25yo Christian female struggling with lust and masturbation

[pinkjess]

This is taking a lot of guts to write, so please be merciful to me. I know it will shock lots of Christians. I know I am a rarity being female, but I am seriously struggling with lust and masturbation. No matter how wrong I know it is, I can't seem to stop. There is some background info with it so maybe it will help.

I've been in a "long distance" relationship/friendship with a guy in another state for six months. We have never met and I am not sure if we are as the guy is severely depressed and doesn't seem very interested in doing so. He said he "was" going to visit before the year ended but the company he works for said no one can ask for time off until next year. I am starting to think maybe that was a good thing. Before anyone asks, I know he is a real person because I have sent him things in the mail that he has shown me on video and I have done background searches to confirm he is who he says he is.

The problem is, I am inflamed with lust. I'm a virgin but have struggled throughout my teen years with masturbation. I was clean for about 8 years until earlier this year when I had an x-rated dream that enticed me. I had a very skewed view of sexuality all of my life and told myself I should be celibate to avoid pitfalls. The dream I had made me view sex as something wonderful, and the feelings that came from it were so strong I eventually gave in and started falling back into my masturbation addiction. And I ended up giving in on a regular basis.

My triggers are when I first wake up (especially if I've had a sexual dream, which usually occurs in extended REM cycles) and when I am feeling lonely. Being in this long distance relationship with this guy certainly hasn't helped. I find myself longing to experience intimacy with him, in the context of marriage. But I feel afraid that I am already so attached to him, because he is depressed and I haven't met him so I don't know if these feelings will ever have an outlet. I'm stuck with feelings that have nowhere to go. I don't know if God wants me to stop talking to him, or if I should tell this guy I am really struggling. I can't go on like this. I have started having dreams about him and I wake up fascinating over it, which of course leads to masturbation. I cry afterwards because I know I have broken God's heart and sinned against Him. It makes me worry that I don't love God enough to let this sin go. I've been trying to pray more and spend time with Him, and it has helped a little.

I'm also frustrated because it just doesn't feel fair to me that I have to look at these feelings for this guy as sinful when other women my age and younger get to experience sex on a daily basis with their husbands while I'm struggling to forget a dream about someone I long to share that with. It's not fair. I feel angry. My sin has perverted it, and I wish like heck I would have never had that dream. It opened up Pandora's box. Now I'm a filthy lustful harlot.

 

[☦Marius☦]

This is not actually that uncommon among females, Christian or no. But I think that while you are right that it is lust, shaming yourself and thinking of yourself as a harlot won't help. I'm not a priest so I shouldn't advise you as to whether or not you should tell your boyfriend, however this is a common sin that many struggle with, some for an entire lifetime. Just be patient and know that perhaps God is using this to humble you and bring you closer to him. Everything has a reason.

Perhaps you should also consider ending the relationship if he isn't planning to visit and it temps you.

 

[Applekrate]

I agree with above, I doubt your situation is all that rare. Women just seem to hide it better than guys do. You are probably more normal than you think. Trying not to sin, or sin as bad as actually having intimacy outside of marriage. This is something I bet most of us struggle with.

 

[FireDragon76]

Be careful about being judgmental of yourself because you can internalize some very damaging messages about sexuality that could impact any future relationships you might have.

 

[Phronema]

This is taking a lot of guts to write, so please be merciful to me. I know it will shock lots of Christians. I know I am a rarity being female, but I am seriously struggling with lust and masturbation. No matter how wrong I know it is, I can't seem to stop. There is some background info with it so maybe it will help.

I've been in a "long distance" relationship/friendship with a guy in another state for six months. We have never met and I am not sure if we are as the guy is severely depressed and doesn't seem very interested in doing so. He said he "was" going to visit before the year ended but the company he works for said no one can ask for time off until next year. I am starting to think maybe that was a good thing. Before anyone asks, I know he is a real person because I have sent him things in the mail that he has shown me on video and I have done background searches to confirm he is who he says he is.

The problem is, I am inflamed with lust. I'm a virgin but have struggled throughout my teen years with masturbation. I was clean for about 8 years until earlier this year when I had an x-rated dream that enticed me. I had a very skewed view of sexuality all of my life and told myself I should be celibate to avoid pitfalls. The dream I had made me view sex as something wonderful, and the feelings that came from it were so strong I eventually gave in and started falling back into my masturbation addiction. And I ended up giving in on a regular basis.

My triggers are when I first wake up (especially if I've had a sexual dream, which usually occurs in extended REM cycles) and when I am feeling lonely. Being in this long distance relationship with this guy certainly hasn't helped. I find myself longing to experience intimacy with him, in the context of marriage. But I feel afraid that I am already so attached to him, because he is depressed and I haven't met him so I don't know if these feelings will ever have an outlet. I'm stuck with feelings that have nowhere to go. I don't know if God wants me to stop talking to him, or if I should tell this guy I am really struggling. I can't go on like this. I have started having dreams about him and I wake up fascinating over it, which of course leads to masturbation. I cry afterwards because I know I have broken God's heart and sinned against Him. It makes me worry that I don't love God enough to let this sin go. I've been trying to pray more and spend time with Him, and it has helped a little.

I'm also frustrated because it just doesn't feel fair to me that I have to look at these feelings for this guy as sinful when other women my age and younger get to experience sex on a daily basis with their husbands while I'm struggling to forget a dream about someone I long to share that with. It's not fair. I feel angry. My sin has perverted it, and I wish like heck I would have never had that dream. It opened up Pandora's box. Now I'm a filthy lustful harlot.

You're certainly not a harlot - at all. Many many people struggle with this passion - including women. Try not to be so hard on yourself, but continue to strive toward God. Falling into desperation is a real thing, so be careful as that can drive us away from the goals we're trying to achieve.

 

[Kenny'sID]

The first post was right on, <staff edit>

Our bodies/minds were made this way to assure we are fruitful and multiply so, though we're are supposed to control ourselves, don't be so tough on yourself. And I agree, it doesn't seem fair the others are allowed relief while some are not. Can't be sure but at this age, I have always though God would be pretty forgiving with this type thing...once again, him making us the way he did and for good reason has a lot to do with why it happens, sand he has to get that, so...

And last I heard, a dirty harlot or whatever it was you described yourself as, sleeps with actual men, and I'm guessing you do none of that so, you might want to rethink that one, as compared to the world at least in many cases, you may still be pretty good in God's eyes.

Those are just some possibilities/thoughts and not necessarily fact and not necessarily not fact, but main thing is, you are aware/concerned, and sincere so I think you'll be fine.

 

[Jeshu]

I cry afterwards because I know I have broken God's heart and sinned against Him. It makes me worry that I don't love God enough to let this sin go. I've been trying to pray more and spend time with Him, and it has helped a little.

Been there, done that, but wallowing in my sin never made it go away.

It is like you say, your lust is stronger than your love, millions of people struggle with this problem, in and outside of relationships. Now running of with guilt and calling yourself nasty names are not going to give you more love for God but rather rob you of love and make you more prone to sinning.

The trick is to look at the cross and accept forgiveness. God's grace sets us free from guilt, shame and fear, and gives us a truly loving thankful heart.

So please eat God's grace and focus on forgiveness and the price Jesus had to pay to obtain that. The more you focus on grace the more loving your relationship with Christ's becomes. That is the way out! In the end you love Jesus more than lust and then you can much more easily break free.

Please be prepared for a mega battle against the accuser in your guilty conscience - satan wont be happy when you eat grace and will try to make you focus on yourself and call you names but that is only so you fall for lusting again.

Looking at Jesus instead of ourselves or others to save us is the answer to your struggle however. In the end lust dies - and that is a good thing for lust also stays a problem in relationships. Lusting is not loving but swallows it up.

So please be of good courage. Jesus has paid for your falls, all of them, so loving Jesus for grace and thanking Him because you know how much you need His cleansing blood will in the end make you love Him enough to break with lust and your unfaithful times will become faithful instead. This is a growing reality, where our strength comes from the Lord and not from our own ability.

Repentance is valid 7x70 times which equals 490 times a day! Best begin to grow love for Jesus by the bucket load. He truly deserves it!

Peace and love your way.

John 14:15-18
“If you love me, keep my commands. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever— the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you. I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you."

 

[Lost4words]

We are weak creatures. God knows this. We are flesh.

Every time you fall, get back up and turn to God. He will be there with open arms. Keep fighting the battles. However many come your way. Be determined that even if evil wins many battles, he aint going to win the war!

Keep your faith.

Temptations are heavy crosses to carry.

I know what you are going through. Stay true to Jesus. Yes, you may fall a thousand times but, like i said, keep getting up, determined not to fall again. Seek forgiveness, repent and show God how much you truly love Him. He will understand. He will guide you.

It may be a long journey. Just keep going. Keep heading for God.

May God bless and help you.

 

[timewerx]

This is taking a lot of guts to write, so please be merciful to me. I know it will shock lots of Christians. I know I am a rarity being female, but I am seriously struggling with lust

Take comfort with the fact, your struggle is not actually rare, but is common.

Anyway, your situation is entirely desperate. I'm 37 and still never married, no kids either. I don't think my situation is desperate either.

The world is indeed unfair.

If you want your situation to change, you'll have to work hard at it if you can and if possible.

Don't look at people who got ahead in life very easily and everything went right with them. Not everyone will be lucky. Some will have to work really hard at it because as I've said, the world is unfair.

 

[salt-n-light]

This is taking a lot of guts to write, so please be merciful to me. I know it will shock lots of Christians. I know I am a rarity being female, but I am seriously struggling with lust and masturbation. No matter how wrong I know it is, I can't seem to stop. There is some background info with it so maybe it will help.

I've been in a "long distance" relationship/friendship with a guy in another state for six months. We have never met and I am not sure if we are as the guy is severely depressed and doesn't seem very interested in doing so. He said he "was" going to visit before the year ended but the company he works for said no one can ask for time off until next year. I am starting to think maybe that was a good thing. Before anyone asks, I know he is a real person because I have sent him things in the mail that he has shown me on video and I have done background searches to confirm he is who he says he is.

The problem is, I am inflamed with lust. I'm a virgin but have struggled throughout my teen years with masturbation. I was clean for about 8 years until earlier this year when I had an x-rated dream that enticed me. I had a very skewed view of sexuality all of my life and told myself I should be celibate to avoid pitfalls. The dream I had made me view sex as something wonderful, and the feelings that came from it were so strong I eventually gave in and started falling back into my masturbation addiction. And I ended up giving in on a regular basis.

My triggers are when I first wake up (especially if I've had a sexual dream, which usually occurs in extended REM cycles) and when I am feeling lonely. Being in this long distance relationship with this guy certainly hasn't helped. I find myself longing to experience intimacy with him, in the context of marriage. But I feel afraid that I am already so attached to him, because he is depressed and I haven't met him so I don't know if these feelings will ever have an outlet. I'm stuck with feelings that have nowhere to go. I don't know if God wants me to stop talking to him, or if I should tell this guy I am really struggling. I can't go on like this. I have started having dreams about him and I wake up fascinating over it, which of course leads to masturbation. I cry afterwards because I know I have broken God's heart and sinned against Him. It makes me worry that I don't love God enough to let this sin go. I've been trying to pray more and spend time with Him, and it has helped a little.

I'm also frustrated because it just doesn't feel fair to me that I have to look at these feelings for this guy as sinful when other women my age and younger get to experience sex on a daily basis with their husbands while I'm struggling to forget a dream about someone I long to share that with. It's not fair. I feel angry. My sin has perverted it, and I wish like heck I would have never had that dream. It opened up Pandora's box. Now I'm a filthy lustful harlot.

I can relate, especially it being a Pandora's box.I also have struggled with how i dealt with lustful feelings. The worst thing you can do though is shame yourself for feeling this way. Alot of women like me deal with those things, we just don't talk about it so freely. One thing to consider when going through it is that usually your flesh is desiring holy desires through unholy means, so a couple of actions come to mind that would be of help for you.


1. You have to look at the root of things
Why are you draw to entertain your flesh in this matter? Is it really more of that you want sex, or that you just want intimacy that you wish you have? Sounds like you just missing the intimacy, and that's ok. Look to seek more healthy in-person moments of intimacy, like devotion with God, spending time with friends, finding ways to make healthier connections.

2.Question if the action have to be done in the first place
This body is not our own, it belongs to God, so we are given a responsibility to learn how to manage this vessel and the desires we put in our heart towards it. Its the difference between driving your own car, and driving a car your parents lend you. The mindfulness is different. If you feel that this situation between you and the guy are stirring up unholy desires, then I would talk to him about it, maybe he is struggling with it too and you two can hold each other accountable. But if the long distance isn't helping, and he's not helping, then it would be wise to break it off.

3. Usually its not just masturbation.
Sinful acts are never just one note, you could be struggling with other things within yourself you need to address like maybe depression, self-esteem, anger that are aiding you to commit acts such as masturbation. So give yourself time to self-examine against the Word and pray that God bring it up to your attention and renew your mind.

 

[royal priest]

Here is a series of sermons you may find very helpful:
Divine Antidote to Sexual Impurity - Albert N. Martin
As members of the bride of Christ, we ultimately belong to Him. May we keep our hearts for our wedding day with Him.

 

[Serving Zion]

I think it is sad that you seem to be having a cognitive dissonance - part of you is craving it, the other part is despising it. You are double-minded, and as you said, that there was a time you were devoted against it. It seems that you could be like an addict trying to quit smoking. What I know about that is that without the great enough reason, the mind is always weak enough to give in to the craving. So we remove all temptations - and that way the mind doesn't get subjected to cravings so often. But, there does come a tempting, and in that moment, we need to have the strength to resist .. so how will you do it? I think that in that moment, you are giving way to the craving because you truly have not felt that the consequence of the sin is worth more than the pleasure. IOW, you don't have an understanding of the sin that makes it so serious as Hebrews 10:26 would say it is .. and yet, you believe it is sin. So, I think you need to do more work to understand why it is sin, <staff edit>

 

[Joy]

MOD HAT ON


This thread has been moved from Christian Advice to Struggles with Sexuality.

Please review the Statement of Purpose before posting.


MOD HAT OFF

​

 

[PD7]

When we go to the Scriptures it is worth noting that masturbation is not forbidden or encouraged. There's no question that it can be sinful, but in itself, is it a sin? In ancient Egypt, masturbation was common practice. But in the law of Moses it has no mention. We see that an emission of sperm resulted in uncleanness in the same way as a menstrual cycle or through lawful sexual relations with a spouse. The sin of Onan in Genesis 38 was because he refused to provide offspring for his deceased brother. Leviticus 18 goes into detail about sexual sin, but masturbation is not to be found there either. I have heard one way of determining if something is a sin is by asking 3 questions. 1. Is it forbidden in the bible? Answer: No. 2. Is it unnatural? Answer: It certainly appears to be natural. 3. Is it unloving? Answer: Not always, but it can be. Examples might be taking care of yourself and neglecting your spouse, promoting the degradation of women by supporting inappropriate content, sinful thoughts that hinder your walk with God. Perhaps others. Your mind is the battlefield. We are created as sexual beings, and your desires are natural. Desires for a husband is natural. Pharisees were also good at adding commands for people to keep. I don't think God forgot a command. Take a few minutes to read Colossians 2:16-23. Harsh treatment of the body does have an appearance of wisdom in promoting self-made religion and asceticism and severity to the body, but they are of no value in stopping the indulgence of the flesh. Just because something feels good doesn't make it a sin. The caution is that it can become a vice, as with anything. My guess is that most people that are quick to condemn in this matter are lax in other areas like gluttony, since this is what we have been passed down through our culture, no from the bible. But when I read this post, I'm not so certain that your desires are sinful or if they are good and natural. That question I cannot answer, and it appears that the heart and mind are most crucial.

 

[seekingmuch]

Erotic dreams are not a sin. A thought that pops into your head isn't a sin either.

I'd say what you are experiencing is very common and you shouldn't judge yourself for it. God gave you sexual desires and sexual needs. There is absolutely nothing wrong with masturbation, either. Most women have toys to have fun that are single (and a lot that are married have sex toys). I know single guys that are in their 40s and still touch 2-3 times a day. Guys and girls in their teens and 20s, that aren't having sex with someone, touch. Women just hide it more. But, the sales of sex toys and erotic romance novels tell the tale. *giggles*

I think you are equating lust with simply finding some guy hot. People have crushes. You aren't going to hell for them. So, you love your boyfriend and want to be intimate with him. Otherwise, he wouldn't be your boyfriend. If you think sexual thoughts about your boyfriend, that's cool, too. It's really totally normal behavior.

Some lust is totally normal.

[bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]!

Yeah, it is. It's part of the reason men and women date. Attraction requires a little lust. If a girl doesn't find a guy hot and guy doesn't find a girl hot, there isn't much reason to hookup.

You sound totally normal. Nothing to worry about.

 

[Dan1988]

This is taking a lot of guts to write, so please be merciful to me. I know it will shock lots of Christians. I know I am a rarity being female, but I am seriously struggling with lust and masturbation. No matter how wrong I know it is, I can't seem to stop. There is some background info with it so maybe it will help.

I've been in a "long distance" relationship/friendship with a guy in another state for six months. We have never met and I am not sure if we are as the guy is severely depressed and doesn't seem very interested in doing so. He said he "was" going to visit before the year ended but the company he works for said no one can ask for time off until next year. I am starting to think maybe that was a good thing. Before anyone asks, I know he is a real person because I have sent him things in the mail that he has shown me on video and I have done background searches to confirm he is who he says he is.

The problem is, I am inflamed with lust. I'm a virgin but have struggled throughout my teen years with masturbation. I was clean for about 8 years until earlier this year when I had an x-rated dream that enticed me. I had a very skewed view of sexuality all of my life and told myself I should be celibate to avoid pitfalls. The dream I had made me view sex as something wonderful, and the feelings that came from it were so strong I eventually gave in and started falling back into my masturbation addiction. And I ended up giving in on a regular basis.

My triggers are when I first wake up (especially if I've had a sexual dream, which usually occurs in extended REM cycles) and when I am feeling lonely. Being in this long distance relationship with this guy certainly hasn't helped. I find myself longing to experience intimacy with him, in the context of marriage. But I feel afraid that I am already so attached to him, because he is depressed and I haven't met him so I don't know if these feelings will ever have an outlet. I'm stuck with feelings that have nowhere to go. I don't know if God wants me to stop talking to him, or if I should tell this guy I am really struggling. I can't go on like this. I have started having dreams about him and I wake up fascinating over it, which of course leads to masturbation. I cry afterwards because I know I have broken God's heart and sinned against Him. It makes me worry that I don't love God enough to let this sin go. I've been trying to pray more and spend time with Him, and it has helped a little.

I'm also frustrated because it just doesn't feel fair to me that I have to look at these feelings for this guy as sinful when other women my age and younger get to experience sex on a daily basis with their husbands while I'm struggling to forget a dream about someone I long to share that with. It's not fair. I feel angry. My sin has perverted it, and I wish like heck I would have never had that dream. It opened up Pandora's box. Now I'm a filthy lustful harlot.

You shouldn't feel so guilty for being normal. I don't think this guy with depression is the right person for you. I've heard that depressed people have a very low sex drive, so they can't really perform.

The best thing you can do, is ask God to give you a good husband. He promised to give us the desires of our hearts, if they are in accordance with His will. I'm sure God wants you to get married to a man who will be able to take good care of you.

If this guy really loved you, he'd swim the seven seas to get to you. I prayed that God would help me find a good wife, as all my previous girlfriends had been around the block a few times. It wasn't long before I met my wife, who turned out to be the woman of my dreams.

I also had a crush on another woman before I meet my wife and I prayed that God would give me her, but He had a much better person in mind and I'm so glad I asked Him before I made any commitments to the other woman.

God owns everyone and He knows who the best match is for you, all you have to do is put your trust in Him and He will bless you.

 

[pinkjess]

Are you people serious? Masturbation is lust! Don't tell me it isn't please

 

[Sabertooth]

Are you people serious? Masturbation is lust! Don't tell me it isn't please

Not according to these pediatricians. LINK1 LINK2

And it can be just as innocent for adults. Why must you insist otherwise?

You will never resolve your current cognitive dissonance until your are ready to reconsider that.

 

[Dan1988]

Are you people serious? Masturbation is lust! Don't tell me it isn't please

It may be lust, but it's no worse than feeding any other type of lust. Nobody can claim they haven't succumbed to their lust, we're all born with lust in our hearts.

Those who struggle against their lust and fall into it now and then are nowhere near as bad as those who just give themselves over to their lust, without a fight.

Lust comes in many forms, lusting after designer label clothing is also a sin. This woman wouldn't be doing that if she had a real man in her life, sadly there aren't many real men around these days.

 

[pinkjess]

Not according to these pediatricians. LINK1 LINK2

And it can be just as innocent for adults. Why must you insist otherwise?

You will never resolve your current cognitive dissonance until your are ready to reconsider that.

Every article I read the topic of Christians and masturbation its Always wrong