LovebirdsFlying
My husband drew this cartoon of me.
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- Aug 13, 2007
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A couple of days ago, alone in my house except for the cats and the Lord, my random thoughts kept getting stuck on past events. It was a time long ago when I had been treated very unfairly, and bullied. I couldn’t control the thoughts or the feelings of boiling rage they triggered. Sometimes with PTSD, this happens.
I certainly didn’t feel very Christian with those thoughts and feelings going on. So I asked the Lord to help me control them. At first it didn’t seem to help, so I kept asking.
Soon He answered me. I heard Him (inaudibly, not as a voice but as a thought or an idea). Someone had recently told me that sometimes these things come back seemingly at random because now we’re in a safe environment and can process them, while we couldn’t before. God reminded me of that. He told me that the things that happened really were unjust. I actually had been treated cruelly, and now I’m expressing feelings I was not allowed to express at the time. Why? Because now I’m safe to do so. Let’s not allow the sun to set on it. Let’s get it processed and over with. It’s OK to be angry because those things happened.
He further reminded me that anger is a secondary emotion. Usually it happens because we felt fear or sadness first. I was hurt. Is sadness behind the anger? Well, yes it was. It’s OK to cry about it. No, that’s not feeling sorry for myself. If I were to be gentle with someone else who was feeling hurt and angry, that would be compassion. Shouldn’t I also treat myself with compassion?
So I cried a little, because He told me I could. And there is a reason the Holy Spirit is called the Comforter.
Because now it’s gone. The boiling thoughts went away. When I think of those events now, I feel nothing. I can’t guarantee this will never come back, that I’ll never again get stuck in a thought, but now I know what to do.
God is so kind. He understands. He is a wonderful Father. I needed Him to parent me right then, and He did. This worked much better than telling myself I shouldn’t have such thoughts, and that it happened so long ago, I need to get over it. He walked me through it and showed me HOW to get over it.
I certainly didn’t feel very Christian with those thoughts and feelings going on. So I asked the Lord to help me control them. At first it didn’t seem to help, so I kept asking.
Soon He answered me. I heard Him (inaudibly, not as a voice but as a thought or an idea). Someone had recently told me that sometimes these things come back seemingly at random because now we’re in a safe environment and can process them, while we couldn’t before. God reminded me of that. He told me that the things that happened really were unjust. I actually had been treated cruelly, and now I’m expressing feelings I was not allowed to express at the time. Why? Because now I’m safe to do so. Let’s not allow the sun to set on it. Let’s get it processed and over with. It’s OK to be angry because those things happened.
He further reminded me that anger is a secondary emotion. Usually it happens because we felt fear or sadness first. I was hurt. Is sadness behind the anger? Well, yes it was. It’s OK to cry about it. No, that’s not feeling sorry for myself. If I were to be gentle with someone else who was feeling hurt and angry, that would be compassion. Shouldn’t I also treat myself with compassion?
So I cried a little, because He told me I could. And there is a reason the Holy Spirit is called the Comforter.
Because now it’s gone. The boiling thoughts went away. When I think of those events now, I feel nothing. I can’t guarantee this will never come back, that I’ll never again get stuck in a thought, but now I know what to do.
God is so kind. He understands. He is a wonderful Father. I needed Him to parent me right then, and He did. This worked much better than telling myself I shouldn’t have such thoughts, and that it happened so long ago, I need to get over it. He walked me through it and showed me HOW to get over it.
