A preference for virginity

[gracefaith]

In the courting couple forum as of late, the preference to marry or date only a virgin has been a hot topic of discussion. It seems that some believe that it is un-Christian to discriminate in this regard when seeking a mate.

What do you think? Is is un-Christian to prefer to only marry a virgin? Does the preference reveal a lack of forgiveness for those who have fallen in the past but are now chaste?

 

[Letalis]

In the courting couple forum as of late, the preference to marry or date only a virgin has been a hot topic of discussion. It seems that some believe that it is un-Christian to discriminate in this regard when seeking a mate.

What do you think? Is is un-Christian to prefer to only marry a virgin? Does the preference reveal a lack of forgiveness for those who have fallen in the past but are now chaste?

It is very Christian to marry a virgin. There's nothing wrong with it.

 

[revrobor]

In the courting couple forum as of late, the preference to marry or date only a virgin has been a hot topic of discussion. It seems that some believe that it is un-Christian to discriminate in this regard when seeking a mate.

What do you think? Is is un-Christian to prefer to only marry a virgin? Does the preference reveal a lack of forgiveness for those who have fallen in the past but are now chaste?

IMO, as far as guys are concerned, I believe it's more of an ego thing ("I want to be the first" or "I want one that waited for me") and, yes, it does show a lack of forgiveness. My wife had multiple sex partners before we married and it has never been an issue for me. Last month we celebrated our 35th anniversary.

 

[merryheart]

Well, I guess it would be a part of the whole.

Are you looking for someone who is perfect?
If you found a perfect person, would you be a fit spouse for them?
Would forgiven and repented of sexual sin be harder to live with than some other sin? why?

 

[billwald]

I suppose it is a "top dog" syndrome. The male doesn't want the female to be able to compare his sexual prowness with that of another male.

 

[billwald]

On the other hand, it claimed that 30% (?) of all females have some kind of STD. Glad that I am not a young person now. How does an adult choose a person for any kind of contact sport?

 

[loribee59]

It is very Christian to marry a virgin. There's nothing wrong with it.

It is also very Christian to forgive the person who had a "past".

I wouldn't want to marry a man who would hold it against me that I wasn't the "first". Why would I want to satify his ego? By the same token, I also don't want to marry a man who was indiscriminate in his sexual "conquests" I contracted STD, and I think I'll be a LOT more careful with men from that point on.

 

[loribee59]

On the other hand, it claimed that 30% (?) of all females have some kind of STD. Glad that I am not a young person now. How does an adult choose a person for any kind of contact sport?

The only place they ever got STD in the first place was from men who "shared" it. I never had STD until I was 30, and I got it from my first boyfriend who was unfaithful to me behind my back.

 

[Letalis]

It is also very Christian to forgive the person who had a "past".

I wouldn't want to marry a man who would hold it against me that I wasn't the "first". Why would I want to satify his ego? By the same token, I also don't want to marry a man who was indiscriminate in his sexual "conquests" I contracted STD, and I think I'll be a LOT more careful with men from that point on.

I would be able to forgive the person. But I wouldn't want to be close to the person. If I've waited, and she hasn't, well what's up with that? It's my right to choose a virgin who has been saving herself just as I have. I could never think of being close with someone who has been close with someone else. It would feel wrong.

 

[AngelusSax]

I wasn't the first for my SO. And I have no problem being close to her at all. What's past is past. I know she feels sorry enough for it, I don't need to rub it in or anything. The only thing that matters is now.

 

[loribee59]

I would be able to forgive the person. But I wouldn't want to be close to the person. If I've waited, and she hasn't, well what's up with that? It's my right to choose a virgin who has been saving herself just as I have. I could never think of being close with someone who has been close with someone else. It would feel wrong.

Young man, I wish you good luck in FINDING one..!

It's hypocritical of men to complain there isn't any virgins around, when they've already "deflowered" most of them!

As for you to forgive, yet hold it against them, then I'd say you have some TRUST issues. Like I said earlier, I wouldn't want a man who holds the past against me. Yes, I'd be honest with him, and if he feels the need to protect himself, that's fine. If he feels the need to condemn me, then he's out the door.

 

[makkulu]

I don't think it is "unchristian" to want to marry a virgin. There are a whole bunch of reasons why it is a great thing to desire in a spouse - two virgins marrying is the original ideal after all, to be able to be literally exclusive and faithful to one person your whole life is awesome. As I mentioned in at least one and probably two of the other threads, I only have a problem with a "virgin only" requirement if it is held for judgemental or ungracious reasons. But that judgementalism is actually a separate issue.

From one of the other threads, there was a post seeming to indicate that a preference for a virgin was an unpopular opinion in the thread. Well, I don't see anything wrong with that hope in and of itself. I, for one, would like to marry a virgin. But it's not a make or break issue for me... and even if it IS a make or break issue for someone else, I don't have a problem with that or think it is unchristian as long as it isn't out of the judgemental type of motivation or something inconsistent with how we are to live as brothers and sisters with equal righteousness and purity in Christ, regardless of our sexual histories - and we all have those!

Makk

 

[merryheart]

I don't think it is "unchristian" to want to marry a virgin. There are a whole bunch of reasons why it is a great thing to desire in a spouse - two virgins marrying is the original ideal after all, to be able to be literally exclusive and faithful to one person your whole life is awesome. As I mentioned in at least one and probably two of the other threads, I only have a problem with a "virgin only" requirement if it is held for judgemental or ungracious reasons. But that judgementalism is actually a separate issue.

From one of the other threads, there was a post seeming to indicate that a preference for a virgin was an unpopular opinion in the thread. Well, I don't see anything wrong with that hope in and of itself. I, for one, would like to marry a virgin. But it's not a make or break issue for me... and even if it IS a make or break issue for someone else, I don't have a problem with that or think it is unchristian as long as it isn't out of the judgemental type of motivation or something inconsistent with how we are to live as brothers and sisters with equal righteousness and purity in Christ, regardless of our sexual histories - and we all have those!

Makk

Very sensible

 

[onajourney87]

There is no command in Scripture against marrying a non-virgin.

In our world today, marrying a non-virgin is rather likely to happen.

And if we are honest, all of us are not exactly virgins. Sure some of us have never had sex with another person physically, but we've all lusted over someone which Christ said was the same thing. So this, "I've waited so I deserve someone else who has waited" is, quite frankly, a bunch of bunk; you haven't waited, and you don't even deserve to be married.

osm

 

[Katydid]

I believe there are very real concerns in marrying someone who is not a virgin. Firstly, the problems with "baggage" as it is called. Bad relationships, trust issues, the fear that may be involved in the thought that you MAY be compared with someone prior. These are all things that CAN effect a marriage. It is not unforgiving, but definately a true concern. If you are confident that it won't affect you, then good for you, but don't marry someone if you believe that these issues will harm the relationship. For someone to judge others on what they look for in a mate, then they are wrong. I am sorry, but that is like saying that it is wrong not to be willing to marry a wife abuser just because you are being unforgiving. I gaurantee it will cause problems in THAT marriage, and that is not for anyone else to judge.



makkulu, my husband was wondering what your avatar is and what it means. He likes it, but wants to know if it means anything.

 

[makkulu]

Katydid,
My avatar is a symbol of the Trinity. I love it, and am glad I am not the only one

Makk

 

[Katydid]

OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!!! Now I SEE IT! One line makes three different shapes all connected and intertwined. Too COOL!!

 

[AquaFINEa]

There is no command in Scripture against marrying a non-virgin.

In our world today, marrying a non-virgin is rather likely to happen.

And if we are honest, all of us are not exactly virgins. Sure some of us have never had sex with another person physically, but we've all lusted over someone which Christ said was the same thing.

This is very true. I, myself, am physically a virgin, but I most definately have had some impure thoughts in my day -many, in fact. I agree with those who've stated that the past is indeed the past, though. In the Bible, it states that if one says that they love the Lord yet do not forgive their brother, they cannot love God -for, how can they, having been forgiven, not forgive their fellow brother or sister? This does not make sense -and it is not love. Love keeps no record of wrongs.
If a person has repented of their sins and have asked the Lord to forgive him or her, who are you to cast your judgment on him or her? Have you not sinned at all in your life?
I am, however, open enough to admit that I can see potential for problems to arise in marriages where a husband and wife had differing sexual pasts (one, having had a sexual past that included even one sexual partner -the other, a virgin). But, that is not to say that it still couldn't work out. Indeed, there are many issues in marriages that can cause strife -but just because there are personal issues, that does not mean the marriage is therefore doomed. Forgiveness, grace, mercy and love are all a part of different kinds of relationships -marriages, as well.


God bless!

 

[Mirelys]

Interesting question.

I was a virgin when we were married, but my husband was not (he'd had sex with one other girl, and done stuff with quite a few). I never considered it a deal-breaker; I loved him, and he had so much sorrow over it. It has caused problems for us in the bedroom, as the girls he'd been with were quite experienced and I'm still learning (we've only been married a year), but it's nothing we can't work through.

Actually, I'm much more bothered by his only other serious emotional relationship (though they didn't have sex). I see her around town sometimes, and though she is a very sweet girl I still want to rip her face off...because she rejected him. Does that make sense? Lol it's late.

Anyway, back on topic, I second the "cautious yet non-judgemental" approach: If it's something you can't deal with, go your separate ways, but don't think you're better than them, because everyone's made mistakes. The only reason I didn't make that particular mistake was through the grace of God and my mom's excellent Biblical teaching.

 

[Celticflower]

I was a virgin when I first met the man I married, but not on my wedding day. I will say my husband is the only man I have been with. He on the other hand had a past. It never caused any problems for us. As wise old Rafiki says "it is in the past, it doesn't matter".What I find interesting is, when people talk about virgins they usually only mean the females. Why is this? Often it is like, if a girl has a past it's a terrible thing, but if it is a guy then it's wink, wink, nudge, nudge, way to go dude.

Whether either person in the relationship is or is not a virgin is an issue for only those two people. If it is insurmountable, then the relationship ends. If it is a non-issue, or is dead and buried they will be able to stay together. And I'd pray that was the worst issue they would have to face together!

Celtie