No I didn't. These decisions aren't made in a vacuum. A parent works with the child to understand what problems they are experiencing and working out what solutions might be appropriate. Belly hurt? Appendicitis? Appendectomy!
The parent works out these solutions with the aid of doctors and other professionals. At least I can't recall the last time a mom cut out a kids appendix with her own pocket knife.
Do you not understand parenting at all?
My child starts expressing things that sound like gender dysphoria. "Daddy, I wish I were a boy." "Gee sweetie, why do you wish that?" Do you really think parents are dragging their kids to the doctor demanding that the doctor change the kid?
This is how it seems like you think reality goes:
- Parent: Change my boy to a girl
- Doctor: OK
- Timmy: But I don't want to be a girl
- Doctor: Shut up, Timmy. Yo daddy said you need to be girl, so you gonna be a girl
I mean, seriously.
After probably months of the kid expressing things that would disconcerting to any parent, the parent takes the kid to a psychologist. After months, years, of counseling, the psychologist says, "yunno, I think this could be real. I'm referring you to a specialist."
After much time with a specialist, a decision is made. The child isn't
forced; the parent isn't
forced. Whatever the decision is, it is made after much deliberation and care. And much like you might make a decision to treat your kid for cancer, you make a decision about Gender Reaffirming Surgery (or whatever the acronym is this week.)
This is NOT random, arbitrary, just because, decision making.
Here's a story for you.
I have a child with multiple psychological diagnoses. From the time the child was 4, we had her in counseling. At one point we had to switch counselors because the counselor said she was out of her depth with our kid.
From about age 8, she expressed gender dysphoria. From age 10 to 20, she tried to commit suicide about twice a year. This meant she was committed to psych wards at least twice a year. Sometimes we didn't have a choice because the law where we live is such that a person that is a danger to themselves had to be committed. Didn't matter what the conditions were. Didn't matter that we felt that
this time wasn't as big a deal as last time. (Maybe that's good; maybe that's bad. But, that's life.)
All along the way gender dysphoria was expressed. The thing for my spouse and me was that this was not a constant. It came and it went. Her behavior patterns were in no way masculine. It turns out that one of her diagnoses comes with a side of gender dysphoria. We knew, somewhat instinctively and later more explicitly, that this was a side effect of her more serious problems.
Now, almost in her mid-20s, she understands herself better. She still has those feelings, but she knows that she experiences them in times of stress and she knows the feelings will go away in time. She no longer buys binders since they are a waste of money if the feelings will go away.
Thank goodness for reaching that magical time of 25-26 when the human brain is more-or-less mature. She may actually out-live us as we expect our other children will. She will likely die as she was born, a female.
You may think that this is a happy ending. And, it is. But not because she's
staying a female. It's because, at least in this regard, she's figured out how to navigate her emotions and employ learned coping mechanisms. It is likely that she will never have a regular job. But, she may yet be able to describe her life as fulfilling.
See, here's the thing: it could have gone the other way. Maybe she didn't have other diagnoses. Maybe she wasn't suicidal. Maybe she did have persistent masculine traits (whatever those might be). And maybe, the psychologist, psychiatrist, and gender experts would have said, "yup, she/he is a classic case".
It would have been hard. But, we'd have paid for our child to be happy if we were convinced it were necessary -- even given a risk that all of it were wrong.
Y'all know nothing of what it is like to walk this walk or you wouldn't say such ignorant things.