i dont know if what i am doing is right, but i need some help, cuz i am lost in life and need help or insight as to why things have had to always be so bad with me. i am 23 years of age and livein el paos texas. i was once a christian, i was saved when i was 18, but i backslid when i was 21. my whole life i felt like iw asnt wanted. my dad made it very apprent i was a waste of his time and enegry. ever since i was 5 i had wanted a wife, a companion who would follow me in my life. that want caused me great heartache and pain, as well as dissapointment and dissillusionment. i spent my teenage years looking for someone to marry, and when i was 16 i began to attempt suicide, fomr the feelings of worthlessness and dispair. i spent almost two whole years trying to kill myself, i should be dead. it wasnt until after a major attempt at suicide that had me hospitalized that i decided to listen to a christian classmate in my public high school. i went to the door christian center on yarbourgh in el paso texas, and three days later i put my defenses downa dn decided to give my life to jesus. i though i did the right thing, i thought i gave myself to someone who loved me. as of right now, i feel i made a major mistake and am worse off than i was before. during my time as a christian, i prayed and served God the best i could, but i was always hindered by the feeling of rejection coming from both some real jerks who no longer go to the church (they also backslid) and by God. i always wanted to know hwile i was saved what i was doing here, and what God had planned for me. i began going through some trials and tribulations only one week after i was saved. jeez, right away i began to feel i made a mistake. i have some serious anger problems, although i dont lash out and beat anyone around me to a bloody pulp, i do have a hatred problem. i hate everything. EVERYTHING. i have a lot of pent up anger inside that is dying ot get out and be unleashed on someone. i hated jocks in my school, cuz they were obviously better than me, they had money, good looks, and cars. i am a 6'5" goofy looking 240 pound man with pimples. wonderful huh? in church i saw many miracles and blessings. i saw marriages saved, people healed, God doing a major work. but one problem. he wasnt doing it with me. i never felt so abandoned like i did in church. while people were getting prophesied and blessed, i was falling deep and deeper depresion, loneliness, and heartbeak. the want for a wife was only intesified (becuase obviously being married is a good thing in Gods eyes and the desire is made by God) and there werent any women of God who liked me, becuase i didnt have a flash car, good looks, muscles and money. instead what i offered was my love. this is not good enough by any means in todays world. i prayed for a wife everynight, then prayed for even bigger things. stuff like a heart not to hate, the ability to be happy, to trust and love God. i dont know how to trust, most people just hurt me when i trust them. i have been cheated on by 3 different women. when i see them now, they are happy, enjoying life and have good things. i wonder why is it that when i do wrong to someone, God comes after me with a rod of correction and usually breaks me badly for it, with the grief lingering for months, while others hurt me and are blessed? and that is when i began to notice something was wrong. i would pray for a word in church, somethig that would let me know God cared. nothing. nada, zip. on the other hand, i had a firend there who constantly was given words, stuff about one day being a pastor and leader of men. he is gone too. all i wanted was to know God had a plan, not just hear about it but actually be told by him, he was at the wheel and not sleeping. nothing. i even begged for a word. nothing. i began tired of seeing people belssed, people who didnt need or want blessings, meanwhile i am left in the dust. i began to think God didnt want me here, or anywhere for that matter. the door is a good church. they really do what they can to follow the word. they are great people. changing churches would not help any of it. this want about the other people, this was about me. moe and more the abondonment grew. i was in serveral ministries, i tried to do what i could to please God, but was still like a rock in my heart. i did recieve a word on a wife and serving the lord around the world with her, and i evenutally got the girl, but now i lost her, becuase of my insecurities and faults. so now, here i am, have been backslidden for two years, and he is still calling me??? what for?? i left cuz he didnt seem to need me there, so why call me? i already know now he has no plans for me, he doesnt have any use for me. i spent 4 years serving him, and i didnt get anywhere. the problems with me are issues of the heart, they are big things i cannot fix alone. this is a God who can move mountains, but cant teach me to love him or other people? i dont know how God, you gotta show me. nope, instead i saw all the bad in them, and began to hate beyond control. so i wonder, now that i am backslidden, why is it he is calling me? i would like an answer form him, but i already know he doesnt answer me, he probably has ot be reminded that i exist, and if its even that its just so he can avenge the person i did wrong too. so, why me? what kind of future is worth this big mess? i dont want ot be a pastor anymore. i dont want to be a father anymore. i hate children. i dont even know if i want to be a husband. my lats relationship ended in heartbreak, and i guess God just wanted me to hurt form it so i can get wanting a wife out of my system. even though i have friends i still feel lonely, cuz lets face it, only God can change that. but i dont know if i want to go back. i dont know if i want to give him a chance to abandon me again. i already know i wasnt exactly a joy to my real dad here on earth, but why has God seen to it to make me feel as if i was the exception to all those promises and blessings the bible has taught me? why am i last in line to be blessed? or better yet, why am i not on his list of blessings at all? any ideas, or am i satan in the flesh? that owuld explain a lot if i was.
completely lost here
- Thread starter forsaken
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I am so very glad you posted this tonight, just when you did. To show how God is in control and works ALL things together for good to those that love Him and are the called according to His purpose.
I could have written this, myself. Yes, I know what you seek, and I now know how you can get it, and in fact the only way.
I see from your writing that it is not the answers you seek. You have those. It is the comfort, release, and reassurance you need. It is the peace.
Perhaps, I can help you, perhaps not. But it is for sure you will not find what you seek in a public forum. There are very good and loving people in this place. Nevertheless, denominational differences will come into play and you will receive what will appear to be conflicting advice, and that will only serve to exacerbate the problem.
If you will PM me and let me know where I may write you, I will try to help you. Until then keep your focus on Jesus!
I could have written this, myself. Yes, I know what you seek, and I now know how you can get it, and in fact the only way.
I see from your writing that it is not the answers you seek. You have those. It is the comfort, release, and reassurance you need. It is the peace.
Perhaps, I can help you, perhaps not. But it is for sure you will not find what you seek in a public forum. There are very good and loving people in this place. Nevertheless, denominational differences will come into play and you will receive what will appear to be conflicting advice, and that will only serve to exacerbate the problem.
If you will PM me and let me know where I may write you, I will try to help you. Until then keep your focus on Jesus!
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BTW, if you are alive, you are not forsaken. Only Jesus knows what that feels like. No man who is alive has ever been forsaken of God. Any man can always turn to God. Always!
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Hi forsaken,
I will be keeping you in my prayers. I noticed while reading your post that you mentioned you wanted to know why God was calling you back to him. The reason he is calling you back is because you are one of his sheep, you are part of his flock, You went astray, and now he has seeked you out, and wants to lead you back to his flock, where he can care for, and teach you, and show you his love. It is not God who leaves us, It is us that leave him, we are lead astray by our earthly desires. He calls us back to him, because he loves us, He leaves it up to us to decide on if we will return to him or not. Seek out God, and him only. Please keep in mind that God does not expect us to go out and do his work right away, He wants us to learn how to walk in his ways, Since we are infants in Christ, we need to learn to walk before learning to talk. I pray God will help you with being able to trust him, In him only should we place our complete trust. To have God call us back to him is a blessing itself. It's not about what church you attend, or the people in your life, or the earthly things we own. It's all about a personal relationship with God. This is something that in order for God to give us, we must seek a relationship with him, each and every one of us, on our own. I thank God for calling you back to him, I also pray he will grant you peace, and understanding in your heart.
I will be keeping you in my prayers. I noticed while reading your post that you mentioned you wanted to know why God was calling you back to him. The reason he is calling you back is because you are one of his sheep, you are part of his flock, You went astray, and now he has seeked you out, and wants to lead you back to his flock, where he can care for, and teach you, and show you his love. It is not God who leaves us, It is us that leave him, we are lead astray by our earthly desires. He calls us back to him, because he loves us, He leaves it up to us to decide on if we will return to him or not. Seek out God, and him only. Please keep in mind that God does not expect us to go out and do his work right away, He wants us to learn how to walk in his ways, Since we are infants in Christ, we need to learn to walk before learning to talk. I pray God will help you with being able to trust him, In him only should we place our complete trust. To have God call us back to him is a blessing itself. It's not about what church you attend, or the people in your life, or the earthly things we own. It's all about a personal relationship with God. This is something that in order for God to give us, we must seek a relationship with him, each and every one of us, on our own. I thank God for calling you back to him, I also pray he will grant you peace, and understanding in your heart.
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Messenger
Simplicity of Life
God is working towards a greater purpose. It is not for us to always know and understand. The way we perceive things has a lot to do with it. When you think you have it bad think of someone who has it worse, wether it is a person in prison or in another country starving. Pray for God's well pray for other's happiness. When we let go of the focus of ourself and be thankful for others we grow. When someone else is blessed charish their blessing...be so thankful that God has blessed them. When people treat you bad don't use this as an opportunity to do bad. I'll post something that really helped me. Simplicity of Life...and I will pray for your happiness and blessings....I'll also give you my forum blessings.
Love and God Bless you!
Love and God Bless you!
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Messenger
Simplicity of Life
There is much more and much less to this world and life than people think. We think too hard. We need to spend more time listening with our hearts. We too often react in worldly ways. We are all in control of ourselves. We have little control over physical and worldly happenings.
Money seems to take care of everything. Yet, money means nothing. People listen to money. Money speaks. If someone can listen only with money--- They are not fully ready to receive God.
Everything is Black and White. It appears simpler to live thinking there are shades of gray. Wrong appears easier at times and pointing the finger at others wrongs gives us a false sense of security in ourselves. It seems easier to do what we think and not what we know in our hearts. Only through listening to our hearts and doing what is right will we find true joy, love and contentment within ourselves.
Love one another - you don't have to love a persons actions or reactions. We have our own thoughts and beliefs. We have ways in which we are right. Each of us have ways in which we are wrong. Who are we to judge each others actions and beliefs. Neither of us is more or less only different. We are all from God. Be true to your heart. Be true to God. No human being can be right at all times and separate from worldly things totally. Only God is pure and perfect. He is all positive.
Take knowledge, thoughts, beliefs and ideas from others to make you more. Let go of and don't except into your heart negative things or ideas that make you less. Don't let what others do wrong have a negative influence for you to do wrong. Stive to share the positive and let go of the negative.
Let go of any false sense of responsibility you feel towards others which cause you resentment. We don't need to make people feel or act the way we think they should. Don't let go of your responsibility of you. We are each in SOUL CONTROL of ourselves. We can't control all that is around us but if we can find joy, love and contentment within our hearts this is the meaning of life --- this is the point.
People are looking too much in the world for the answers to life. If they would just stop and "smell the roses" the answer to life is so simple.
We don't need to worry about buying things to make our children happy. It's not possible to teach our children every worldly thing and never make mistakes. The #1 thing to teach our children, ourself and help others to understand is how to listen with our hearts to God. People need to feel Right from Wrong. Strive to do right no matter how "wronged" you might feel.
Love yourself and be true to yourself
Be simple
Look at the simple picture of life
Don't think too hard
Listen and you will hear
When it's truly right you will know
God speaks in mysterious ways. He will not put us through more than we can handle. Burdens, troubles, joys, sadness, pain and love are all for reasons. The reasons are not always clear or to be known right now. When it's time to know if we are open and true to our hearts we'll know.
Strive to be right and fair. Don't worry over mistakes you make. We all need to learn. Don't be afraid to say when your wrong or sorry this makes you more -not less.
If one day seems so good. It doesn't mean everyday will seem just as good. If one day seems so bad it doesn't mean tomorrow won't bring happiness.
ONE DAY AT A TIME
Money seems to take care of everything. Yet, money means nothing. People listen to money. Money speaks. If someone can listen only with money--- They are not fully ready to receive God.
Everything is Black and White. It appears simpler to live thinking there are shades of gray. Wrong appears easier at times and pointing the finger at others wrongs gives us a false sense of security in ourselves. It seems easier to do what we think and not what we know in our hearts. Only through listening to our hearts and doing what is right will we find true joy, love and contentment within ourselves.
Love one another - you don't have to love a persons actions or reactions. We have our own thoughts and beliefs. We have ways in which we are right. Each of us have ways in which we are wrong. Who are we to judge each others actions and beliefs. Neither of us is more or less only different. We are all from God. Be true to your heart. Be true to God. No human being can be right at all times and separate from worldly things totally. Only God is pure and perfect. He is all positive.
Take knowledge, thoughts, beliefs and ideas from others to make you more. Let go of and don't except into your heart negative things or ideas that make you less. Don't let what others do wrong have a negative influence for you to do wrong. Stive to share the positive and let go of the negative.
Let go of any false sense of responsibility you feel towards others which cause you resentment. We don't need to make people feel or act the way we think they should. Don't let go of your responsibility of you. We are each in SOUL CONTROL of ourselves. We can't control all that is around us but if we can find joy, love and contentment within our hearts this is the meaning of life --- this is the point.
People are looking too much in the world for the answers to life. If they would just stop and "smell the roses" the answer to life is so simple.
We don't need to worry about buying things to make our children happy. It's not possible to teach our children every worldly thing and never make mistakes. The #1 thing to teach our children, ourself and help others to understand is how to listen with our hearts to God. People need to feel Right from Wrong. Strive to do right no matter how "wronged" you might feel.
Love yourself and be true to yourself
Be simple
Look at the simple picture of life
Don't think too hard
Listen and you will hear
When it's truly right you will know
God speaks in mysterious ways. He will not put us through more than we can handle. Burdens, troubles, joys, sadness, pain and love are all for reasons. The reasons are not always clear or to be known right now. When it's time to know if we are open and true to our hearts we'll know.
Strive to be right and fair. Don't worry over mistakes you make. We all need to learn. Don't be afraid to say when your wrong or sorry this makes you more -not less.
If one day seems so good. It doesn't mean everyday will seem just as good. If one day seems so bad it doesn't mean tomorrow won't bring happiness.
ONE DAY AT A TIME
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this is my problem. i dont want him calling me back. when he had me he did not do anything with me. i felt neglected. i do not see a reason for him to call me back if he has no purpose or place for me. is he being cruel?
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He has a purpose and a place for everyone, and you can be sure he has a purpose and place for you, because he would not call you if he didn't. Sometimes it's just hard to see what it is he wants for us though, So we just have to keep praying about it.
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9-iron
Football Fan
Here in lies your first problem. I have been in your shoes before. I was in a church where it appeared everyone else around me had it all figured out and had a good life. I didn't. I was miserable, and I couldn't understand why all those people had their life together and I didn't. There wasn't anything they were doing that I wasn't, I was praying, reading my bible, taking classes at the church, going to sunday school, etc.. I was miserable, I remeber actually telling God this Christianity thing isn't working for me. Then one night in the middle of the night, I can't explain it all, but God woke me up and said "are you through doing the best you can do"? I said yes, and though I was already saved, that night I truly gave my life to the Lord. You see it is not about "US LIVING OUR LIVES FOR GOD"!!!!!, "BUT RATHER GOD LIVING THROUGH US"...Galatians 2:20 " I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me; and the life in which I live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.
I want to encourage you to truly give your life to Christ if you haven't..That is the beginning. Second don't focus so much on what is going on in church and with other people, but develope a relationship with Christ first and foremost. Remember HE gave HIMSELF for YOU!!!!!!
Also you can't make yourself perfect. If you have hate and anger, only God can deliver you. How, by you submitting yourself to HIS Lordship over your life. Live according to HIS calling on your life not your own. This is something that has taken me years to learn. I think I will be missing something or having to give up something by following God, but true happiness and blessing come from doing HIS will.
As far as the wife thing, insecurities and such. You have to allow God to do a work in your heart. You need to develop a love for God and your savior Christ Jesus before you try to fall in love with a women...Only God can make you complete and whole...Seek HIM above all.
I don't know what kind of church you were going to, but God usually doesn't give you all the answers you are looking for in a personal word during a ministry time. Seek the Lord through prayer, reading the word, and meditation upon HIS prescence in your life..You need to develope a relationship with Jesus, just like you would develope a relationship with a friend..talk to HIM just like you are talking to us here. you can pray to God, but you can also pour out your feelings and emotions to HIM as well...tell HIM how you feel, ask HIM to line up your thoughts, emotions and feelings with what HE has for you....
My last bit of advice is to find a good solid place where you can develope close personal relationship with other Christian men..and allow them into your life to help you. Now don't allow everyone to know, but trust the Lord will find you a couple of guys who will help you and you can form friendships with..
Anyway I don't know if this helps, I know what does PRAYER..so I will be praying for you. I sense God's love for you in my spirit, and I see the love Christ has for you, HE knows you already and can see into your heart. Now you have to allow HIM to show HIMSELF to you...
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You don't want Him calling you back? I am not surprised. You have been offered help and refused it. When He had you, He did nothing with you? What did you want Him to do, turn you into a robot, and drive you like a toy with a remote control? You don't see a reason for Him to call you back??? Does God need to answer to you? Does He need your approval? Must He explain His actions to you? Have you read His written Word? Do you want help or do you want sympathy because God has mistreated you in someway? Have you read the book of Job? Do you judge God? Are you going to punish God because you don't like the way He operates? Remember you left God, He did not leave you! If you do not want Him to "call you back" then don't answer. It is your choice. It is ALWAYS your choice. God does not force any one.
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9-Iron pretty much said it all. But don't worry, forsaken. It isn't about what you need to do to be happy. God, once you spend quiet time with Him, will take all of your pain. I am trash, God is good. I must always sacrifice my own want for what He wants. I know that sounds nuts, but honestly it is the key to happiness. It is what we were made for. Even more important than the way women were made for men, is the way we are all made for a relationship with Christ. If you live for Him, not for yourself, not for anyone, but Him, and let Him be your focus...you will find satisfaction.
God loves you, we all love you, you are a part of our family. It may take time, but God will answer you. God uses bad for good. Be glad that you don't have the things, the joys of this world holding you back. It isn't the happiness in this world that means anything or that is lasting.
God loves you, we all love you, you are a part of our family. It may take time, but God will answer you. God uses bad for good. Be glad that you don't have the things, the joys of this world holding you back. It isn't the happiness in this world that means anything or that is lasting.
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I can understand why Gerry seems upset with you dude. In the first place, if you weren't seeking God, you wouldn't be here. In fact, the Lord knew you would be here, and led you here at this exact day and time. I do hope you get some relief from the troubles in your life, but I sure wouldn't be disrespecting the Lord. Things can get worse. Instead of trying to see what's wrong with your life, try counting your blessings. You won't have to look very far. Everyone has a choice to either accept the Lord or reject Him.If you've ever truly been saved, you're still saved, at least that's my belief. God doesn't forsake someone, just because they turn away from Him. I ran from the Lord for over twenty years, and I'm so thankful that He didn't give up on me. I can understand you wanting to have a wife, but what kind of lady will you attract with all your negative thoughts and baggage. Women don't want to get involved with a man who has the problems that you described. I will pray for you, and I hope you find the Lord before it's too late. We're not guaranteed another day on this earth, and God may be giving you another chance. If the Lord is tugging at your heart, maybe you should let Him in. I don't know what else to say except that God does love you, and He's ready for you to lean on him. I don't know how some people make it without Him. Peace Mr. forsaken. A good start would be to change your "name". My lord would never forsake one of His children.
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Auntie
THANK YOU JESUS!!
Attitude
"The longer I live the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company...a church...a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past...we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude...I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you...we are in charge of our attitudes."
- Charles Swindoll
"The longer I live the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company...a church...a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past...we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude...I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you...we are in charge of our attitudes."
- Charles Swindoll
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you know, i changed my name even though it took a whole year. nothing has changed, except things have gotten worse. i dont understand why is it when i try thigns go bad, but when other try it gets better. i have started to drinknow, not to get drunk or anything. i am by no means an acoholic. but now it seems there hasnt been a week that hasnt gone by that someone from the church i used to go to doesnt cross my path. i wonder if God is trying to send me a message. i am honestly very scared of going back to him. so many quesitons arise when i think of it. will he finally have aplace for me? will i know if i belong to him finally? is there really a destiny? i have been having horrible nightmares that have to do with my ex-fiance, and children we planned to have. they come after me in my sleep. i have nightmares that i go back to God and it takes him somewhere around the range of 20 years to finally start working with me. 20 years? jeez, and i wanted to be a pastor, how will i be a pastor if my life barely comes together in that long amount of time? it wouldnt be worth it in my eyes. in another dream i get married when i turn 44. sheesh, by the time i am 30 i plan to totally give up on the idea of love. if it can abandon me that long, then i have already spent what coudl possibly be half of my life single, there is no point in allowing someone to come into my life just to see my lonliness. i am still lost. i wish i had some garuntee that i am not just here floating in the breeze, that he really did have a plan for me. that is my fear. to go back and do nothing but occupy a steel chair, meanwhile watching as time passes me by, no matter how hard i try to build a life for myself. i really am alone on this. no one has ever been in my shoes before. least i have never met them. one reason i believe my nightmares, becuase the ones in the past have come true. none of the good ones have, just the bad. it seems as if i see into the future through nightmares, but honestly i am so tired of this pitiful life. i want out, but i want to be sure there is a good life waiting for me with God, not just one where i sit in a steel chair in the church for the rest of my life, witness to people about how good the lord meanwhile i am in the same place i was when i started, and having to come home to a cold empty house for the rest of my life. i am so sick of this whole mess. i would like to know there is a true light that is garunteed.
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Hey, everybody. Let's stop being so down on werzdalight about his feelings. He is entitled to feel whatever he wants. So let's start listening instead of just preaching. Acknowledge him as a person. Let's use something more than cliches and judgments, okay?
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werzdalight,
I wish I had noticed this thread a year ago. I'm glad you came back. I'm going to give an interpretation of what you wrote. Please let me know if I am correct or not. If I am incorrect, just set the record straight for me.
The orthodox Christian God has the image of being a "fatherly" figure. From what you've said, it seems that your earthly father has not met your needs. I suspect that a major reason that you've Christianity is that you desire to have a father figure. So you took a risk and offered yourself to God (your Heavenly father), expecting the love and acceptance that you didn't get from your earthly father. However, it sounds like you feel that God has not held up his end of the bargain because you're not feeling that love back. Now it appears to me that you feel not only rejected by your earthly father, but also by your Heavenly father. And now you're afraid that going back to God will mean that you might experience your feelings of rejection again. To me it seems that you want to please Him, but fear your efforts will be not be sufficient. You're seeking approval, but are unsure if it is even worth trying for.
In other areas of your life, you also talk about being rejected, such as by women and people from school. Those from church do not understand you, and you're not sure if people (or even God) care if you exist at all. Also, you're unsure of what God expects from you.
As far as other people go, you sound like you don't feel in control of how to present yourself to others as being "acceptable"; in other words, there's a bit of a feeling of helplessness because you aren't sure how to remedy the situation. I think you are seeking to be loved, as you were denied the love that you were entitled to as a child.
You're feeling anger at God because it seems that people around you are continually blessed--including those who don't seem to deserve it--and you are not. You sound like you feel that it is unfair that these people are receiving blessings, while you continue to try pleasing God, but aren't getting back much in return.
It also sounds like you feel like you're an imposter as a Christian (I'm not saying you are), as you're telling people that God is great, but you are unsure of whether He is or not yourself. I think that pretending makes you uncomfortable.
Again, please correct me if I am wrong anywhere.
I can understand why you would experience all of these emotions; it doesn't seem very fair to me for it to happen to you from my limited perspective. Many people have questioned why God allows suffering [that's a whole other subject!]. And it seems impossible to know what God has in mind, and what roles we play in those plans and how much control we have over the things that happen around us. It can be frustrating, confusing, and leave us feeling lost, as you say you feel. However, He sees the whole pie; we only see a slice. Right now things may not seem to be going well, but wait on the Lord. Yes, it sounds like you've waited a long time already. God has His own timing, though. Things will work out somehow, even if it's not the way we expected it to. He will pull you through; He's always pulled me through. My life hasn't/isn't easy, but things still happen. That is not to minimize your own situation and experiences, of course.
God does keep His promises. You may have heard the saying, "God doesn't promise easy flying, but he does promise a safe landing" [something like that]. Okay, it's a cliche, but it's a good cliche. The most important promise is this--it's one that affects eternity:
1 John 2:24-25
24 Therefore let that abide in you which you heard from the beginning. If what you heard from the beginning abides in you, you also will abide in the Son and in the Father. 25 And this is the promise that He has promised us--eternal life.
God does love you.
Matthew 10:29-31
29 Are not two sparrows sold for a copper coin? And not one of them falls to the ground apart from your Father's will. 30 But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. 31 Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.
Remember that even Jesus has felt abandoned by God when on the cross:
Matthew 27:46
And about the ninth hour Jesus cried out with a loud voice, saying, "Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani?" that is, "My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?"
As for people who seem to spit in the face of God, yet still get blessed, I was reminded of a few passages (you might want to read a little further for a better context):
Psalms 38:12-22
Psalms 41:5-13
Psalms 42:6-11
Psalms 71:1-13
Nehemiah 9:4-38
And of course...read the book of Job, yadda yadda yadda.
I believe that God uses the Holy Spirit to hold us accountable by "nudging" us when we sin. However, I think Satan exploits that sometimes by helping us harp on our guilt, with the intention of making us give up on God. Don't let Satan win.
You are NOT "Satan in the flesh," because if you were, you would not care at all what God wants. But you do.
I'm glad to hear that you have some friends. Do you ever talk to them about what you're experiencing, or have experienced?
Tell me, do you still want to physically harm other people? Do you still hate everything? When you're angry, what do you do to cope with that anger? How do you express your anger?
Well, hoped that helped.
=============
werzdalight,
I wish I had noticed this thread a year ago. I'm glad you came back
. I'm going to give an interpretation of what you wrote. Please let me know if I am correct or not. If I am incorrect, just set the record straight for me. The orthodox Christian God has the image of being a "fatherly" figure. From what you've said, it seems that your earthly father has not met your needs. I suspect that a major reason that you've Christianity is that you desire to have a father figure. So you took a risk and offered yourself to God (your Heavenly father), expecting the love and acceptance that you didn't get from your earthly father. However, it sounds like you feel that God has not held up his end of the bargain because you're not feeling that love back. Now it appears to me that you feel not only rejected by your earthly father, but also by your Heavenly father. And now you're afraid that going back to God will mean that you might experience your feelings of rejection again. To me it seems that you want to please Him, but fear your efforts will be not be sufficient. You're seeking approval, but are unsure if it is even worth trying for.
In other areas of your life, you also talk about being rejected, such as by women and people from school. Those from church do not understand you, and you're not sure if people (or even God) care if you exist at all. Also, you're unsure of what God expects from you.
As far as other people go, you sound like you don't feel in control of how to present yourself to others as being "acceptable"; in other words, there's a bit of a feeling of helplessness because you aren't sure how to remedy the situation. I think you are seeking to be loved, as you were denied the love that you were entitled to as a child.
You're feeling anger at God because it seems that people around you are continually blessed--including those who don't seem to deserve it--and you are not. You sound like you feel that it is unfair that these people are receiving blessings, while you continue to try pleasing God, but aren't getting back much in return.
It also sounds like you feel like you're an imposter as a Christian (I'm not saying you are), as you're telling people that God is great, but you are unsure of whether He is or not yourself. I think that pretending makes you uncomfortable.
Again, please correct me if I am wrong anywhere.
I can understand why you would experience all of these emotions; it doesn't seem very fair to me for it to happen to you from my limited perspective. Many people have questioned why God allows suffering [that's a whole other subject!]. And it seems impossible to know what God has in mind, and what roles we play in those plans and how much control we have over the things that happen around us. It can be frustrating, confusing, and leave us feeling lost, as you say you feel. However, He sees the whole pie; we only see a slice. Right now things may not seem to be going well, but wait on the Lord. Yes, it sounds like you've waited a long time already. God has His own timing, though. Things will work out somehow, even if it's not the way we expected it to. He will pull you through; He's always pulled me through. My life hasn't/isn't easy, but things still happen. That is not to minimize your own situation and experiences, of course.
God does keep His promises. You may have heard the saying, "God doesn't promise easy flying, but he does promise a safe landing" [something like that]. Okay, it's a cliche, but it's a good cliche
. The most important promise is this--it's one that affects eternity: 1 John 2:24-25
24 Therefore let that abide in you which you heard from the beginning. If what you heard from the beginning abides in you, you also will abide in the Son and in the Father. 25 And this is the promise that He has promised us--eternal life.
God does love you.
Matthew 10:29-31
29 Are not two sparrows sold for a copper coin? And not one of them falls to the ground apart from your Father's will. 30 But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. 31 Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.
Remember that even Jesus has felt abandoned by God when on the cross:
Matthew 27:46
And about the ninth hour Jesus cried out with a loud voice, saying, "Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani?" that is, "My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?"
As for people who seem to spit in the face of God, yet still get blessed, I was reminded of a few passages (you might want to read a little further for a better context):
Psalms 38:12-22
Psalms 41:5-13
Psalms 42:6-11
Psalms 71:1-13
Nehemiah 9:4-38
And of course...read the book of Job, yadda yadda yadda.
I believe that God uses the Holy Spirit to hold us accountable by "nudging" us when we sin. However, I think Satan exploits that sometimes by helping us harp on our guilt, with the intention of making us give up on God. Don't let Satan win.
You are NOT "Satan in the flesh," because if you were, you would not care at all what God wants. But you do.
I'm glad to hear that you have some friends. Do you ever talk to them about what you're experiencing, or have experienced?
Tell me, do you still want to physically harm other people? Do you still hate everything? When you're angry, what do you do to cope with that anger? How do you express your anger?
Well, hoped that helped.
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wow dood. i am going to go ahead and read those verse again. now if i can just get over fear and hate, cuz i do find myself wanting to hurt others, but i havent so much as laid a finger on anyone yet. as for coping with anger, all i do is usually explode into profanities, but if my boss is present i wait till i am alone. now its just a matter of meaning it and maybe my eyes will be opened.
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wvmtnkid
Order of the Candle
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I am glad you came back as well. You have been given some excellent advice from the posters here. I think that you do feel God in your life and there is some part of you that wants to answer him and follow him, or you wouldn't be posting here. You may not realize or acknowledge that part, but it is there. If it wasn't, you wouldn't care enough to hear the Lord's call. I just point this out to help you see that you are not totally lost.
As for your anger, only God can help you control that. There is another member here who at one time in his past had a problem with anger control. He posted about it in the thread below and how God helped him have victory over it. I thought it might encourage you and give you hope to read through his testimony.
http://www.christianforums.com/threads/35033.html
As for your anger, only God can help you control that. There is another member here who at one time in his past had a problem with anger control. He posted about it in the thread below and how God helped him have victory over it. I thought it might encourage you and give you hope to read through his testimony.
http://www.christianforums.com/threads/35033.html
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werzdalight
What do you fear most?
What kinds of things trigger your anger most often?
At what time(s) do you wish to hurt people?
I think you alluded to some of these things, but I just wanted to make sure we're on the same page.
You say you "explode" with anger. Do you hold your anger inside? Can you think of any outlets for your feelings that do not hurt yourself or others?
It's okay to be angry sometimes, but it is important to not let it consume you. What do you think might help you lessen your anger?
About worrying:
Read Matthew 6:25-34; 14:22-36
I think you also have issues with trust, and that is understandable, as it seems that at least one of the most important relationships in your life has been a shaky one.
Read Psalms 27:7-14
I'd also like to mention in passing that you are NOT as waste of God's time. You are precious to Him.
What do you fear most?
What kinds of things trigger your anger most often?
At what time(s) do you wish to hurt people?
I think you alluded to some of these things, but I just wanted to make sure we're on the same page.
You say you "explode" with anger. Do you hold your anger inside? Can you think of any outlets for your feelings that do not hurt yourself or others?
It's okay to be angry sometimes, but it is important to not let it consume you. What do you think might help you lessen your anger?
About worrying:
Read Matthew 6:25-34; 14:22-36
I think you also have issues with trust, and that is understandable, as it seems that at least one of the most important relationships in your life has been a shaky one.
Read Psalms 27:7-14
I'd also like to mention in passing that you are NOT as waste of God's time. You are precious to Him.
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0
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