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Tired but calm.

In btween I guess. SPent seven days in the psych ward, which helped quite a bit.

Spent from 7/26 - 8/2 in the Psych ward. Don't feel 100% but feel better thn I did. Have court today, pray for me please.

I have run my whole life and I don't know why. All I know is I have hit a wall from my running.

I am very low at the moment. I feel as if I will never be out of "this" again. That chain that is attached to the thousand pound weight that sinks me into the middle of the ocean is thick with the rust from my tears and my blood. All I can see is fear. i cannot see good, and that scares me...

I have not lived a very Godily life, as nobody here has I am sure. But for years i was not a good father, husband, friend, son, citizen etc.... I hurt everyone I have ever known in one way or another. Too much to explain here but at this point right now, I want to live, but struggle.

Ever have trouble finding the courage to keep breathing in and out? To keep hanging in? I am at the point in my life right now where I am afraid I wont see tomorrow.

Please tell me i sent them back. I will awful if I didn't.

I am very low at the moment. I feel as if I will never be out of "this" again. That chain that is attached to the thousand pound weight that sinks me into the middle of the ocean is thick with the rust from my tears and my blood. All I can see is fear. i cannot see good, and that scares me...

Many people in my life hate me because of what i have done to them and there is nothing I can do to change how they feel. I can try and make amends and say i sorry but in the end once I have made the effort it is on them to heal. I am bp and have bpd and in my life I think my choices were...

I have abandonment issues and just end up having to ride them out. I tend to not get myself into any situations to be involved with people because of it really. I guess my best advice would be to stop and breath. It helps me. Just stop. Breath in breath out and keep doing that till it goes away...

I got a letter back from VESID today and have an appointment with them to see if I qualify for help.

A bit on the high side of level today for me. (Hi I am Bud by the way). But I started taking more meds so maybe that is a reason. Had a restless night, hard to sleep, feeling trepidations about the rest of the day

As Madison said, NAMI (NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness - Mental Health Support, Education and Advocacy) has places pretty much everywhere

Thanks, both of you.

Three short months ago I admitted to my wife that I was having an affair with not one but two women at work, and it was after my admission that I was sent to a hospital for "my safety". Since that time I have been struggling with doctors and medications and therapy and I gotta tell you it is...

Since I am just starting it, what was your biggest hurdle? I just noticed your signature had Zelda in it. What a story eh? Of course you know they think she was BPD as well, right? My favorite quote that helps me explain BPD to people is:

Welcome I think i agree with this. I know I am starting DBT in a week and a half and I am very hopeful that it will change me or at least aide in my changing. I have noticed that in therapy talk with people who were NOT Christian was harder because it was harder to say you are looking for...

I am a BPD Male.

Amen and for His faithful servants who allow His glory to shine through them!