Trigger Warning A Lot of Trauma

[Realizer]

Two years ago a lot happened. My boyfriend at the time emotionally abused me and used me and most likely cheated on me (high suspicions, no physical proof). Same year, I was in a car accident, and almost watched my roommate’s dog die (she’s alive and well, which I’m so so so happy about).

That same year it all caught up with me. Trauma set in whenever my now husband got close to me as a friend wanting to be more. I ended up leaving and going to my parents without telling him because I felt like killing myself and living alone was just dangerous. He was patient with me and I had so much to deal with. I’m doing better-ish now, but I’m still dealing with stuff.

I can’t afford therapy regularly even on insurance, and I guess I’d like to know how others have coped with trauma from emotional abuse and other things?

 

[Tolworth John]

how others have coped with trauma from emotional abuse and other things?

Never mind how others have copied.

Two years after being abused you married a man, who you I'll not talk to.
May I suggest you talk to your pastor's wife about what has happened in the past and about what is happening now.
With her and her husband's help you have to start talking to your husband.
If he loves you he will understand, but he can only understand if you start talking to him.

All therapy is is you talking about your problems.

With your minister and his wife you will be able to talk and pray about what has happened and talk and pray about resolving the broken relationship with your husband.

It will not be easy as things you have hidden will havecto be brought into the light and your emotions etc dealt with.

Your options are do nothing and get divorced, try to have a relationship with your husband, but because ther tre unresolved issues it will end in divorce or seek to deal with the issues, to be open and honest with your husband, with help from others.
There is no guarantee everything will work out. All you can do is seek to resolve them.

That is far better than waiting for everything to exloded in your face.

 

[Brightmoon]

YouTube has licenced therapists explaining how to cope with narcissistic abuse and how to avoid it . This is one of them . This is a photo , you’ll have to google

 

[Scann]

Two years ago a lot happened. My boyfriend at the time emotionally abused me and used me and most likely cheated on me (high suspicions, no physical proof). Same year, I was in a car accident, and almost watched my roommate’s dog die (she’s alive and well, which I’m so so so happy about).

That same year it all caught up with me. Trauma set in whenever my now husband got close to me as a friend wanting to be more. I ended up leaving and going to my parents without telling him because I felt like killing myself and living alone was just dangerous. He was patient with me and I had so much to deal with. I’m doing better-ish now, but I’m still dealing with stuff.

I can’t afford therapy regularly even on insurance, and I guess I’d like to know how others have coped with trauma from emotional abuse and other things?

Have you seen a doctor once?Too much trauma(a physical car accident especially) may cause imbalance of chemicals in the brain which may cause a lot of negative feelings.

 

[Junia]

I am receiving treatment for complex trauma caused by abuse especially emotional abuse from early childhood until well into adulthood...I had little money and didn't think I'd be able to get something so specialised but God stepped in massively. Praying for you because prayer is what helped me massively over the years too ❤❤❤
T

 

[Brightmoon]

I was raised in an abusive home and had untreated PTSD and 30 years ago did exactly what you’re doing , hid from someone I was in love with . While I was trying to cope with it by myself, some things helped a lot. Being around healthier people, it’s number 1 ,
getting some exercise that you enjoy is 2
and make sure it’s something you enjoy or that will backfire.
3 have a hobby that you like that doesn’t cost much .
I still do these things decades later and they still help me to cope with the occasional flashbacks .

 

[Junia]

I was raised in an abusive home and had untreated PTSD and 30 years ago did exactly what you’re doing , hid from someone I was in love with . While I was trying to cope with it by myself, some things helped a lot. Being around healthier people, it’s number 1 ,
getting some exercise that you enjoy is 2
and make sure it’s something you enjoy or that will backfire.
3 have a hobby that you like that doesn’t cost much .
I still do these things decades later and they still help me to cope with the occasional flashbacks .

same kind of upbringing and effects here too. I isolate from people as i feel afraid to trust. Feel.defective and dirty and shameful

completely agree about the hobbies, exercise and being around people who help me not harm me.

 

[Realizer]

Never mind how others have copied.

Two years after being abused you married a man, who you I'll not talk to.
May I suggest you talk to your pastor's wife about what has happened in the past and about what is happening now.
With her and her husband's help you have to start talking to your husband.
If he loves you he will understand, but he can only understand if you start talking to him.

All therapy is is you talking about your problems.

With your minister and his wife you will be able to talk and pray about what has happened and talk and pray about resolving the broken relationship with your husband.

It will not be easy as things you have hidden will havecto be brought into the light and your emotions etc dealt with.

Your options are do nothing and get divorced, try to have a relationship with your husband, but because ther tre unresolved issues it will end in divorce or seek to deal with the issues, to be open and honest with your husband, with help from others.
There is no guarantee everything will work out. All you can do is seek to resolve them.

That is far better than waiting for everything to exloded in your face.

I think I need to clarify. I've known my husband since high school. We'd already had a built and established friendship where I talked to him about everything, even during the emotional abusive relationship I was in. He very well knows what I am going through and is supportive of my wanting to heal, and attempts to be there in any way he can. Therapy is a healing tool I would like for the trauma.

 

[Realizer]

I was raised in an abusive home and had untreated PTSD and 30 years ago did exactly what you’re doing , hid from someone I was in love with . While I was trying to cope with it by myself, some things helped a lot. Being around healthier people, it’s number 1 ,
getting some exercise that you enjoy is 2
and make sure it’s something you enjoy or that will backfire.
3 have a hobby that you like that doesn’t cost much .
I still do these things decades later and they still help me to cope with the occasional flashbacks .

It took my husband and I a little bit to establish the relationship, but once I told myself I've known him a long time and he's not once tried to hurt me and only wanted me to be happy, it made it easier to be open with him. Now I'm open with him about everything.

I do need to work on exercise. I used to be interested in a lot of things but now after everything there's days I'm just not interested in anything. Sometimes I just watch tv. No drawing, reading, walking, nothing is fun anymore unless I'm with someone that kinda helps me match my energy to.

Maybe I need to push a little more.

 

[Realizer]

Have you seen a doctor once?Too much trauma(a physical car accident especially) may cause imbalance of chemicals in the brain which may cause a lot of negative feelings.

They only looked at the physical damage, I never got treatment or suggested treatment for mental trauma. I brought up the possible trauma to my therapist but I didn't have a lot of time so I couldn't dive into it. If I had more money to go work on it regularly I would.

 

[Scann]

They only looked at the physical damage, I never got treatment or suggested treatment for mental trauma. I brought up the possible trauma to my therapist but I didn't have a lot of time so I couldn't dive into it. If I had more money to go work on it regularly I would.

Do you cry a lot?If you don't then thank God you don't have depression.

 

[Realizer]

Do you cry a lot?If you don't then thank God you don't have depression.

I cry more often than I should

 

[Scann]

I cry more often than I should

Oh dear. I had an aunt who cried very often.If you feel suicidal as well, it could be depression. I feel sorry that you do not have enough money for psychiatric treatment. But don't take my word for it. Try seeing a psychiatrist when you get the chance.

 

[Realizer]

Oh dear. I had an aunt who cried very often.If you feel suicidal as well, it could be depression. I feel sorry that you do not have enough money for psychiatric treatment. But don't take my word for it. Try seeing a psychiatrist when you get the chance.

We've established anxiety, depression, ADHD and trichotillomania but not PTSD. If I DO have PTSD, it's a goal to treat it. I've done well with just about everything else, but these flashbacks, anxiety dreams about driving, random crying and sadness, lack of interest in things, just all feels like trauma responses and I need to get it to tame down.

 

[Scann]

We've established anxiety, depression, ADHD and trichotillomania but not PTSD. If I DO have PTSD, it's a goal to treat it. I've done well with just about everything else, but these flashbacks, anxiety dreams about driving, random crying and sadness, lack of interest in things, just all feels like trauma responses and I need to get it to tame down.

Ok.I don't think I should try giving my own advice further cause I'm not a psychiatrist. Wish you the best and take care.

 

[The Righterzpen]

We've established anxiety, depression, ADHD and trichotillomania but not PTSD. If I DO have PTSD, it's a goal to treat it. I've done well with just about everything else, but these flashbacks, anxiety dreams about driving, random crying and sadness, lack of interest in things, just all feels like trauma responses and I need to get it to tame down.

I have PTSD from family of origin issues, as well as a war. I was also in a catastrophic car accident in 2010. I'm permanently mobility impaired. I've pretty much had PTSD all my life. It never really "goes away"; although symptoms can improve.

Keep in mind that life is managed, it isn't cured. So try not to judge yourself too harshly on decisions you've made. For all of us, our choices have consequences. (I wouldn't have been sent off to war if I hadn't joined the military.) That's just par for the course.

I went to Al-Anon (families of alcoholics - Same program as alcoholics anonymous) for years and years and years. It was a good place to find some people who have learned to cope well through stressful situations. And of course it's free. (Although they do ask for donations for cost of renting the space; but the donations aren't mandatory.) They do meet in churches and public buildings and some times the groups are quite large. So, I don't know what the current regulation are regarding meetings and Covid.

Something like 98% of people who experience some sort of traumatic event do exhibit some manifestation of PTSD. So you're not "weird" or "crazy". Whether it becomes chronic or not depends on a lot of factors. The biggest factor being the functional health of one's support system.

If you have any other questions; you can ask me (or message me if you don't want to speak on forum). You're not alone and you can learn how to better cope with this.

 

[Monksailor]

Crying a lot is NOT a must for depression. Depression is beyond a depressed mood and crying as a result as my research has revealed. One need not cry to be in a depression, although most MIGHT.

 

[Realizer]

Crying a lot is NOT a must for depression. Depression is beyond a depressed mood and crying as a result as my research has revealed. One need not cry to be in a depression, although most MIGHT.

I'm aware I've been diagnosed with depression so I know for a fact I have it. I also have anxiety and ADHD.

I have PTSD from family of origin issues, as well as a war. I was also in a catastrophic car accident in 2010. I'm permanently mobility impaired. I've pretty much had PTSD all my life. It never really "goes away"; although symptoms can improve.

Keep in mind that life is managed, it isn't cured. So try not to judge yourself too harshly on decisions you've made. For all of us, our choices have consequences. (I wouldn't have been sent off to war if I hadn't joined the military.) That's just par for the course.

I went to Al-Anon (families of alcoholics - Same program as alcoholics anonymous) for years and years and years. It was a good place to find some people who have learned to cope well through stressful situations. And of course it's free. (Although they do ask for donations for cost of renting the space; but the donations aren't mandatory.) They do meet in churches and public buildings and some times the groups are quite large. So, I don't know what the current regulation are regarding meetings and Covid.

Something like 98% of people who experience some sort of traumatic event do exhibit some manifestation of PTSD. So you're not "weird" or "crazy". Whether it becomes chronic or not depends on a lot of factors. The biggest factor being the functional health of one's support system.

If you have any other questions; you can ask me (or message me if you don't want to speak on forum). You're not alone and you can learn how to better cope with this.

I'm sorry you've been through so much. I'd like to go to a support group in a church but they're all closed around here. I'll have to look into some other type of free support group lol.

Thank you for the offer, I may DM you at some point then, I could use a friend

 

[The Righterzpen]

I'll have to look into some other type of free support group lol.

I'm sure there are on-line Al-anon meetings. There may actually even be zoom meetings. You'd have to do a little internet hunting.

 

[Monksailor]

I think I need to clarify. I've known my husband since high school. We'd already had a built and established friendship where I talked to him about everything, even during the emotional abusive relationship I was in. He very well knows what I am going through and is supportive of my wanting to heal, and attempts to be there in any way he can. Therapy is a healing tool I would like for the trauma.

Realizer, Were you abused as a child? Is there any trauma or abuse in your history BEFORE the two years you mention in your first post? If so, that fallout could have a significant impact upon the later experiences and your perception thereof.

New Life Clinics, a Christian national chain of counseling centers, has helped a relative out greatly. They have MUCH material out there of help. My relative had severe childhood sexual abuse and its fallout to deal with in her adult life and she was admitted for a short inpatient therapy period. I will offer the book and work book which they used to facilitate therapy. I have many more on that subject for any interested, just ask. The therapy helped my relative significantly: Seven Keys to Spiritual Renewal (Spiritu | eBay

A1*** NEW LIFE: Help and Hope in Life's Hardest Places - New Life Ministries

PATRICK DOYLE: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLXuPUL0c-TrIX41GtSMXml5_Y9hnP5fiz