"a man must provide for the needs of his family" ....but what if you can't?

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Sunset2009

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@Crosscheck- Exactly. Especially when the Bible teaches that a woman (who has a family)'s first priority is her husband, children and home. I have done hands-on work, and worked more power tools and lifted more heavy things in a day than your average grown man does in several months (if he has one of those office jobs). I have also taken care of a house and a 2-year old for an entire day. The housework was harder. Mooching? How is a woman taking care of a man's home, and children, MOOCHING?! Wow.

I can see what you're saying about kids in public school. But I plan to homeschool because I don't want a government system raising my kids.

Goodbye.
 
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this isn't a spin-off (although it could be) of SonicBoom's thread, but it's an issue that i've thought about lately nonetheless. here's my situation. im jobless atm and working odd jobs to try to stay afloat. tonight at the church christmas party someone gave me a significant amount of money. is it wrong to feel guilty? would I have been in the wrong to not accept it?

has anyone been in this situation that would be willing to shed some advice my way, please?


Do you need the money? If you do, then by refusing it you would have been refusing the giver an act of charity. I certainly understand not wanting to feel like we need charity, but most people will require some help at one time or another.
 
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trentlogain2

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Do you need the money? If you do, then by refusing it you would have been refusing the giver an act of charity. I certainly understand not wanting to feel like we need charity, but most people will require some help at one time or another.
Good point. I will keep it just in case something comes up.

Next question: Would turning around and giving ANY of that money to more needy people be out of line?
 
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K9_Trainer

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Women were indeed property.

Also gotta consider that getting married was necessary for women back then. They couldn't survive on their own.....Not because they were incapable as a person or individual, but because there was nothing for them to do to earn money. A woman trying to live alone and work among men was in severe danger of being raped. A woman was her father's until she got married, and then she became her husband. She was always going to be the responsibility of a man. The whole men working, women staying at home was quite cultural IMO.

This isn't the case at all today. Women can work now, women can provide for themselves, women are responsible for themselves. If a woman wants to be a SAHM, thats fine, she should be looking for a husband that brings in at least enough income for himself, her and kids. Thats only logical. But for those who don't aspire to be a SAHM, for those that want to work and enjoy working, how well a man can provide financially isn't really much of an issue.

I was never after a man who can provide financial security or physical security. I can take care of myself and would feel 100% safe alone. I'm after emotional fulfillment. I want somebody to share my life with that I can love and cherish and serve.
 
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@Crosscheck- Exactly. Especially when the Bible teaches that a woman (who has a family)'s first priority is her husband, children and home. I have done hands-on work, and worked more power tools and lifted more heavy things in a day than your average grown man does in several months (if he has one of those office jobs). I have also taken care of a house and a 2-year old for an entire day. The housework was harder. Mooching? How is a woman taking care of a man's home, and children, MOOCHING?! Wow.

I can see what you're saying about kids in public school. But I plan to homeschool because I don't want a government system raising my kids.

Goodbye.

Yeah, and the hardest work I've ever done was staying a resort in Jamaica.

Which is why parents that want to homeschool should have to pass teacher certifications.
 
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Good point. I will keep it just in case something comes up.

Next question: Would turning around and giving ANY of that money to more needy people be out of line?

I don't see any reason why it would be out of line to help someone out if you are in a position to do it. If you and your neighbor were hungry and someone gave you a sandwich would be out of line to split it with your neighbor?
 
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trentlogain2

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I don't see any reason why it would be out of line to help someone out if you are in a position to do it. If you and your neighbor were hungry and someone gave you a sandwich would be out of line to split it with your neighbor?
Not at all. I just hope that in any case like that I would know I was being led by The Spirit.
 
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Wow. You need educated.


I'm curious, do you have a sound grasp of Trigonometry or Calculus? Or even Algebra for that matter? I took trig and calc at the high school and college levels, I certainly don't remember enough from either of those subjects to teach them to anyone else. Let alone someone that never grasped them at all. Sure, there are some highly educated parents that do a much better job with their children's education than a school system can do. However, way too many homeschooled kids are not learning what they need because the parents "wanna kep dat der gubiment out o' my life."
 
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caribassett

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@ OP,
Never give up on God or his plans for you, OK? He may have the perfect wife for you in HIS timing.

As to you concerns, please continue to treat any mental health problems. We would not let our diabetes or other illness go untreated, so please never hesitate to treat your illness :)

As to the financial aspect, I can not speak for those you have met, but many, many people do not judge a person on money. Many will look at your strength in Faith, your joyful countenance, your compassion.

God will provide according to his will. The wife can also learn to spend within her budget, no need to have boundless finances.

Your post seemed sad, and as though you have given up, and I hope that is not so. Have faith, and strength in God, and trust Him to provide, and all will be well in His perfect timing.
 
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LadyL

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@ OP,
Never give up on God or his plans for you, OK? He may have the perfect wife for you in HIS timing.

As to you concerns, please continue to treat any mental health problems. We would not let our diabetes or other illness go untreated, so please never hesitate to treat your illness :)

As to the financial aspect, I can not speak for those you have met, but many, many people do not judge a person on money. Many will look at your strength in Faith, your joyful countenance, your compassion.

God will provide according to his will. The wife can also learn to spend within her budget, no need to have boundless finances.

Your post seemed sad, and as though you have given up, and I hope that is not so. Have faith, and strength in God, and trust Him to provide, and all will be well in His perfect timing.
:clap:
 
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ido

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Good catch Flnativegrl. 1 Timothy 5:8 speaks to widows and elders. Nonetheless, Sunset2009 mentioned the key point here by stating it "also applies spiritually and emotionally"

Look at these excerpts from Matthew 6:
"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth...For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also...

No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money...

So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."​


That's a great passage. :)


I believe Flnativegrl sums it up very well here. If the priorities and focus on God are not harmonious in a relationship, there is a tendency to feel slighted and under-appreciated. Financial strife is still the #1 cause of divorce and that's so disheartening. I think what happens in these relationships is one or the other (or neither) are not walking with God so they're pulling out of each other. They feel incomplete and overwhelmed with a destructive sense of vindication. "I'm doing this, and you're not doing that." I'm making this, and you're not making that." Conversely, when both are walking with God and in fellowship with Him, the inclination is to simply love the other person unconditionally. You want to pour into them and serve them. In this kind of relationship, God will always show favor and provide blessings.

QFT and beautifully stated, Revived. :)
 
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Rocklee

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this isn't a spin-off (although it could be) of SonicBoom's thread, but it's an issue that i've thought about lately nonetheless. here's my situation. im jobless atm and working odd jobs to try to stay afloat. tonight at the church christmas party someone gave me a significant amount of money. is it wrong to feel guilty? would I have been in the wrong to not accept it?

has anyone been in this situation that would be willing to shed some advice my way, please?

Someone wants to help you, and you can either accept it to enjoy life a little better by going to posh restaurants, buy expensive toys or you can use it to increase your chances for a better job so that you can pay it back to that person.
 
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bluelime2

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But I will say that some christian men are very very poor..... and over-looked and dismissed.

honestly..... why is this the 1# dealbreaker for christian women?

Actually it isn't. The 1# dealbreaker overall for christian women is men who claim to be better christians then they actually are.

How about the christian guys who overlook the honest but plainer girls for a better looking wife?

Trophey seekers attract gold diggers and vice versa. And that isn't necessarily even financially or anything to do with possessions. It can be just as true of perceived success.
 
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b.hopeful

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When I met my husband we were in high school..both working part time jobs at Target for spending cash. I fell in love with a kid....I had no idea how that would play out 20 years later. When I married him he was an E-2 in the military(which means he was poor) and I was a student. I moved to be with him and put school on hold so I could work full time. I joke that if I was a gold digger...I was hunting small game. I was actually on par with his salary for a long time. Then we had a child. Things changed. His love for his family pushed him to do better. My love for my family pushed me to see the bigger picture and be as supportive as I could. My husband got out of the military. We bought our first house when he was making less than 30k. I made every dollar he earned stretch to feel like 5. When he went back to school I took on part time work to make up for the hours he had to scale back. I watched my niece as well as our daughter by day...and on the evenings he didn't have class I worked. He graduated and the family income has increased steadily over the years and the hard work in the beginning has paid off for us. If he lost his job tomorrow...I would work..happily. Whatever my family needs, I'll give it. And it's not a hard thing to swallow when you know that your spouse would do whatever it took to provide as well.

Did I want a man that would financially support his family on his own? No, I wanted a man that would give 100% of himself to the needs of the family...and would expect the same from me.

Oh..and ditto Revived and Flnative,lol. They said it beautifully.
 
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Someone wants to help you, and you can either accept it to enjoy life a little better by going to posh restaurants, buy expensive toys or you can use it to increase your chances for a better job so that you can pay it back to that person.

The good of charity is in giving, not loaning. Loaning is not charity at all.
 
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SonicBOOM

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How about the christian guys who overlook the honest but plainer girls for a better looking wife?

Trophey seekers attract gold diggers and vice versa. And that isn't necessarily even financially or anything to do with possessions. It can be just as true of perceived success.

this is defently a problem..... and one that is worth being ticked off about. All I can say is that not all men are like this :)

here's something that should give the girls hope :) I honestly, truthfully, find the "plainer" girls more attractive in every way.... including, expecaully physically.

I have found the reason for me personally is that the magazines and all that jazz paint a very unrealistic veiw of a perfect woman.... so I think somewhere deep in my heart I KNOW it's not real. so when I see a "normal" girl.... i'm more attracted to her because she's much more real.... and much more alive. Good and alive men want a living breathing woman. One who can breathe and feel. And i'll be a little bluntly honest here..... when I get married and make love for the first time..... one of the things i'm gonna look forward to the most is knowing that she is feeling the same exact thing I am.
 
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mochamajesty

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honestly this distresses me. I have come from a very poor family [unchristian as well] and I probably will end up falling in their footsteps..... I just can not make a super lot amount of money and my emotional and mental issues even make working incredibly difficult for me [not impossible mind you].

Now I'm not saying a godly man is a 30 year old man who lives with his mommy. But I will say that some christian men are very very poor..... and over-looked and dismissed.

honestly..... why is this the 1# dealbreaker for christian women? It makes me feel like you want me only for my wallet. It makes me SCARED to make alot of money for fear of attracting gold-diggers who use the "provide for the needs of the family" to excuse their selfishness. If this is really all it comes down to is money? I think i'd rather not marry.

thoughts?

Perhaps you have been meeting the wrong Christian women. :)

*blind post*

Men are supposed to be the spiritual head of the family, not the breadwinner. That being said, I personally do not want to support a man who is able to work yet refuses to do so.

That does not sound like you, though. I don't know what your issues are, but if you do what is humanly possible, God can do the rest. I know this for a fact. :)
 
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lostaquarium

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When I met my husband we were in high school..both working part time jobs at Target for spending cash. I fell in love with a kid....I had no idea how that would play out 20 years later. When I married him he was an E-2 in the military(which means he was poor) and I was a student. I moved to be with him and put school on hold so I could work full time. I joke that if I was a gold digger...I was hunting small game. I was actually on par with his salary for a long time. Then we had a child. Things changed. His love for his family pushed him to do better. My love for my family pushed me to see the bigger picture and be as supportive as I could. My husband got out of the military. We bought our first house when he was making less than 30k. I made every dollar he earned stretch to feel like 5. When he went back to school I took on part time work to make up for the hours he had to scale back. I watched my niece as well as our daughter by day...and on the evenings he didn't have class I worked. He graduated and the family income has increased steadily over the years and the hard work in the beginning has paid off for us. If he lost his job tomorrow...I would work..happily. Whatever my family needs, I'll give it. And it's not a hard thing to swallow when you know that your spouse would do whatever it took to provide as well.

Did I want a man that would financially support his family on his own? No, I wanted a man that would give 100% of himself to the needs of the family...and would expect the same from me.

Oh..and ditto Revived and Flnative,lol. They said it beautifully.
:clap:
 
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