A gray sexual area

Christlike777

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I am new to this forum and I have never actually visited an online Christian forum before. The matter I propose is of a sensitive matter, so I shall not name names, but I am looking for some wisdom on a matter at hand.

An assistant pastor goes to get a legitimate massage at a massage practice. The masseuse puts her hand on his privates and offers a hand-job; to which the pastor allows. Supposedly, this pastor has never had any other sexual improprieties and this is a first time sexual sin encounter for the pastor. This pastor has confessed and claimed repentance; and has vowed never to revisit a massage parlor again.

Should this pastor be removed from pastoral leadership? Does this sexual activity disqualify him from leadership? This situation is liken to that of Joseph who was tempted, but only in this case, the pastor did not flee. I am trying to find Biblical references on this topic that would show a disqualification or how leadership should act.

I am aware of Titus and Timothy on the qualifications for a pastor. Some of those qualifications is, "self-control" (1 Timothy 3:2) and "upright and holy" (Titus 1:8). However, if you look at the list of qualifications, there is not a single pastor on the planet who hasn't broken some of these many times (not to make an excuse). If we are to say one mishap in the qualifications to be a pastor happens, then I would suspect there would not be many pastors left to lead. Jesus also laid out that looking on a women with lust is the same as committing adultery (in the heart that is). I am a strong proponent in the belief that if a pastor commits adultery, fornication, or any sexual intercourse act, then he undoubtedly should be removed. However, this area seems like a gray area, since there was no actual physical sexual adultery or fornication involved.

Now granted, this pastor was not able to exercise self-control given the heavy temptation and he probably should have not been at a massage business to begin with, because one might say that it is temptation at its finest. The pastor assures me that his intentions were 100% pure in regards to getting a massage because his body had been aching tremendously and this was a means to an end. Self control does need to be worked on, and also fleeing youthful lusts, and avoiding all places of evil...even seemingly potential places.

Yes, where sin abounds, grace abounds that much more. However, in position, does God's grace allow for this pastor to remain in his calling or should he be asked to step down? If to step down, what verses solidify that point? On the other hand, what verses might point to him remaining in his position?

I also think of the Apostle Peter who denied Jesus three times and yet Jesus still chose to raise him up after His resurrection AND start the church with him...go figure! Yes, God is that gracious and merciful...amen to that!


1 Corinthians 6:18, "Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body."

Ephesians 5:3, "Let there be no sexual immorality, impurity, or greed among you. Such sins have no place among God's people."
 

Sabertooth

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I believe that that parlor crossed the line into prostitution (by offering that service). I believe that the incident should be treated as any other single incident of prostitution.

The first time, he was (probably) tricked into trusting their professional intentions. The real test, going forward, will be whether he rationalizes his continued patronage or not.
 
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Petros2015

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This pastor has confessed and claimed repentance; and has vowed never to revisit a massage parlor again.

I'd rather have a pastor that confessed and repented, than one who didn't.
Pretty easy not to make the confession and instead make it a habit.
 
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bekkilyn

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I believe that that parlor crossed the line into prostitution (by offering that service). I believe that the incident should be treated as any other single incident of prostitution.

The first time, he was (possibly) tricked into trusting their professional intentions. The real test, going forward, will be whether he rationalizes his continued patronage or not.

Yes, a "legitimate massage" does not include *anything* sexual. It is just as reasonable for a pastor to go to see someone licensed for massage as to go to a chiropractor or physical therapist. There should be no need whatsoever to exercise control under normal circumstances. Sounds like this particular massage place was just a cover for sexual services and the person offering "massages" may or may not have even had a license. If the pastor really needs a massage for medical reasons vs. sexual services, then there are usually licensed massage staff associated with respectable chiropractor or physical therapy offices. He doesn't have to just never get a massage...he just needs to make sure it's really a massage and not something else.

As for whether this pastor should remain in his position or not based on a one-time thing, I don't know. It would depend on what the Holy Spirit wants to do with him and if he is truly called to that position.
 
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Petros2015

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Yes, a "legitimate massage" does not include *anything* sexual. It is just as reasonable for a pastor to go to see someone licensed for massage as to go to a chiropractor or physical therapist. There should be no need whatsoever to exercise control under normal circumstances. Sounds like this particular massage place was just a cover for sexual services and the person offering "massages" may or may not have even had a license.

Agreed; I've had professional massages at licensed places before and they are good and relaxing. And I know a couple of professional masseuses. There's also a lot of of other places that apparently illegally offer some degree of sexual services. It's not too hard to find one or the other, I guess, but you need to know which one you are looking for or you might accidentally walk into the wrong one. Oops!
 
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Sabertooth

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..., but you need to know which one you are looking for or you might accidentally walk into the wrong one. Oops!
At the risk of looking sleazy, ask if they do "happy endings." If they do, leave quickly! You are in the wrong place.
full
 
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Christlike777

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I think the advice is good. Shady massage businesses verses one that might be found at a chiropractor, but in all honesty, satan knows no bounds! Also, as a pastor, we must never let our guard down. We cannot prevent a bird from landing on our head, but we sure can stop it from making a nest there. In life, temptation is never going to stop; until we breathe our first breath in Heaven. No temptation has overtaken anyone which is common to man, but there is always a way of escape. For the pastor, when he was being enticed and pursued, he should have stood up immediately and ran out of there (naked if need be, like Joseph), but given in that moment of trial/temptation, that is a really hard place to resist, given the vulnerable situation.

The pastor assures that his intentions were 100% pure and had no idea such a sexual pursuit would happen. On a side note, this pastor has never been to this particular establishment before. I seriously believe he will never revisit a massage practice again, after this ordeal.

Of course, if we don't learn the lesson the first time, we are doomed to repeat it!
 
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Sabertooth

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..., he should have stood up immediately and ran out of there (naked if need be, like Joseph),...
That scene always reminds me of "The Streak" by Ray Stevens... :p
 
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carp614

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I'm sorry but the level of naivety required for a pastor to go to a "legitimate" massage parlor and be surprised that this happened borders on the unbelievable.

This has to be a very young pastor who actually hasn't pastored anyone at all who has struggled with sexual sin. Otherwise he would have known better. Honestly, it seems so stupid that I'm not sure I could keep this person on staff if I was a head pastor.

Having said that, I think keeping him is probably the right thing to do. Disciple this young man. He clearly needs discipleship very, very, much.
 
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Coffey

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This pastor has confessed and claimed repentance; and has vowed never to revisit a massage parlor again.

Should this pastor be removed from pastoral leadership?

I'm probably the least qualified to respond to this due to my lack of knowledge of the contents in the bible, but I definitely don't think he should be removed from pastoral leadership.

I know that leaders are held to a much higher standard than others, but they're still subject to the same temptations and slip ups as the rest of us, because, well, they're human too, believe it or not. The distribution of knowledge and support from a pastor doesn't immediately become null and void simply because they make a human mistake--if so then what the hay did Jesus give it all for?

I have friends who are pastors and I know they're not immune to failure, but they're mistakes aren't even remotely what defines them. They still save and they still encourage, and that to me is enough.

Their individual walk is another story and their story at that, between them and my dad.
 
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