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If you had 1,000,000 brothers and sisters prepared to follow your direction, what would be your first effort?

Broken, incomplete, abandoned, alone, terrified, frustrated, depressed. The idea of getting on my knees is laughable. How can he allow me to fall so low, yet again... Night terrors... if someone reads me another scripture.. or tells me how much He loves me.. I will shudder. this is not a life...

Trouble suffocates me. Worry entangles me. By night I can't sleep, by day I can't rest. The burden of suffering is intolerable. Where is God? Does He know, or are my prayers heard only by the wall? Is He near, or somewhere distant, only watching? If It hurt enough to ask such questions, don't I...