Hello all,
my story is a long one, so i'll try and summarize it.
I have been married for two yrs now, and I am seriously considering a divorce. My husband and I fight everday (verbally), and while I initially thought we could work things out to save the marriage, I am now convinced its not gonna work. Christ can change, but my husband is unyielding to His changes. Infidelity is not an issue with us, but other issues that cannot be ignored. For starters, he lacks motivation for anything, gets a well paying job and loses it two months later, he is estranged from his siblings (they didn't even attend our wedding, and continue to hang up when we call). While this is not a problem par se, its a reflection of most of his relationships: They don't work, mainly because he is very controlling and likes to tell others what to do. Untill recently when i defied him I was not allowed to have my own checking account , even during periods when I was the only one working. He had me direct-deposit my salary into our joint account and he kept the check book so I had no access to the money untill he gave me some. I cannot see myself starting a family with him because he cannot support a family financially, and I don't wanna be stuck with kids and a morgage.
We tried counselling first with a pastor then a phsycologist, but it didn't work because he didn't wanna go back to them, he felt they were siding with me, i was the bad one and he had no improvents to make. Deep down i know the marriage is over, and am tired of holding on to nothing. He has a masters degree but continues to pursue things that don't bring him (us) income, and even had the audacity recently to say hes waiting for me to graduate and get a higher paying job so he can quit his current job and 'pursue his dream'. He wants to have kids someday but since he doesn't do ANY housework I'd have to pick up after him and the kids.
I moved to the U. S just before we got married, and after getting married we moved to another state and were looking for a new church. Every church we go to he finds something wrong and criticizes the music or the preaching......something is always wrong. Then I get mad because he walks out mid-service and waits in the car and when we go home he says we should start looking again. we've been trying to find one for two yrs!
Finally, while he claims he can never hit a woman so hes 'not physically abusive', he has pushed me out of the car, poured soda on my face while i was in bed, and dragged me across the bedroom floor cos i was angry and crying after an arguement so i was 'keeping him up'. He even habitually refused to give me a ride to the train station to catch the train to work(before i got a license), while I was the only one working and making the car payments, and had me take taxis so he could sleep - at 7am!
Since I got married my faith has become weak or non-existant. All my family is abroad so I have no support network, and I avoid calling them because I am so miserable when I call i cry and it breaks my mom's heart. I am young and want a family, which isn't gonna work with him. Why should I stay married to him?
my story is a long one, so i'll try and summarize it.
I have been married for two yrs now, and I am seriously considering a divorce. My husband and I fight everday (verbally), and while I initially thought we could work things out to save the marriage, I am now convinced its not gonna work. Christ can change, but my husband is unyielding to His changes. Infidelity is not an issue with us, but other issues that cannot be ignored. For starters, he lacks motivation for anything, gets a well paying job and loses it two months later, he is estranged from his siblings (they didn't even attend our wedding, and continue to hang up when we call). While this is not a problem par se, its a reflection of most of his relationships: They don't work, mainly because he is very controlling and likes to tell others what to do. Untill recently when i defied him I was not allowed to have my own checking account , even during periods when I was the only one working. He had me direct-deposit my salary into our joint account and he kept the check book so I had no access to the money untill he gave me some. I cannot see myself starting a family with him because he cannot support a family financially, and I don't wanna be stuck with kids and a morgage.
We tried counselling first with a pastor then a phsycologist, but it didn't work because he didn't wanna go back to them, he felt they were siding with me, i was the bad one and he had no improvents to make. Deep down i know the marriage is over, and am tired of holding on to nothing. He has a masters degree but continues to pursue things that don't bring him (us) income, and even had the audacity recently to say hes waiting for me to graduate and get a higher paying job so he can quit his current job and 'pursue his dream'. He wants to have kids someday but since he doesn't do ANY housework I'd have to pick up after him and the kids.
I moved to the U. S just before we got married, and after getting married we moved to another state and were looking for a new church. Every church we go to he finds something wrong and criticizes the music or the preaching......something is always wrong. Then I get mad because he walks out mid-service and waits in the car and when we go home he says we should start looking again. we've been trying to find one for two yrs!
Finally, while he claims he can never hit a woman so hes 'not physically abusive', he has pushed me out of the car, poured soda on my face while i was in bed, and dragged me across the bedroom floor cos i was angry and crying after an arguement so i was 'keeping him up'. He even habitually refused to give me a ride to the train station to catch the train to work(before i got a license), while I was the only one working and making the car payments, and had me take taxis so he could sleep - at 7am!
Since I got married my faith has become weak or non-existant. All my family is abroad so I have no support network, and I avoid calling them because I am so miserable when I call i cry and it breaks my mom's heart. I am young and want a family, which isn't gonna work with him. Why should I stay married to him?
