A question for pastors' kids

Begat

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I'm from an atheist family, and I accepted Christ as a teen through the witness of a classmate. Having re-read Proverbs 31, I'm trying to think about how to prepare to build a Christian home once I move out of my atheist parents' home. Although I owe my parents respect for their efforts, my enduring memories of life at home are not altogether positive.

So I thought I'd ask pastors' kids (because pastors are presumably deliberate about choosing wives with godly priorities): what's one thing that your mum did/does that you love most, or that you have the warmest memory of? It can be practical, emotional, anything at all. It needn't be especially Biblical or inspired by Proverbs 31; I just want to hear what you think. :thumbsup:
 
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iAlive

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They taught me about Jesus, and to celebrate Him during Christmas and Easter--not the bunny and mr. claus.
They disciplined me at times, and didn't 'spare the rod.'
They kept trying to take me to church, even when I protested.
They gave me good gifts, (I believe I was kinda' spoiled as a kid..)
They let me play outside, since I was yet to find out what a SEGA was (plus my dad dominated the cable television) I used my imagination to play and have fun out in the sun.

Though I feel as though more could've been done in raising me up, I love them and I respect them. I thank God for them.

The fondest memory I have of my mom is when she smiled when I did something good. One day, I had this idea to make my mom and dad some hotdogs and iced tea. (I used the microwave to cook, and I think I made the juice too sweet.) They were working outside, raking the leaves and working on the yard, and getting rid of the ant hills. I got a tray with two plates for them, each having a hotdog, and I quickly ran back in to get the jug of Iced Tea.

The smile she gave me stuck with me, and it encouraged me to keep doing what was good. I loved it when she showed happiness over something I did, and made me want to keep doing more of it.
 
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joe87

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"Presumably" is right.

Though my father married my mother long before becoming a pastor, having grown up in a Christian household and as an elder's child himself, he should have been wiser about choosing a spouse (though, I suppose the culture was different from today, where we get to court and choose, as opposed to then, when arranged marriages were more normal).

My mother and father were at each other's throats from as far back as I can remember. In fact, one of my first memories as a toddler is cowering behind the couch, crying as mom and dad fought.

My father left when I was nine, only to appear sporadically (but consistently enough) in my life. Abandonment is epidemic among pastors' kids (PKs)--or at least as far as I've noticed among Korean-Americans and my own PK friends.

My father was ordained when I was a teenager. He was largely absent in my life, and even today I seldom talk to him.

My mother was as typically overbearing as an Asian mother could be. Controlling, abusive, and manipulative, deeply and subconsciously motivated by her own paternal abandonment issues.

Enmity between my parents only worsened as the years went by. Definitely not what you'd call a "partnership" in ministry.

As a teenager, I hated both of them. I was provided for financially, but I was neglected and abused emotionally as badly as some orphans--I even wondered if I would have been better off as an orphan.

I'm proof that "Christian" families can be pretty ugly. But you know what was and is beautiful in my life? It's Christ.

He never stopped loving, and He never stopped working in my life and in my heart. God refused to let me go. No matter how much angst built up inside me, no matter how much I sinned and rebelled, God never gave up on me.

God placed holy people in my life, all throughout, influencing me slowly but surely, leading me toward righteousness. My grandmother's life is the testimony of faith, prayer, and unyielding worship. My friend's mother loved me like her own, showing me hope and patience. My friend was my brother and keeper. With my Catholic roommate, we tested and encouraged each others' faith. My pastors edified and counseled my spirit, providing invaluable wisdom.

And though my parents were a far cry from "perfect," my father never failed to point me to God. My mom disciplined me to go to church and stay faithful.

In pain, I was lost. From pain, I was led to Christ. Praise be unto Him!

Be Proverbs 31 not for your husband, nor for the sake of your kids. Be Proverbs 31 as worship to Christ who delivered you. Be Proverbs 31 to glorify Christ. And as He is exalted, you, your husband, and your children will be exulted!
 
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Tzav

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Unfortunately, as you can see, pastors are not perfect, and neither are their wives. Joe, above, had it WAY harder than I did, however.

Father was a pastor decades ago, and through my parents and the church organization they served, I learned to deal directly with poverty, but not in an Abe Lincoln sort of way but with strong resentment. Mother loved her witchcraft and practiced it.

So let me tell you about my first husband's mother instead. She loved her children with complete abandon. They came first in all things. And when her son, my husband, died, she did not send me away. She just kept loving me even as I married someone else ten years after her son was killed.

That's who I want to be like. I pray to G-d almost daily to preserve me from growing old like Mother did -- she remained mean. I want to be like my first husband's mother.
 
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“Paisios”

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I'm from an atheist family, and I accepted Christ as a teen through the witness of a classmate. Having re-read Proverbs 31, I'm trying to think about how to prepare to build a Christian home once I move out of my atheist parents' home. Although I owe my parents respect for their efforts, my enduring memories of life at home are not altogether positive.

So I thought I'd ask pastors' kids (because pastors are presumably deliberate about choosing wives with godly priorities): what's one thing that your mum did/does that you love most, or that you have the warmest memory of? It can be practical, emotional, anything at all. It needn't be especially Biblical or inspired by Proverbs 31; I just want to hear what you think. :thumbsup:
My mother always made it clear that she would support and protect us in the outside world. She was our advocate with others, though she expected a lot from us.

My father taught me how to think, and how to weigh various options. He led me, rather than forcing me, into wise counsel.
 
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Mrs Awesome

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"Abandonment is epidemic among pastors' kids (PKs)--or at least as far as I've noticed among Korean-Americans and my own PK friends.

My father was ordained when I was a teenager. He was largely absent in my life, and even today I seldom talk to him.

Ouch! That's really not fair, nor very accurate, to say. Perhaps in your case, and perhaps in the case of some of your PK friends this may be true, but I certainly haven't experienced that in my life - not with my own family and not with other PKs that I know. I'd venture to say that this is actually probably rare.

As a PK, I know that having a pastor for a father is hard, but fathers are merely men and men are not perfect. This is often one misconception that people have in regards to pastors and their families. People assume we are perfect, that we have an "in", or that we must think we are better than anyone else. But as you clearly know firsthand, none of that is true.

I am sorry your family life growing up wasn't great, but I don't think blaming it on your father being a pastor is the right thing to do. He is mere man first and foremast, blame his sinful nature if you need to place fault somewhere.
 
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Butterfly99

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The original post was made so long ago I don't know if the person is still here. I'm proud to be a PK. My mom is a minister. She's the best mom you could ever want. She's a great minister too. I think what I admire the most about her is that she's selfless. That's how the Proverbs 31 lady is. She always put others first. She happily gave all of her time to making the lives of others better. That's what my mom does. She even has coffee early in the morning with people who are struggling to pray with them first thing. She's busy all day long and it's almost always for us or for others.
 
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Saricharity

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Butterfly, my dad is a pastor too. There is another girl here named Hannah whose father is a minister as well. Nice to see and meet other PK's. I've always been proud to be a PK too only sometimes it feels like I live in a fishbowl :)
 
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