A few first time dating questions

[anonymoushuman]

OK so I am turning 17 this June. I have never dated before as my parents have always been against me dating until I am "old enough" not sure exactly what that means but I am pretty sure that I am almost old enough.

My doctrine:
I believe that hell is not eternal and is merely a(severely painful) means of annihilating a soul.
I believe that baptism is necessary or at least highly important for salvation.
I don't believe in faith healing or anything of that sort.
In my family we aren't allowed to watch any movies with any dodgy scenes at all. Regardless of whether or not anything is visible. We also don't use any even sightly taboo words. Damn,crap,hell(in there wrong context obviously), anything like that I would get in trouble for. (Although I do use them when my parents aren't around because I personally don't think they are that bad.)

I go to a reasonably liberal, predominantly Baptist school. So they believe in eternal hell, and salvation through faith alone.

There is one specific girl I have had my eye on for a while now. She is absolutely gorgeous and is partly the reason why I switched to that school from homeschooling. I was homeschooled from grade 2-8 and as such have become rather awkward when talking to girls even in a group. I am in grade 10 now. Due to my awkwardness,I don't know her that well but I know that she is a Christian. I know that she believes in an eternal hell like most other Christians. I am not sure about her beliefs on baptism but I have a feeling that she believes that it is necessary due to certain comments I have heard from her. If I do decide to go for her, I will ask her out beginning of next year as I will have a learners license by then. At the moment has a crush on a teacher. She is about a year and a few months younger than me and she has dated at least 5 different guys from my school (it's a really small school. ace system and only about 25 students in the high school class. I really don't have much options there as there are only three white girls in the seniors (not racist at all but I simply have no chemistry towards black girls. I just have no attraction towards them.) And one of the white girls is too old for me, although it could work in a few years maybe. The other white girl is blonde, Afrikaans, and IMHO ugly. She's also not that moral. The third white girl is beautiful, moral, and the one i am crushing on. Here are my questions:
1. Is 17 and a half too young for me to be dating?
2. I'm south Africa, someone with a license needs to accompany you when driving it you only have a learners. Would this make dates awkward? I live 30 minutes away from her so it would be very inconvenient for my parents to pick her up, drop us off somewhere, drive back home, then pick us back up again and drop her off. Would it be better to wait another half a year until I can get my driver's licence? Because I obviously don't want my parents on the date with me but I don't want to inconvenience then either. (I have taken a purity pledge, I have a purity ring and I know that it is unwise to go on a date that is private enough to lead to things. She also has a purity ring. So it wouldn't be inappropriate for me to pick her up without a chaperone. I can control myself.)
3. Could it be a problem that we have doctrinal differences?
4. Is it a problem that she has dated many people? I know for a fact that she has kissed, but I am confident that she has gone no further. Nevertheless, is it a sign of trouble that she has dated many different people (not at the same time obviously) and that she has dated a teacher? (The same teacher that she has a crush on currently.)
5. I know that she uses the word damn, which my parents might have a problem with. Thoughts?
6. How would I ask her out? I have never dated a girl, asked out a girl, kissed a girl (other than my baby sister) or even asked a girl for her number. The longest one-on one conversation I have ever had with a girl was about 20 minutes. I really am lost when it comes to girls.

I am not particularly handsome, and I am overweight. This is the reason I only plan to ask her out in a year. I have joined a gym and I am getting in shape so hopefully I will look good next year.

Please help out here.

 

[anonymoushuman]

Oh by the way I don't think that she likes me in that way. I doubt that she has anything against me or that she dislikes me, but she doesn't have a thing for me.

 

[anonymoushuman]

If there no one around here with any answers/suggestions?

 

[The Portuguese Baptist]

If there no one around here with any answers/suggestions?

Calm down, man! You have only had your post online for a few hours! Do not expect such quick answers! Sometimes, answers will only come days after your post. You are lucky that I have found your post here today, and that I still have about an hour till bedtime. (By the way, ChristianForums is not a place for help; you may come here if you need help, but that is not its primary purpose.)

OK so I am turning 17 this June. I have never dated before as my parents have always been against me dating until I am "old enough" not sure exactly what that means but I am pretty sure that I am almost old enough.

My doctrine:
I believe that hell is not eternal and is merely a(severely painful) means of annihilating a soul.
I believe that baptism is necessary or at least highly important for salvation.
I don't believe in faith healing or anything of that sort.
In my family we aren't allowed to watch any movies with any dodgy scenes at all. Regardless of whether or not anything is visible. We also don't use any even sightly taboo words. Damn,crap,hell(in there wrong context obviously), anything like that I would get in trouble for. (Although I do use them when my parents aren't around because I personally don't think they are that bad.)

I go to a reasonably liberal, predominantly Baptist school. So they believe in eternal hell, and salvation through faith alone.

There is one specific girl I have had my eye on for a while now. She is absolutely gorgeous and is partly the reason why I switched to that school from homeschooling. I was homeschooled from grade 2-8 and as such have become rather awkward when talking to girls even in a group. I am in grade 10 now. Due to my awkwardness,I don't know her that well but I know that she is a Christian. I know that she believes in an eternal hell like most other Christians. I am not sure about her beliefs on baptism but I have a feeling that she believes that it is necessary due to certain comments I have heard from her. If I do decide to go for her, I will ask her out beginning of next year as I will have a learners license by then. At the moment has a crush on a teacher. She is about a year and a few months younger than me and she has dated at least 5 different guys from my school (it's a really small school. ace system and only about 25 students in the high school class. I really don't have much options there as there are only three white girls in the seniors (not racist at all but I simply have no chemistry towards black girls. I just have no attraction towards them.) And one of the white girls is too old for me, although it could work in a few years maybe. The other white girl is blonde, Afrikaans, and IMHO ugly. She's also not that moral. The third white girl is beautiful, moral, and the one i am crushing on. Here are my questions:
1. Is 17 and a half too young for me to be dating?
2. I'm south Africa, someone with a license needs to accompany you when driving it you only have a learners. Would this make dates awkward? I live 30 minutes away from her so it would be very inconvenient for my parents to pick her up, drop us off somewhere, drive back home, then pick us back up again and drop her off. Would it be better to wait another half a year until I can get my driver's licence? Because I obviously don't want my parents on the date with me but I don't want to inconvenience then either. (I have taken a purity pledge, I have a purity ring and I know that it is unwise to go on a date that is private enough to lead to things. She also has a purity ring. So it wouldn't be inappropriate for me to pick her up without a chaperone. I can control myself.)
3. Could it be a problem that we have doctrinal differences?
4. Is it a problem that she has dated many people? I know for a fact that she has kissed, but I am confident that she has gone no further. Nevertheless, is it a sign of trouble that she has dated many different people (not at the same time obviously) and that she has dated a teacher? (The same teacher that she has a crush on currently.)
5. I know that she uses the word damn, which my parents might have a problem with. Thoughts?
6. How would I ask her out? I have never dated a girl, asked out a girl, kissed a girl (other than my baby sister) or even asked a girl for her number. The longest one-on one conversation I have ever had with a girl was about 20 minutes. I really am lost when it comes to girls.

I am not particularly handsome, and I am overweight. This is the reason I only plan to ask her out in a year. I have joined a gym and I am getting in shape so hopefully I will look good next year.

Please help out here.

Oh by the way I don't think that she likes me in that way. I doubt that she has anything against me or that she dislikes me, but she doesn't have a thing for me.

You have raised a number of issues. I will try to approach them in the best possible way. Let me know if I have missed anything.

First and foremost, I must say that I strongly disagree with you that Hell is not eternal and that baptism is necessary. To me, the Bible is clear that Hell is eternal and that baptism is not necessary for salvation, but rather an important step of obedience. However, since it is not your point to discuss this, let us restrict ourselves to your problem. (Feel free to send me a private message, if you want to discuss this — or to start a public thread.)

Before answering your questions directly, let me comment on the way you have described your situation. You said that this girl has dated 5 guys already — and she is only 16 years old! What does that make you think? Do you think that she would be an appropriate girl for you? I am not judging; just making you think. Dating should be seen as a sort of a preparation for marriage; you use it to get to know that person better and figure out whether she would be a good wife. Now, there is nothing wrong with dating and then breaking up. However, if she is only 16 years old and has already dated 5 guys, it makes me think whether she is actually taking the idea of dating seriously enough. That is something you should try to figure out for yourself; if she is not, perhaps you should avoid her.

You also said that she has a crush on a teacher. What does that make you think? Is she really taking it seriously? (I am not judging her: perhaps she really is, but I am only saying that it does not quite seem to be the case to me.)

I understand your situation. In my church, there are also only a few white girls around my age, and I personally find black girls ugly (I completely understand you here: no racism, only personal preferences). I am also 17 years old, I have never had a girlfriend, and there is one girl whom I like in particular, and with whom I hope things may work out.

Now, to your questions:

1. The appropriate age to date varies according to each person. It depends a lot on your mental and spiritual level of maturity. If you think that you can literally just go on an Internet forum and ask a bunch of people who have never met you, ‘I am 17. Am I too young to date?’, you are seeing things the wrong way. I mean, how can I tell? You should know for yourself. But how can you tell? Think about the following things — they may help you assess whether you are ready:
   • Why do you want to have a girlfriend? What are your motivations? What do you want to do in your relationship?
   • What kind of physical contact do you plan to have in your relationship?
   • How do you plan to honour God in your relationship?
   • Would you accept to date a non-Christian girl? Even if you were to find that one girl who is ‘perfect in everything, except that she is not a Christian’?
   • Which criteria do you impose yourself to choose a girlfriend? What kind of girls would you adamantly reject?
2. It seems to me that you have answered yourself already.
3. That is up to you. Do you think that you can bear to have a wife who believes in an eternal Hell, whilst you believe in Annihilationism? Personally, for me, I think that I would have a lot of trouble agreeing to have a girlfriend who would believe in Annihilationism — and a girl who believes that baptism is necessary for salvation would for me be immediately rejected.
4. What?! She has dated the same teacher she has a crush on?! Gosh! Well… What do you think? Do you still think she would be a good girl for you?
5. Kindly suggest that she would use a word a bit less controversial — like ‘darn’, for instance. To ‘damn’ means to condemn, and its original meaning actually refers to God sending someone to Hell. Is it really an appropriate word to be used like that?
6. OK. This is where you would need some confidence. Just approach a girl, tell her that she is very beautiful, nice and anything else you like about her; then tell her that you would like to have her as your girlfriend, and ask her if she would accept it. No big deal! If she says no, it is not the end of the world (though it may feel like it is). However, in order to maximise the probability that she will accept it, you should be her friend and be nice towards her — give her reasons to believe that you would be a nice guy.

Well, if you think she does not like you, that makes it unlikely that she will accept it. However, I think it is always worth a try. But, before that, go through those points I have told you to think about, and decide whether you really think you should do it.

Get back to me if you have any more questions!

God bless you!
The Portuguese Baptist

 

[anonymoushuman]

snip

Hey sorry about being impatient. Most forums I use regularly I get at least one answer within 10 minutes (usually at least 5 or 6 within the first fifteen minutes).

Thanks for all the advice. Very helpful. I will make another thread on annihalationism and post the link here. On the topic of baptism, I think that subject has been debated more than enough and to make another thread on here about it is unnecessary. I will happily agree to disagree with you.

 

[anonymoushuman]

Here is my annihalationism thread:
http://www.christianforums.com/threads/annihalationism.7931659/