- Dec 25, 2004
- 33,794
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- Presbyterian
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- Private
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- US-Republican
Cast
NARRATOR, ECHO, CAPTAIN, JONAH, 1ST MATE, 1ST SAILOR, 2ND SAILOR, 3RD SAILOR, RUDE VOICE, 1ST ASSYRIAN, 2ND ASSYRIAN, 3RD ASSYRIAN, WIFE, KING, QUEEN
NARRATOR The story of Jonah and the Assyrians at Nineveh went like this:
Blows into voice tuner - the intro is sung to the tune of Gilligans island.
Now sit right back and youll hear a tale,
A tale of a fateful trip,
That started from this Joppa port
Aboard this tiny ship.
ECHO Aboard this tiny ship.
NARRATOR On board was a frightened preacher man,
Running from the Lord,
Set sail that day but on the way,
Took a three day detour.
ECHO A three day detour.
Scene 1: Boarding the Ship at Joppa
Jonah walks onto the ship, sailors are busy doing sailor things.
CAPTAIN Come aboard mate, were about to cast off.
JONAH [Walking onto the ship] Ive never been on an ocean voyage before. Do you think well see any whales?
CAPTAIN Only if the sea monsters dont eat them. Harrr harrr, a little captains joke there. What brings you aboard my ship?
JONAH Well my God said to me "Go to the great city of Nineveh and preach against it, because its wickedness has come up before me."
CAPTAIN Were not going near Nineveh mate, were headed in the opposite direction. If it be Nineveh youre after, you sail down that way [Points] and make a left just before you reach the edge of the world.
JONAH I know Ninevehs that way [Points], thats why Im going this way. [Points other way] Have you heard what those Assyrians do to people who give them a hard time?
CAPTAIN Aei, a scurvy mob of deck swabbing barnacles to be sure. [To crew] Cast off mates.
JONAH [To 1st mate] Wow you guys really talk like that.
1ST MATE No he just does that for the tourists. Aei Aei Captain. Cast off.
Fade out.
NARRATOR [2nd verse of Gilligan]
The Lord sent a violent storm that day,
The tiny ship was tossed,
If the crew didnt figure out something fast,
Their lives would be lost.
ECHO Their lives would be lost.
Scene 2: The Ship at Sea
Ship rocking backward and forward shown by crew stumbling backward and forward.
CAPTAIN Avast yea trusty hands, come about and jettison the cargo off the port side!
SAILORS What?
CAPTAIN Grab stuff and throw it overboard. [The crew begin to throw things overboard. One picks up the anchor]
No, not that you idiot!
1ST MATE [Carrying a TV] Its still no good captain, well be smashed to pieces!
CAPTAIN Get that preacher guy up here to pray to his God cause none of our gods seem to be listening. [Looks disapprovingly at a wooden idol, then throws it over]
1ST SAILOR That ones working captain, look hes floating away to save himself.
2ND SAILOR Lets try this one. [Holds up golden idol & throws over - "ker-plunk"] Nope, nothing.
1ST MATE [Gone down stairs and can be heard] How can you be asleep when were all about to die? Get up and pray to your God and maybe we wont perish in this storm.
Jonah & 1st mate emerge above deck. 1st mate throws Jonahs teddy bear over. 2 sailors can be seen playing paper/scissors/rock.
CAPTAIN What are you men doing?
1ST SAILOR Playing paper, scissors, rock.
CAPTAIN Well why stop there? Why dont we get out the monopoly board too, I'll be the little car!
3RD SAILOR [Carrying an inflatable raft] We cant captain I just threw it over. [Throws raft over]
CAPTAIN Ive met squid with more brains than this lot.
1ST SAILOR Captain were playing to see who might have brought this tragedy upon us. [Captain & others walk over to play.]
JONAH [To others] Can I play too?
2ND SAILOR Ah, sure. [All stand in line facing audience.]
1ST SAILOR One, two, three. [Rock, rock, rock, rock, rock, scissors - Jonah]
CAPTAIN Yea mutinous dog, youve doomed us all!
JONAH Im the reason God is angry, Ive disobeyed him. But dont worry, throw me overboard and the storm will subside.
3RD SAILOR Well I wish youd told us that before we threw the food overboard!
CAPTAIN Stand fast mates, we cant throw this man overboard! [Loud crack of thunder changes his mind]
OK Ill get his arms and you men grab his legs. [Pick up Jonah & throw off-stage]
JONAH Oh no my watch. Hey wait a minute, I cant swim!
CAPTAIN Quick, throw him something! [3rd Sailor picks up anchor - Captain turns] Dont even think about it.
2ND SAILOR To late hes gone under!
1ST SAILOR Look! Whats that?
Fin appears. Theme from jaws plays. The sea calms down as all the crew are looking over the edge of the boat. Then all salute as burial at sea music starts playing. Fade out.
NARRATOR, ECHO, CAPTAIN, JONAH, 1ST MATE, 1ST SAILOR, 2ND SAILOR, 3RD SAILOR, RUDE VOICE, 1ST ASSYRIAN, 2ND ASSYRIAN, 3RD ASSYRIAN, WIFE, KING, QUEEN
NARRATOR The story of Jonah and the Assyrians at Nineveh went like this:
Blows into voice tuner - the intro is sung to the tune of Gilligans island.
Now sit right back and youll hear a tale,
A tale of a fateful trip,
That started from this Joppa port
Aboard this tiny ship.
ECHO Aboard this tiny ship.
NARRATOR On board was a frightened preacher man,
Running from the Lord,
Set sail that day but on the way,
Took a three day detour.
ECHO A three day detour.
Scene 1: Boarding the Ship at Joppa
Jonah walks onto the ship, sailors are busy doing sailor things.
CAPTAIN Come aboard mate, were about to cast off.
JONAH [Walking onto the ship] Ive never been on an ocean voyage before. Do you think well see any whales?
CAPTAIN Only if the sea monsters dont eat them. Harrr harrr, a little captains joke there. What brings you aboard my ship?
JONAH Well my God said to me "Go to the great city of Nineveh and preach against it, because its wickedness has come up before me."
CAPTAIN Were not going near Nineveh mate, were headed in the opposite direction. If it be Nineveh youre after, you sail down that way [Points] and make a left just before you reach the edge of the world.
JONAH I know Ninevehs that way [Points], thats why Im going this way. [Points other way] Have you heard what those Assyrians do to people who give them a hard time?
CAPTAIN Aei, a scurvy mob of deck swabbing barnacles to be sure. [To crew] Cast off mates.
JONAH [To 1st mate] Wow you guys really talk like that.
1ST MATE No he just does that for the tourists. Aei Aei Captain. Cast off.
Fade out.
NARRATOR [2nd verse of Gilligan]
The Lord sent a violent storm that day,
The tiny ship was tossed,
If the crew didnt figure out something fast,
Their lives would be lost.
ECHO Their lives would be lost.
Scene 2: The Ship at Sea
Ship rocking backward and forward shown by crew stumbling backward and forward.
CAPTAIN Avast yea trusty hands, come about and jettison the cargo off the port side!
SAILORS What?
CAPTAIN Grab stuff and throw it overboard. [The crew begin to throw things overboard. One picks up the anchor]
No, not that you idiot!
1ST MATE [Carrying a TV] Its still no good captain, well be smashed to pieces!
CAPTAIN Get that preacher guy up here to pray to his God cause none of our gods seem to be listening. [Looks disapprovingly at a wooden idol, then throws it over]
1ST SAILOR That ones working captain, look hes floating away to save himself.
2ND SAILOR Lets try this one. [Holds up golden idol & throws over - "ker-plunk"] Nope, nothing.
1ST MATE [Gone down stairs and can be heard] How can you be asleep when were all about to die? Get up and pray to your God and maybe we wont perish in this storm.
Jonah & 1st mate emerge above deck. 1st mate throws Jonahs teddy bear over. 2 sailors can be seen playing paper/scissors/rock.
CAPTAIN What are you men doing?
1ST SAILOR Playing paper, scissors, rock.
CAPTAIN Well why stop there? Why dont we get out the monopoly board too, I'll be the little car!
3RD SAILOR [Carrying an inflatable raft] We cant captain I just threw it over. [Throws raft over]
CAPTAIN Ive met squid with more brains than this lot.
1ST SAILOR Captain were playing to see who might have brought this tragedy upon us. [Captain & others walk over to play.]
JONAH [To others] Can I play too?
2ND SAILOR Ah, sure. [All stand in line facing audience.]
1ST SAILOR One, two, three. [Rock, rock, rock, rock, rock, scissors - Jonah]
CAPTAIN Yea mutinous dog, youve doomed us all!
JONAH Im the reason God is angry, Ive disobeyed him. But dont worry, throw me overboard and the storm will subside.
3RD SAILOR Well I wish youd told us that before we threw the food overboard!
CAPTAIN Stand fast mates, we cant throw this man overboard! [Loud crack of thunder changes his mind]
OK Ill get his arms and you men grab his legs. [Pick up Jonah & throw off-stage]
JONAH Oh no my watch. Hey wait a minute, I cant swim!
CAPTAIN Quick, throw him something! [3rd Sailor picks up anchor - Captain turns] Dont even think about it.
2ND SAILOR To late hes gone under!
1ST SAILOR Look! Whats that?
Fin appears. Theme from jaws plays. The sea calms down as all the crew are looking over the edge of the boat. Then all salute as burial at sea music starts playing. Fade out.