1. If you’re used to having your robust voice drowned out during hymns, but find it now sticks out like a sore thumb at Mass, you might be a convert.
Well, I'm not much of a singer myself, but I can relate to this - my memory of my old Presbyterian days (more vocal than the Catholics) and my wife's Baptist Church (twenty nine songs and they're just getting warmed up).
2. If you’ve ever pronounced a saint’s name or theological concept wrong because you’ve only ever read it in a book and never heard it pronounced out loud, you might be a convert.
I have enough trouble with Biblical names without treading on Saints toes, so I leave them strictly alone. Although I wondered why the hell they called the priest's house the Presbytery when I'd come from a Presbyterian background. Grounds for a court case on a charge of plagiarism I thought.
3. If you only recently realized that headlines like “Trinity Crushes Aquinas” or “St. Ignatius Comes Back To Stun Cardinal Gibbons” are actually referring to sports scores, you might be a convert.
Er, well, I'm Australian mate. We're barely literate - quotes like this would have the average sports follower calling for the announcer to be sacked.
4. If the hardest part about planning a weekend trip to visit family is figuring out how and when you’re going to escape and go to Mass, you might be a convert.
Not really - hardest part is finding another Catholic who wants to say "Hello".
5. If you’re used to sermons that last an hour, and a 10-minute homily makes you wonder if you missed something, you might be a convert.
Ten minutes!!! Who are you kidding?? Oh, come on! Five minutes - no more!
6. Even though it’s a parish festival or fish fry, if you’re still unnerved by the fact that they’re selling beer on church property, you might be a convert.
We're running our very first Alpha Program at the moment - all the attendees are regular parishioners just to try it out, and see how it goes. But I wonder what any Protestant visitors might think about the priest handing a bottle of wine around. Doesn't stop me from having a glass, mind you.
7. If you’ve ever contested the lightness of a penance with your confessor, you might be a convert.
I don't argue, but I am a bit surprised at the relative ease of the penance. I haven't yet had to use the cattail whip in the car boot just in case, or crawl on my knees to Rome. It reminds me of a Catholic bloke who started a charity helping AIDS widows in Uganda - prior to getting involved in this charity, he said his idea of a sacrificial Christian mission was a trip to the Vatican via the south of France.
8. Even though you know the Mass is deeply Scriptural, if it still bothers you that nobody brings their Bible to church, you might be a convert.
It did at first. Now I'm the odd one out at my wife's church when I go, although since they've started using OHP which everyone can see and read, there aren't quite so many Bibles in view even at her Baptist Church.
9. If whenever you see a priest or nun in the grocery store, you get a little starstruck and are tempted to ask for their autograph, you might be a convert.
Mother Teresa maybe, although I think she'd have made me self conscious. The Archbishop - well, I'd probably be a bit careful what I said, but I don't think I'd bother getting an autograph. Why bother, when his photo and last fifty five homilies are on the web? Pope Francis - I suppose we'd chew the fat for a while, starting with the Argentinian Rugby League team and moving on to "I say, Francis, have you got any idea what they're saying about you around and about?"
10. If people think you’re super holy, when really you just happen to have read a lot of books, you might be a convert.
There's a Protestant book store a few kilometres away called Koorong, now owned by the Bible Society. Occasionally I happen to see other Catholics there, or they mention they "love Koorong". But I wonder if that's because Koorong has a cafe and coffee shop?
