Coping with infertility in your marriage

Hi & welcome! I'm sorry but I don't have any experience in infertility, but just wanted to let you know you & your hubby will be in my prayers tonite! Also, step on over to the Women's chat thread if you're just looking around...it's a fun place to hang out & chit-chat with other gals on the forum!

Some deal well, some don't. My friends adopted, then got pregnant, my other friends adopted and that was it. Usually all got tests done though. And I was in Dallas for a year.

We tried for over 5 years before we finally managed to concieve, it was a long 5 years. We went through all the usual barrage of tests sperm counts, laparoscopy and i even went on 3 or 4 cycles of clomiphene all to no avail. We then decided that we would try some other measures but wanted a break from it all for a while, so we decided to build a house and concentrate on that and then review the situation later. We had the house built, moved in at the beginning of September 1997 by February 1998 i had concieved naturally- although it was a while longer before i realised. On 15-10-98 our little angel was born all 8lb 10oz of him. So it can happen i never thought it would happen to us but eventually and with a lot of praying on my part it happened. On a bit of a sadder note the stress has done a lot of irrepairable damage to our marriage.

We were lucky (or blessed) enough to find out we were going to have problems conceiving within a year of when we were going to start trying - and it's the kind of problems that don't fix themselves if we just "relax". It's been a rough summer in that we both handle problems differently and that has clashed a bit. The key is open communication - you have to talk about your thoughts and feelings. You also have to assure the other that they are not defective in any way, or your spouse has to assure you.

The other thing, people around you are going to talk about their babies or having babies. You can't let that get to you. You have to let them have their happiness, while not pushing your sadness on them. It's counterproductive.

My sister in law and her husband have been lucky enough to financially be able to afford fertility treatments...however many people are not able to do this (I know DH and I couldn't afford it if we wanted.)

Adoption and Serogacy are other common answers to this problem (although both are also pricey)

Have you both been checked by doctors? Because they can sometimes offer "ways around" your situation...

My wife was told by her last doctor that she more than likely couldn't have children (one of those 99% sure type of things.) It bothered her and she thought I somehow held it against her (which was totally untrue.) We talked about adoption (something I've always been interested in doing with or without us being able to conceive) and we also talked about it being God's will that we didn't have children for whatever reason. It wasn't easy to deal with always, but we'd just decided if it happens it happens and if it doesn't then it doesn't and adoption is an option. That was several years ago. Much to the doctor's suprise (not to mention mine & her's), my wife found out she is now two months pregnant.

The point of my story is just to seek God's will on the issue and try not to stress about it too much. It's been medically proven that stress is an inhibitor of getting pregnant. I know that's very easy to say, but to some extent, we know what you're going through as I faced the prospect of never being able to have children. I eventually reached a peace with that, and then BAM...wife gets pregnant...which was/is jarring in some ways because I wasn't expecting it...EVER. What is supposed to happen will happen. Seek God's peace. You and your spouse have to support each other and be there for each other. Be open with each other, but make sure not to blame or point fingers as it is truly out of your hands. I'm certainly not saying you can wish it away or that it'll be easy to deal with, but actively seek that peace that if it doesn't then that isn't something that rules your life.

I have not experienced this, but I have friends who were told they 100% could not have children naturally - against all medical (and some christian) advice they opted NOT to have fertility treatment and instead they believed that God would work a miracle - 7 years on and He did, their Son is now 2 and a half

There is a book they read and stood on called 'Supernatural Childbirth' which may be of interest to you.

My husband and I are going on for 1 yr trying....I was told I may not could have kids...now Ive been told I can but its gonna be tuff...to recommending fertility treatments in three to four months down the road...when we had to deal with this issue...we just realized a child doesnt make us a family we make ourselves a family...now adays there are so many options that our parents didnt have, I feel confident we will have children, God over rules any ole doc...Just pray without ceasing it will happen...my mom was told she could never have children...Im proof that docs are wrong...I also have a brother and it took her four years of trying for my brother and ten years for me! she is my inspiration.

charligirl said:

I have not experienced this, but I have friends who were told they 100% could not have children naturally - against all medical (and some christian) advice they opted NOT to have fertility treatment and instead they believed that God would work a miracle - 7 years on and He did, their Son is now 2 and a half

There is a book they read and stood on called 'Supernatural Childbirth' which may be of interest to you.

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I read that book it is uplifting!

Also read Gen. I could be wrong on my quoting...but, I belive it was abrahams wife could not have a child...and God made it so for her.

Sarah was 90 years old!

It isn't always the woman with the problems. Actually it's about 60/40 women to men.

I didn't specify in my post. I can get pregnant. My husband doesn't have what I need to get pregnant though. He has to see a specialist, and we are keeping our minds open and praying, but what we are finding so far is showing that it is probably a permanent problem.

In looking at our options, I'm finding that adoption is a very expensive, long and tedious process. Using an anomynous sperm donor isn't quite so expensive, and I kind of want to experience a pregnancy. It's a lot to think about.

Well, infertility saves money on birth control.
If we can't have kids it's not going to bother me in the slightest.