Girl Asks Boy Out. Yes? No?

Iffy · Apr 5, 2003

Hi,
I wonder what you guys n girls think about girls doing the asking.

I for one have no reservations asking guys out in a buddy-buddy
context.
BUT If I like the guy, I am adamant that he has to be the one who does the asking.

Now, I like this guy who is kinda reserved. He did sort of ask me to do something with him in a group setting. I did not take up the offer.
I know he likes me. But he's not asking. In fact, he's given me several hints that he's waiting for me to ask him!!

I just can't. So here I am waiting and praying and waiting.

Do you think God wants the guy to do all the initiating?

A Christian brother told me that he is like that guy I like...and he probably won't ask girls out. He thinks there's nothing wrong with a girl asking..
"You shouldn't think it is the guy's responsibility. Some guys just don't have it in them to ask...so in such cases the girl should take the initiative. Especially guys who are very sensitive. I know it's not natural but these days women rule. That's how the Australian culture is. Men don't want to come across as too authoritarian. I know it's not very natural but that's what the culture has done to men today.

What do you guys think?

AngelAmidala · Apr 6, 2003

I think the way it used to be was that it had to be the guy who did the asking....because that's the way it was everywhere. And I'm sure there are cultures out there even today who still hold to that.

But for many people today, it can go either way...the guy asking the girl or the girl asking the guy. I think it just depends on the person. I mean...if a guy's shy, he's obviously not going to take the first step in asking someone out...because he's shy. Same with girls.

Personally, I'm a kind of shy girl...so I would prefer the guy doing the asking. But through talking with a good friend, I've been working on being more open and assertive when sharing my feelings. And so far the results have been good.

I think that whatever is supposed to happen, will happen. If the guy is meant to ask, then he'll ask. If the girl is meant to ask, then she'll ask. God is completely in control and He doesn't do anything that He doesn't intend to happen.

Iffy · Apr 6, 2003

Thanks for your reply AngelAmidala.

It was helpful to me when you said if the guy's shy, obviously he's not going to ask.

However, the last part to me isn't very helpful... where you say if the girl is meant to ask, she'll be asking..

What I mean is... while God is in control, not everything that's 'meant to be' will be if we just think it but not be proactive about it. I am sure there're quite a few instances in my life where I've missed out on what God wanted for me simply because I was passive or disobedient. you know what i mean?

lil_angel · Apr 6, 2003

I personally would like the guys to ask me out. I'm really shy, and don't have the guts to ask them out. I'll give lots of hints though!!

But if i wasn't as shy, i think it's cool for the girls to do the asking.

JoieDeVivre · Apr 7, 2003

I don't have it in me to ask a guy out so no, I wouldn't do it. Part of it is cultural, part of it is my conviction that God wants men to take the initiative when it comes to relationships. Also, my belief is that if a guy really liked me, nothing and no one would keep him from asking me out.

AnnaRS1003 · Apr 7, 2003

I wait for the guy to ask me out as well. Not because of being shy -- I'm not! But I know that the man is supposed to be the spiritual authority in the relationship, so if a guy can't get the guts up to ask me out, how is he going to get the guts up to be the spiritual authority God has called him to be?

DJ_1 · Apr 7, 2003

well, If a guy is allowed to post on this thread...

I agree with AnnaRS. Also, if you did start a relationship under these circumstances, he should gradually begin to assert himself more. If not, it is too easy for him to assume the attitude of "well it was you who asked me out, after all, I am just going along for the ride" and makes it easier to avoid commitment, since he was not willing to risk anything (rejection) by asking you out first. I hope that makes sense.

AnnaRS1003 · Apr 7, 2003

Makes sense to me! (Glad to hear a male voice!)

pinPoint · Apr 8, 2003

what do you mean its not natural? its all natural. Love works either way. Girl or Boy asking does not matter at all. the culture as well as the society are there and will always be there. If you decide to follow or fall for them then you cannot blame anyone except for yourself.

Im not trying to start a flame but in a relationship a Girl asking the Boy out is ok for me.

and AnnaRS "I'm not! But I know that the man is supposed to be the spiritual authority in the relationship, so if a guy can't get the guts up to ask me out, how is he going to get the guts up to be the spiritual authority God has called him to be?"

thats really deep but you cannot compare that to what God has called you to do. If God has called you to do His work then you move! If God has meant for the relationship to go this way then it shall stay that way. If you choose not to follow His instructions then trouble will be heading your way.

pin

AnnaRS1003 · Apr 8, 2003

That is completely true, pin. I wasn't meaning to put limitations on God. If God tells me to make the first move in a relationship, then so beit! That goes for anything else He tells me to do; sorry for not clarifying that earlier! =)

Didymus · Apr 8, 2003

maybe you should post this thread in the men s forum too.

Iffy · Apr 8, 2003

pin, yes i agree you either follow or you fall for them and you can't blame anyone else cuz God's given you (me) a choice..

i think i'm in a bind sinmply because i like this guy a lot and there is nothing i can do about it. there is 'nothing' i can do about it... because i do know that....what i really want is for the guy to take the lead.

sometimes things get complicated (and gets confusing) when you're not honest with yourself...

pinPoint · Apr 9, 2003

its not bad if you want the guy to take the lead. If you feel He should take the lead then confront Him and ask Him what is going on then maybe something will spark from that but make sure its alright with God first.

Maybe if you start He will pick up from there. I don't know. But pray about it. If you want I can pray for you.

pin

wvmtnkid · Apr 9, 2003

When I was younger, I had no problem asking a guy to go do something. But as I have gotten older, I have gotten more shy, I suppose. I do prefer for the fellow to take the lead. But something I have learned, if a guy really likes a girl, there is usually nothing that will stop him from asking her out. I know that is a generality, but that is just what I have experienced. If you like him, it doesn't hurt to clue him in on that so that he may feel more comfortable in asking you out. But I still think if a guy is truly interested, he will find a way.

conceived in fire · Apr 9, 2003

well, i see nothing wrong with a girl asking a guy out, i know that i for one was NEVER comfortable asking a girl out or even telling her how i feel.

if you really dont want to directly ask a guy out, then just hint very very strongly, that will get the point across and if he really doesnt want to go out with you, he will just kinda let you know...that way no one is rejected, but he will know that if he DOES want to go out with you...you will accept

BlueDragon · Apr 9, 2003

I pretty much agree with conceived in fire...

Seeing as how i'm also extremely shy (about asking girls out) I wouldn't mind if the girl did the asking.

And it would also make it easier for the guy to do the asking if it was close to obvious that the girl would say yes...

Iffy · Apr 10, 2003

thanks for all your replies. i very much appreciate the guys' point of view as i wonder what the guy i like is thinking.

actually he sort of asked and i sort of said no. so i wondered if it was my turn to ask...since i sort of rejected him last time.

because i am shy, i have been sending signals which say i am not interested...i have basically been sending mixed signals!
Argh.. it's too 'difficult' when i like someone. i feel i'll be single for a long time because of this...i always send mixed signals...and confuse the guy. so maybe i have to do something very clear..like ask him out.

i need to pray perseveringly about this.

Iffy · Apr 10, 2003

there is another 'element' to my story. i'll post another thread

~Princess~ · Apr 10, 2003

I would rather the guy ask me out.

But I'm just shy like that. :pink:

Talmid HaYarok · Apr 11, 2003

I think it should go fine either way.

Your boyfriend is not the spiritual head over you, only the Husband is the leader of the household and only because of appointment by the Lord.

Besides, Bravery, Open Honesty, and Assertiveness (not passiveness nor aggressiveness) are very attractive qualities in a woman from my mind's eye.

Though I'd ask myself if I was interested and the situation was right because I'm not that shy. 

Girl Asks Boy Out. Yes? No?

Active Member

Legend

Active Member

Active Member

Saved By Grace

Active Member

Active Member

Active Member

Active Member

Active Member

can t spell--can t type

Active Member

Active Member

Order of the Candle

Active Member

Tired

Active Member

Active Member

<font color="royalblue"><marquee behavior=scroll d

Well-Known Member

Similar threads