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This is a long, but funny story a friend e-mailed me and I think you will enjoy it. This is the story of the night my ten-year-old cat, Rudy, got his head stuck in the garbage disposal. I knew at the time that the experience would be funny if the cat survived, so let me tell you right up...

Just some random funny sayings someone e-mailed me: For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance. A closed mouth gathers no feet. If you look like...

Always remember that the perfect age is somewhere between old enough to know better and young enough not to care. How many do you remember? 1. Candy cigarettes. 2. Wax coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water inside. 3. Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles. 4. Coffee shops...

Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery. A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative. A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother. Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death. I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded. A hangover is the...

An elementary teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. Their insight may surprise you. Better to be safe than............................punch a 5th grader Strike while...

A college drama group presented a play in which one character would stand on a trap door and announce, "I descend into hell!" A stagehand below would then pull a rope, the trapdoor would open, and the character would plunge through. The play was well received. When the actor playing the part...

An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of religious service when she was startled by an intruder. As she caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables, she yelled, "Stop! Acts 2:38!" ("Turn from your sin and be baptized") The burglar stopped dead in...

A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss the use of the car. His father took him to his study and said to him, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your Bible a little and get your hair cut and we'll...

One day Jesus and Satan were arguing about who had the greatest computer skills. They argued and argued. When they had drawn a crowd of onlookers and were still going at it hot and heavy, the angels-- fallen and not--started to take sides and make bets. Well God had had quite enough of this...

It says: "Press Any Key" It means: "Press any key you like, but I'm not going to do anything." It says: "Fatal Error. Please contact technical support quoting error no. 1A4-2546512430E" It means: "... where you will be kept on hold for 10 minutes, only to be told that it's a hardware...

A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school. Walking...

There once was a rich man who was near death. He was very grieved because he had worked so hard for his money and he wanted to be able to take it with him to heaven. So he began to pray that he might be able to take some of his wealth with him. An angel hears his plea and appears to him...

A newly ordained preacher and his young wife were talking about being more considerate of each other. The good wife promised that she would stop being so critical of his sleep-inducing sermons. He, in return, promised to honor her privacy and stop looking through her dresser drawers. The...

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place it in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you," He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight...

A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. The two were always getting into trouble and their parents could be assured that if any mischief occurred in their town their two young sons were in some way involved. The parents were at the end of their wits as...

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. It was covered with names, and small American flags were mounted on either side of it. The seven-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor...

HONESTY My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said...

A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans. Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?" The guy replies...

A little boy wrote a letter to God, asking him for $100. He addressed to envelope "God", put his return address on it, and dropped it in the corner mailbox. The postmaster thought this was such a nice gesture from a young child and decided to sent this letter on to the President. The...

A man bought a donkey from a preacher. The preacher told the man that this donkey had been trained in a very unique way (being the donkey of a preacher). The only way to make the donkey go, is to say, "Hallelujah!" The only way to make the donkey stop, is to say, "Amen!" The man...