17 y/o son is a druggie, what do I do?!

Mar 10, 2010
6
2
✟7,643.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
Hello forum! This is my first post here on this website, and I'd first just like to say welcome and God bless to everybody here!

I am a 42 y/o mother with a 17 y/o son who is a senior in high school. Up recently, I had always thought of my son as a very good person. He scored straight A's thoughout highschool and middle school, he was a very respectful person towards me and my husband, and he was a very social person with lots of friends. At some point in the summer between junior and senior year I began noticing severe changes in his personality and behaviour. He started going to the gym very frequently (he was always heavily overweight by 60 or 70 pounds), he spent a lot of time at the library, and became very introverted. At the beginning of the school year, this behaviour progressed. He seemed to lose most of his friendships, and spent his weekends alone "biking" or "hanging out" downtown or at the library. My husband and I became very concerned with his change in attitude, however he continued to score good grades and he was in excellent physical condition so we could not complain.

However as time went on his grades began to slip and we were increasingly worried of what was wrong with him. He talked to us very rarely, and when he did he was very critical of us and our actions. He began demanding that we give more money to charities and homeless shelters, and asked us to sell our more extravagent luxuries (plasma television, coastal summer home, major electronics, etc.), because our lives fueled by materialistic posesions were keeping us from living "a life of simplicity, independence, magnanimity, and trust." (His words, not mine) He asked us if he could skip church to go on more extended bike rides, declaring that modern religion is "drivel shoved down the throat of sheeple," and he accused college as being "deameaning 20th century inventions."

My husband and I talked to our pastor about what we should do, and he said that it was just teen rebellion that would pass in time. However, I recently walked into my son's room very late at night (I was closing the windows because the heater was on) and I found that my son was not in his bed! My husband and I decided not to call the police, and hoped he would return that night. As we hoped, he did (at 5:30 in the morning!) and he was astounded when we were waiting in his room for him. We searched the backpack he was wearing, and found the unimaginable: a used marijuana pipe, along with a small sack of dope and a lighter. When we asked him where he was, he said he was giving homeless people Taco Bell and "smoking them out". We asked him if he had any other drugs in his room, and he admitted that he kept his stash under his bed.

We were flabbergasted, and had no idea that our own son was a druggie! We found 48 tabs of LSD, a small sack of "powdered mescaline", a baggie of poisonous mushrooms, some "DMT" (a kind of crystal meth), 2C-E (which is slang for cocaine), and more dope (marijuana). When we confronted him on the drugs, he told us that they were for "a journey of 'psycedelic' self betterment." He said that he used the drugs to become a better person, and that 'psycedelic' drugs were labelled under a blanket category of "hard drugs" when they were in fact tools of spiritual healing.

I have no idea what to do! I will continue to pray for my son, but he seems firmly convinced that what he is doing is morally right, regardless of religion or his own health. I have told him that if he does not stop abusing drugs, he will die and his brain and body will detiriorate, but he demands that he's used the 'psycedelic' drugs on a regular basis for over 8 months and that he is in better shape and is more inteligent than he was before he started abusing drugs. He claims that nobody has ever overdosed on LSD before (which I do not believe, people overdose on LSD all the time!) and that he does not do any of the "hard" drugs (as if crystal meth and cocaine are not dangerous drugs!). Please help me, I don't know what to do!
 
  • Friendly
Reactions: vinsight4u

PolarBear3

Newbie
Jul 4, 2008
135
4
North Carolina
✟7,791.00
Faith
Presbyterian
Marital Status
Married
I'm sorry you're having to go through this. I haven't been in this situation, but it sounds like you need to find a counselor for your son and you and your husband. If your son doesn't go, I would hope that you and your husband would still learn ways to deal with what your son is doing.

I hope your son was talking about food when he said he "was giving homeless people Taco Bell", but that's also a slang term for sexual behavior. I really hope he's not involved in that too, but it's something to be aware of or on the look out for.

Are there ways that you spend family time together? If he's concerned about the poor and the homeless, is there a way you can show him ways that your church is helping in this area and serve together?

It sounds like he is so set on justifying his drug use that he isn't listening to reason, but talking to him about how people improve themselves and seeing what his ideas are (if he's willing to share) might be enlightening. Also having specific examples of how drugs have ruined peoples lives and scientific studies of how drugs affect the body and mind would be good to have - he may not hear it the first time, but it might also be hard for him to dispute those kinds of facts.

I wish I had more helpful advice. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
 
Upvote 0
Mar 10, 2010
6
2
✟7,643.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
Thank you very much polarbear3 for your thoughts and prayers.

I have done some research on the ilicit narcotics, and I would like to make a correction in my first post. DMT is apparently not a type of methamphetamine, it is a psychedelic hallucinogen, and is one of the compounds our brains release during sleep. And 2C-E is apparently not cocaine, but instead a chemical similar to LSD. My son explained the differences between these drugs to me, insisting that the types of drugs he does are solely "entheogenic".

I checked with him to see if he was engaging in any promiscuos activities (thank you for the lingo PB3), and he denied any sexual activity. I also attempted to show him that he could help those in need just as much through religion as he could with drugs, but he seems to be thouroughly convinced that religion is a detriment to society. He continually critisizes the church we attend, claiming that the money spent on expensive stained glass windows and ornate gold inlaid artwork could better be spent on helping those in need as opposed to "pure aesthetic pleasure for rich upper class white people." I feel that his drug use is pushing him further and further away from religion (although he claims he still believes in a higher power, just not through organized religion.)

My son recently wrote me a quick laundry list of books I should read (for enlightenment purposes, he claims) although I am far too busy with work to finish any of them, and to be honest a lot of them are simply too wordy for me to properly understand. If anybody has read any of the following books, could you please explain them to me so I can possibly understand my son's motives? Thank you very much!

Walden - Henry David Thoreau
Civil Disobedience - Henry David Thoreau
Nature - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Thus Spoke Zarathustra - Friedrich Nietzsche
Beyond Good and Evil - Friedrich Nietzsche
The Doors of perception - Aldous Huxley
War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
Common Sense - Thomas Paine
The Call of the Wild - Jack London
The Golden Apples of the Sun - Ray Bradbury
 
Upvote 0

PolarBear3

Newbie
Jul 4, 2008
135
4
North Carolina
✟7,791.00
Faith
Presbyterian
Marital Status
Married
It's great that you're educating yourself about the kinds of drugs that he's using and I'm glad to hear that he's staying away from sexual activity. And even though he's trying to convince you that what he's doing is OK, at least he's talking to you and it sounds like he's being honest with you.

I'm only familiar with 3 of the books on his list (The Call of the Wild, War and Peace, and Walden). I have not read Walden (although I would like to when I have more time to read some day), but I have read the other two when I was much younger and I don't recall anything bad or evil in them, but I also don't remember them being very philosophical either (maybe I wasn't mature enough at the time to see that aspect though). I don't know anything about the rest of them. The Call of the Wild and Walden are both short books so you may want to pick one of them up and start reading (or get a recorded version if it's easier to listen instead of read). I'm thinking The Call of the Wild will be less wordy than Walden. I know you said you don't have much time to read, but 10-15 minutes each day may be enough for you to make some progress through the book and start talking to him about what appeals to him about it. Plus, making the effort to read something from his list will probably make him feel like you're trying to see where he's coming from and hopefully will help keep those lines of communication open.

When he is "claiming that the money spent on expensive stained glass windows and ornate gold inlaid artwork could better be spent on helping those in need", well, quite honestly, I think he has a good point. Is this church the only one he has been exposed to? There are lots of different churches and worship styles. Maybe taking him to a church in a less ornate building or even to a Mennonite or Quaker/Friends service would help him see people worshiping God in a way that appeals more to his idealistic view of how things should be. In any case, the drugs are clouding his view - although he thinks they are helping him see clearly ... I wish I knew how to advise you about that. I'll keep praying for your family.
 
Upvote 0
Mar 10, 2010
6
2
✟7,643.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
Well I purchased two books from my son's list today for reading. The first is "Walden; or, Life in the Woods" by Henry David Thoreau, and the second is "The Golden Apples of the Sun" by Ray Bradburt. (And polarbear3, when you mentioned the books not being of any philosophical importance, I believe that you are right. He said that he did not hand-pick his recomended books for me for an particular reason, he simply grabbed a handful of library receipts he found in his pocket and scribbled them on a piece of paper.) He stated that the books were not really as much as for enlightenment, but more of simply reading. He has been critisizing me constantly recently about not reading enough, stating that I have been devoting too much time to work and not enough time to educating myself. I believe he used the phrase "letting my schooling get in the way of my education," which is the same excuse he used for his slipping grades.

I am extremely dismayed at the fact that my son admitted today that he has no intention of quitting abusing drugs any time soon, and though he does seem to be completely open to discussion about his drug abuse. I have shown him many statistics about the negative effects of drugs, however he consistently seems to be able to find (obviously incorrect) statistics disproving the ones I've shown him. Can anybody prove the illegitimacy of this statistic? (The first result after Googling "Scientists quit government drugs body over David Nutt sacking"). A british government advisor spent a decade finding the harmfulness of 20 drugs, and the results seem obviously wrong. My son claims that I am "entirely incapable of making impartial decisions when I choose to only listen to what I want to hear."

What is even more curious is that my son has been attempting to convince ME to try his drugs, something I never even considered him doing. He said he feels "extremely empathetic towards my state of being," and that he knows that where I am in life right now is not where I would truly like to be. I am, admittedly, somewhat overweight and a bit of a workaholic, and he claims that my sensless greed for materialistic possesions (that I want, but do not need) prevent me from living a "more altruistic lifestyle of subservance to the common good."

Thank you very much for your continuing help polarbear3, your prayers have helped my family very much. God Bless all!
 
Upvote 0

PolarBear3

Newbie
Jul 4, 2008
135
4
North Carolina
✟7,791.00
Faith
Presbyterian
Marital Status
Married
My son claims that I am "entirely incapable of making impartial decisions when I choose to only listen to what I want to hear."

It sounds like this is exactly what *he* is doing. He only wants to hear that drugs are good for him so that is what he has decided. A counselor or psychologist may be able to help him understand what he is doing and why. I mean, it sounds like he must be truly dissatisfied with his life otherwise he wouldn't be using drugs to gain this view of how the world and his life should be - he could do that without drugs.

There are much betters ways to improve his life (or yours, as I know you know) than by taking drugs. He found that reading is one way. And he doesn't need drugs to do that of course. Has he read the Bible? Is he willing to? He may be opposed to going to church, but reading the Bible may help him find another way to improve his life. Maybe reading the Bible together?

What does he plan to do when he's finished with high school? What are his plans for the future?

How is your husband dealing with this situation?

I'll continue to pray for you and your family.

Kathy
 
  • Agree
Reactions: ChocoRabbit
Upvote 0
Mar 10, 2010
6
2
✟7,643.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
God bless you Kathy, you've helped me out very much with my situation, although the situation does not seem to be improving (especially after yesterday).

I talked to my son about the hypocricy of his statement about impartial decisions, and he gave me a lecture on the difference between opinion and biased assumption. He claims that opinion is the definition of logic and reason, whereas assumption is the absense of it. He attempted to explain to me that opinion is when one looks at an issue from both sides, and without making any presumptions or prejudices, makes an informed decision. He claims that he made the informed decisision to do drugs in a completely sober state of mind using only logic and reason, and therefor his decision could not be "clouded" by a senseless drug frenzy or biased assumption.

I also talked with my son about the better ways to improve his life, such as reading, playing chess, running, cycling, etc. (all of which he is an avid hobbyist of) however he reminded me that he did none of his current hobbies before starting his drug use, and that he spent most of the time watching TV and studying "menial subjects of tedious irrelevance" before he began using drugs. And yes, my son has read the Bible recently (although more for literary quality than religion, he said) and continues to denounce the state of modern religion.

I talked to my son about what he would like to do after high school, and he said he wanted to join the Peace Corps. Or start a Maccandlissesk pilgrage (could somebody explain to me what this means?) And my husband is dealing with situation moderately well, although he is still very angry with my son and is not talking to him as much as I am. My husband is a somewhat short-tempered person, and has still not forgiven my son for his abuse (especially after his most recent action, which we found out about last night.)

We found a notice of thanks from a charity organization called OXFAM in our son's room yesterday for the generous donations they had recieved for the past eight months. Apparently, *somebody* from our family has donated $250 a month to the organization on a monthly basis since last August, totalling to two thousand dollars. Our son has denied that he acquired the money from any money made by selling drugs, however he has been unable to explain how he made the money. Our son has been completely honest with us since he was caught, so I am DEEPLY hoping that there is some sort of misunderstanding here. If there is not, however, I do not know what I will do.

Thank you Kathy for your prayers!
 
Upvote 0

PolarBear3

Newbie
Jul 4, 2008
135
4
North Carolina
✟7,791.00
Faith
Presbyterian
Marital Status
Married
His lecture on assumption vs. opinion doesn't make much sense to me. His definition of assumption sounds right, but opinion is not always based on logic and reason. If I say "My opinion is that the color blue is the best", that's not based on reason or logic, but on my feelings about color. But people write books about this kind of psychology and that's not really the heart of the problem.

Even if he made the "logical" decision to use drugs, it's still illegal. That's a cold, hard fact - not an assumption or an opinion. It really doesn't matter how much sense he thinks it makes to use drugs, it doesn't change the law. For many jobs, he will need to take a drug test. And if he gets arrested and gets a criminal record, it makes it really hard (especially in this economy) to get a job at all. I know you know this, I just wish he would think about it that way.

From what you've written about your son, it sounds like he has a really good heart and he's really wanting and trying to do the right things for the world. Sometimes, as adults, we get immune to all of the problems we see and don't think we can do anything about them. I think it's great that he's wanting to make things change. He sounds like he would do well in the Peace Corps or in AmeriCorps - both do good service in areas that really need it. But he'll probably have more opportunities in both of these organizations if he goes to college or if he has been doing a lot of volunteer work already. I don't know if they require candidates to pass a drug test.

Did you get any more answers about where he has been getting the money for the donations? That is really worrisome. If he isn't willing to tell you where he got it, that says to me that it was probably by doing something immoral. Do you know where he is getting the money to buy the drugs?

Kathy
 
Upvote 0

tiredwalker

Veteran
Sep 21, 2006
2,375
232
✟18,633.00
Faith
Agnostic
Marital Status
Married
I'm just now reading all of this. I'm sorry for your struggles. I've seen a lot of behavior like this with my students (I was a high school English teacher before becoming a SAHM). What he is doing is very sophomoric (wise fool). He knows a little information, but is still too foolish/immature to understand it completely. Perhaps he should read Self Reliance by Ralph Waldo Emerson and think of striking it out on his own! It is very easy to be a philosopher when you've got your parents to help you out. When he goes out into the world, it'll be much harder to do such things.

As with the drugs, experimenting with pot is normal, but having the hard stuff and in such quantities is a much bigger deal. 48 tabs of LSD can have absolutely no other meaning than selling. It's hard to imagine that your baby could do such a thing, but he's old enough to think for himself now. However, he cannot have that in your home. If something happens, you are legally responsible for it (baby gets into it, people come to his window to purchase it, just having it around). I've seen a few cases of this type of behavior in "regular" (not ones where the parents themselves have/had drug problems) families and here are a few of the steps they took that worked:

1. Strip the child's room down to a bed, desk, and dresser. Take the door off.
2. Inform the child that while he is under your roof/finances, he may not bring drugs/illegal anything into your home. Doing so will will result in a call the police to have said items confiscated and him possibly arrested (you have to actually do this)
3. Perform surprise random drug tests. They are expensive, but not as expensive as lawyers.
4. Search his things everyday as soon as he comes home and everyday after he leaves.
5. Take away his car, car keys and license.
6. Do not allow him to go out with friends, they can come to your house and say in a common area while you are home.
7. Watch him like a hawk.


I know he's into naturalism (based on his readings), and he feels himself as somewhat of a free spirit/good doer, but he needs to understand he's going about it in the wrong way. The people who accomplish the most are those that do it within the law (can't help from a jail cell, though you can help those in jail from the outside). To be honest, he probably thinks you guys are dumb and "unenlightened" and that he is wise (seen it a million times), but you need to prove him wrong.

One thing that you can do that is helpful is spend time doing the "good" things with him. He might be grounded, but you can spend time as a family feeding the poor at a homeless shelter (don't do it on the streets...too dangerous). Figure out ways to raise money for some of the causes he likes. This will let him know that you are listening to him, but demonstrate the proper way to go about it. You could have a garage sale and send the proceeds to one of his charities. Tell him you are very impressed that he wants to do good in the world, but you are worried about how he goes about it. Then, demonstrate that you are willing to not only indulge this passion, but join the cause yourself.

I hope that helps. Again, I'm sorry you are going through this.
 
  • Winner
Reactions: blackribbon
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums
Mar 10, 2010
6
2
✟7,643.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
I am sorry for not replying in quite a long time, however I have been very busy with work recently.

I have attempted to implement your ideas with my situation tiredwalker (thank you very much, I believe that you are 100% correct about the "wise fool" comment). I have began implementing your rules 2, 3, 4, & 7, although I found the others harder to do. My son has no posessions in his room other than his mattress, a bean bag, and a rack of clothes, however we did remove his door. He seemed to have no problem with us doing this. I discussed the issue of us having drugs in the house, and how it would affect the entire family, and he agreed entirely and insists that he will no longer bring any narcotics onto our premises, although he STILL refuses to stop his drug abuse. (I can't imagine when he actually does any of these drugs, though, considering that LSD lasts for 12 hours and he's never away from me or school for more than 2.) I have performed several drug tests on him within the past month, however he's tested clean for marijuana, and it is very hard to find drug tests that test for the drugs he abuses (LSD, DMT, and mescaline are apparently rarely abused drugs among teenagers.) I have recently been searching his backpack, however he refuses to own any posessions that he does not absolutely need, and his backpack is consistently only filled with his schoolwork, artwork, and writing (my son has developed quite the writing habit within the past month). He refuses to drive because of air pollution to the environment, and has no real friends, so I wasn't able to do anything about 5 or 6. And I have been watching him like a hawk, don't worry!

I offered to donate a monthly $250 to OXFAM, and he (hesitantly) agreed to stop donating the cash on his own. He has also made demands that we stop paying for any of his posessions (although to be completely honest, he never demanded any cash before anyways) and has decided to feed himself solely through money he has made on his own. (Don't fret, this is not drug money, but instead cash he's made working as a camp counselar over the summer.) I have confronted him about his "wise fool" attitude, but he continues to claim that my opinion of morals are no better than his, and that, because both of us have biased opinions on the matter (he has finally agreed that his opinion on the matter is biased) it is impossible to determine which of us is right and which is wrong. His logic is perfectly constructed to allow himself to continue to abuse drugs without feeling guilty for his sins or his health, and I am personally amazed that he continues to not show any signs of mental or physical illness. (I attribute all of our prayers to this miraculous health, and I continue to God bless you all.)

Yet another thing that bothers me about my son is his lack of real friends. I have talked to one of my closest friends (who, coincidentally, used to be a high school teacher and is now a SAHM) and she agreed that if my son was friends with other drug-free students, he might be more willing to change his mind. However, my son refuses to befriend anybody of his own age, as he just doesn't "fit in" with modern high schoolers. I once accidentaly critisized his "druggie" friends in a conversation when accusing him of dealing in order to pay for his charity money, and he said that he refused to sell drugs to minors because the only drug-users he knew of at his school used drugs to get "@#$%ed up", as opposed to self-enlightenment. I can't exactly ground my son or remove his door in order to get him to have more friends, so I can't say I know what to do on this one.

But, in order to make this post not ENTIRELY depressing, I do have some good news: my son ran his first marathon two weekends ago, and finished at 2 hours, 52 minutes, and 2 seconds. He was pretty dissapointed with his time, but I thought it was impressive. God bless all!
 
  • Friendly
Reactions: vinsight4u
Upvote 0

tiredwalker

Veteran
Sep 21, 2006
2,375
232
✟18,633.00
Faith
Agnostic
Marital Status
Married
He sounds like a very smart kid, but a bit cocky (again sophomoric). That being said, I don't think that you can really change his mind by simply telling him he's being sophomoric. My friends and I were very much like this in high school. We thought our parents were part of "The Man" and that they didn't know anything. No one was addicted to drugs, but several tried it to see if it opened their minds for the sake of art. It honestly took a lot of experience to make us understand that this was a dumb idea. Honestly, I think the biggest thing that kept me from trying drugs was realizing that I had to buy it from a criminal. I would never trust my food or possessions with a criminal, why would I trust them with my drugs? They can cut all of that stuff with ground up glass, Comet/Ajax cleaner, anything. If I get some bad stuff, who is going to right that wrong? If I get really sick from eating out, I can report that, but whose going admit getting bad drugs?

If I were in your shoes, I think I would continue to try to understand where he is coming from by reading and understanding his books/writings, helping with charities he likes, but that you approve of, *and most importantly talking and engaging with him about his thoughts. You don't have to have an answer for everything right away. Be honest and say if you hadn't thought of something that way or that you needed time to mull something over to develope and opinion on it. Kids are pretty good at respecting that. As adults, we often feel that we need to prove that we know everything or simply have an answer for our kids right away, but we don't always have that. It's far better to admit it, take time to develope a well thought out answer, and revisit the subject. As a thinker, he'll probably really respect you for that and take your answers with more that a grain of salt.

I'd also tell him you are proud of the fact that he is leading a simple life and that he takes the time to care about the environment and other people. He knows that you disapprove of the drugs (as you should) and some of his other actions. If you seperate the wheat from the chaff as far as his actions/philosophy, he'll know you've really invested time into thinking about him which will make it harder for him to just say "My parents are part of the big problem and they don't think about anything other than money, God, etc., etc.).

Please also remember what it's like being a teen. Their bodies and minds are impassioned. They are idealistic and full of raging hormones. Hormones can cause a kid to be driven hard for more things than just sex (this is why we don't see many old soldiers...you gotta get them while they're young). At some point, his body will adjust to normal and his ideals will dull a bit (though he'll never believe you if you tell him!). So you have to let him know the ideas/actions that you absolutely don't agree with/won't allow and the ideas/actions that are good.
 
Upvote 0
Mar 10, 2010
6
2
✟7,643.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
God bless you tiredwalked for all of your help, it's all very informative and honest.

Well my son has recently decided to give me an ultimatum for his drug abuse. He has agreed that, if I either can run a "sub-4" marathon (a marathon in under four hours) or if I agree to eat a single tab of LSD once, then he will stop all drug abuse for the next ten years.

The marathon sounds like an extremely unlikely scenario, as I am considerably overweight and I very busy with work. However, I would never rule it out as I am willing to place the safety of my son above anything else. My main concern for this goal is that the time it would take me to adequetely prepare for a kind of physical ordeal like a marathon (a 4 hour marathon speed is VERY fast, and I doubt that I would be able to walk a marathon, let alone run it) would take so long that by the time I can actually COMPLETE the arbitrary ultimatum he's given me, he may have hurt himself badly. I am planning on purchasing some running shoes, running clothes, and a marathon running book off Amazon very soon.

And if I am unable to complete the marathon, then I am only left with one other option to stop my son's drug abuse. I would REALLY not like for it to come to this, however if I am unable to make significant progress on my running, then... I honestly have no idea what to do. I can't imagine myself EVER doing drugs, but my son has been doing them on a weekly basis for almost a year now and is liable to practically drop dead anytime now. I attribute all of our prayers to my son's maintaining health, but they can only last for so long.

And these options don't even account for if my son disregards his promise and continues abusing drugs after I've completed either of his menial tasks. My son has been 100% honest with me since he's been caught, however I am well aware that you can never trust a drug addict, no matter how convincing they sound. GRRR! I am completely torn on what to do in this situation. Advice?
 
Upvote 0

tiredwalker

Veteran
Sep 21, 2006
2,375
232
✟18,633.00
Faith
Agnostic
Marital Status
Married
That's a tough one. It's not really his place to give an ultimatum, but you don't want him using drugs either. I think in this case, I'd tell him something to this effect:

I'm not going to make a habit of playing games with you. However, I love you greatly and will go to great lengths to ensure your health and safety. 1). I will not take drugs for you for two reasons A) It is illegal and I don't to do anything that could hurt my current record. B) They are produced and distributed by criminals whom I cannot trust with my health.

I will, however, try to do a marathon for you. I don't want to endanger my health, so I will go to the doctor for a physical first and see what he/she says about training for a marathon. If he/she says it's unrealistic to do a sub-4, I will train for the highest level they say I can do and build up to the sub-4. I would like you to be my training buddy though. What do you think?

That's what I would do. It'll give him a reason to spend time with you. You said you are out of shape, and this could be a great way for you to get back into shape while developing a lasting bond with your son. If he demands that just jump straight into the sub-4, tell him no. There is no point in dying for your child's demands and you are the parent.

You can reach a comprimise that could really help the both of you. I know it's a stretch, but even training for a half marathon with your son could really bring about some serious changes. You'll have to stick with it though!
 
Upvote 0

PolarBear3

Newbie
Jul 4, 2008
135
4
North Carolina
✟7,791.00
Faith
Presbyterian
Marital Status
Married
I think tiredwalker is giving some great advice so I haven't added anything for a while. I agree with tiredwalker that you don't need to play his game. Here's the game I see him playing ... if you don't do either of his tasks, then it becomes your fault that he doesn't quit taking drugs. He could place the blame on you instead of taking responsibility for what he's doing to his body with the choices he is making. He might say "well, if mom had taken the LSD or done the marathon fast enough, then I would have stopped, but she didn't so now it's her fault that I'm still using." Plus, he knows that the marathon will take a long time to train for. So it's like he's trying to get permission to keep taking drugs ... as long as you haven't done the marathon or taken the LSD, then it's OK for him to use drugs. So I wouldn't agree to his proposal/ultimatum.

If you want to train for a marathon, then go for it and ask him to be your training partner. It would be a great activity to do together, but if it's not realistic (for health reasons and/or time reasons or whatever), then it's not fair for him to hold that over you. You have to make decisions that are healthy and good for you.

Have you looked in to Nar-Anon? It's modeled after Al-Anon/Alcoholics Anonymous and could provide the support of other families going through similar problems. Here's a link:
About Nar-Anon

I will continue to pray for you, your husband and your son.
 
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums

tiredwalker

Veteran
Sep 21, 2006
2,375
232
✟18,633.00
Faith
Agnostic
Marital Status
Married
Like PB3 said, please do make it clear that you are not playing this game, and explain what his game seems to entail. However, do mention that you like the idea of spending time with him in training for a marathon, so you'll do that. (Feel free to tell him this too) Ultimately, it is his choice to take or not take drugs. He's almost an adult, and he can make that decision on his own. You can't physically hold him down to prevent him from doing it, and he can certainly sneak out to do it. Nothing you do is really going to have a huge impact on that (yelling, threatening, attempting to force etc.) It is his decision. Obviously, you want him to stop, but he has to do that on his own. What you are willing to do is get to know him better and spend good quality time with him.
 
Upvote 0
Aug 20, 2009
18
3
Marion, IN
✟7,653.00
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Single
Politics
US-Others
First of all, I think your son sounds like a really good kid. He's at an idealistic age to be sure, he thinks he has the answers to all of life's questions, but that's what being 17 is all about. I'm sure he seems like a smart-aleck at the moment, but he isn't knocking over mailboxes or shoplifting. He's been running marathons and helping the poor - things could be a lot worse.

The drug use is obviously a difficult issue, but if (as you said) he has agreed not to keep his drugs in the house, then he is acting as responsibly as can be hoped for in this situation. I'm not a doctor, but I don't think you have a whole lot to worry about dropping-dead wise with LSD. It can be dangerous (bad trips) but it's not addictive, and it isn't going to destroy his body.

His performance in school is what he should be worrying about. I've been interested in joining the Peace Corp myself, and I know that they strongly prefer candidates with at least a B.A. If he is really dedicated to helping others, educating himself is the first step. He is probably disillusioned with his high school, but encourage him to stick with it, because college is a whole other ballgame. He will meet people (even non-druggies!) who he can discuss his beliefs with, and will be challenged to examine what exactly it is that he believes. From the books you listed, it sounds like he's been doing a good job educating himself, but whether or not it seems fair he is going to need traditional recognition (i.e. a diploma) if wants anyone to listen to his ideas in the real world.

I agree with the notion of running the marathon with him. It will give you a way to connect. You will have a lot of time to talk during training, and he will come to respect you a lot more if you really stick with this. Maybe you can both learn something from each other.
 
Upvote 0
R

Reborn_thru_him

Guest
Since this thread is 4 years old, I was just curious about the status of your son. When I was his age and a little older (17-21) I was a heavy user of all the drugs you mentioned: LSD, DMT, various 2c-x compounds, mushrooms (the picture in my avatar was actually taken at about the time I was 19, I am now 25). It sounds like he must have been quite the enthusiast to have had all of them at once in his room.

My interest in using psychedelic drugs, I feel, was an inevitable result of my inquisitive nature. The internet facilitates access to and often embellishes information about the effects of the drugs, and how to obtain access to them. Any intelligent person who so desires can obtain drugs or the information about how to produce them via the internet without difficulty.

I cannot in fact say that I regret having used them. They were an integral part of my formative years, showing me many things about the limits of my mind and my capacity to reason or to know things via my experience (The word psychedelic means, etymologically, "mind-manifesting"). This, in time, inspired me in many ways to discover that faith would always be a necessary component of my life unless I set out to intentionally delude myself.

I do not feel that these drugs damaged my brain in any significant way. I have since graduated from college and attended graduate school and taught classes in linguistics at a major university. Many of my colleagues have used the drugs as well and I have come to accept that having an interest in them is often a natural side-effect of being the kind of person who is both inquisitive and unreserved. Many inquisitive people are too constrained by fear to test their limits.

I do know of many individuals who have not fared well after taking these kinds of drugs, but typically these were polysubstance abusers who simply used psychedelic drugs because they happened to also be substances that alter the consciousness. Your son does not sound like one of them.

I hope and expect that your son is doing well.
 
Upvote 0

Flooleyoobley

New Member
Feb 28, 2017
1
0
25
Vancouver washington
✟15,201.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
I joined just so I can tell you that these drugs your son is using are not going to make him I'll in any way or kill him he's more likely to die from alcohol or cigarettes the average dose of LSD is around 400micrograms and it takes about 250,000 and there's never been any actually reported deaths that result directly from LSD and the same can be said about both of the other drugs so I hope that puts you at ease yes it make make you do some pretty weird things but I would say at this point he can handle himself especially if he's tried DMT so I help that allows you to worry less
 
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums

Dave-W

Welcoming grandchild #7, Arturus Waggoner!
Supporter
Jun 18, 2014
30,521
16,866
Maryland - just north of D.C.
Visit site
✟771,800.00
Country
United States
Faith
Messianic
Marital Status
Married
Politics
US-Others
the average dose of LSD is around 400micrograms and it takes about 250,000 and there's never been any actually reported deaths that result directly from LSD
Do you not remember Art Linkletter's daughter?
 
Upvote 0