A preference for virginity

[CSMR]

Young man, I wish you good luck in FINDING one..!

It's hypocritical of men to complain there isn't any virgins around, when they've already "deflowered" most of them!

You shouldn't hold Letalis to blame for other men's crimes.

 

[CSMR]

Look, people have their preferences. They judge on appearance, manner, wealth, confidence, all sorts of things. You may say this is all wrong, but I think if you took all of these judgements away and replaced them with agape you wouldn't have marriage.
Forgive everyone, but forgiveness doesn't automatically create romantic feelings, or any other desire for marriage.
Joseph, identified immidiately as a Saint by Matthew (Joseph being a perfect man) was minded to put Mary away secretly when he found she was with child, not knowing it was of the Holy Ghost. So it is not unchristian not to want to marry a "fallen woman". On the other hand Hosea was told by God to marry an adulteress, so that is not unchristian either.

In the Anglican wedding service the man promises to love, comfort, honour, and keep. This is what I would want a marriage to involve; call me "old fashioned" if you like. These four things are not in themselves religious. Honour means to me that the woman should be honoured both privately and publically. But if she has lost her honour, then how can she be honoured? If someone is able to honour her, or accepts having a different sort of marriage, that is fine, and he shouldn't be criticised. But I see nothing objectionable with my view either.

 

[wild01]

What I find exasperating is the absolute morons (not naming any names) who have found someone they love who actually loves them back and are considering not marrying them because thay aren't a virgin.
Having actually lived life, I want to grab them by the shoulders, shake them, and explain how rare love is, it's like listen up IF YOU ARE LUCKY ENOUGH TO FIND LOVE, DON'T THROW IT AWAY BECAUSE LOVE IS RARE. I want to see those people who chose to split up over trivial things like this down the road and find out what they think once they realize that love isn't something that comes along every day.
end rant

 

[CSMR]

Love is very common.
Unchastity may be forgivable but is by no means a "trivial thing".

 

[wild01]

Love is very common.
Unchastity may be forgivable but is by no means a "trivial thing".

Lust is common, infatuation is common, true mutual love is not common. It also isn't self existant, it requires work and mutual compromise. And if someone has repented and turned their life over to God EVERYTHING they were before that IS trivial!

 

[gracefaith]

And if someone has repented and turned their life over to God EVERYTHING they were before that IS trivial!

Though God forgives us for the sins we commit, He doesn't always spare us the consequences of our actions.

Say, for example, a man lives a promiscuous life and then finds the Lord. He now is chaste, Godly, and a shining example of the love of Jesus Christ. He also has herpes. A contagious, incurable disease hardly seems trivial. Is it wrong for a woman to reject him a potential mate?

 

[wild01]

Though God forgives us for the sins we commit, He doesn't always spare us the consequences of our actions.

Say, for example, a man lives a promiscuous life and then finds the Lord. He now is chaste, Godly, and a shining example of the love of Jesus Christ. He also has herpes. A contagious, incurable disease hardly seems trivial. Is it wrong for a woman to reject him a potential mate?

I'll answer that question with a question. If you were in love with that man, would it be fair to either of you for you to decline to marry him because he has herpes? (please note I am assuming that he was totally upfront and honest with you from the start, otherwise I wouldn't catigorize him as "Godly, or shining")

I am also not trying to tell people to date non-virgins, Just if you do date non-virgins, don't use that as an excuse to not marry them. My original post was in reference to people who find love with someone who is not perfect and use those flaws as an excuse to mistreat that person.

original post "who have found someone they love who actually loves them back and are considering not marrying them because thay aren't a virgin."

 

[fuzzyh]

You know, I struggled with this same issue. The very first thing is make sure you know about God's will when it comes to marriage. I was a virgin when I got married physically speaking. Although, I was addicted to inappropriate contentography for a long time. Though, I was a hypocrite and only wanted a virgin. When I came back to the Lord, He had to change my thinking. The biggest thing that he told me was that I could hope and pray for a virgin, but forgiveness is necessary too. I basically got to the point where virginity isn't as important as a girl's heart.

When I met my wife, I found out that she wasn't a virgin a while into our relationship. She wasn't proud of those things. She certainly was remorseful; she cried when she told me. Her heart was in the right place and God really worked things together for us. There is no doubt in my mind God brought her there. There are times when she has that baggage crop up, but you know I love her. I'm here to take care of her through good and bad.

One last thing. Hosea was called to marry an unfaithful woman. How many of you would be willing to do that? It doesn't come down to whether or not a woman is faithful, but rather if you submit your will to God. Also, make sure the woman has a heart for God.

 

[Sam Gamgee]

I do not care if the person I fall in love with is a virgin or not.

It's just not an importatant criteria for me.

 

[DailyBlessings]

I can't imagine it is much worse than selecting a mate based on appearance....

 

[miraclewatcher]

God forgives us, why can't we forgive others?

 

[waterbear]

Forgiving someone has nothing to do with willingness to consider someone a potential spouse. If person A and person B are in a relationship and person A cheats on person B, person B should forgive person A, but this does not imply that the relationship then continues.

 

[DaddysLittleGirl]

If a person can't handle the fact that their spouse, at one time, rubbed some body parts against another person's body parts, this person needs to rethink their capability of having a relationship in the first place. If the "thought of" making love to someone who has already made love to another is enough to make you cringe, don't be surprised when, due to the fact that she has made many mistakes in her past (or CHILDHOOD/TEEN years), she is forced to either 1. Lie to you about her past
or
2. Tell you and be thrown to the curb
or
3. Tell you and you make both of your lives a living

Basically, you have a choice. Get past this insane obsession with virginity (especially in this day and age, no matter what kind of good Christian you were raised to be) or live life as a miserable hermit/unhappily married man/deceived married man.

Now, before I finish, I might add that it is entirely possible that you might find a virginal mate for marriage. However, there are a few things you should know.
1. Buying a car without taking a test drive is risky business.
2. You MIGHT be able to fall in love with someone you KNOW is not a virgin, and it might happen before you can stop it.
3. You might end up sleeping with someone before you marry them, and then criticize THEM for a weakness YOU inspired.

All I'm saying is: I wish you good luck in your pursuit of the "pure", white bride. On the other hand, it might not be so entirely necessary (or helpful) to place so much emphasis on a little nookie.

Love,
Jamie

 

[DaddysLittleGirl]

Can someone please tell me which verse quotes the thing about having to be married first before you have sex?


Thanks!


Love,
Jamie

 

[waterbear]

If a person can't handle the fact that their spouse, at one time, rubbed some body parts against another person's body parts, this person needs to rethink their capability of having a relationship in the first place.

Thus someone who wouldn't stay with an adulterer should rethink their capability of having a relationship in the first place? After all they only rubbed some body parts against another person's body parts.

If the "thought of" making love to someone who has already made love to another is enough to make you cringe, don't be surprised when, due to the fact that she has made many mistakes in her past (or CHILDHOOD/TEEN years), she is forced to either

Recent studies show childhood sex isn't that common - 50% of girls at 18 claimed to be virgins.

1. Lie to you about her past
or

Why would be more inclined to lie about this variety of adultry and not the more conventional variety? There'd seem to be more incentive to lie to someone you've been with many years rather than lie to someone you've known a couple weeks. I don't see trust this scenario happening that much.

2. Tell you and be thrown to the curb
or

A virgin-only dater would presumably get her virginity status prior to dating, or as soon as possible when dating. A week long relationship gone, oh well.

3. Tell you and you make both of your lives a living

Which is why it's best to simply state one's dating preferences and let her response (or lack thereof) indicate her virginity status. I've used this approach before with success.

Basically, you have a choice. Get past this insane obsession with virginity (especially in this day and age, no matter what kind of good Christian you were raised to be) or live life as a miserable hermit/unhappily married man/deceived married man.

Virgins aren't that rare, they just don't get much publicity. We hear people talk about sex, but we won't hear virgins talk about not having sex The media also makes-believes that all couples have sex, but I've known virgins who had been in long-term relationships and many couples on CF still claim virginity:

http://www.christianforums.com/t1198732-who-is-a-virgin-in-here.html

1. Buying a car without taking a test drive is risky business.

This is a cute excuse - everytime I've seen it incompatiblity really wasn't the reason why the relationship ended. I suppose the debate equivalent of this statement is "You don't know what you miss by not being in a virgin-virgin relationship."

Besides, if you know yourself pretty well you know what you want.

2. You MIGHT be able to fall in love with someone you KNOW is not a virgin, and it might happen before you can stop it.

I don't consider anyone in a romantic context until she says she's a virgin - this is as likely to happen as me falling in love with a married woman.

3. You might end up sleeping with someone before you marry them, and then criticize THEM for a weakness YOU inspired.

If you really believe something is wrong, it won't happen - this doesn't appear to happen because people let themselves re-reason their position, but reasoning serves to advance your interests so it's not consistent.

 

[waterbear]

Can someone please tell me which verse quotes the thing about having to be married first before you have sex?


Thanks!


Love,
Jamie

I may be corrected on this. Jesus in the New Testament frequently refers to sexual immorality as a sin. As the audience was often Jewish, sexual immorality would be sexual immorality as defined in the Old Testament. There are passages in the Old Testament that equate sex with marriage and fornication as sin (Deuteronomy).

 

[DaddysLittleGirl]

I may be corrected on this. Jesus in the New Testament frequently refers to sexual immorality as a sin. As the audience was often Jewish, sexual immorality would be sexual immorality as defined in the Old Testament. There are passages in the Old Testament that equate sex with marriage and fornication as sin (Deuteronomy).

I would prefer a verse that is more specific, such as: Thou must be maritally entwined before knowing one another, LOL. JK. Um, the "sexual immorality" could mean having many partners, prostitution, incest, or adultery. That's not "having sex.... with someone you like". Thanks, though!


Let's keep looking.

Jamie

 

[DaddysLittleGirl]

Thus someone who wouldn't stay with an adulterer should rethink their capability of having a relationship in the first place? After all they only rubbed some body parts against another person's body parts.



Recent studies show childhood sex isn't that common - 50% of girls at 18 claimed to be virgins.



Why would be more inclined to lie about this variety of adultry and not the more conventional variety? There'd seem to be more incentive to lie to someone you've been with many years rather than lie to someone you've known a couple weeks. I don't see trust this scenario happening that much.



A virgin-only dater would presumably get her virginity status prior to dating, or as soon as possible when dating. A week long relationship gone, oh well.



Which is why it's best to simply state one's dating preferences and let her response (or lack thereof) indicate her virginity status. I've used this approach before with success.



Virgins aren't that rare, they just don't get much publicity. We hear people talk about sex, but we won't hear virgins talk about not having sex The media also makes-believes that all couples have sex, but I've known virgins who had been in long-term relationships and many couples on CF still claim virginity:

http://www.christianforums.com/t1198732-who-is-a-virgin-in-here.html




This is a cute excuse - everytime I've seen it incompatiblity really wasn't the reason why the relationship ended. I suppose the debate equivalent of this statement is "You don't know what you miss by not being in a virgin-virgin relationship."

Besides, if you know yourself pretty well you know what you want.



I don't consider anyone in a romantic context until she says she's a virgin - this is as likely to happen as me falling in love with a married woman.



If you really believe something is wrong, it won't happen - this doesn't appear to happen because people let themselves re-reason their position, but reasoning serves to advance your interests so it's not consistent.

A virgin-only dater would presumably get her virginity status prior to dating, or as soon as possible when dating. A week long relationship gone, oh well.

LOLOL, You've GOT to be kidding. You believe everyone tells the truth about everything??? Okie dokie, hey man, it's your world. Let's move on to the very first thing you responded to in this post: staying with an adulterer. Hmmm... didn't say that. I DID say to stay with the person who's --- awww shucks --- had a sexual experience before you came along, but now wants to commit to you, who perhaps likes you so much that she's willing to lie about her past, or perhaps compulsively lies about her past because of the direct virginity question aimed at her with little empathy.

(P.S. What ENDS exactly am I going for? I already have a husband, so who cares if any of you other Christians get married, or do it happily? These are just thoughts I'm sharing, there's no agenda. It's not like I have a product to sell or a date to catch.)

Anyway, a past of adultery would 1. indicate that this person is untrustworthy in a relationship and willing to sacrifice trust with another person and betray them in order to satisfy sexual interests. Of course this isn't a good quality for a date. 2. show that you can't trust them in the future to keep their genitals to themselves. Probably best to leave this fish in the water. But what does ADULTERY (betrayal of your spouse) have to do with sexual experience (teenage experimentation)?

Recent studies show childhood sex isn't that common - 50% of girls at 18 claimed to be virgins.

I can't disagree with your statistic; I know nothing about them. But, here's the thing... we're not talking about the huge percentage of girls who ARE virgins, we're talking about the MINUTE percentage of those who are NOT.
Whoo, glad we got that cleared up.

Why would be more inclined to lie about this variety of adultry and not the more conventional variety? There'd seem to be more incentive to lie to someone you've been with many years rather than lie to someone you've known a couple weeks. I don't see trust this scenario happening that much.
The "scenario of lying" happens because people LIE. End of story. "Happening that much"? Ever watch TV?? No, I mean, EVER???? And... psst... chicks lie. Might want to rethink that whole virgin statistic, too. You know statistics aren't accumulated through osmosis or telepathy, right? It's a survey. They answered the questions. You have apparently NEVER heard of "the halo effect"? I'll let you look that one up, too.

As sure as I am that a virgin virgin relationship is the place to be... I am telling you NOW that, whether you like it or not, sex is a big part of a relationship. People try to refute it, but sex is one of the primitive urges we have as humans, equivalent to hunger, thirst, urinary necessity; if you have no sex, you don't die or have physical ailments; you do, however, shrink mentally AND physically into a recessive (receding type of recessive) state which is unhealthy. That is why, once you have intercourse after a long period of time, your... hallelujahs happen rather quickly/immediately.
At any rate, (please look these things up before you refute them. thank you. --- nothing more embarrassing than uneducated minds spouting "truths" they "know" when they haven't done research.) we look to our partners to fulfill this primitive, innate urge for us; therefore, if they are horrible lovers, or don't like to do the stuff that gets us singing, or whatever, they WILL BE RESENTED. RESENTMENT, regardless of what you may think, is NOT conducive to a healthy, flourishing relationship.

Ok, that's all I had to say.

Shoot 'em back on me, kid!!
(Just don't repeat yourself!)

Love,
Jamie

 

[CSMR]

I would prefer a verse that is more specific, such as: Thou must be maritally entwined before knowing one another, LOL. JK. Um, the "sexual immorality" could mean having many partners, prostitution, incest, or adultery. That's not "having sex.... with someone you like". Thanks, though!


Let's keep looking.

Jamie

Gen 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
The question of whether becoming "one flesh" means that the other is already his wife is not totally clear. To a large extent it is a question of semantics. Certainly there is the obligation to marry, if there is not already a marriage. (Deuteronomy 22:23-34)
For more detailed study I recommend Instone Brewer's work. For instance:
http://www.tyndale.cam.ac.uk/Brewer/PPages/DRB/Book/index.htm

 

[CSMR]

But what does ADULTERY (betrayal of your spouse) have to do with sexual experience (teenage experimentation)?

Well I am not the person you replied to (I think he used adultery to show that some arguments you presented are faulty) but if I may:
They are both sins, in fact they are hardly distinguishable from each other as sins, one merging into the other. They both indicate absence of faith; they are both expressions of hatred of God and of others.