A question for the men

com7fy8

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Are there Christian men who question the belief that men are to be the head of the women?
Well, the Bible says the husband is the head of his wife. But how people interpret this can need to be questioned.

Paul and Silvanus and Timothy say,

"But we were gentle among you, just as a nursing mother cherishes her own children." (1 Thessalonians 2:7)

So, these great male leaders in the church greatly valued how nursing mothers love and care for their children. Plus, these three men possibly considered such mothers to be their role models who helped them to learn how to love.

But people who don't understand love can worry about their position being over or under someone else. Position has nothing to do with love.

And, by the way . . . if a man is the "head", she is the body . . . with the heart and kidneys and liver . . .

Position of knowing and authority is not enough, without the flowing of the love blood :)
 
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Dave-W

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because as men we need to be emotionally even keel, not saying women aren't, but they feel more than men do.
That is entirely cultural. In western society men are taught from a very early age to ignore their feelings. It is not that way in other cultures.
 
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Ken Behrens

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My wife made it pretty clear that she was the boss from the start. So I ceded to her authority and all the responsibility that comes with it.
We should have a whole separate thread about that kind of situation.
 
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nanookadenord

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But as to the idea that men can't talk about their feelings, I think that's much more to do with how they're socialised than whether or not they have those feelings. They're not emotionally numb, nor do they lack emotional intelligence, they're just not rewarded for showing it.

All one has to do is ask my girlfriend to see the truth of the above quote.

She says I am more a woman than she is sometimes. I am a very emotional male. Was raised by a single mom who had men that came and went. Wasn't until she met my step-dad when I was 15 that any came and stayed. However, by then my formative years were past me, plus he's only 10 years older than I am. So he's really just a big brother.

My girlfriend loves that I am in touch with my feminine side as much as I am. It allows me to understand her and many women better. She says it's part of my appeal and she would have it no other way.

Now I'm not saying that I have it right, I've been divorced once, but that was a very toxic relationship that was doomed to fail. We didn't heed the red flags that were so evident when we were dating.

So, there are men who feel and talk about their feelings. There are women who appreciate that too!
 
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Dave-W

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I never said anything about ignoring feelings, men ought to be in control of their feelings,
Having feelings effectively suppressed was what "in control" was defined as.
 
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Dave-W

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I am a very emotional male. Was raised by a single mom
Gee - you missed out on having a dad that beat you senseless every time you showed an emotion.

That would have cured you.
 
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Greg J.

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The cornerstone verse for this topic appears to me to be:

For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. (Ephesians 5:23, 1984 NIV)

It makes the assertion "husband is the head" a statement of underlying spiritual truth/condition as opposed to a metaphor (like Jesus' body is real food, John 6:55). It is a statement that helps us understand the deeper nature of the relationships (husband+wife and Jesus+church). We learn what the husband being the head means best by studying in what ways Jesus is the spiritual head of his church.

It's tough because men are not God and that makes Jesus and men different. However, the examination shouldn't account for the fact that men and women are fallen (which would come in the "how do we apply this" phase), because the examination is of the spiritual identity of both husbands and wives (who we are in Christ: ala 1 John 3:9, 5:18).

I have yet to read from anyone who has examined this without any prejudice. (I haven't looked into it at all myself.) It's hard to make oneself neutral because of all the incorrect and culture-based implications that spring to mind.

However, the application is somewhat simplified because all are falling short (Romans 3:23), so no matter who we examine, we know they could be more loving and pure in heart toward their spouse. Humility is called for for everyone, which we see with, Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. (Ephesians 5:21, 1984 NIV). A married couple in which each is humble to even death (Ephesians 5:25) presumably has little need to understand the details of this subject (1 Timothy 1:9).

Christians have all received life equally in Christ (Galatians 3:28, Colossians 3:11). All will come before God for judgment. God will not show favoritism of any kind (Romans 2:11).
 
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miss-a

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For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. (Ephesians 5:23, 1984 NIV)

Given the above verse in a vacuum, I never would have interpreted it to mean that a man is the boss of me once he becomes my husband. What I would have taken it to mean is, well, just what it says: Guys, love and protect your wives just the way Jesus loves and protects you.
 
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Greg J.

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What if "head"ship means: responsible for protecting, encouraging, nurturing, helping, and loving even at the cost of his own life?

In fact, the purpose of all authority from God is to protect and help. It's hard to find visible examples these days, so we are conditioned that it is otherwise.
 
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Citizen of the Kingdom

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What if "head"ship means: responsible for protecting, encouraging, nurturing, helping, and loving even at the cost of his own life?

In fact, the purpose of all authority from God is to protect and help. It's hard to find visible examples these days, so we are conditioned that it is otherwise.
At the cost of his own life implies live for me every day because I will die for you once.

That not what Jesus did. He's still working.
 
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Greg J.

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At the cost of his own life implies live for me every day because I will die for you once.

That not what Jesus did. He's still working.
Living daily for what is best for one's spouse at the expense of what one desires is how I read that, because that's what agape love is. It's what God always has done, is always doing, and will always do—and he is our example. It is also descriptive of the life Paul lived. It is second only to living to please God, although God gives us responsibilities beyond just those (love children, parents, brothers and/or sisters in Christ, etc.). It is the baseline of what God's command to love on another means. (It can only be done with the help of the Holy Spirit.) Along with loving Jesus, it is a a part of the path to unity with one's spouse.

Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. (1 John 3:18, 1984 NIV)

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. (bold mine, Ephesians 5:25-28, 1984 NIV)

Naturally, in Christ, it applies equally to wives, gentiles, Jews, slaves, etc.—not to mention unmarried men and women, too.
 
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Dave-W

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Naturally, in Christ, it applies equally to wives, gentiles, Jews, slaves, etc.—not to mention unmarried men and women, too.
Eph 5.31 For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. 32 This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.

How exactly does "... gentiles, Jews, slaves, etc.—not to mention unmarried men and women," present a picture of Christ and the Church?
 
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Greg J.

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... just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

is a picture Paul gave so people would understand the command, which was for Husbands to love their wives, but the command is not limited to just husbands toward their wives. The NT is full of the command to for each of us to love one another. It is the nature of anyone who is in Christ. The kind of sacrificial love a husband is commanded to have toward his wife is the same kind of love we are all to have toward one another.

At the last supper, Jesus said this using agape:
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. (John 13:34, 1984 NIV)
 
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Daniel Marsh

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Are you out there? Are there Christian men who question the belief that men are to be the head of the women?

Don't confuse authority with reality. True marriage is a cooperation of everyone.

Ephesians 5:21-32International Children’s Bible (ICB)
Wives and Husbands

21 Be willing to obey each other. Do this because you respect Christ.

22 Wives, be under the authority of your husbands, as of the Lord. 23 The husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the church. The church is Christ’s body—Christ is the Savior of the body. 24 The church is under the authority of Christ. So it is the same with you wives. You should be under the authority of your husbands in everything.

25 Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church. Christ died for the church 26 to make it belong to God. Christ used the word to make the church clean by washing it with water. 27 Christ died so that he could give the church to himself like a bride in all her beauty. He died so that the church could be pure and without fault, with no evil or sin or any other wrong thing in it. 28 And husbands should love their wives in the same way. They should love their wives as they love their own bodies. The man who loves his wife loves himself. 29 No person ever hates his own body, but feeds and takes care of it. And that is what Christ does for the church, 30 because we are parts of his body. 31 The Scripture says, “So a man will leave his father and mother and be united with his wife. And the two people will become one body.” 32 That secret truth is very important—I am talking about Christ and the church.

Bottom line in our educated Society my wife is an expert in areas that is a mystery to me === managing budget and taxes. There are areas were she lets me think I am the expert in like car repair, painting the house and cutting the grass. We contentment each other.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up. Furthermore, if two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone?

1 Corinthians 12:14-20


For the body is not one member, but many. If the foot says, "Because I am not a hand, I am not a part of the body," it is not for this reason any the less a part of the body. And if the ear says, "Because I am not an eye, I am not a part of the body," it is not for this reason any the less a part of the body.

1 Peter 3:8-9


To sum up, all of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit; not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing.

Proverbs 27:17 - As iron sharpens iron, so one person - Bible Gateway
As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.

The fragrances of divine unity are best sensed in the relationship of David and Jonathan, son of Saul. When David was being hotly pursued by Saul, Jonathan sought David out “to help him find strength in God” (1 Samuel 23:16),

I am not saying there was a gay marriage there above text. But it shows, how relationships among those of different authority levels can be beneficial in a state of mind towards cooperation.

Read
1 TIMOTHY 3 about qualifications of church leaders. And, rate each qualification.
 
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Citizen of the Kingdom

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If we parents don't stick together then the little ones will rule the nest.
Children need governing. Adults do not. The immature need governing, the mature do not. Age and gender are meaningless in that spiritual content. That's why parents are to submit to one another too, because two in the Lord are like a three strand rope in strength.
 
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Dave-W

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Children need governing. Adults do not. The immature need governing, the mature do not.
Scripturally speaking that is not true. EVERYONE needs governing. Everyone needs to be submitted to another human authority figure.

That is why the independent church model with a single pastor who is unaccountable to anyone is NOT SCRIPTURAL.
 
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