A friend has, I suppose minimized the role in my life and well.. We dated right? Too complex to get into the details here about all that. I realize that, yeah it was a mistake. But I know now what I need to do right when I do want a relationship.
That's, not my main concern here though. My main concern is just friendships. Outside of hers it never felt, none of my friendships felt deep. Or to the point where I could trust many people with as much as I had her. Man does that hurt. And just trusting people in general previously was difficult. I am not certain how to trust. Nor speak to others due to fears of feeling I'm bothering them. So I would never reach out, and yeah I never felt close. Because of me I never felt close to the friends I have. I want a friend group. It's hard to find the right people for this though.
Almost thought of giving up on friendship. I know that such an idea would be bad. I suppose forming a new friend group wouldn't hurt but how? Where, who.. I don't know.
Knowing me I might overwork myself with the projects I'm doing. Never giving myself a chance to slow down. Whether that's due to the pain and trying to numb it, or me not giving a care I don't know which. I don't, really know what to be doing. I need to balance things. Social life, projects, everything. Yet I don't know how.
I need to fix my sleep schedule. It's out of whack. I did this, mostly for the purpose of removing my pain. I believe it can numb myself so I just, stay up.
I can't recall all of where I wanted to go with this. All I know is that, I need a friend. Life without those or feeling such connection feels rough and useless. Like sure I have friends but it doesn't feel deep.
That's, not my main concern here though. My main concern is just friendships. Outside of hers it never felt, none of my friendships felt deep. Or to the point where I could trust many people with as much as I had her. Man does that hurt. And just trusting people in general previously was difficult. I am not certain how to trust. Nor speak to others due to fears of feeling I'm bothering them. So I would never reach out, and yeah I never felt close. Because of me I never felt close to the friends I have. I want a friend group. It's hard to find the right people for this though.
Almost thought of giving up on friendship. I know that such an idea would be bad. I suppose forming a new friend group wouldn't hurt but how? Where, who.. I don't know.
Knowing me I might overwork myself with the projects I'm doing. Never giving myself a chance to slow down. Whether that's due to the pain and trying to numb it, or me not giving a care I don't know which. I don't, really know what to be doing. I need to balance things. Social life, projects, everything. Yet I don't know how.
I need to fix my sleep schedule. It's out of whack. I did this, mostly for the purpose of removing my pain. I believe it can numb myself so I just, stay up.
I can't recall all of where I wanted to go with this. All I know is that, I need a friend. Life without those or feeling such connection feels rough and useless. Like sure I have friends but it doesn't feel deep.