Can you marry a divorced woman?

ZephBonkerer

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The tax collectors and prostitutes were entering in because they repented?

Repentance is part of it. But in this context I would read "tax collectors and prostitutes" as "the despised". In those days, the Pharisees were seen as the gold standard of righteousness. But Jesus told a very different story, and they hated Him for it.

Jesus was teaching that the kind of people that will enter the Kingdom of Heaven are not going to be the rootin' tootin' high-falutin' religious types who love to be seen on their high horse. Oftentimes, those who will enter are going to be the despised, like the woman at the well.
 
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Diamond7

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And if you have married a divorced woman, are you to file for divorce? Sounds crazy to me.
The problems you have are in this life. Esp it is difficult for the children. My son said if parents stay together, there is a much better chance of success for the children.
 
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Diamond7

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The context of this verse was not divorce and remarriage.
I had a priest in the episcopal church tell me that. He got a divorce and within a year he died from AIDS. But I am still alive 40 years later telling people that God hates divorce.
 
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zoidar

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There are some really bad answers here. Talk to your priest or pastor. Marriage is a Sacrament instituted by God. It should not be taken lightly or without knowledge.

For those who think they shouldn't ask the potential wife about her past before the ceremony, why not? Those things usually come out. And you would do well to find out before the ceremony. Again, a priest or pastor would be the best person to assist you.
It's not like I think you should wait to ask her about her past until the ceremony, if you were thinking of my posts. But if you start dating by digging into her past, it feels like you aren't serious to know her, but just trying to figure out if she is marriageable. Of course if she doesn't share about her past life with you, there is something wrong from her side of things, especially since she knows her divorce is an important question to you.
 
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Diamond7

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True love? Do you think God would approve of buying a wife?
What are you talking about buying a wife? The terrorists do that. Lots of people get married to someone from another country. What is so unusual about that? As long as they get married to a Christian. People have a high opinion of Americas. You can get a better quality wife from another country sometimes.

There are a lot of good women in this country, but I was divorced and the good women stay away from divorced men. Esp I was a single parent and they do not want to raise another woman's child.
 
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zoidar

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What are you talking about buying a wife? The terrorists do that. Lots of people get married to someone from another country. What is so unusual about that? As long as they get married to a Christian. People have a high opinion of Americas. You can get a better quality wife from another country sometimes.

There are a lot of good women in this country, but I was divorced and the good women stay away from divorced men. Esp I was a single parent and they do not want to raise another woman's child.
Nothing wrong with marry a woman from another country. "Better quality wife?" The way you talk about it sounds like a business deal.
 
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trophy33

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Nothing wrong with marry a woman from another country. "Better quality wife?" The way you talk about it sounds like a business deal.
Temporary hormonal illusions aside, the long term success of a relationship/marriage is dependent on if its the best available "business deal" for both...
 
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ZephBonkerer

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I'm sure this question isn't a new one, but can I marry a divorced woman who's ex-husband is still alive? To be honest I don't think it's such a big deal, but the Bible seems to say otherwise.

“It was said, ‘Whoever sends his wife away, let him give her a certificate of divorce’; but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
— Matthew 5:31-32


And if you have married a divorced woman, are you to file for divorce? Sounds crazy to me.

It sounds crazy to divorce for this reason because it is. If it were adultery per se to marry someone who has ever been divorced, then either adultery was lawful in the Mosaic Law (Deuteronomy 24:1-4), or Jesus changed the Law to expand the definition of adultery (Matthew 5:17-18). It's unbiblical either way.

I've even heard people claim that your very salvation would be in jeopardy if you don't divorce! Such talk is cultish and brain-dead. If that truly were so, the Scriptures would have been explicit in that matter.

I've written about the kind of behavior Jesus condemned as tantamount to adultery in an earlier post, and it was not divorce and remarriage per se.
 
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Chaleb

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I'm sure this question isn't a new one, but can I marry a divorced woman who's ex-husband is still alive?

"be not unequally yoked"

"what marriage relationship can an unbeliever have with a believer". do darkness and light mix?

A.) nope

Are you both born again? Then if not, see the above verses.
 
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Diamond7

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The way you talk about it sounds like a business deal.
Marriage is a business deal. It is a partnership between two people. My wife helps me with my business and she also has a job and works. So she has her own money that I do not get involved with. She can do what she wants with the money she makes. She has more of a business deal with her son. She helped him with college and now she expects him to help her.
 
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zoidar

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Marriage is a business deal. It is a partnership between two people. My wife helps me with my business and she also has a job and works. So she has her own money that I do not get involved with. She can do what she wants with the money she makes. She has more of a business deal with her son. She helped him with college and now she expects him to help her.
I won't comment on your family, other than saying I wish you are happily married and love each other dearly. God bless!
 
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Presbyterian Continuist

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Marriage is a business deal. It is a partnership between two people. My wife helps me with my business and she also has a job and works. So she has her own money that I do not get involved with. She can do what she wants with the money she makes. She has more of a business deal with her son. She helped him with college and now she expects him to help her.
A church vicar I once worked with said that he was a missionary in Lebanon, and he worked with an agency that administered arranged marriages. He said that those marriages ended up being much more successful in the long term than the marriages that happened through romance and personal choice.
 
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Presbyterian Continuist

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I had a priest in the episcopal church tell me that. He got a divorce and within a year he died from AIDS. But I am still alive 40 years later telling people that God hates divorce.
I don't think he died from AIDS because he got divorced. It is more likely that the disease was caused by what he did afterward.
 
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ZephBonkerer

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I don't think he died from AIDS because he got divorced. It is more likely that the disease was caused by what he did afterward.

Or possibly before the divorce. Otherwise, you're right. People don't get AIDS from getting divorced.

I had a priest in the episcopal church tell me that. He got a divorce and within a year he died from AIDS. But I am still alive 40 years later telling people that God hates divorce.

Actually, God doesn't hate divorce. That phrase does not appear in more reliable translations of Malachi 2:16. The ESV and NIV (as revised in 2011) read something to the effect of "the man who hates and divorces his wife..."

It is treachery, abuse, cruelty, etc that God hates, not divorce. I don't mean to be all pedantic about this, but there has been so much bad doctrine going around based on the notion that God hates divorce itself. Someone needs to set the record straight.
 
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Diamond7

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It is treachery, abuse, cruelty, etc that God hates, not divorce.
There are sins of commission and sins of commission. I was working sometimes 50 or 60 hours a week and was almost never home. Clearly, it was not anything I did, but what I did not do. So that translation would mean it is ok to divorce someone from neglect but not abuse. There does seem to be problems with this translation and the original language tends to confuse it even more. If people are coming up with two different translations like that.
 
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bèlla

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Relationships have two components and both contribute to its success or demise. No one's blameless. Answering without acknowledging societal conditions and the stigma divorce carries in some circles is unfair. We're starting from different points. Some beginnings are nurturing. They're prepared for togetherness and have good examples to draw from. Some are less so and others are wading in waters with limited support and direction. Everyone wasn't reared in Christian homes or communities who supported marriage. Mixed results are inevitable. Whatever our position it must be laden with grace.

For the most part I don't believe in divorce. I include the caveat because some situations are harmful for the pair. Separation is a must. I address that through accountability. It's my responsibility to do my homework and make sure he's person he professes to be. I can't rely on emotion, haste or want for partnership to influence my decisions. I need to see him as he is and make certain I can live with it. I'm making a vow to God and that shouldn't be taken lightly.

I expect us to stay put and prepare ourselves for difficulties down the road while things are good. That means prayer, fasting, respect, healthy discourse, forgiveness, humility and lots of grace. Before we do it with another we must start with ourselves. All the niggling issues will rear their heads later on. I'm unlikely to forge a bond with someone who hasn't done the same or started the process.

I don't foresee myself marrying someone who divorced and haven't considered it relationally. Scrutinizing my failures with the Lord's help has blessed me. It happened on my watch. Something I did or didn't do or failed to see. Spotting the patterns and weaknesses helps me make better decisions down the road. I want someone with a similar disposition and commitment to permanence.

Much of this is a factor of the heart. That's how divorce occurs. We stop loving, esteeming and respecting the other sacrificially. Sometimes that means putting in more, taking things on, or living a life we didn't expect. We can't anticipate everything and will fail more than we imagined.

If we maintain a sobering perspective that's spiritually rooted we'd be less disappointed. The pedestal is our impediment. Two imperfect souls are sharing their lives. It will be messy now and then.

~bella
 
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bèlla

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It's not like I think you should wait to ask her about her past until the ceremony, if you were thinking of my posts. But if you start dating by digging into her past, it feels like you aren't serious to know her, but just trying to figure out if she is marriageable. Of course if she doesn't share about her past life with you, there is something wrong from her side of things, especially since she knows her divorce is an important question to you.

It may be better to develop the connection outside the confines of dating to determine suitably. Building the acquaintance intentionally would allow you to ask questions without the fear of letdowns. The hard topics must come for you both. If neither are comfortable sharing their failings why would they marry?

I believe in laying things out. We've all made mistakes. Informed decisions are a must. I want him to know what he's taking on. That's respect in action. It requires us to face our fears and deal with a little scrutiny. If I want to be with him I have to come clean.

Everything I've said and done or experienced has impacted me in some way. There may be areas in need of healing, strengthening or release. I want us to face them together. That doesn't happen without honesty and a willingness to be transparent.

~bella
 
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dms1972

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I cannot find this "called to marriage", or "called to singleness" in the Bible, where does it say people are called to either? Paul doesn't forbid marriage, or tell people they must get married. Seems to be left as a choice for believers to make prayerfully, wisely. He says believers should marry in the Lord.

If someone was married then became a christian, ie. and their partner is still a non-christian. He says if the non-believer is willing to stay, the believer should not seek a divorce, but if the non-believer leaves, the believer need not try and hang on to them. I would assume that in then case the believer can remarry.
 
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ZephBonkerer

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I find this "called to marriage", or "called to singleness" in the Bible, where does it say people are called to either?

If you are "called" either way, you'll know. You won't feel forced into it because God doesn't work that way.
 
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dms1972

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So how are you finding that notion working out in practice?

I asked for where the Bible refers to marriage or singleness as a calling, and you didn't provide one. Whatever the quotes "" mean around called? I don't view it as a calling as such. I view it as a decision God leaves to people. The apostolic teaching is that believers are only to marry in the Lord. People are to weigh up what christian marriage means, and decide if they want to take that step. God will give them the help they need, if they ask for it to help them in married life together.

"Now about virgins, I have no command from the Lord, but I give a judgement as one who by the Lord's mercy is trustworthy, because of the present crisis, I think that is good for you to remain as you are. Are you married? Do not seek a divorce. Are you unmarried do not look for a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a virgin marries she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this." 1 Corinthians 7: 25....

The "present crisis" may refer to the pressures of life in a immoral and hostile enviroment, Paul also may have thought the Lord's return close at hand "...the time is short" (v 29)
 
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