Girl Asks Boy Out. Yes? No?

I'm rather shy when it comes to asking out, so it would be really cool if more girls did the asking. Mind you they're probably just as shy.
One thing I must say here though, there is nothing wrong with staying single!

I'm old fashioned.  I like doing the asking and encourage other guys to do the same.

I believe it's better for the guy, it adds a level of responsibility and I think its initiates the spiritual leadership things right from the start.  Girls can give us clues and or hints too, that's okay, you can always ask for God to bring you your man or better yet prepare the two of you. 

I believe for you ladies you'll get a more dedicated man if you let him ask you out because men fear rejection and if he's courageous enough to pursue you in spite of that, you've got a potential winner.  Of course you'll have to determine if he sincere, just desperate or if he's a player.

blessings

I believe it's better for a guy, but if a nice young lady say's something, the halleluiah!

I definitely think that women should ask men out. It might turn out to be a great relationship! You won't know unless you ask...

I don't see anything wrong with girls taking a little initiative. I'm too scared to do so, though.

Guys need to be a man and take the risk of rejection and ask the guy out. If he likes this girl and wants to pursue her then he will ask her out.
Ladies, wait until a guy is pursues you. You are a prize to be won. If a guy isn't going to risk asking you out and pursueing you then he doesn't think that you are worth fighting for otherwise he would. The guy should do the asking.

What a smirfingly good reply! He might think you are worth it but still be afraid and I agree that asking is part of getting over that fear.
If you don't let him ask you, you don't give him the opportunity to get over this fear (worked for me ) If you want to take initiative, you can talk about things that you have in common or events that are coming up "I am a big fan of x movie" then the guy thinks "Hey that opens on Friday, You want to go?" (I know this has helped me, I don't really like the generic "wanna go out to dinner?" when I don't know someone.)

Proverbs 18:21 (NASB)
He who finds a wife finds a good thing
And obtains favor from the LORD.

i once had a guy have his friend ask me if i would talk to him, with him standing a few yards away waiting for my response.

that sort of defined our "relationship" because he was quite timid ... always waiting for me. the fact that he's primarily french speaking might have also factored in because i couldn't always lead - didn't know if he understood me half the time.

... well that's what i get for moving to a bilingual city and university.

I think it's fine for either to do the asking but I'm pretty shy so I doubt if I personally would ever have the guts to ask anyone out. But I wouldn't think it would be bad if I or any other girl would ask a guy out.

Listen,

When it comes right down to it, if a person is aware that both partners in a friendship like each other, but won'd do anything about it, then that person is waiting for the other person to take the first step in honesty. No matter who does the asking, this is already a red-flag for the relationship. Somebody should just fess-up and ask.

Also, about who should ask first, lets take a little history lesson.

For centuries, the effort was made on the part of the woman and her family. A woman was seen as a burder by her family, so they wanted her to get married. The woman wanted to be married to the most financially and socially well-established man she could get, so she would dress herself-up, and go through other gyrations to maker herself seem more appealing. Then, if the man like her, he would simply ask her Father, or nearest male relative, if the could be married, and the father would or would not consent.

Then, Eleanor or Aquataine came around (She was the mother of King Richard II of England). She had no surviving male relatives by the time she was ready to marry. But, she did have a rather significant kingdom as a dowry. So, Eleanor did not have to do anything. Men showed up from all over the world to win her affection. Why? Money and power. At any rate, this was the beggining of the new European courtly love tradition. From that time, until about the romantic age (and in most places, beyond that), marriage was a financial transaction that was begun by the male party. He would woo the woman. Once he had one her affections (whatever was the way to her heart: art, looks, money), he would go to her family and ask to marry the daughter. The family would look at the man's credentials (annual income, quarterings, class, investments, lands, ancestry and other matters of heraldry) and make a decision. Sometimes men had to do a little bit more to prove themselves. Incidentally, until the twentieth century, not a single person of nobility ever married a member of the common class--Sorry, Cinderella.

Then the romantic age came around. It was common up to this point, and beyond, for courtly spouses to have extra-marital lovers. However, during the romantic period, much of the way people interracted with each other changed. Things had been changing quite a bit up to this point, but men and women, at this time, were not always letting money be the only issue. Consider Jane Austen's (who never married) Pride and Prejudice. There is obviously some affection between Lizzie and Darcey. So, we like that they are to make a match. But, when Jane asks Lizzie when she first knew she [Lizzie] loved Darcey (note that "love" is even an issue), Lizzie explains that it was when she saw Mr. Darcey's estate.

Now, we live in an America, and indeed, much of the world is like this, where rank and nobility are non-issues. In fact, it is considerred noble when people marry for love, forsaking money or prospects. For this way, there is no answer. Although, I think it is an excercise of honesty when an affectionate party makes his or her affections known. To withold affections because of principle or shame is, in my opinion, cruel.

Yes, it is ok for a girl to ask a boy out. In fact, back in high school we had a social event called the Sadie Hawkins Dance in which this was the idea. This kind of puts the girl in the boy's shoes and the apprehension and anxiety involved in asking someone out.

Guys need to be a man and take the risk of rejection and ask the guy out. If he likes this girl and wants to pursue her then he will ask her out. Ladies, wait until a guy is pursues you. You are a prize to be won. If a guy isn't going to risk asking you out and pursueing you then he doesn't think that you are worth fighting for otherwise he would. The guy should do the asking.

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I'm sorry but I feel real insulted by that reply, you dont know how much rage something like that puts in me. Basically just tells me that you dont deserve to be rejected and only the guys should have to put up with it, its not fair in my opinion. I mean I could switch that whole sentence around saying if a girl isnt going to risk asking a guy out then she doesn't think I or whoever is worth fighting for. It goes both ways. You know I think i'm just going to give up tho. I have more hate in my heart then anything anyway so I know i'm not worth loving. Forgive me tho if I hurt anyones feelings. i'm not going to be coming back to this site for a while so I probably wont see anyones reply

Why shouldn't a girl ask a guy out? I normally do the asking, but every once in awhile I'm not paying enough attention and it is nice to have them ask me .. LOL

I prefer to ask, but every so often I have been asked and don't really have any sort of problem with it. I find it flattering.

Patroclus said:

Consider Jane Austen's (who never married) Pride and Prejudice. There is obviously some affection between Lizzie and Darcey. So, we like that they are to make a match. But, when Jane asks Lizzie when she first knew she [Lizzie] loved Darcey (note that "love" is even an issue), Lizzie explains that it was when she saw Mr. Darcey's estate.

Now, we live in an America, and indeed, much of the world is like this, where rank and nobility are non-issues. In fact, it is considerred noble when people marry for love, forsaking money or prospects. For this way, there is no answer. Although, I think it is an excercise of honesty when an affectionate party makes his or her affections known. To withold affections because of principle or shame is, in my opinion, cruel.

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Ah, an English scholar. Well said. But I would say that more often, the cruelty done is to oneself.

You make a good choice of literature, because the whole thing comes down to shame and pride, both of which are really the same thing but in different clothing. Somewhat like the book, we shy folk stringently obey the social conventions that keep us from risking discomfort and rejection (and of course conversation necessarily stays harmless and meaningless much of the time... I hate that). That's where the hurt is done. We'd sooner stew in our juices than actually take a risk and ask or probe someone's feelings on the matter.

If two people really do have affection for each other and *know* it, yes. I believe two are harmed if someone doesn't eventually speak up.

On the other hand, that shy instinct also keeps many people out of trouble. I've been infatuated with several people, but only really regret clamming up once. She was probably the only person I was interested in who might be, well, truly compatible. But had a relationship panned out with any of the others, I think it would have degenerated into a personality conflict. There I think it was wise to simply keep my mouth shut.

So there it is. As with life in other areas, what is good and maybe not-so-good for a person is sometimes ambiguous and difficult to discern. The cure: chat with God frequently and be honest with Him.

Bedwyr

We'd sooner stew in our juices than actually take a risk and ask or probe someone's feelings on the matter.

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Good post, B.

Iffy said:

Hi,
I wonder what you guys n girls think about girls doing the asking.

I for one have no reservations asking guys out in a buddy-buddy
context.
BUT If I like the guy, I am adamant that he has to be the one who does the asking.

Now, I like this guy who is kinda reserved. He did sort of ask me to do something with him in a group setting. I did not take up the offer.
I know he likes me. But he's not asking. In fact, he's given me several hints that he's waiting for me to ask him!!

I just can't. So here I am waiting and praying and waiting.

Do you think God wants the guy to do all the initiating?

A Christian brother told me that he is like that guy I like...and he probably won't ask girls out. He thinks there's nothing wrong with a girl asking..
"You shouldn't think it is the guy's responsibility. Some guys just don't have it in them to ask...so in such cases the girl should take the initiative. Especially guys who are very sensitive. I know it's not natural but these days women rule. That's how the Australian culture is. Men don't want to come across as too authoritarian. I know it's not very natural but that's what the culture has done to men today.

What do you guys think?

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I'm a male and thought this was an interesting topic and thought I would share my thoughts. As we all know it's been tradition for the guy to ask the girl out and in most cases this is how it would normally happen. I can confidently ask a girl out especially when I'm sure she is interested and normally a girl will give you sign that she likes you which also makes it easier etc. But it's a pleasant surprise when a girl takes the initiative and I also believe this doesnt make her less of a person or doesnt have the same moral and cristian values of a girl who think it's the wrong thing to do. The most important thing is that we care about each others feelings and welcome the kind and loving gesture of letting someone know we think their special.

Casgeroth said:

I'm rather shy when it comes to asking out, so it would be really cool if more girls did the asking. Mind you they're probably just as shy.
One thing I must say here though, there is nothing wrong with staying single!

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Being shy usually means you aren't willing to take risks. But not taking risks means that you miss out on a lot of great things. Imagine if St Paul hadn't taken the chance to go out on any of his missionary journeys!

Buck up the courage and ask that girl out!

lambslove said:

Being shy usually means you aren't willing to take risks. But not taking risks means that you miss out on a lot of great things. Imagine if St Paul hadn't taken the chance to go out on any of his missionary journeys!

Buck up the courage and ask that girl out!

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I'm shy at asking a girl out, because I hate it when they answer "No" or "I already have a bf" or "I already have a bf, but thanks for asking".

I'm really at the edge here, because I'm finding it harder than ever to distinguish the girls whom are single.


I prefer girls asking...
but Lambslove, do you have any tips in gaining courage to ask a girl out without hesistation?

I probably wouldnt be interested in a guy who's not bold enough to ask me out,its not just about tradition its also that if we were married I would want my husband to take a leadership role anyway so i wouldnt like him to be too timid or shy.Also i think its more romantic a guy trying to woo a girl,pursuing her etc. And as for not knowing whether a girl is single or not,you should probably know the girl you are askin out fairly well so you can find that out quite easily just by talking casually with her,if she doesnt even mention it herself.