Apathy after leaving God

Daviboy

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Hello all. I converted 12 years ago. Those years walking with the light of the Lord were the most beautiful of my life. But unfortunately, for some reasons I fell back in sins, for 5 years. I made the mistake of taking God for granted, thinking "I will comeback, but not right away". I knew I had to repent, but I kept delaying it. Now I realise how fool I was.

Now it's been 4 months since I've been trying to reconnect with God. I repented and I think I was sincere. But the problem is that living far from God for that long ended up making me depressed. I want to live with God, I know we depend on Him. But the problem is that even if I seek him, my mental state doesn't seem to improve. I don't feel like doing anything anymore. I really have hard time getting out of my bed. All I do is working, eating and sleeping. Being in this state makes it hard for me to believe I'm forgiven. And even when I think I am, I don't feel enthousiasm toward God.

I've been isolated for a long time too. I pray, read the Bible, but I don't go to church, and don't really have any christian friends. Maybe I would feel better if I went to church and made some friends out there. So I will try to motivate myself and go to church... maybe it will help but I doubt a lot about that. I'm afraid that living in sins for that long made too much damage in my heart and hardened it. I pray God so changes my heart, gives me back my joy, makes me feel like obeying him, but nothing happen. I just don't sin and I don't want to sin, but I don't do anything with my life either.

I would give everything to recover the relationship I used to have with God at the beginning of my Christian life. I felt on fire for Him, but for some reasons I fell away. Now I try to come back but I don't feel any positive emotion.

I have hard time to phrase what I'm going through, and my english is not very good, but basically that's it. I'm afraid God left me on my own for always. If you have any advice, or any word of encouragement for me I will take them.
 
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Pioneer3mm

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It seems..you need spiritual renewal/breakthrough.
----
My advice is..
- focus on His grace and mercy.
- Listening 'Praise & Scripture songs'..can be helpful.
---
I went through..'spiritual renewal/restoration'..
- during my journey..
 
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Tolworth John

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the problem is that even if I seek him, my mental state doesn't seem to improve. I don't feel like doing anything anymore.
Please seek medical help.
Depression is a serious mental illness, so please seek help.

Just because you are in a relationship with God, that does not mean that you are not depressed.

So again please seek help, and also make the effort to attend church.
 
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Maria Billingsley

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Hello all. I converted 12 years ago. Those years walking with the light of the Lord were the most beautiful of my life. But unfortunately, for some reasons I fell back in sins, for 5 years. I made the mistake of taking God for granted, thinking "I will comeback, but not right away". I knew I had to repent, but I kept delaying it. Now I realise how fool I was.

Now it's been 4 months since I've been trying to reconnect with God. I repented and I think I was sincere. But the problem is that living far from God for that long ended up making me depressed. I want to live with God, I know we depend on Him. But the problem is that even if I seek him, my mental state doesn't seem to improve. I don't feel like doing anything anymore. I really have hard time getting out of my bed. All I do is working, eating and sleeping. Being in this state makes it hard for me to believe I'm forgiven. And even when I think I am, I don't feel enthousiasm toward God.

I've been isolated for a long time too. I pray, read the Bible, but I don't go to church, and don't really have any christian friends. Maybe I would feel better if I went to church and made some friends out there. So I will try to motivate myself and go to church... maybe it will help but I doubt a lot about that. I'm afraid that living in sins for that long made too much damage in my heart and hardened it. I pray God so changes my heart, gives me back my joy, makes me feel like obeying him, but nothing happen. I just don't sin and I don't want to sin, but I don't do anything with my life either.

I would give everything to recover the relationship I used to have with God at the beginning of my Christian life. I felt on fire for Him, but for some reasons I fell away. Now I try to come back but I don't feel any positive emotion.

I have hard time to phrase what I'm going through, and my english is not very good, but basically that's it. I'm afraid God left me on my own for always. If you have any advice, or any word of encouragement for me I will take them.
I'm not sure what kind of circumstances led you to be " on fire" with the Lord. I am certain that this in no way can be maintained over a lifetime. Nor do I think it is the fruit of a true , tried and tested Christian. That being said, that fire is gone understandably, because that is not what walking in His Holy Spirit means. But fear not you are seemingly back more determined to have a mature relationship with Him. Now turn to His Living Waters instead as you are thirsty. He never left you to begin with, you just quenched Him for a while. So have patience and overcome your doubts with the Foundation of your faith. Jesus Christ of Nazareth. Go back to your first love. Blessings.
 
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nhisname

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Hello all. I converted 12 years ago. Those years walking with the light of the Lord were the most beautiful of my life. But unfortunately, for some reasons I fell back in sins, for 5 years. I made the mistake of taking God for granted, thinking "I will comeback, but not right away". I knew I had to repent, but I kept delaying it. Now I realise how fool I was.

Now it's been 4 months since I've been trying to reconnect with God. I repented and I think I was sincere. But the problem is that living far from God for that long ended up making me depressed. I want to live with God, I know we depend on Him. But the problem is that even if I seek him, my mental state doesn't seem to improve. I don't feel like doing anything anymore. I really have hard time getting out of my bed. All I do is working, eating and sleeping. Being in this state makes it hard for me to believe I'm forgiven. And even when I think I am, I don't feel enthousiasm toward God.

I've been isolated for a long time too. I pray, read the Bible, but I don't go to church, and don't really have any christian friends. Maybe I would feel better if I went to church and made some friends out there. So I will try to motivate myself and go to church... maybe it will help but I doubt a lot about that. I'm afraid that living in sins for that long made too much damage in my heart and hardened it. I pray God so changes my heart, gives me back my joy, makes me feel like obeying him, but nothing happen. I just don't sin and I don't want to sin, but I don't do anything with my life either.

I would give everything to recover the relationship I used to have with God at the beginning of my Christian life. I felt on fire for Him, but for some reasons I fell away. Now I try to come back but I don't feel any positive emotion.

I have hard time to phrase what I'm going through, and my english is not very good, but basically that's it. I'm afraid God left me on my own for always. If you have any advice, or any word of encouragement for me I will take them.
I believe what you are experiencing now is God's discipline. When I stray he disciplines me with correction for my disobedience. The good news is if he didn't love you he wouldn't discipline like a good parent does. We always get back what we reap, good or bad and there are consequences for our actions. Read psalms 13 about David while in his distress. All the while trusting the Lord. Trust God in everything and with everything. We are to rejoice in him for all that happens to us good or bad. Eph 6:10 Take this time to renew your mind and don't forget to put on your armor daily, without it Satan's attacks are brutal. Your maturity and strength will grow by leaps and bounds through this time of trial. I pray this helps you. Hugs!
 
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Brad D.

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I think 3 words from 3 of the other posters stuck out. Maturity, Discipline and Praise. You seem to be maybe erring on extremes which has caused you by God's discipline and His desire for Maturity to make you walk for a time by pure faith. It is a dark night when He does that, but it is needed. Perhaps when your initial excitement waned, you begin to seek your "fix" slowly back from the world, and tasted its bitter disappointment. Now you have seen the light and turned back which is good. He is still there, but I believe He just wants you to come to know Him in a different way. take @Pioneer3mm advise and Praise Him anyway. Do not put it conditional or seek Him for Joy. Just seek Him because He is worthy to be sought. Just lay hold of Him in faith, rise each day, be obedient to the least little thing He shows you, stay in the moment, Praise Him anyway, and move on. Receive the darkness at this time from His hand. Count it all joy, and I think when you put that all into practice, you will see Him come around soon enough. Be of good cheer! He is with you!
 
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Daviboy

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I'm not sure what kind of circumstances led you to be " on fire" with the Lord. I am certain that this in no way can be maintained over a lifetime. Nor do I think it is the fruit of a true , tried and tested Christian. That being said, that fire is gone understandably, because that is not what walking in His Holy Spirit means. But fear not you are seemingly back more determined to have a mature relationship with Him. Now turn to His Living Waters instead as you are thirsty. He never left you to begin with, you just quenched Him for a while. So have patience and overcome your doubts with the Foundation of your faith. Jesus Christ of Nazareth. Go back to your first love. Blessings.
By being of fire, I mean having a strong hunger for God, his word, wanting to be alike Jesus more and more and to please him, attending a church with joy, etc. Now I don't find that motivation within me anymore. I want him, I pray and I read the word. But most of the time when I pray I feel like I just talk to myself. And when I read the Bible, I do it out of hope that a light should shine in my head or something but nothing happened and I don't really feel talked to. I try to memorize the important passages and to apply them in my life, but I don't see changes within me, I don't feel any love or any passion.
 
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Daviboy

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Please seek medical help.
Depression is a serious mental illness, so please seek help.

Just because you are in a relationship with God, that does not mean that you are not depressed.

So again please seek help, and also make the effort to attend church.
I don't know if I have a true illness, or it's the Holy Spirit that left me or something.
 
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Daviboy

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I believe what you are experiencing now is God's discipline. When I stray he disciplines me with correction for my disobedience. The good news is if he didn't love you he wouldn't discipline like a good parent does. We always get back what we reap, good or bad and there are consequences for our actions. Read psalms 13 about David while in his distress. All the while trusting the Lord. Trust God in everything and with everything. We are to rejoice in him for all that happens to us good or bad. Eph 6:10 Take this time to renew your mind and don't forget to put on your armor daily, without it Satan's attacks are brutal. Your maturity and strength will grow by leaps and bounds through this time of trial. I pray this helps you. Hugs!
I hope you are right. I am afraid that I lived deliberately in sins for too long and that he left me to my own, and as a result I am now looking for him because of my distress and the pain I feel for his absence. But I can't find him on my own. It's him that shows himself to us, and he doesn't seem to be willing to show me his face again. I gave up all my sins but maybe they made too much damage to my heart. Because my fall in sins led me to become selfish, very self-centered and pride. I hate what I've become, and I pray each day that he changes me. I look at myself and I see nothing good and it's hard to believe that God is acting to regenerating me.

I should never have fallen back into sins. I didn't expect it to make so much damage in my life, and to make it so hard to get a relationship with God back. Now I got my lesson that we depend on Him 100%. I just hope it's not too late and that he will give me another chance.
 
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nhisname

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I hope you are right. I am afraid that I lived deliberately in sins for too long and that he left me to my own, and as a result I am now looking for him because of my distress and the pain I feel for his absence. But I can't find him on my own. It's him that shows himself to us, and he doesn't seem to be willing to show me his face again. I gave up all my sins but maybe they made too much damage to my heart. Because my fall in sins led me to become selfish, very self-centered and pride. I hate what I've become, and I pray each day that he changes me. I look at myself and I see nothing good and it's hard to believe that God is acting to regenerating me.

I should never have fallen back into sins. I didn't expect it to make so much damage in my life, and to make it so hard to get a relationship with God back. Now I got my lesson that we depend on Him 100%. I just hope it's not too late and that he will give me another chance.
We all fall short of God's glory. I'm an old lady probably old enough to be your grandmother. I've done a lot a of things I'm not proud of and the Lord has never untied the anchor that held my boat afloat. When I did do wrong he would discipline me the way he's disciplining you. I would cry, moan and groan tell him how sorry I was the whole nine yards. Nobody likes getting whooped from the Lord.
I have a question who or what brought you back to the Lord?
Read Matt 18:12-13
 
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Lost Witness

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Hello all. I converted 12 years ago. Those years walking with the light of the Lord were the most beautiful of my life. But unfortunately, for some reasons I fell back in sins, for 5 years. I made the mistake of taking God for granted, thinking "I will comeback, but not right away". I knew I had to repent, but I kept delaying it. Now I realise how fool I was.

Now it's been 4 months since I've been trying to reconnect with God. I repented and I think I was sincere. But the problem is that living far from God for that long ended up making me depressed. I want to live with God, I know we depend on Him. But the problem is that even if I seek him, my mental state doesn't seem to improve. I don't feel like doing anything anymore. I really have hard time getting out of my bed. All I do is working, eating and sleeping. Being in this state makes it hard for me to believe I'm forgiven. And even when I think I am, I don't feel enthousiasm toward God.

I've been isolated for a long time too. I pray, read the Bible, but I don't go to church, and don't really have any christian friends. Maybe I would feel better if I went to church and made some friends out there. So I will try to motivate myself and go to church... maybe it will help but I doubt a lot about that. I'm afraid that living in sins for that long made too much damage in my heart and hardened it. I pray God so changes my heart, gives me back my joy, makes me feel like obeying him, but nothing happen. I just don't sin and I don't want to sin, but I don't do anything with my life either.

I would give everything to recover the relationship I used to have with God at the beginning of my Christian life. I felt on fire for Him, but for some reasons I fell away. Now I try to come back but I don't feel any positive emotion.

I have hard time to phrase what I'm going through, and my english is not very good, but basically that's it. I'm afraid God left me on my own for always. If you have any advice, or any word of encouragement for me I will take them.
The LORD calls us to Repent,
We don't just simply come to repentance.
He Called you Back?
Keep In Mind these are the Last Days,
As history can attest the LORD always Calls people to repent before Judgement,
“The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.” 2 Peter 3:9
I fasted before the LORD when he called me back to repentance after over 6yrs, he forgave me (hallelujah)
Joe2.jpg
 
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Tolworth John

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I don't know if I have a true illness, or it's the Holy Spirit that left me or something.
Jesus promised Never to leave his people, as the Holy Spirit is part of the Trinity it means he will never leave you.

Please get medical help.
 
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Renewed24

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Look into the concept of the Dark Night of the Soul, as written about by St. John of the Cross.

Sometimes, we don't feel His presence the way we want to. But if we are serious in our faith and love of God, we will continue following Him even when we don't have that spiritual consolation, and persevere in seeking Him.
 
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Anthony2019

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Hello Daviboy
I would encourage you not to be too hard on yourself.
If you have time, take a look at Hebrews 11.1 'Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen'.
You mentioned that you were struggling to reconnect with God and yet you are still persevering in seeking Him. You are even reaching out to your brothers and sisters on this forum because you believe you will get words of hope and comfort. You know that people here will be praying for you and you believe that God will hear their prayers.
I would say that you have a tremendous amount of faith, more than you are willing to take credit for. You don't feel you are getting anywhere and yet you are committed to do whatever it takes to develop your relationship with God. I think you do love God, but you are just not feeling emotional about it, but relax - that is OK.
I am confident that your faith will continue to grow. You may not appreciate how your faith is helping you at the moment, but the time will come when you will. And you will realise that during the difficult times of your life, God was faithful to you and carried you through.
 
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Daviboy

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Look into the concept of the Dark Night of the Soul, as written about by St. John of the Cross.

Sometimes, we don't feel His presence the way we want to. But if we are serious in our faith and love of God, we will continue following Him even when we don't have that spiritual consolation, and persevere in seeking Him.
No I don't want to feel anything. All I want is to be able to live my life normally, with God. Being able to function, to have some leisures, and of course serving God. But the problem is that everything now seems so pointless to me. It makes me feel empty, depressed, etc.

One thing that is very problematic is that by walking away from God, I've become prideful and self-centered. I repented of it, and I asked God to make me humble and to kill this pride, but I don't know how to deal with that now. Because I took pride in everything I would do. For instance, I used to make sport, but I always wanted to be good and to perform well and to be proud of myself about that. Now if I restarted my leisures, I would not be able to enjoy them without taking any pride out of them. I pray God that he helps me enjoy things of life without always trying to glorify myself out of the things I do. Does anyone understand what I mean ? Maybe I exagerate and it's normal to have some pride sometimes, but in my case I feel like it's too much.
 
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Tolworth John

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I don't know if I have a true illness, or it's the Holy Spirit that left me or something.
So talk to your minister, if you don't have you start attending church regularly, and/or talk to a doctor.

If you are a Christian the Spirit will Not leave you, he will just not let you be aware of his prescence.
 
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Hello all. I converted 12 years ago. Those years walking with the light of the Lord were the most beautiful of my life. But unfortunately, for some reasons I fell back in sins, for 5 years. I made the mistake of taking God for granted, thinking "I will comeback, but not right away". I knew I had to repent, but I kept delaying it. Now I realise how fool I was.
Sure but you need to understand how God Jesus is longing for you to see yourself in his blood, which justifies you making you just as if you'd never sinned. I've been where you're at. I had to recognize how God sees my state in Christ and respond in faith. Oh everything in my feelings said it's not so it's not so.....I set my natural thoughts on the shelf and acted joyfully in the spirit that God's grace IS SO. Remember he said to come BOLDLY to the throne of grace to receive grace and mercy in time of need. Everything in your brain will tell you that's presumptuous but NO it's not. To reestablish yourself you need to choose to have joy and that's what God wants. He's not holding anything against you. The devil wants you to think he is.

The best way to crush the devil is to put a smile on your face and to assert with all positive acceptance that God is for you and nothing can be against you. Imagine Jesus standing with you and saying, "YES, YES do this do this!" Jesus knows what a bunch of lousy failures all of us can be but he'll always stand with us as we jump out of that mess. And it's the blood, the blood, the blood of Jesus which gives us our rightouesness consciounness not even all the things of penace we do. Also the more of God's word get's in you the more you want it, its according to the measure we measure it will be measured unto us. That's true even in the natural. One may not have a desire for sports but if they watch a game every day their mind always tend to want to be in that mode.
And even when I think I am, I don't feel enthousiasm toward God.
The spirit and mind of men is created to become addicted to whatever is it's focus. I'd double up and triple up on your feeding your spirit with God's word and doing the things that support your spiritual life. Fire and passion will come...it's impossible not too.

I've been isolated for a long time too. I pray, read the Bible, but I don't go to church, and don't really have any christian friends. Maybe I would feel better if I went to church and made some friends out there.
You're also not considering this one thing. Why should you want Christian friends....so you can be encouraged. Well of course we all want that BUT consider it this way....when you bless others and strengthen them in their Christian walk GOD strengthens you. You give and God causes goodness to come to you.

So I will try to motivate myself and go to church... maybe it will help but I doubt a lot about that.
Stop saying you doubt it will. God says it will. He has people who can impart strength to you.

I'm afraid that living in sins for that long made too much damage in my heart and hardened it.
Then cast down that imagination which is exalting itself against the word of God. It really doesn't take long to get energized and have God's passion burning within you again.



I would give everything to recover the relationship I used to have with God at the beginning of my Christian life. I felt on fire for Him, but for some reasons I fell away.
Well it's really not for some reason. The reasons are all layed out in Mk 4 the sower sows the word. Making a decision to sow rightly however can bring you back to where you were before and also to a greater place. Remember Jesus said....it's not up the me it's up to you. According to the measure you measure it'll be measured back to you. I'm speaking to myself here to by the way. We all have to remind ourselves of this.

Now I try to come back but I don't feel any positive emotion.
Put the emotions LAST. Put the actions first and the right actions will bring forth a harvest of good things. One doesn't say I don't see the harvested crop.....no they say I've planted the seed and watered it and I'm committed to do so regardless of what I see or feel....but then ahhhh the passion will eventually show up.
I'm afraid God left me on my own for always.
No he hasn't. I came on here today and believe God had me share what I have. Grab on to courage and faith and confidence with all tenacity. God truly IS on your side!
 
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