Metanoia02 said:
I appreciate your sentiments about the priests wife being a part of the parish, but this is an idealized version of reality. Many Protestants feel this way about thier ministers wife. The expectation is for the wife to be part of the local church. But the reality is that the pressure on the marriage is enormous.
Being married adds to a persons responisibilities, especially if they have children.
Scenario:
Priests wife is ill or in distress. Unfortuantely the priest has two weddings and a funeral to preside over this weekend. No replacements are available.
Who gets his time? Wife or the sacraments?
This happens over and over year after year. What is to become of this marriage? The priest is a husband first, no. But guess where he is expected to be. His Parish.
You are so right.
The wife and family of a married priest are often lower on his list of daily priorities because he has so very much to fit in to his day. Often the care of the children falls almost solely upon the shoulders of the wife and mother - goodness, if she works also, it can be a an absolute nightmare! Not to mention the effects that this can have upon the children of course.
To be born in mind also are the consequences of such strain, on the family and on the church. Sadly, the priests wife is often rather an unsung hero in my opinion. The Church congregation have high expectations of the priests wife, as do the priest himself, the children of the marriage and the clergy in general.
Not only might she have almost all responsibility for meeting the needs of her children, but also she is expected to be a staunch support to her husband, a never failing hostess to all visiting clergy, members of the church congregation, feed the vagrants that plead poverty on the doorstep, hold down a job of her own, organise summer fayres, autmn fayres, bingo evenings, day trips, fund raising activities.......etc... and all with little thanks.
Many of the married priests that i know or know of are overstretched, and their marriages can become strained as a result. I have even heard of the result in one such situation leading to an affair, between the wife of a priest and a family friend.
And we think the priests got problems with a hole in his trousers !