A question about courting/dating

[Emerald518]

Hi everyone!

So, I don't know if I'm posting in the right forum on here and please forgive me if I'm wrong. I have a few questions on courting/dating that I would really appreciate some input on.

I'm a single, 24 year old female who is about to turn 25 and I have yet to be in a relationship with anyone. When I was younger, I had made the decision that I would not marry or have children because of witnessing my parents' very turbulent and sometimes even violent marriage growing up and my fear was that I would become a statistic and end up in something similar. Now, within the last few months, that has changed and I believe God has done a work in my heart to make me desire that and not fear it, as well as showing me that I don't have to end up the way my parents did just because I was a product of their union. That being said, I am now delving into an area that I have little to no knowledge about. At church, we just finished up a series on dating that we do every year and now it has me with more questions than answers. But here is what I seem to be seeing...

If God ultimately knows who we are going to marry, as He knows all things, and may even have someone in mind for us to marry and if the goal of dating/courting is ultimately to find a mate, then why should we even date at all? Why not just pray and continue to go forward in our sanctification while actively waiting, praying and trusting God to bring the right person to us at the right time? I would have to post the podcast of what they had been teaching us in church for this to be understood, but this is what I'm thinking...it seems like for a lot of reasons. courting/dating leads to more temptation and sin than godliness...why not just let God bring the person you're meant to be with to you and once it's confirmed that He wants you to be with them, date them and ONLY them so you can avoid some of the thornier issues that come with dating more than one person over the span of your single life? I'm talking things like emotional intimacy leftover from previous partners that could cause you to commit adultery in your thoughts once married, etc. Thoughts? To me, it just seems like seeking out a mate on your own, even if done keeping biblical commands and principles in mind, is disobedience because it's essentially telling God that you don't trust His plan for your future marriage.

 

[salt-n-light]

Hi everyone!

So, I don't know if I'm posting in the right forum on here and please forgive me if I'm wrong. I have a few questions on courting/dating that I would really appreciate some input on.

I'm a single, 24 year old female who is about to turn 25 and I have yet to be in a relationship with anyone. When I was younger, I had made the decision that I would not marry or have children because of witnessing my parents' very turbulent and sometimes even violent marriage growing up and my fear was that I would become a statistic and end up in something similar. Now, within the last few months, that has changed and I believe God has done a work in my heart to make me desire that and not fear it, as well as showing me that I don't have to end up the way my parents did just because I was a product of their union. That being said, I am now delving into an area that I have little to no knowledge about. At church, we just finished up a series on dating that we do every year and now it has me with more questions than answers. But here is what I seem to be seeing...

If God ultimately knows who we are going to marry, as He knows all things, and may even have someone in mind for us to marry and if the goal of dating/courting is ultimately to find a mate, then why should we even date at all? Why not just pray and continue to go forward in our sanctification while actively waiting, praying and trusting God to bring the right person to us at the right time? I would have to post the podcast of what they had been teaching us in church for this to be understood, but this is what I'm thinking...it seems like for a lot of reasons. courting/dating leads to more temptation and sin than godliness...why not just let God bring the person you're meant to be with to you and once it's confirmed that He wants you to be with them, date them and ONLY them so you can avoid some of the thornier issues that come with dating more than one person over the span of your single life? I'm talking things like emotional intimacy leftover from previous partners that could cause you to commit adultery in your thoughts once married, etc. Thoughts? To me, it just seems like seeking out a mate on your own, even if done keeping biblical commands and principles in mind, is disobedience because it's essentially telling God that you don't trust His plan for your future marriage.

If your church had touched upon some of the relationships and marriage God have specifically orchestrated in the bible, or if they haven't do some research in the Word on your own time, but one thing to note is that they were required action on their part.

Esther didnt just wait for the king to feel attracted to her. She did her part by preparing herself physically to be chosen queen and save her people.
Ruth didnt just wait for Boaz to ask for her to wed him, Ruth also had to give Boaz that opportunity to approach her and get to know her.
Imagine if both of these women decided to wait around, if Jesus would have even made it through that lineage.

And even then, those instances took hardship. It took Esther being held captive for her to be in that position. It took Naomi sons to die for Ruth to be at such a position to find Boaz. No matter if you pursue or just wait around, there is no easy or best or most simple route. The right route is to make those steps and to ask God to order your steps, however, those steps might end up to be. In those two instances, they both made moves and also honored God in their decisions, that in turn not only glorified God but bless the lineage as well. The only disobedience when it comes to finding a mate, is where you choose someone you know will may you stray from God.

 

[Sketcher]

If God ultimately knows who we are going to marry, as He knows all things, and may even have someone in mind for us to marry and if the goal of dating/courting is ultimately to find a mate, then why should we even date at all? Why not just pray and continue to go forward in our sanctification while actively waiting, praying and trusting God to bring the right person to us at the right time?

Dating brings out parts of both people involved that would never have come out in a platonic context. I have seen this among friends. You said "actively waiting," this would be the "active" part. And if you want to bring God's foreknowledge into this, dating can very easily be part of his plan. To illustrate, let's back off of the dating example for a minute. Let's say that God knows that on the first of next month, you will meet someone you need to witness to. What's the point of being in the Word and praying and taking a shower and getting dressed and going to work or class and getting along with others and humbling yourself during the interim if he knows you're going to have that spiritual conversation anyway? In both this example and in the dating example, it's the same God with the same foreknowledge.

Also, I can tell you that when someone gets interested in you, or when you get interested in someone, it can get very confusing as to whether or not God is approving or disapproving that relationship. Relying on him to just tell you isn't a good strategy because so often, we "listen" so hard that we tell ourselves yea or nay, and God might not have spoken at all. Been there, done that. I hope I never pressure myself to hear from God that much ever again, that was a bad place for me to be, it was bad for my faith.

I would have to post the podcast of what they had been teaching us in church for this to be understood, but this is what I'm thinking...it seems like for a lot of reasons. courting/dating leads to more temptation and sin than godliness...why not just let God bring the person you're meant to be with to you and once it's confirmed that He wants you to be with them, date them and ONLY them so you can avoid some of the thornier issues that come with dating more than one person over the span of your single life?

As a male, this makes less sense for me than it would for you. The reason for this is every Christian message I've heard on dating tells the man to pursue. Waiting for God to bring someone to me is not pursuing. Let's say God does bring the right lady into my life. How is that relationship going to start, and become a romantic relationship if neither I nor she pursues, and just waits for God to move the other one? It's not going to happen. I'm older than 25, and there have been times where looking back, I wonder if that actually happened. So the women probably will not pursue due to all that peer pressure to let the man pursue, which means I have to pursue or nothing will happen. Which is in direct contradiction to waiting for God to just bring her to me. This message you speak of may make sense to extroverted men who have to rein themselves in to not ask women out, and count on them to finally ask them out after they've had a few years of discipleship and spiritual growth. But many men in the church, including myself, are not like that. This is a message that doesn't help introverted men like myself get out there and build relationships with Christian women. You tell an introvert like me to wait, I'll wait. And wait. And wait. And wait some more, longer than most women will ever care to wait. We need to be encouraged to pursue in Godly ways. The message you have been listening to as you have relayed it does not do that. Honestly, I think the church should switch gears and encourage both men and women to pursue each other more. Helping me to be a better pursuer and encouraging women I might be interested in to pursue me would change my life, and I'm not alone. I think there would be fewer single people in the church who are approaching 30 or over 30 if that would happen.

I'm talking things like emotional intimacy leftover from previous partners that could cause you to commit adultery in your thoughts once married, etc.

I can tell you that emotional intimacy has been built in my life anyway, outside of dating relationships. I therefore see this as a poor excuse. I'm primarily concerned about the big things that bind people - sex, and "interruptions" of past relationships - i.e., one of them had to move away, but neither wanted the relationship to end. And of course, I'm wary of women who are still "friends" with their exes. That's the high-risk stuff to avoid.

To me, it just seems like seeking out a mate on your own, even if done keeping biblical commands and principles in mind, is disobedience because it's essentially telling God that you don't trust His plan for your future marriage.

Well, if God were to make a plan for my life personally very clear, like he did with Abraham or Moses or Joseph (Jesus's earthly dad), and if I were to deviate from it, that would be disobedience and distrust in his plan. He has not given me such a strictly laid out plan. If God very clearly and with confirmation tells you not to date until the year 2021, then to date before that would qualify as disobedience and not trusting in his plan - stay single until then. But he has not given general instructions to the church like that. What that leaves is Biblical commands, and obeying those commands honestly, without going against other valid Biblical teaching, cannot be disobedience.

 

[AvgJoe]

Hi everyone!

So, I don't know if I'm posting in the right forum on here and please forgive me if I'm wrong. I have a few questions on courting/dating that I would really appreciate some input on.

I'm a single, 24 year old female who is about to turn 25 and I have yet to be in a relationship with anyone. When I was younger, I had made the decision that I would not marry or have children because of witnessing my parents' very turbulent and sometimes even violent marriage growing up and my fear was that I would become a statistic and end up in something similar. Now, within the last few months, that has changed and I believe God has done a work in my heart to make me desire that and not fear it, as well as showing me that I don't have to end up the way my parents did just because I was a product of their union. That being said, I am now delving into an area that I have little to no knowledge about. At church, we just finished up a series on dating that we do every year and now it has me with more questions than answers. But here is what I seem to be seeing...

If God ultimately knows who we are going to marry, as He knows all things, and may even have someone in mind for us to marry and if the goal of dating/courting is ultimately to find a mate, then why should we even date at all? Why not just pray and continue to go forward in our sanctification while actively waiting, praying and trusting God to bring the right person to us at the right time? I would have to post the podcast of what they had been teaching us in church for this to be understood, but this is what I'm thinking...it seems like for a lot of reasons. courting/dating leads to more temptation and sin than godliness...why not just let God bring the person you're meant to be with to you and once it's confirmed that He wants you to be with them, date them and ONLY them so you can avoid some of the thornier issues that come with dating more than one person over the span of your single life? I'm talking things like emotional intimacy leftover from previous partners that could cause you to commit adultery in your thoughts once married, etc. Thoughts? To me, it just seems like seeking out a mate on your own, even if done keeping biblical commands and principles in mind, is disobedience because it's essentially telling God that you don't trust His plan for your future marriage.

Here are some links to articles I hope will be helpful to you:

What does the Bible say about dating / courting?
What should I look for in a Christian boyfriend?
Why is finding true love so difficult?
Are we supposed to be actively looking for a spouse?
How will I know when I have found the perfect spouse for me?

Also, I recommend this book~~~> Preparing To Be A Help Meet – Preparing To Be A Help Meet

 

[Emerald518]

Dating brings out parts of both people involved that would never have come out in a platonic context. I have seen this among friends. You said "actively waiting," this would be the "active" part. And if you want to bring God's foreknowledge into this, dating can very easily be part of his plan. To illustrate, let's back off of the dating example for a minute. Let's say that God knows that on the first of next month, you will meet someone you need to witness to. What's the point of being in the Word and praying and taking a shower and getting dressed and going to work or class and getting along with others and humbling yourself during the interim if he knows you're going to have that spiritual conversation anyway? In both this example and in the dating example, it's the same God with the same foreknowledge.

Also, I can tell you that when someone gets interested in you, or when you get interested in someone, it can get very confusing as to whether or not God is approving or disapproving that relationship. Relying on him to just tell you isn't a good strategy because so often, we "listen" so hard that we tell ourselves yea or nay, and God might not have spoken at all. Been there, done that. I hope I never pressure myself to hear from God that much ever again, that was a bad place for me to be, it was bad for my faith.

As a male, this makes less sense for me than it would for you. The reason for this is every Christian message I've heard on dating tells the man to pursue. Waiting for God to bring someone to me is not pursuing. Let's say God does bring the right lady into my life. How is that relationship going to start, and become a romantic relationship if neither I nor she pursues, and just waits for God to move the other one? It's not going to happen. I'm older than 25, and there have been times where looking back, I wonder if that actually happened. So the women probably will not pursue due to all that peer pressure to let the man pursue, which means I have to pursue or nothing will happen. Which is in direct contradiction to waiting for God to just bring her to me. This message you speak of may make sense to extroverted men who have to rein themselves in to not ask women out, and count on them to finally ask them out after they've had a few years of discipleship and spiritual growth. But many men in the church, including myself, are not like that. This is a message that doesn't help introverted men like myself get out there and build relationships with Christian women. You tell an introvert like me to wait, I'll wait. And wait. And wait. And wait some more, longer than most women will ever care to wait. We need to be encouraged to pursue in Godly ways. The message you have been listening to as you have relayed it does not do that. Honestly, I think the church should switch gears and encourage both men and women to pursue each other more. Helping me to be a better pursuer and encouraging women I might be interested in to pursue me would change my life, and I'm not alone. I think there would be fewer single people in the church who are approaching 30 or over 30 if that would happen.


I can tell you that emotional intimacy has been built in my life anyway, outside of dating relationships. I therefore see this as a poor excuse. I'm primarily concerned about the big things that bind people - sex, and "interruptions" of past relationships - i.e., one of them had to move away, but neither wanted the relationship to end. And of course, I'm wary of women who are still "friends" with their exes. That's the high-risk stuff to avoid.


Well, if God were to make a plan for my life personally very clear, like he did with Abraham or Moses or Joseph (Jesus's earthly dad), and if I were to deviate from it, that would be disobedience and distrust in his plan. He has not given me such a strictly laid out plan. If God very clearly and with confirmation tells you not to date until the year 2021, then to date before that would qualify as disobedience and not trusting in his plan - stay single until then. But he has not given general instructions to the church like that. What that leaves is Biblical commands, and obeying those commands honestly, without going against other valid Biblical teaching, cannot be disobedience.

I wasn't able to delete to just the section that I wanted, so I apologize for the big wall of text...

I would respectfully have to counter your reasoning on the men pursuing the women part with this reasoning and I hope for an honest opinion as well...if God intends for you to be with someone and as a Christian you have the spirit's power and are living by the spirit, would He not also give you the desire to pursue the person He knows will respond to you? If God really does bring the two of you together, I feel like He would lead you in an undeniable way to pursue that person and confirm in an undeniable, unmissable way that the person you are desiring to be with is the one that you should pursue and on the end of the female, He would confirm to her in an undeniable way that this is the one whose advances she should respond to. He would still be bringing the two of you together in that He would cause your paths to cross somehow, but when the time came, He would instruct both on what to do...God is not the author of confusion, but peace and whenever He makes His will known, He does so in very clear ways so that there is no confusion. And also, when I say actively waiting, I was more referring to the process of being active by just going forward in your sanctification and working out your salvation and continuing the work you are already partnered in with God, being active in your walk with Christ. God technically does not need you to be in other relationships to prepare you for your future spouse...He is more than capable of doing that Himself. And even in the sense of "casually dating" and getting to know someone first, I feel like if God doesn't want you to get involved with them in a romantic way at all, He would make it very evident to you before you even started to causally date or take a serious interest in that person that you are not to do that, or else take away any interest in that person that you might start to develop before it gets serious enough that you want to pursue them. I guess I'm thinking in the context of doing this apart from God's leading and getting ahead of Him and trying to do it independently of Him as opposed to letting God order our steps and be obedient and submissive to His leading...I could be being too altruistic and too caught up in the ideal and definite, but those are my thoughts at the moment and I am totally open to any correction.

 

[Emerald518]

If your church had touched upon some of the relationships and marriage God have specifically orchestrated in the bible, or if they haven't do some research in the Word on your own time, but one thing to note is that they were required action on their part.

Esther didnt just wait for the king to feel attracted to her. She did her part by preparing herself physically to be chosen queen and save her people.
Ruth didnt just wait for Boaz to ask for her to wed him, Ruth also had to give Boaz that opportunity to approach her and get to know her.
Imagine if both of these women decided to wait around, if Jesus would have even made it through that lineage.

And even then, those instances took hardship. It took Esther being held captive for her to be in that position. It took Naomi sons to die for Ruth to be at such a position to find Boaz. No matter if you pursue or just wait around, there is no easy or best or most simple route. The right route is to make those steps and to ask God to order your steps, however, those steps might end up to be. In those two instances, they both made moves and also honored God in their decisions, that in turn not only glorified God but bless the lineage as well. The only disobedience when it comes to finding a mate, is where you choose someone you know will may you stray from God.

Interesting what you say about action on both parts...but here is the one question that I have...in all things, God calls us and we do our part by choosing to either obey or disobey His call. How do we know that God didn't direct Esther in some way that she was to be Queen, or Ruth to allow Boaz to pursue her and that both women weren't simply doing their part by being obedient to God's direction for them in their relationships? I'm sure that they didn't go out on their own independent and ahead of God's direction and leading and just let God "catch up with them later", if you know what I mean. It's really hard to put into words and maybe I'm making God out to be a puppeteer and us His puppets or a micromanager. I guess the best way to put it would be, how do we know that these women weren't doing something that God hadn't already directed and ordained for them to do involving the specific people He planned for them to be with, that they weren't following Him rather than getting ahead of Him and waiting for Him to catch up to them...hope that makes sense? Like, if God orders and directs our steps, then wouldn't He tell us every step to take and when to take it according to how He wants it? And I do apologize if I sound too uptight or altruistic or if I'm making things more complicated than they are...this is totally new territory for me and I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing.

 

[barefeetonholyground]

If God ultimately knows who we are going to marry, as He knows all things, and may even have someone in mind for us to marry and if the goal of dating/courting is ultimately to find a mate, then why should we even date at all? Why not just pray and continue to go forward in our sanctification while actively waiting, praying and trusting God to bring the right person to us at the right time? I would have to post the podcast of what they had been teaching us in church for this to be understood, but this is what I'm thinking...it seems like for a lot of reasons. courting/dating leads to more temptation and sin than godliness...why not just let God bring the person you're meant to be with to you and once it's confirmed that He wants you to be with them, date them and ONLY them so you can avoid some of the thornier issues that come with dating more than one person over the span of your single life? I'm talking things like emotional intimacy leftover from previous partners that could cause you to commit adultery in your thoughts once married, etc. Thoughts? To me, it just seems like seeking out a mate on your own, even if done keeping biblical commands and principles in mind, is disobedience because it's essentially telling God that you don't trust His plan for your future marriage.

Hi there!
Awesome questions.
I might have to break it down a little bit though, and please forgive me if I don't answer all of them.

If God ultimately knows who we are going to marry, as He knows all things, and may even have someone in mind for us to marry and if the goal of dating/courting is ultimately to find a mate, then why should we even date at all? Why not just pray and continue to go forward in our sanctification while actively waiting, praying and trusting God to bring the right person to us at the right time?

Plenty of people do this!
My sister and her husband are a great example of this.
Neither of them dated before meeting one another. Ever.
They reconnected as adults at the same camp they went to together in high school and rekindled their friendship there.
After realizing their interest in one another they both started praying about this before confessing their interest in one another.
Four months into officially "dating" they became engaged and spent eight months planning their wedding where they shared their first kiss.
They were one another's only because they chose to wait for someone God would bring to them.
For many in the Christian world, this was more "courting" than it was "dating."
Courting is clearly purposeful, and is specifically for the purpose of marriage whereas dating is less serious and is usually more emotionally and physically involved.

To me, it just seems like seeking out a mate on your own, even if done keeping biblical commands and principles in mind, is disobedience because it's essentially telling God that you don't trust His plan for your future marriage.

I'd be careful about passing this off as Biblical truth.
While this does have plenty of Biblical merit, it isn't explicitly commanded in Scripture.
Your mindset is something that falls more under the James 4:17 case.
For you, God has placed it in your heart to wait and it would be a sin for you to not wait because you have failed to do the good you are called to do.
Hope this helps and may God bless you in your wait for a spouse!

 

[Sketcher]

I wasn't able to delete to just the section that I wanted, so I apologize for the big wall of text...

I would respectfully have to counter your reasoning on the men pursuing the women part with this reasoning and I hope for an honest opinion as well...if God intends for you to be with someone and as a Christian you have the spirit's power and are living by the spirit, would He not also give you the desire to pursue the person He knows will respond to you? If God really does bring the two of you together, I feel like He would lead you in an undeniable way to pursue that person and confirm in an undeniable, unmissable way that the person you are desiring to be with is the one that you should pursue and on the end of the female, He would confirm to her in an undeniable way that this is the one whose advances she should respond to. He would still be bringing the two of you together in that He would cause your paths to cross somehow, but when the time came, He would instruct both on what to do...God is not the author of confusion, but peace and whenever He makes His will known, He does so in very clear ways so that there is no confusion. And also, when I say actively waiting, I was more referring to the process of being active by just going forward in your sanctification and working out your salvation and continuing the work you are already partnered in with God, being active in your walk with Christ. God technically does not need you to be in other relationships to prepare you for your future spouse...He is more than capable of doing that Himself. And even in the sense of "casually dating" and getting to know someone first, I feel like if God doesn't want you to get involved with them in a romantic way at all, He would make it very evident to you before you even started to causally date or take a serious interest in that person that you are not to do that, or else take away any interest in that person that you might start to develop before it gets serious enough that you want to pursue them. I guess I'm thinking in the context of doing this apart from God's leading and getting ahead of Him and trying to do it independently of Him as opposed to letting God order our steps and be obedient and submissive to His leading...I could be being too altruistic and too caught up in the ideal and definite, but those are my thoughts at the moment and I am totally open to any correction.

The problem with this is it assumes:

1) That God has the same level of will for your love life as he did for the revelation of his word via the prophets and Messiah. When we look at his will Biblically, we know that he has his purposes that he will make sure to accomplish, but he also has a permissive will. For instance, he purposed that Jesus would be born of a virgin, and grow up to declare his word by miracles and teaching, and be the atoning sacrifice for our sins. He was not going to let Herod kill him as a child. Yet, it is not God's will that people shed innocent blood either, and every boy around under 2 years old in Bethlehem was slaughtered. And it was also God's will for more of the Jews to repent and follow him (Ezekiel 18:30-32, Matthew 23:37-38) but that didn't happen. That was their fault. So he has a will for many things that people can and do mess up. Since whether to date someone or not will not be more morally imperative than believing on Jesus or not killing an innocent child, and since I have no revelation to tell me that he has a specific love plan for my life, I have to assume that love and dating are part of his permissive will, not his purposes.

2) This assumes that we will perfectly hear and obey when God speaks to us. That doesn't always happen. Lots of people have pulled a Jonah before.

God doesn't always lead us directly, even when he has a purpose. People too often expect that God will lead them like he lead Abraham or Jonah when sometimes it's more like Joseph (son of Jacob) being sold into Egypt or Priscilla and Aquilla's removal from Rome. God used that, but man's will and using one's mind in the face of those circumstances were a major part of it. Sometimes God leads you directly, other times it seems that life is just happening to you and he wants to use you where you are at. That means we need to use our minds and not wait for him to tell us to do things outside of what he has already revealed through Scripture. Which in the context of relationships today, allows for and sometimes requires dating.

 

[salt-n-light]

Interesting what you say about action on both parts...but here is the one question that I have...in all things, God calls us and we do our part by choosing to either obey or disobey His call. How do we know that God didn't direct Esther in some way that she was to be Queen, or Ruth to allow Boaz to pursue her and that both women weren't simply doing their part by being obedient to God's direction for them in their relationships? I'm sure that they didn't go out on their own independent and ahead of God's direction and leading and just let God "catch up with them later", if you know what I mean. It's really hard to put into words and maybe I'm making God out to be a puppeteer and us His puppets or a micromanager. I guess the best way to put it would be, how do we know that these women weren't doing something that God hadn't already directed and ordained for them to do involving the specific people He planned for them to be with, that they weren't following Him rather than getting ahead of Him and waiting for Him to catch up to them...hope that makes sense? Like, if God orders and directs our steps, then wouldn't He tell us every step to take and when to take it according to how He wants it? And I do apologize if I sound too uptight or altruistic or if I'm making things more complicated than they are...this is totally new territory for me and I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing.

Its also good to note that the book of Esther doesn't even mention the word God. But yet we understand that it is His will being played out. Not because Esther married the King, but because of its affect in the grander scheme, which was save Gods people and preserve the lineage for Jesus to come through.

He directs our steps but he doesn't force us to step. We do the steps. God gets glory no matter what we do, so like Esther uncle said, if Esther didn't step up God would have other ways to make His will happen. So in that light, we are important in terms of God's plan, but God's will doesn't start and end with us. Both of these women prayed for wisdom, Esther asked others to pray as well.Its more of if we see God's hand in something, are we willing to obey, or face the consequences of disobedience.

So smaller decision of marriage or no marriage doesn't matter. God's biggest concern is our salvation. He can allow a marriage to fail so that you can keep your salvation. He can allow no marriage at all just so that you can keep your salvation. Or he can allow a marriage to keep going. In any case, God provides opportunities but its always geared towards giving him glory.

To go back to whether or not God may have orchestrated situations in such a way where it ends up having Esther be the one to marry. But the plan and his Will is not contingent on her. But she was chosen because she had the right heart for the job and also of the lineage.

 

[thecolorsblend]

Hi everyone!

So, I don't know if I'm posting in the right forum on here and please forgive me if I'm wrong. I have a few questions on courting/dating that I would really appreciate some input on.

I'm a single, 24 year old female who is about to turn 25 and I have yet to be in a relationship with anyone. When I was younger, I had made the decision that I would not marry or have children because of witnessing my parents' very turbulent and sometimes even violent marriage growing up and my fear was that I would become a statistic and end up in something similar. Now, within the last few months, that has changed and I believe God has done a work in my heart to make me desire that and not fear it, as well as showing me that I don't have to end up the way my parents did just because I was a product of their union. That being said, I am now delving into an area that I have little to no knowledge about. At church, we just finished up a series on dating that we do every year and now it has me with more questions than answers. But here is what I seem to be seeing...

If God ultimately knows who we are going to marry, as He knows all things, and may even have someone in mind for us to marry and if the goal of dating/courting is ultimately to find a mate, then why should we even date at all? Why not just pray and continue to go forward in our sanctification while actively waiting, praying and trusting God to bring the right person to us at the right time? I would have to post the podcast of what they had been teaching us in church for this to be understood, but this is what I'm thinking...it seems like for a lot of reasons. courting/dating leads to more temptation and sin than godliness...why not just let God bring the person you're meant to be with to you and once it's confirmed that He wants you to be with them, date them and ONLY them so you can avoid some of the thornier issues that come with dating more than one person over the span of your single life? I'm talking things like emotional intimacy leftover from previous partners that could cause you to commit adultery in your thoughts once married, etc. Thoughts? To me, it just seems like seeking out a mate on your own, even if done keeping biblical commands and principles in mind, is disobedience because it's essentially telling God that you don't trust His plan for your future marriage.

Dating can serve many purposes.

For one, it can help you understand what you need in a relationship. This is an important step in recognizing what you need if/when you find it.

Second, I don't believe that everybody has a calling to get married. Some do, some don't. I personally can't think of a better way to discern a calling to marriage other than dating at least a little bit.

Good luck!

 

[Ttalkkugjil]

Hi everyone!

So, I don't know if I'm posting in the right forum on here and please forgive me if I'm wrong. I have a few questions on courting/dating that I would really appreciate some input on.

I'm a single, 24 year old female who is about to turn 25 and I have yet to be in a relationship with anyone. When I was younger, I had made the decision that I would not marry or have children because of witnessing my parents' very turbulent and sometimes even violent marriage growing up and my fear was that I would become a statistic and end up in something similar. Now, within the last few months, that has changed and I believe God has done a work in my heart to make me desire that and not fear it, as well as showing me that I don't have to end up the way my parents did just because I was a product of their union. That being said, I am now delving into an area that I have little to no knowledge about. At church, we just finished up a series on dating that we do every year and now it has me with more questions than answers. But here is what I seem to be seeing...

If God ultimately knows who we are going to marry, as He knows all things, and may even have someone in mind for us to marry and if the goal of dating/courting is ultimately to find a mate, then why should we even date at all? Why not just pray and continue to go forward in our sanctification while actively waiting, praying and trusting God to bring the right person to us at the right time? I would have to post the podcast of what they had been teaching us in church for this to be understood, but this is what I'm thinking...it seems like for a lot of reasons. courting/dating leads to more temptation and sin than godliness...why not just let God bring the person you're meant to be with to you and once it's confirmed that He wants you to be with them, date them and ONLY them so you can avoid some of the thornier issues that come with dating more than one person over the span of your single life? I'm talking things like emotional intimacy leftover from previous partners that could cause you to commit adultery in your thoughts once married, etc. Thoughts? To me, it just seems like seeking out a mate on your own, even if done keeping biblical commands and principles in mind, is disobedience because it's essentially telling God that you don't trust His plan for your future marriage.

Why go grocery shopping. Why not just pray that food will miraculously show up in your pantry.

 

[Tokitee]

Personally, I had a hard time believing in the courting system, because it made my best friend a little whacked when we started following it.
-that was hard to see, because I really liked him but it messed it up for us.

As long as there is no sex before marrying someone, and you aren't dating someone's wife or husband. You are good!

I was afraid to kiss him or hold hands because, I wouldn't be following the courting rules so enough said. It's weird in my book.