboratorian in our group. One of the highlights of my trip was you swinging me around on the dance floor. A tux is nice, but to some of us, a lab coat is even sexier. And to those of us who are sapiosexuals, who cares what you wear as long as you talk nerdy to me. It truly was a pleasure to meet you! MTs of the world unite!








sapiosexual Definition in the Cambridge English Dictionary

https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/sapiosexual

sapiosexual meaning: 1. a person who is sexually attracted to intelligent people2. sexually attracted to intelligent people:


Well...... I feel better now! Some who really appreciates me!
I don't entirely understand your post, but you seem excited about this, and the last line in particular speaks very optimistically! Keep your faith in God, thank Him for all this, and remember that emotionalism really sucks; you feel great now, but emotions will cycle, and you need to work through the low parts as well as the high, good times and bad. Jason Evert is a great speaker with a ton of talks on YouTube about all this; watch some of his videos to see more of what I'm trying to talk about.

God be with you, brother!
 
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blackribbon

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Why would you ask us? We are also alone and by the criteria you are using, are all romantic failures.

(IMO, you look fine but obviously haven't found the person who is your match. I don't think you can make this happen but you just have to keep doing as you have been doing and provide for as many opportunities to meet a wide variety of people. Since you plan on staying where you are, I suggest that your socializing should be primarily closer to home. My guess is the couples that did meet on the cruises, someone had to be open to moving someplace new).
 
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Why would you ask us? We are also alone and by the criteria you are using, are all romantic failures.

(IMO, you look fine but obviously haven't found the person who is your match. I don't think you can make this happen but you just have to keep doing as you have been doing and provide for as many opportunities to meet a wide variety of people. Since you plan on staying where you are, I suggest that your socializing should be primarily closer to home. My guess is the couples that did meet on the cruises, someone had to be open to moving someplace new).

Thank you for your encouragement. My situation is that,at closer to home,my social activites are limited.My church no longer has any singles groups. And,at the Senior Centers,where I do Ballroom Dancing three times a week,the ladies my age are no longer interested in men. At 64 years of age,I am too old to go into the Night Clubs.
Our Singles Cruise Director has a word for people who are leery of long distance relationships. She said,"You are not a tree. You can.....move!"

Yes,some of the former singles,that did meet aboard ship,have relocated to be with each other.Ater the cruise,one lady,who is also a CLS like myself,told me that she always wanted to meet me. Because,I posted the countdown days, left for the cruise,in the form of the Period Table. For example,when there was 6 days left until the cruise,I posted"T minus 6 days.....and counting!". I then would also post a picture of Carbon,the sixth element. My reason for doing that was,when after someone meets someone that they like.One hopes that there would be some"chemistry" between them. Many of the women,and men told me," That is a great idea!" On the cruise,many women approached me and asked me,"Are you the one who posted the elements of the Periodic Table?"
So,this one lady,who was impressed with my postings,
Carbon 6.jpg
and me,lives in Tampa Florida.

By the way,there were many other singles who felt that these now attached,(former single) couples ,should not have been honored as "Success Stories."
 
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blackribbon

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Honestly, would you consider yourself a "success story" if you found love on a single cruise? Most likely. It may not be advertised as a matchmaking cruise but I bet more than half of the people going are hoping that it will turn out that way. The rest are hoping that they can socialize with other singles without the pressure of needing to couple up. But finding love isn't just about having fun on a cruise with someone for a few days. As you know, there is a lot more to it and living close enough together to build on what might have started on the cruise is usually very important.

FYI: Just because a woman enjoys talking via an online source like your pre-cruise interactions, it does not mean anything concrete or even interest beyond chitchatting with you.

And the fact that there are things like single cruises and single forums and online dating shows that it isn't easy to find that "special someone", even if you are looking. You still have to find that person....
 
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Honestly, would you consider yourself a "success story" if you found love on a single cruise? Most likely. It may not be advertised as a matchmaking cruise but I bet more than half of the people going are hoping that it will turn out that way. The rest are hoping that they can socialize with other singles without the pressure of needing to couple up. But finding love isn't just about having fun on a cruise with someone for a few days. As you know, there is a lot more to it and living close enough together to build on what might have started on the cruise is usually very important.

FYI: Just because a woman enjoys talking via an online source like your pre-cruise interactions, it does not mean anything concrete or even interest beyond chitchatting with you.

And the fact that there are things like single cruises and single forums and online dating shows that it isn't easy to find that "special someone", even if you are looking. You still have to find that person....

FYI: Just because a woman enjoys talking via an online source like your pre-cruise interactions, it does not mean anything concrete or even interest beyond chitchatting with you.

But,at least they would know that I exist, and they would acknowledge me. It is a form of "advertising". For example, why do you think that Super Bowl commercials cost so much? Because, the people ,who are selling their products, know that millions of people would be watching the Super Bowl. In order words,I have to come up with a gimmick to make myself stand out amongst the other good single men on our cruises.It is the same way that a male bird,showing off his colorful feathers,in order to attract the female bird of the same species. If not,I would just fade into the background,while being ignored and unnoticed. Let us face the fact, that everyone needs,and wants to be noticed and/or appreciated.On my first Singles' Cruises,no one knew who I was. It was hard for me to reach out to everyone. While reaching out,for the first time,I was not being appraoached by anyone. Because,no one knew me. Now,that is not a problem on these cruises anymore. Just like the theme song on that T.V. show ,"Cheers" that says,"You want to go where everybody knows your name.":)
 
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Honestly, would you consider yourself a "success story" if you found love on a single cruise? Most likely. It may not be advertised as a matchmaking cruise but I bet more than half of the people going are hoping that it will turn out that way. The rest are hoping that they can socialize with other singles without the pressure of needing to couple up. But finding love isn't just about having fun on a cruise with someone for a few days. As you know, there is a lot more to it and living close enough together to build on what might have started on the cruise is usually very important.

FYI: Just because a woman enjoys talking via an online source like your pre-cruise interactions, it does not mean anything concrete or even interest beyond chitchatting with you.

And the fact that there are things like single cruises and single forums and online dating shows that it isn't easy to find that "special someone", even if you are looking. You still have to find that person....
I forgot.Well….I am not bragging.But I do remember one "success story".This one lady,that I had a pre-cruise interaction with,for about nine months,when we met in person,on the cruise,she said that she enjoyed my positive posts very much. I was going to just stay on the ship,while in Puerto Rico.Because,I have been there so many times. But,while on deck on the ship,I saw this same lady by herself. I asked her if she had ever been to Puerto Rico before. She said,"No." So I offered to take her on a tour,just me and her, on the island. The next day,a couple of women told me."S…..what you did for M....,was very nice." The following day,on another island,while sitting on the beach,M….walked by me and said,"Who wants to walk down to the other beach with me?" Well.....talk about I hint, I said,"I would love to walk with you!"
Well after a few minutes,she started to hug me.The waves knocked us down.And we re enacted that scence from the movie,"From Here To Enternity",with Burt Lancaster and Deborah Kerr.The scene was so romantic in the movie. But,in real life,it took me about a week to get all of that sand out of my ears,and other places that I cannot mention on this forum. But,we sure had a fun and a great time! So,there is my "Success Story". Below is that scene from,"From Here To Eternity"
Beach.jpg
 
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