A little update

[theoneandonlypencil]

Since I've slowly been coming to this site less and less, thought I might as well do a small little update for those who may(or may not)be wondering how things are going.

I know there's a strong sense of duality in my mannerisms concerning my posts. One moment I'm very relaxed and happy, the next minute I'm about as cuddly as a cactus and acting like a negative nancy all-around.

Well, that's not changed. I still frequently have mood swings, although my self-harming habits have stopped for now.

Hubby and I have been married for 3 months now, and we got a nice apartment with three little kittens. We've had a few ups and downs, but in a way, I feel as though it's worked in our favor and strengthened our relationship quite a bit. We've been going on day trips a lot--today we drove to another town to visit a lake with some trails and a small beach, which was extremely enjoyable. I've developed sleep apnea, however, so due to the poor quality sleep I get at night it leaves me absolutely drained near the late afternoon hours.

Concerning my faith, I'm still a Christian obviously--so is hubby. But I, personally, have calmed down with my constant analysis of scripture and debates. I feel as though it's built a wall of anxiety that's keeping me from being very close with God, even now. There's been this lurking feeling of nihilism in the back of my mind, and I can't help but resent the majority these days. Regarding current events such as coronavirus, 'the great reset' supposedly happening next year, black lives matter, and the overall political tensions rising to new heights this year, I will honestly admit I've considered suicide as I don't really want to see things start to break down further. Even if I don't kill myself, I've even begun to doubt whether or not I want to have children--after all, if I'm in the end times now and this 'new world order' seems so close, I don't think I could forgive myself for bringing a child into that kind of world. That honestly sucks, as I really, really was looking forward to having children with my husband in a few years.

Suicide has been a frequent thought. Even when I'm happy, when I'm mad, when I'm sad; it's always there. I'm just so tired--even happiness is tiring.

I'm not actually sure where else to go from there. I think I killed the mood of my own post. Oh well--to any who read this, thanks. It's nice to get these things off my chest.

 

[FaithT]

Since I've slowly been coming to this site less and less, thought I might as well do a small little update for those who may(or may not)be wondering how things are going.

I know there's a strong sense of duality in my mannerisms concerning my posts. One moment I'm very relaxed and happy, the next minute I'm about as cuddly as a cactus and acting like a negative nancy all-around.

Well, that's not changed. I still frequently have mood swings, although my self-harming habits have stopped for now.

Hubby and I have been married for 3 months now, and we got a nice apartment with three little kittens. We've had a few ups and downs, but in a way, I feel as though it's worked in our favor and strengthened our relationship quite a bit. We've been going on day trips a lot--today we drove to another town to visit a lake with some trails and a small beach, which was extremely enjoyable. I've developed sleep apnea, however, so due to the poor quality sleep I get at night it leaves me absolutely drained near the late afternoon hours.

Concerning my faith, I'm still a Christian obviously--so is hubby. But I, personally, have calmed down with my constant analysis of scripture and debates. I feel as though it's built a wall of anxiety that's keeping me from being very close with God, even now. There's been this lurking feeling of nihilism in the back of my mind, and I can't help but resent the majority these days. Regarding current events such as coronavirus, 'the great reset' supposedly happening next year, black lives matter, and the overall political tensions rising to new heights this year, I will honestly admit I've considered suicide as I don't really want to see things start to break down further. Even if I don't kill myself, I've even begun to doubt whether or not I want to have children--after all, if I'm in the end times now and this 'new world order' seems so close, I don't think I could forgive myself for bringing a child into that kind of world. That honestly sucks, as I really, really was looking forward to having children with my husband in a few years.

Suicide has been a frequent thought. Even when I'm happy, when I'm mad, when I'm sad; it's always there. I'm just so tired--even happiness is tiring.

I'm not actually sure where else to go from there. I think I killed the mood of my own post. Oh well--to any who read this, thanks. It's nice to get these things off my chest.

We’ve been in the end times since Jesus ascended. Nobody knows when the end of the world will be.

Please talk to a therapist ,if you aren’t already. He or she can really help you.