I made some posts back in 2018 about this guy I met on Reddit. A lot of people told me to run, and I wish I would have. He ended up ghosting me after we finally met this year and my heart has been beyond broken and I feel so lost. The worst part is, I am left with more questions than answers.
Two weeks before I met him, I had been praying for God to either help me learn to be content in Him alone and to stop longing for a partner, or to help me find someone I can connect with. About two weeks later I met my guy and we hit it off and could talk for literally hours and never run out of things to say. I have never experienced this with another person and it just all felt so incredibly special. He helped me through my chronic illness flare ups and when I had to move and when I had problems at work. He would always comfort me and tell me things would be okay.
He was a Christian, yes but a bruised one. He was abused by some kind of teaching at the church his parents made him go to when he was a child. It made him believe God hated him. In spite of this he still tried to believe and we would listen to sermons together and talk about them afterward. I thanked God every night for him and asked Him often to guide our relationship as He wills it.
I developed super strong feelings for him, and he as well. We talked often about meeting but we never had the money or opportunity. Then COVID happened and 2020 and 2021 we basically started to drift away. He stopped working and his depression got worse. He started becoming more engrossed with his video games. I would ask him if we were slipping away and he would assure me we just ran out of stuff to talk about and just need to meet.
Well, I finally met him this year in Feb. We spent the afternoon together and he took me to the park and showed me around his town. He was really interesting and I felt safe in his presence. He made sure I had everything I needed and stayed with me at the airport when we arrived too late and had to wait for the next flight. We held hands and it was the most amazing feeling ever. I felt like I had found my person. I have never been so sure of anything in my life. A few months prior we were talking about having a family together and it just felt like God's will so much.
The night came when he texted me saying he thinks our relationship is not healthy for me because we live in different states and neither of us are willing to move. Deepening things will only lead to hurt and he needs to "pull me out of this". He started telling me how I am strong and can handle life on my own and that I need to open up to the people around me and not be so obsessed with him. He told me that it "didn't have to be goodbye forever" and that "there may come a time in the future where we can say hello again when we are better seasoned" -- but I don't know if he meant that or if he was just letting me down easy.
I miss him terribly. And even after four months I still cannot forget him. I know I need to move on but it's hard when I spent the past four years of my life on this guy. I realize in a lot of ways I put him above God in my life, and I grieve over it. The truth is, I was alone for so long and so when I finally found connection--I held onto it like my life depended on it. But I realize God is supposed to take that place in our lives, not people.
I wish I could go back in time and reverse that prayer I prayed the week before I met him. All it did was lead to pain in the end.
Two weeks before I met him, I had been praying for God to either help me learn to be content in Him alone and to stop longing for a partner, or to help me find someone I can connect with. About two weeks later I met my guy and we hit it off and could talk for literally hours and never run out of things to say. I have never experienced this with another person and it just all felt so incredibly special. He helped me through my chronic illness flare ups and when I had to move and when I had problems at work. He would always comfort me and tell me things would be okay.
He was a Christian, yes but a bruised one. He was abused by some kind of teaching at the church his parents made him go to when he was a child. It made him believe God hated him. In spite of this he still tried to believe and we would listen to sermons together and talk about them afterward. I thanked God every night for him and asked Him often to guide our relationship as He wills it.
I developed super strong feelings for him, and he as well. We talked often about meeting but we never had the money or opportunity. Then COVID happened and 2020 and 2021 we basically started to drift away. He stopped working and his depression got worse. He started becoming more engrossed with his video games. I would ask him if we were slipping away and he would assure me we just ran out of stuff to talk about and just need to meet.
Well, I finally met him this year in Feb. We spent the afternoon together and he took me to the park and showed me around his town. He was really interesting and I felt safe in his presence. He made sure I had everything I needed and stayed with me at the airport when we arrived too late and had to wait for the next flight. We held hands and it was the most amazing feeling ever. I felt like I had found my person. I have never been so sure of anything in my life. A few months prior we were talking about having a family together and it just felt like God's will so much.
The night came when he texted me saying he thinks our relationship is not healthy for me because we live in different states and neither of us are willing to move. Deepening things will only lead to hurt and he needs to "pull me out of this". He started telling me how I am strong and can handle life on my own and that I need to open up to the people around me and not be so obsessed with him. He told me that it "didn't have to be goodbye forever" and that "there may come a time in the future where we can say hello again when we are better seasoned" -- but I don't know if he meant that or if he was just letting me down easy.
I miss him terribly. And even after four months I still cannot forget him. I know I need to move on but it's hard when I spent the past four years of my life on this guy. I realize in a lot of ways I put him above God in my life, and I grieve over it. The truth is, I was alone for so long and so when I finally found connection--I held onto it like my life depended on it. But I realize God is supposed to take that place in our lives, not people.
I wish I could go back in time and reverse that prayer I prayed the week before I met him. All it did was lead to pain in the end.
