10 Ways You Can Serve the Church as a Single Woman Article

[JCFantasy23]

By coincidence I saw this article today when browsing an article on an unrelated topic.

10 Ways You Can Serve the Church as a Single Woman

I know the article is supposed to be supportive and reassuring rather than condescending, there are things about it that rub me the wrong way. We basically get a lot of assurance in here we are still valuable to the church and treasured despite being single, and we can still find purpose and gifts to use.


The opening of the article:

"I probably don’t need to spend a lot of time convincing you that marriage is a good. But what if I said that singleness is just as good?

Before you go rolling your eyes, give me a chance. God, the ultimate Creator, created marriage and singleness. (And believe it or not, singleness wasn’t designed as a punishment.) But one of the biggest mistakes I see young women make is spending their singleness just waiting around for it to end."

 

[JCFantasy23]

There are reassuring traits of this article that are useful, too. Curious on others thoughts.

There are good tips in the article, but the way I read they apply to every church member. I'm not sure why it was separated for "single women" - any person cna do these tips and tricks to feel useful and still serve their church.

 

[JCFantasy23]

Curious if anyone else has felt this before?

4. Set Boundaries
Slide 4 of 10
I constantly overextended myself while I was single. I thought I had to be at every event because I was the only person serving without a family. Did I ever have a valid reason for needing a Sunday or Wednesday off even though I didn’t have a husband or kids? Well unbeknownst to my single self, the answer is: of course.

Once I learned to set boundaries with commitments and to respect my own time, serving became so much more joyful. I went from feeling trapped in having to serve to thriving in an environment where I chose to help. Creating boundaries gave me freedom from guilt and shifted my mindset out of the “martyrdom of singleness.” I not only enjoyed serving more, but I was able to enjoy my life more! I spent more time with friends, developed new hobbies, and even eventually met my husband.​

 

[bekkilyn]

I think it's a pretty good article overall, and I agree that much of the advice could apply to anyone. I do think some of the advice would have more impact if the article had been written by someone who was actually single long-term and perhaps lifelong vs. newly married.

 

[bekkilyn]

Curious if anyone else has felt this before?

4. Set Boundaries
Slide 4 of 10
I constantly overextended myself while I was single. I thought I had to be at every event because I was the only person serving without a family. Did I ever have a valid reason for needing a Sunday or Wednesday off even though I didn’t have a husband or kids? Well unbeknownst to my single self, the answer is: of course.

Once I learned to set boundaries with commitments and to respect my own time, serving became so much more joyful. I went from feeling trapped in having to serve to thriving in an environment where I chose to help. Creating boundaries gave me freedom from guilt and shifted my mindset out of the “martyrdom of singleness.” I not only enjoyed serving more, but I was able to enjoy my life more! I spent more time with friends, developed new hobbies, and even eventually met my husband.​

I've been pretty good at keeping boundaries with my time, primarily because I'm an introvert and *need* to be able to spend a lot of time by myself to recharge my energy. I've seen a lot of people over the years experiencing people (particularly employers) taking advantage of them because they are single and supposedly have more time than married people though, so I'm thinking this boundary issue is pretty common with single folk and that perhaps I'm more of an exception. (Though would be nice to find out that I'm not and that more single people have healthy time boundaries than otherwise.)

 

[JCFantasy23]

I've seen a lot of people over the years experiencing people (particularly employers) taking advantage of them because they are single and supposedly have more time than married people though,

That is interesting and something I've never considered people assuming that. For me the opposite is true. Being single, I don't have someone around the house to help clean, repair, shop, cook, etc., so I feel like I have LESS free time. I also did have a child, so that of course takes up time. I think we all feel overextended and are busier than most people realize, whether single or married.

 

[Paidiske]

I wonder whether part of the reason some single women, in particular, might get caught in the trap of treating singleness as life's waiting room is because the church has not been very good at making clear that marriage/children might be nice, but aren't our reason for being or the highest measure of our worth?

 

[Dave-W]

I wonder whether part of the reason some single women, in particular, might get caught in the trap of treating singleness as life's waiting room is because the church has not been very good at making clear that marriage/children might be nice, but aren't our reason for being or the highest measure of our worth?

Good point. What the Church has been really good at is making a model and making sure everything fits that model. If your skin is the wrong color or you are in the wrong economic bracket or educational level, you are excluded. If your politics are of the wrong slant you are excluded. If you have a disability, etc.

It’s called creating God in your own image.

 

[Endeavourer]

If your skin is the wrong color or you are in the wrong economic bracket or educational level, you are excluded.

I haven't seen this in my walk.

I've attended various reformed churches, including some with a strong northern European connection (immigrants still flocking together and most of the congregation is blonde), and never found discrimination against my non-white xH or half white (and certainly not blonde) kids, ever. They've always been welcomed and assimilated with open arms, without reservation.

Same thing for economic bracket or educational level. The churches I've attended have had a wide diversity of these. (Edited to add: The substantive base of these churches are usually farmers or other blue collar workers.)

What type of churches are you referring to?

 

[Aabbie James]

Marriage is good (it's the capstone of the family), but marriage is not an absolute commandment for everybody. Because God has given some people the charisma or the gift of being single, the ability by the Holy Spirit to totally control sexual desire. And if that's what God's gifted someone with, then his or her singleness is an unique gift of God and ought to be used for His glory.

In Paul's teaching on marriage (1 Corinthians 7), especially verse 1 Corinthians 7:7, he teaches that each person has his own gift from God, one in this manner, and another in that.

So, marriage is the norm; it isn't commanded; it isn't an absolute, but it is the norm to avoid fornication, sexual involvement. Most individuals should get married. But for some who have the gift of being single, that's a special blessing of God, and it should be maintained because it puts them in a position to be used by God in a very unique way.