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i had plans for next week, but found out tonight they fell through... I spend christmas alone and single this year.

i feel terrible today... terrible, and a very, very bad human being and friend... i had the opportunity to help someone out today... he's an awesome guy, a wonderful friend... but he doesn't have a job, and he needs a printer to print out his resume. I do have one... i have everything he needs...

I'm so lonely... so very, very lonely... so lonely i can barely breathe...

I'm very afraid to sleep right now... this shouldn't be happening, especially tonight... all day today, I've been in prayer and fasting over asking God to purge myself from having this desire to have a companion, and to simply draw closer to Him and Him only for love, completion, and hope...

i simply can't do this anymore... I'm so incredibly lonely right now, my heart feels like it's going to explode from the emptiness that I have, and i want it to explode... I don't want this anymore... i feel so barren, i want to die. i. can't. do. this. anymore.

my heart hurts so much. i can't describe it. she flat out rejected me, and yet still wants to be friends. i hate my life. i hate it so much. i put in so much of my heart, love, & care... all. for. nothing. it was the only thing that I had hope in, and now it's gone. i want to disappear. i...