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Dear Santa, I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned, and cuddled my two children on demand, visited the doctor's office more than my doctor, sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school playground, and figured out how to attach nine...

Here is a math trick that might get you thinking... 1. Grab a calculator. (you won't be able to do this one in your head) 2. Key in the first three digits of your phone number (NOT the area code) 3. Multiply by 80 4. Add 1 5. Multiply by 250 6. Add the last 4 digits of your phone...

Customer: I'm trying to connect to the Internet with your CD, but it just doesn't work. What am I doing wrong? Tech support: OK, you've got the CD in the CD drive, right? Customer: Yeah.... Tech support: And what sort of computer are you using? Customer: Computer? Oh no, I haven't...

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the director, "What is the criterion that defines a patient to be institutionalized?" "Well..." said the director, "we fill up a bathtub, and we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask him to empty the bathtub."...

Reasons I'd like to thank Wal-Mart, Kmart, Target, and my local grocer for having twenty-five checkout lanes and only three open at any given time: Waiting in long lines keeps my domestic brain from going completely idle -- there's so much to learn! Did you know they now sell primed...

1. Salmonella won't be a concern. 2. Everyone will think your turkey is Cajun blackened. 3. Uninvited guests will think twice next year. 4. Your cheese broccoli lima bean casserole will gain newfound appreciation. 5. Pets won't bother to pester you for scraps. 6. No one will...

One year at Thanksgiving, my mom went to my sister's house for the traditional feast. Knowing how gullible my sister is, my mom decided to play a trick. She told my sister that she needed something from the store. When my sister left, my mom took the turkey out of the oven, removed the...

The turkey shot out of the oven and rocketed into the air, it knocked every plate off the table and partly demolished a chair. It ricocheted into a corner and burst with a deafening boom, then splattered all over the kitchen, completely obscuring the room. It stuck to the walls and...

"This house," said the real estate salesman, "has both its good points and its bad points. To show you I'm honest, I'm going to tell you about both. "The disadvantages are that there is a chemical plant one block south and a slaughterhouse a block north." "What are the advantages?"...

An old Wild West fort is about to be attacked. The wily old general sends for his trusty Indian scout. "You must use all your thirty years of skill in trying to estimate the sort of army we are up against here." The trusty Indian scout lies down and puts his ear to the ground. "Heap large...

You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead. ------------ At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" "Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."...

... the finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one. ...people ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch ' em. ...when the pastor...

This looks really gross but I hear it taste awesome! Good halloween party dessert or just a funny trick to play on ppl Serving Size: 24 Notes: This is a fun cake! It might look gross, but it does taste good! Ingredients: 1 (18 oz.) box spice or german chocolate cake mix 1 (18 oz.)...

When things in your lives seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 cups of coffee. A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very...

"Looking for a sign from God? This is it." "No God -- No Peace. Know God -- Know Peace." "Free Trip to heaven. Details Inside!" "Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin-Robbins." "Searching for a new look? Have your faith lifted here!" An ad for St.Joseph's Episcopal Church...

Faith sees the invisible, believes the incredible and receives the impossible! Those who walk with God always reach their destination. It is my hearts desire that I must be NO more, that He be KNOWN more. (Saheed B. Olalekan) Here is a note from Saheed: "This quote is my life statement...

A Sunday school teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping." ********************************* A little boy opened the big and old family Bible...

one day there was this little girl and said can a whale swallow a man.the teacher said no it is phisically impossible.the girl said dont you believe the story of jonah and the whale the teacher said yes but it is phisically impossible for a whale to swallow a man.well when i go to heaven i am...

God: "Whew! I just created a 24-hour period of alternating light and darkness on Earth." Angel: "What are you going to do now?" God: "Call it a day."

An elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death's agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from his bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of his bedroom, and with...