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4 out of 6

Discussion in 'Separation and Marriage Restoration' started by Elin1212, Oct 14, 2018.

  1. Elin1212

    Elin1212 New Member

    2
    +0
    United States
    Christian
    Married
    My husband recently completed a survey for work which I happened to come across while cleaning the house. The statement read, "in my life, everything generally works out for the best". He gave it 4 out of 6. My friends think that's an ok number but I can't help but feel bothered by this. We've only been married a couple of years, we have a healthy infant baby, we are overall happy(or so I thought..) and work is going well for him. Right now, things are good in life so I feel he should have a more positive outlook. I found out recently, not long before we got engaged, he was still not over his ex-girlfriend. Wish I never found out about that - sometimes I question if he has regrets about his past. I intend to seek counseling from a pastor but wanted some advice. Thanks for reading.
     
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  2. Johnny4ChristJesus

    Johnny4ChristJesus Well-Known Member Supporter

    +820
    United States
    Christian
    Married
    Honestly, if I thought that someone who I needed to love me (as my spouse) wasn't over their x, I probably wouldn't have gotten engaged, married or had kids with that person.

    It sounds like you have trust issues that go all the way back to before you were married, if you are "accidentally" finding things while cleaning that include a survey which you take the time to read. Certainly, as a husband and wife, you have every right to know each other's business; but, it seems like you might be looking for issues, because you don't trust him. Is it possible that your lack of trust is impacting how you show your love for Him in a way that is leading to his lower level of life satisfaction? Certainly. Is it possible that his overall life rating isn't because of you? Certainly.

    Counseling may help. But, he may also wonder why you need counseling and you admitting to looking through his stuff could actually lower his satisfaction rating and confirm your lack of trust in him. You may not have been the cause of the 4 out of 6 rating. He may just be giving what he felt was an honest rating across his whole life, not just related to you. Different Christians will have different perspectives on the whole rating thing.

    Given everything you shared, including how your husband wasn't over his x and that you perceive he isn't satisfied with you, would you, in all honesty, rate your life satisfaction better than he did?
     
  3. Elin1212

    Elin1212 New Member

    2
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    United States
    Christian
    Married
    Thanks for your response. To clarify, I found out about his ex after we got married and had a baby. I’ve already talked to him about the survey and he explained it had to do with his strict upbringing. I wouldn’t rate my life satisfaction higher than his after finding out the info on his ex and seeing his survey answer - which is why I am seeking counseling and advice. Before this, I felt content with our marriage and thought he felt the same. If it’s trust issues, I’d like to find a way to deal with that.

    And for the record, my husband is very messy and I have to look through things to figure out what can be tossed etc. But maybe I am subconsciously digging for issues too..
     
  4. dysert

    dysert Member

    +2,198
    Christian
    Married
    imo 4 out of 6 isn't bad when the question is about life in general. I'd have probably answered 2/6. I don't see the need to talk to your pastor about it either. He's apparently had some experiences in life that bring that score down. No indication that these experiences have anything to do with you. Be thankful that he rated his life "above average" - I doubt most people would.
     
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