Getting married young

jshanks3 said:

First: I am not second guessing my decision in any way (I love my wife with all my heart)! I am just seeking encouragement/advice on the subject.

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Sorry, I didn't mean to imply that you regret marrying. I guess I just misunderstood your first post, because it sounded like you were still a little unsure of yourself. The struggles you refer to can certainly make you stronger, both as individuals and as a unit.

And happy anniversary!

I got married when I was 18 and my husband was 21. I think it is your maturity level, not your age that determines success in a marriage. My husband and I were ready to get married. Honestly, I think that marriage is what you make of it, for both of you. My husband and I have been together for 4 years and we have never had any rough times except separation (long distance relationship, deployment) and it was rough because we wanted to be together so badly. I love being married. People always say things to me like "you are missing out on your youth." I think it is a lie. I can still do everything that people my age can do except date, which doesn't bother me because I have a permanent super-date! My husband is my best friend and I can't see myself without him. Marriage is an awesome experience and a blessing. You have to look at it positively It will be nice to look down the road 10, 20, 30, etc. years from now and say "look how far we have come." People don't really grow apart, they just become more unwilling to compromise on things. In marriage, compromising is a big part of it. God Bless you and your wife and your baby. I wish you the best and I know you will make it.

Mr.Cheese said:

A lot of people, when they're young, still try to act like they're single. My stock phrase was kind of lame I admit. Basically, the family has priority over social life.
Some people refuse to accept that. I like what Jenna said. She made way more sense than I did.

I was not remotely ready to be married when I was young.

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Thanks for the clarification on "going out with the guys is pretty much out the window". I thought you meant that it was, well, "pretty much out the window"...lol

It caught my eye because I know how much my husband needs his "guy time". I don't interfere with the time he needs for himself or his buddy time. God is the one who guided me in this.

I think people should get married when God leads them to that. There is no perfect age for everyone to get married. Every Christian should be obedient to God's timing and will for them. And no one should look down on others because they haven't married by a certian age or have married at a certain age. It'a an individual thing, or rather it's a thing that's between you, God and the person God brings into your life.

I personally think it depends on the couple. I think even older "more mature" couples may also have their share of problems, and the problem with being older and mature is being set in your ways. On the other hand, I know what you mean, I was 20 when got married, my hubby older and supposedly more mature, he is certainly set in his ways which is an aggravation- but on the other hand I deal with a lot of lack of maturity that he's already established- for us, that is not a good thing, because he expects me to rise to his level instead of coming down to my own to relate, and vise versa. I understand the difficulties of maturing- 10 years from now you'll look over your life and say wow- look how far we've come, and it could be a good learning time. Seek to do it God's way, ok, even with the frustation of a crying needy baby, plus getting used to eachother, it is a little harder if you're not mature I think to adjust to eachother, but like I said, everyone has to adjust- the first years are the hardest- it's normal. Good luck, hang in there, God Bless.

My husband and I were also married young. It really doesn't matter now that you are married whether that was the best decision or not. If you are struggling in your marriage get a good christian marriage counsellor - don't wait until you can't stand it anymore. GO NOW!

Age really should not be a determining factor for marriage. We were married young. (I was 19, and my husband was 20.) We have three children, 2 of which are grown and have moved out of the home, and a beautiful grandchild. We will be celebrating our 25th anniversary in October.

As to the comment of growing apart, this only happens when a couple do not make their relationship a priority. This is important because life has a way of keeping one focused on its circumstances, and before you know it 5, 10, 15, 20, etc. years have gone by. If your relationship with each other has been a top priority, then you have grown with each other through the years with all of life's tests and trials (and some that the enemy has thrown in, too). When the marriage relationship has not been a priority, you grow apart.

One thing I have found to be true is that circumstances will come and go, but through it all, good and bad, my husband will always be right there beside me. Whether it is a life circumstance or a relationship issue, we know that with God, we can work through anything. And believe me, it only gets better!!

Last, but certainly not least, keep Christ in the very center of your marriage!






God Bless!!
Dawn
Shining brightly for Jesus

jshanks3 said:

In the long run, is that better then getting married after your already 'grown up'?

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Perhaps, but there is a downside to waiting too long as well. My wife and I did not have a child until we were both over forty. As things have turned out, my son lost both of his grandfathers before his third birthday. And the saddest thing is that he will never know what he has missed.

My wife was 19 and I was 20 when we got married. We moved right away to Germany (I was in the Air Force). I think that was one of the best things that happened to us early on. I had connections to a VERY good church over there. It forced my wife and I to learn to rely on eachother and the Church, instead of relying on family. Both her family and mine try to tear relationships down anyway, so it got us away from that.

There are benifits to marrying young, and there are reasons to wait. The 2 most important things are:

1. pray and make sure you have Gods blessings. Seek him first, last, and everywhere inbetween.

2. Surround yourself with mature counsel. There are numerous scriptures that instuct the old to mentor the young. Seak this out and LISTEN.

3. Realize marriage is for LIFE. never let the D word enter you vocabulary.

4. Be intentional. This is something I'm working on right now. With the stresses of work, church, our 3 kids, school, etc........... it's easy to get lost in routines. My wife, myself, and another couple set up babysitting swapping to make sure that at least twice a month we have a date night with just us.

Get to know her interests, and hobbies. I'm not saying to do them with her, but take interest in them. My wife is into reading and sewing. I'm into cars and woodwork. We both learned to at least speak the languages of the others hobby.

That's how you make sure you don't "grow apart"

OH yea PRAY. man how did I miss that one?

I sometimes think I was married too young, but then I think it had nothing to do with my age...I married too quickly for the relationship my husband and I had at the time. We have both changed since we were first dating....and it's made our marriage interesting (not for the better) but we have had many struggles and I figure if we can make it through these things than we can make it...I'm only 24 and have been married for almost 4 years....we also have 2 young children..the oldest 2 1/2...that's what is hard is having so much responsibility and trying to keep the marriage in tact. It's hard to find time for each other, but we try to make time daily. I think no matter how young you are, marriage can work as long as you have God as the leader and no one else. That I believe is the struggle, when the person tries to control everything instead of letting God do it. Take care and God bless.

Well I was married at 23 and I still think that was too young. My husband had just turned 24. But I think that is even to young. We will be married a year November 5...And this year hasnt been easy. But like you said we are growing together and in Christ. So I guess the bottom line is that you have to remember marriage is a life long thing!! Once you make that commitment you are not stuck but you are suppose to be together for life. God Bless

Swtsnshyn said:

One thing I have found to be true is that circumstances will come and go, but through it all, good and bad, my husband will always be right there beside me. Whether it is a life circumstance or a relationship issue, we know that with God, we can work through anything. And believe me, it only gets better!!

Last, but certainly not least, keep Christ in the very center of your marriage!

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This is so true. Through every meaningful event of my adult life my wife has been there. When I look back on such things as graduation, US Marines tour, getting first real job, losing first real job etc... she has been there. For her to have been with me through hard times makes our relationship stronger. Getting married after all the hard times seems like starting an untried friendship, when hard times come, and they always do, the mettle is tested at which point each person truly learns who they are with.

My wife and I were married fot married at 22, the first year of marriage was the hardest. That was the year that we were getting use to everything changing. With alot of work and even more prayer, we could not be happier with our marriage now.

As for being too young, I would thank the Lord for giving you someone to share you life with soo soon. I know of alot of people that are lonely because they can't find the one. Be grateful for the gift God gave you in your wife and enjoy her all that you can.

Whitestone

Whitestone said:

My wife and I were married fot married at 22, the first year of marriage was the hardest. That was the year that we were getting use to everything changing. With alot of work and even more prayer, we could not be happier with our marriage now.

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You married young too.

Whitestone said:

As for being too young, I would thank the Lord for giving you someone to share you life with soo soon. I know of alot of people that are lonely because they can't find the one. Be grateful for the gift God gave you in your wife and enjoy her all that you can.

Whitestone

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I do count myself blessed and thank God for my family. Sending a prayer up for the lonely ones to be comforted and introduced to their mate soon.

desi said:

This is so true. Through every meaningful event of my adult life my wife has been there. When I look back on such things as graduation, US Marines tour, getting first real job, losing first real job etc... she has been there. For her to have been with me through hard times makes our relationship stronger. Getting married after all the hard times seems like starting an untried friendship, when hard times come, and they always do, the mettle is tested at which point each person truly learns who they are with.

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That's not always true. Getting through hard times while single, you know how to handle them when they come, by the time you get married, lessoning the stress. That's not the case with everyone, but that seemed to be the case with us.

jshanks3 said:

Thats my point, so is it hard in the beginning, but better in the long run to have the chance to 'grow up' together as long as there is a strong commitment there?

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I think it depends on the people involved. I thought I was ready to marry at 21... with hindsight I think it would have been a disaster, so it's a good thing that I didn't meet anyone suitable!!

Marrying at 32 does have it's challenges but also I am more tolerant, better iwth finances, able to love myself more, less black and white, stonger in my walk with God and have learnt many 'life skills' along the way in terms of the differences between men and women. Things I find invaluable now that I see destroying marriages of younger couples.

So I guess there are pros and cons both ways

Both marrying younger and older have their challenges. I think the prime age is mid-to late twenties - you've done some growing up and you aren't so set in your ways that it will be a ton of work to change, but...

God has the perfect person for each of us once we turn that decision over to Him. My husband and I are in our early 30's and we have our share of challenges. We're glad we didn't marry in our early 20's because we were very different people then and wouldn't have probably even interested each other, let alone marry! But being a little older has made decisions like having children more pressing than if we married younger and could take our time with stuff like that. Considering we'd both had relationships before meeting each other as well as long periods of singlehood, we didn't have much trouble adjusting to marriage - we're so compatible, it's a bit scary. Sometimes I have to remind myself that I actually AM an individual and can do things he doesn't want to do without him and fulfill goals God has given me to do even if he isn't ready for the challenge yet. It's always interesting, at any rate!