Girlfriend intolerant of other denominations

Fomor

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My girlfriend and her family are members of a pretty cookie cutter nondenominational American evangelical church. She's the one that introduced me to the faith and I appreciate her deeply for that.

For some time now I've been drawn to the older more traditional Protestant traditions like Anglicanism and Lutheranism. The sacramental theology seems intuitive to me, it seems obvious that an incarnate God would act through physical means. I'm also attracted to the traditional liturgy. In our church we sing modern pop songs and drink starbucks in the pews and it seems irreverent to me.

The problem is that she will not budge after I told her about my feelings. I thought it would be a non-issue, as far as I can tell nearly all Protestant groups share similar views on the really really important stuff like salvation. But she is completely fixed in her camp, she won't even consider other denominations as Christian. She says things like:
"Oh you gotta be careful those groups can be pretty Catholic"
"Why do you feel the need to look into other religions all you need is the Bible"
"All the pastors I talk to tell me that our interpretation is the correct one"
Etc, etc. We started by having a bit of a conversation/debate going over the theological points of the different camps. The biggest thing I wanted to try to get across is that it is very easy for two different people to come away from the text with different interpretations, and that these other groups aren't just making stuff up out of nowhere. Recently I think she realized that she can't just convince me I'm wrong and basically told me she's very sad but if it comes to it she'll break up with me over this. We've been together for almost 2 years, and are making plans for marriage.

If it comes down to it I don't want to fight her on this. As far as I'm concerned my salvation is not in jeopardy whether I'm Baptist or Lutheran or whatever. On the other hand I really feel that exploring these other traditions would do wonders for my spiritual growth. The last thing I want to do is lie to her about what I believe or to let this grow as resentment over time. But even if I were to convince her of the validity of other traditons, I doubt her family would approve. She has been trying to get me to talk to her father about my theological questions for months now but I'm simply terrified that he'll rebuke me outright.

The light at the end of the tunnel is that we'll be meeting together with her faith counselor at the end of the month. He is a pastor whom I trust and has been charitable with me when I've told him about my interest in other denominations. He still sits firmly in the evangelical camp though, and I really don't know how he will address this issue.

What should I do? Continue trying to convince my gf that I can explore other denominations and still be Christian, risking an end to the relationship? Bite the bullet and drop the issue? Is this a serious enough problem to end an otherwise wonderful healthy relationship? I'll accept any advice or wisdom you can give. This is my first post on the forum, so please forgive me for any faux pas.
 
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sandman

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My girlfriend and her family are members of a pretty cookie cutter nondenominational American evangelical church. She's the one that introduced me to the faith and I appreciate her deeply for that.

For some time now I've been drawn to the older more traditional Protestant traditions like Anglicanism and Lutheranism. The sacramental theology seems intuitive to me, it seems obvious that an incarnate God would act through physical means. I'm also attracted to the traditional liturgy. In our church we sing modern pop songs and drink starbucks in the pews and it seems irreverent to me.

The problem is that she will not budge after I told her about my feelings. I thought it would be a non-issue, as far as I can tell nearly all Protestant groups share similar views on the really really important stuff like salvation. But she is completely fixed in her camp, she won't even consider other denominations as Christian. She says things like:
"Oh you gotta be careful those groups can be pretty Catholic"
"Why do you feel the need to look into other religions all you need is the Bible"
"All the pastors I talk to tell me that our interpretation is the correct one"
Etc, etc. We started by having a bit of a conversation/debate going over the theological points of the different camps. The biggest thing I wanted to try to get across is that it is very easy for two different people to come away from the text with different interpretations, and that these other groups aren't just making stuff up out of nowhere. Recently I think she realized that she can't just convince me I'm wrong and basically told me she's very sad but if it comes to it she'll break up with me over this. We've been together for almost 2 years, and are making plans for marriage.

If it comes down to it I don't want to fight her on this. As far as I'm concerned my salvation is not in jeopardy whether I'm Baptist or Lutheran or whatever. On the other hand I really feel that exploring these other traditions would do wonders for my spiritual growth. The last thing I want to do is lie to her about what I believe or to let this grow as resentment over time. But even if I were to convince her of the validity of other traditons, I doubt her family would approve. She has been trying to get me to talk to her father about my theological questions for months now but I'm simply terrified that he'll rebuke me outright.

The light at the end of the tunnel is that we'll be meeting together with her faith counselor at the end of the month. He is a pastor whom I trust and has been charitable with me when I've told him about my interest in other denominations. He still sits firmly in the evangelical camp though, and I really don't know how he will address this issue.

What should I do? Continue trying to convince my gf that I can explore other denominations and still be Christian, risking an end to the relationship? Bite the bullet and drop the issue? Is this a serious enough problem to end an otherwise wonderful healthy relationship? I'll accept any advice or wisdom you can give. This is my first post on the forum, so please forgive me for any faux pas.

First …..be thankful for her steadfastness… that is a good thing.

Secondly…. This is not something you drop the issue on if you plan on any long-term relationship…as it will cause problems later. If you are married it is the central part of you marriage and the common meeting point … the neutral ground where you both need to be likeminded.


Third…. 1Co 1:10 Now I beseech you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that ye all speak the same thing, and that there be no divisions among you; but that ye be perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgment.

The Word of God is paramount…. not ceremony, not songs, not religious acts and garb and motions …even feelings are irrelevant …what matters is Truth. And truth come in one size… Jhn 17:17
Sanctify them through thy truth: thy word is truth.

~I guess I probably sound like your girlfriend now~
 
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tampasteve

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Have you talked about or studied together, the differences between a non-denominational church and a more High Protestant church service? You are right that most Protestants agree (and most Christians in general) that the salvation issues are more or less the same across Trinitarian denominations. There are differences to be sure, but they are generally not enough for us to say that one is not Christian.

That said, many times people that are set in their denomination have absolutely no desire to look outside of it, even to the point of thinking of those other denominations as different religions or otherwise "outside" of their camp.

Would she have dated you in the first place if you were a solid Lutheran? How would she have viewed you? If the relationship is going to be really solid you need to be able to talk about these foundational issues with one another in an open and honest way. If she refuses to even have the conversation about this, that is a problem as she does not want to listen to something that is vitally important. In the end she does not have to agree with your views, but she needs to be able to respect your decisions about your faith.

I would recommend watching some of the "Learning about other Churches" series by Matt Whitman on Youtube. He was a Evangelical Free Church pastor until recently and gives a very good dive into most other denominations by visiting their churches and talking to a pastor/priest from a very informative and non-judgmental place. I actually would recommend all his videos, but that series may be helpful to both you and your GF.
 
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Soyeong

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My girlfriend and her family are members of a pretty cookie cutter nondenominational American evangelical church. She's the one that introduced me to the faith and I appreciate her deeply for that.

For some time now I've been drawn to the older more traditional Protestant traditions like Anglicanism and Lutheranism. The sacramental theology seems intuitive to me, it seems obvious that an incarnate God would act through physical means. I'm also attracted to the traditional liturgy. In our church we sing modern pop songs and drink starbucks in the pews and it seems irreverent to me.

The problem is that she will not budge after I told her about my feelings. I thought it would be a non-issue, as far as I can tell nearly all Protestant groups share similar views on the really really important stuff like salvation. But she is completely fixed in her camp, she won't even consider other denominations as Christian. She says things like:
"Oh you gotta be careful those groups can be pretty Catholic"
"Why do you feel the need to look into other religions all you need is the Bible"
"All the pastors I talk to tell me that our interpretation is the correct one"
Etc, etc. We started by having a bit of a conversation/debate going over the theological points of the different camps. The biggest thing I wanted to try to get across is that it is very easy for two different people to come away from the text with different interpretations, and that these other groups aren't just making stuff up out of nowhere. Recently I think she realized that she can't just convince me I'm wrong and basically told me she's very sad but if it comes to it she'll break up with me over this. We've been together for almost 2 years, and are making plans for marriage.

If it comes down to it I don't want to fight her on this. As far as I'm concerned my salvation is not in jeopardy whether I'm Baptist or Lutheran or whatever. On the other hand I really feel that exploring these other traditions would do wonders for my spiritual growth. The last thing I want to do is lie to her about what I believe or to let this grow as resentment over time. But even if I were to convince her of the validity of other traditons, I doubt her family would approve. She has been trying to get me to talk to her father about my theological questions for months now but I'm simply terrified that he'll rebuke me outright.

The light at the end of the tunnel is that we'll be meeting together with her faith counselor at the end of the month. He is a pastor whom I trust and has been charitable with me when I've told him about my interest in other denominations. He still sits firmly in the evangelical camp though, and I really don't know how he will address this issue.

What should I do? Continue trying to convince my gf that I can explore other denominations and still be Christian, risking an end to the relationship? Bite the bullet and drop the issue? Is this a serious enough problem to end an otherwise wonderful healthy relationship? I'll accept any advice or wisdom you can give. This is my first post on the forum, so please forgive me for any faux pas.

Hello and welcome to the forum.

One of the beautiful things about the Bible is that it teaches us simple things that anyone can understand while at the same time people can study it for their entire lives and still be growing in their depth of understanding of it. I grew up as a Christian, I am now 40, and each decade I have grown in my understanding of the Bible, so I hold some views today that I would have disagreed with 10 years ago, and I held some views 10 years ago that I would have disagreed with 20 years ago. Furthermore, I expect to hold some views 10 years from now that I'd disagree with today. In fact, I think that if someone is not growing in their faith, then something is wrong, so as far as your growth as a Christian is concerned, I think that it is to your advantage to explore other denominations. I firmly believe that we can learn much of value from someone even if there is much that we strongly disagree about.

To use an analogy, it is like someone is standing outside of a house looking inside through its front window at the objects in the room and they are standing there for their entire life, then someone takes them by the hand and leads them to another window that is on the side of the room. They are still looking at the same room with the same objects in it, but now they have a different perspective that allows them to gain a better understanding of the objects in the room and they can see things that they did not see before.

It is to someone's detriment if we teach someone to be warry of certain teachings, but neglect to teach them why people believe those teachings and why we should be warry of them, so it is important to be willing to try to look at things from different perspectives. One of the people that I admire alternatives between reading a book that supports his faith and reading a book written by someone that he disagrees with, though I fully recognize that that is not going to appeal to everyone. One of the nice things about having different denominations and different flavors within a denomination is that they can attract different types of people. For example, one person might enjoy a liturgy while another person hate it, so churches don't need to all do one or the other, though naturally that gets tricky when people in a relationship have different preferences.

It seems strange to me that say that all they do is follow the Bible as if no one else thought of that, or as if other people think that they are doing something other than following the Bible, or as if people who say that don't disagree about how to follow the Bible. For example, when Jesus said that this is my body broken for you, some people think that he was speaking literally while others think that he was speaking figuratively, but both people are basing their views on the Bible.

There are couples who choose to attend different congregations who make it work, but it is easier if there is agreement on that, especially once children enter the picture. If she is not opposed to you attending her congregation while later watching the services of a different congregation online, then that might be an option too. If you're going to continue with your relationship with her, then you're probably going to have to face her father sometime, so I don't think that putting it off is probably making things worse. He might be more understanding of what you're going through than your girlfriend, he might be able to help you deal with some of the issues that you are facing, and he might help her to understand, so there might be advantages to talking with him, but if all he would do is rebuke you, then you might also want to consider whether it would be a good idea to have him as your father-in-law because you are not just going to be forming a relationship with your girlfriend, but are also forming relationships with her family. If you just go along with her, then I agree that there is a chance that this will build resentment, so you need to work through this with her in order to find an amicable outcome, and hopefully speaking the the counselor about that will help, as well as her father.
 
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chevyontheriver

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For some time now I've been drawn to the older more traditional Protestant traditions like Anglicanism and Lutheranism. The sacramental theology seems intuitive to me, it seems obvious that an incarnate God would act through physical means. I'm also attracted to the traditional liturgy. In our church we sing modern pop songs and drink starbucks in the pews and it seems irreverent to me.

The problem is that she will not budge after I told her about my feelings. I thought it would be a non-issue, as far as I can tell nearly all Protestant groups share similar views on the really really important stuff like salvation. But she is completely fixed in her camp, she won't even consider other denominations as Christian. She says things like:
"Oh you gotta be careful those groups can be pretty Catholic"
"Why do you feel the need to look into other religions all you need is the Bible"
"All the pastors I talk to tell me that our interpretation is the correct one"
Etc, etc. We started by having a bit of a conversation/debate going over the theological points of the different camps. The biggest thing I wanted to try to get across is that it is very easy for two different people to come away from the text with different interpretations, and that these other groups aren't just making stuff up out of nowhere. Recently I think she realized that she can't just convince me I'm wrong and basically told me she's very sad but if it comes to it she'll break up with me over this. We've been together for almost 2 years, and are making plans for marriage.
It's good to have someone firm in the faith to help you in your mission to become a saint. Actually it is the prime job of spouses to get their partners into heaven.

Sometimes keeping you in the denomination is not the best way to help get you to heaven.

I have heard the testimony of quite a few married people where one of them has decided to become Catholic. That can be a very bumpy ride. Too bumpy for some spouses, who end up leaving. Other spouses will stay married but not be able to join the Catholic Church. Others who study and struggle and end up accepting something they never thought they could, a sacramental and liturgical way of life that ends up working for them too. So decide, can you follow God to the ends of the earth even if girlfriend dumps you? Does she want you to follow God wherever he leads you? Have you got the guts to put God first in your life? Christian marriage is where both spouses put God first in their lives, and He honors that.
 
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St_Worm2

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My girlfriend and her family are members of a pretty cookie cutter nondenominational American evangelical church.
Hello Fomor, first off (since I see that you are new around here), WELCOME TO CF :wave:

As for your post, there is nothing wrong with visiting different churches and/or denominations, whether you are a believer yet or not. The thing is, the church that you choose to attend will not have a profound impact on the next and most vital step in your life, that of believing/coming to saving faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, so why not stay where you are until you have at least done that? (also, when you finally become a true believer, you may find that you are already right where you both need to be and want to be, and where the Lord always intended you to be :))

The other thing that you mentioned right off the bat in your OP (that I placed in bold type above) is her family (and, quite frankly, her church family too). You need to consider what asking her to change churches would mean to her, because the church you are attending with her now is where her family goes and will continue to go (and, no doubt, where everyone who she considers to be her "church" family goes too), yes?

So, along with her strong feelings about her church, its style of worship and its teaching, there is the strong family bond to consider as well.

My recommendation, therefore, is to stay right where you are, to become a Christian, and to use everything that your present church has to offer then, to grow up in Christlikeness. Then, if you still feel the pull to go elsewhere down the road (I understand, as I FAR prefer traditional worship services), perhaps she would consider checking out some traditional church services with you to see what she thinks.

May God bless you as you continue to seek Him!!

--David
 
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zippy2006

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My girlfriend and her family are members of a pretty cookie cutter nondenominational American evangelical church. She's the one that introduced me to the faith and I appreciate her deeply for that.

For some time now I've been drawn to the older more traditional Protestant traditions like Anglicanism and Lutheranism. The sacramental theology seems intuitive to me, it seems obvious that an incarnate God would act through physical means. I'm also attracted to the traditional liturgy. In our church we sing modern pop songs and drink starbucks in the pews and it seems irreverent to me.

The problem is that she will not budge after I told her about my feelings. I thought it would be a non-issue, as far as I can tell nearly all Protestant groups share similar views on the really really important stuff like salvation. But she is completely fixed in her camp, she won't even consider other denominations as Christian. She says things like:
"Oh you gotta be careful those groups can be pretty Catholic"
"Why do you feel the need to look into other religions all you need is the Bible"
"All the pastors I talk to tell me that our interpretation is the correct one"
Etc, etc. We started by having a bit of a conversation/debate going over the theological points of the different camps. The biggest thing I wanted to try to get across is that it is very easy for two different people to come away from the text with different interpretations, and that these other groups aren't just making stuff up out of nowhere. Recently I think she realized that she can't just convince me I'm wrong and basically told me she's very sad but if it comes to it she'll break up with me over this. We've been together for almost 2 years, and are making plans for marriage.

If it comes down to it I don't want to fight her on this. As far as I'm concerned my salvation is not in jeopardy whether I'm Baptist or Lutheran or whatever. On the other hand I really feel that exploring these other traditions would do wonders for my spiritual growth. The last thing I want to do is lie to her about what I believe or to let this grow as resentment over time. But even if I were to convince her of the validity of other traditons, I doubt her family would approve. She has been trying to get me to talk to her father about my theological questions for months now but I'm simply terrified that he'll rebuke me outright.

The light at the end of the tunnel is that we'll be meeting together with her faith counselor at the end of the month. He is a pastor whom I trust and has been charitable with me when I've told him about my interest in other denominations. He still sits firmly in the evangelical camp though, and I really don't know how he will address this issue.

What should I do? Continue trying to convince my gf that I can explore other denominations and still be Christian, risking an end to the relationship? Bite the bullet and drop the issue? Is this a serious enough problem to end an otherwise wonderful healthy relationship? I'll accept any advice or wisdom you can give. This is my first post on the forum, so please forgive me for any faux pas.

Welcome! :wave:

What is your background? What does your family practice? How were you brought up?

The biggest danger is that you will marry her and then, some years down the road, find that your unresolved questions about other denominations keep popping up. Ideally you should figure this out now, before you marry and bring children into the world.

Obviously this is a very prudential decision that only you are capable of making, but at a higher level of analysis I would suggest considering two variables: 1) The strength of your desire to explore other denominations, and 2) Your girlfriend's level of inflexibility. The viability of a relationship will depend in large part on the relation between these two variables. If your desire to explore is very strong and your girlfriend is adamantly inflexible, then the relationship is not likely to work. On the other hand, if your desire to explore is weak or if your girlfriend becomes more flexible, then the religious issue is less likely to be an impediment to the relationship.

Now you have explained that your girlfriend is inflexible. If she remains this way then the question you must ask yourself is, "How important is it that I explore other denominations?"

The worry I have is this: your desire for a more incarnational theology and a more reverent approach to worship is something that is at the very heart of Christianity. You therefore have a very strong reason for wanting to explore more sacramental and liturgical forms of Christianity, and I worry that such a strong reason will be difficult to suppress in the years to come.

May God bless and guide this most important decision you are attempting to make!
 
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Trusting in Him

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I am thinking that your girlfriend has been longer established in her faith and walk with the Lord than you and maybe you neen to be learning more about why she is saying the thinks which she is saying. You need to sit down together and talk about this and check out what you are both saying and how this compares with what the bible says. Be wary of denorminational labels, they not necessarily tell you very much about what they stand for, or what their doctrinal roots are. There is no such thing as a church, which is perfect in every way. People are not perfect and so churches are not always perfect either. Listen to what your girlfriend says and talk about it.

If you are going to be married, you will almost certainly want to be in the same church. That does not mean that you will always follow everything that is necessarily taught be everyone else within that church. Whever you are, you will need to be a Berean are check out things in scripture for yourself. There's nothing wrong in this, if we are not to be disceived we need to do this. I think that you and your girlfriend need to make a fresh start together and spend time praying together and not just reading the bible together, but studying it together, particularly concerning what the bible has to say about relevent doctrinal issues. You both need to be reading a reliable version of the bible and if I may, can I recommend a bible with a decent system of margin cross references.

I don't mean someone elses interpretations in the margin, but other related verses elswhare in the bible. For me clarity often comes from reading relevent verses in both testaments. I would also caution you the the margin references can reflect, where different bible publishers are coming from some beware! I am not King James only, the King James bible is not necessarily perfect in all places, but the margin references in the King James bible published by Cambridge University Press are very good indeed. I do not recomment the margin reference in the Oxford University Press bibles as they were influenced by the Oxford Movement, which was an anglo-catholic movement seeking to undo the Protestment reformation in Great Britian.

Incase you are wondering, even the margin reference in your bible can easily influence your thinking without you knowing it! Be very discerning, regarding what you read and what you accept as true. It is important! The best commenary of the bible is no doubt the bible it's self. May I recommend to you a book called "The Treasury Of Scripture Knowedge", it is a book contaning only other verses in the bible related to the verses, which you are looking up. I am not one of those who is King James only. I have quite a lot of different bibles in my collection, but I am very picky about which ones they are!
 
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chevyontheriver

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Hello Fomor, first off (since I see that you are new around here), WELCOME TO CF :wave:

As for your post, there is nothing wrong with visiting different churches and/or denominations, whether you are a believer yet or not. The thing is, the church that you choose to attend will not have a profound impact on the next and most vital step in your life, that of believing/coming to saving faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, so why not stay where you are until you have at least done that? (also, when you finally become a true believer, you may find that you are already right where you both need to be and want to be, and where the Lord always intended you to be :))

The other thing that you mentioned right off the bat in your OP (that I placed in bold type above) is her family (and, quite frankly, her church family too). You need to consider what asking her to change churches would mean to her, because the church you are attending with her now is where her family goes and will continue to go (and, no doubt, where everyone who she considers to be her "church" family goes too), yes?

So, along with her strong feelings about her church, its style of worship and its teaching, there is the strong family bond to consider as well.

My recommendation, therefore, is to stay right where you are, to become a Christian, and to use everything that your present church has to offer then, to grow up in Christlikeness. Then, if you still feel the pull to go elsewhere down the road (I understand, as I FAR prefer traditional worship services), perhaps she would consider checking out some traditional church services with you to see what she thinks.

May God bless you as you continue to seek Him!!

--David
There's that too. Sort of a 'bloom where you are planted' thing. There could be a lot to learn from this woman, her family, and her community.

I do think there is merit to a more sacramental, incarnational, and liturgical way. But it might be good to get there a bit later on, after learning from where he finds himself now.
 
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Fomor

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:wave: Thanks for the responses guys, I appreciate the warm welcome. Is it custom here to make big long posts like this? Or split them up into smaller pieces? I hope I formatted this right...

First …..be thankful for her steadfastness… that is a good thing.

I agree 100%. I wouldn't expect her to be any other way.

Have you talked about or studied together, the differences between a non-denominational church and a more High Protestant church service?

We didn't talk about liturgy much actually. I tried to explain to her the sacramental positions of these other groups and skimmed over their confessions to see how they interpret scripture. She had an aversion to extra-biblical sources of doctrine. We went over the ecumenical creeds and despite agreeing with them she still felt they were unnecessary. I think we really just need to talk more about it, it's a subject we've both been avoiding due to the headache of it all. I honestly feel a little guilty, like I'm betraying her by having these unorthodox (from her perspective at least) ideas.

In the end she does not have to agree with your views, but she needs to be able to respect your decisions about your faith.

It's all I really wish for. I don't want or expect her to change her beliefs, just to bear with my curiosity and accept me as a fellow Christian despite our differences.

It is to someone's detriment if we teach someone to be warry of certain teachings, but neglect to teach them why people believe those teachings and why we should be warry of them

I agree with you 100%. I feel like a lot of people leave the faith because they don't get satisfactory answers to their questions. How am I supposed to know these guys are wrong without hearing their argumentation first? At least that's how I see it.

You need to consider what asking her to change churches would mean to her, because the church you are attending with her now is where her family goes and will continue to go (and, no doubt, where everyone who she considers to be her "church" family goes too), yes?

I don't necessarily expect her to change churches for me. If she'd accept me exploring other churches while still going to her church every Sunday, I'd be happy. She's a package deal with her family though of course. I feel guilty because I feel that I've been accepted into their family and this relationship for so long with the unspoken agreement/expectation that I accept their faith unconditionally. I don't want to betray my girlfriend or her family, but I don't want to lie to them either. I fear being anathematized by them.

My recommendation, therefore, is to stay right where you are, to become a Christian, and to use everything that your present church has to offer then, to grow up in Christlikeness. Then, if you still feel the pull to go elsewhere down the road (I understand, as I FAR prefer traditional worship services), perhaps she would consider checking out some traditional church services with you to see what she thinks.

The issue here I think is that I feel this would just be kicking the can further down the road. I don't have a problem staying where I am, but my mind will still be wandering all the while.

What is your background? What does your family practice? How were you brought up?

I was raised in a mostly secular home. My parents grew up religious but didn't impart that on me or my brothers. I went to Sunday school when I was a kid but those memories are ancient history now.

With the evangelical doctrine of "once saved always saved" I wonder whether I was actually saved back then in Sunday school or not. I've been living an atheist life the entire time since then, but now I'm back. A thought that has been tugging at my mind.

The biggest danger is that you will marry her and then, some years down the road, find that your unresolved questions about other denominations keep popping up. Ideally you should figure this out now, before you marry and bring children into the world.

This is my ultimate fear. I can easily say to myself now that I can just drop the issue and not think about it for the foreseeable future. But what if that builds resentment over time? What if she falsely gets the idea that I've fully accepted all her doctrinal positions? There would be fallout at the end of the road.
 
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Trusting in Him

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You say that your girlfriend has an aversion to extra-biblical sources of doctrine and that you went over the ecumenical creeds and despite agreeing with them she still felt they were unnecessary. Well I would say that she is right in sticking to that which is biblical and that they are entirely unnecessary. Doctrine which does not come directly from the bible, or is that which adds something else to Gods word, or even takes something away from God's word generally comes from those who think that they know better than God.

There is often an agenda behind things like this, which you will do well to avoid! Keeping your faith simple and strictly in line with God's word as revealed in a reliable and solid bible translation, will be helpful to keeping you walking in God's ways and statutes. You won't find an emphasis on outward things like observing rituals in the bible as God's way for you. The life of a Christian is an inward life, based on inward things, not on outward things.

Ecumenicalism is not in the bible at all, it is the teachings of man and not of God. It is straight out of the vactican! I would urge you most strongly to stay well away from anything which is presented as good for the church, or Christians, but has nothing to do with God's direct word as revealed in the bible. I strongly suspect that God has provided you with a godly woman, who is well versed in God's word and one who you would be wise to listen to.
 
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James Watson

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My girlfriend and her family are members of a pretty cookie cutter nondenominational American evangelical church. She's the one that introduced me to the faith and I appreciate her deeply for that.

For some time now I've been drawn to the older more traditional Protestant traditions like Anglicanism and Lutheranism. The sacramental theology seems intuitive to me, it seems obvious that an incarnate God would act through physical means. I'm also attracted to the traditional liturgy. In our church we sing modern pop songs and drink starbucks in the pews and it seems irreverent to me.

The problem is that she will not budge after I told her about my feelings. I thought it would be a non-issue, as far as I can tell nearly all Protestant groups share similar views on the really really important stuff like salvation. But she is completely fixed in her camp, she won't even consider other denominations as Christian. She says things like:
"Oh you gotta be careful those groups can be pretty Catholic"
"Why do you feel the need to look into other religions all you need is the Bible"
"All the pastors I talk to tell me that our interpretation is the correct one"
Etc, etc. We started by having a bit of a conversation/debate going over the theological points of the different camps. The biggest thing I wanted to try to get across is that it is very easy for two different people to come away from the text with different interpretations, and that these other groups aren't just making stuff up out of nowhere. Recently I think she realized that she can't just convince me I'm wrong and basically told me she's very sad but if it comes to it she'll break up with me over this. We've been together for almost 2 years, and are making plans for marriage.

If it comes down to it I don't want to fight her on this. As far as I'm concerned my salvation is not in jeopardy whether I'm Baptist or Lutheran or whatever. On the other hand I really feel that exploring these other traditions would do wonders for my spiritual growth. The last thing I want to do is lie to her about what I believe or to let this grow as resentment over time. But even if I were to convince her of the validity of other traditons, I doubt her family would approve. She has been trying to get me to talk to her father about my theological questions for months now but I'm simply terrified that he'll rebuke me outright.

The light at the end of the tunnel is that we'll be meeting together with her faith counselor at the end of the month. He is a pastor whom I trust and has been charitable with me when I've told him about my interest in other denominations. He still sits firmly in the evangelical camp though, and I really don't know how he will address this issue.

What should I do? Continue trying to convince my gf that I can explore other denominations and still be Christian, risking an end to the relationship? Bite the bullet and drop the issue? Is this a serious enough problem to end an otherwise wonderful healthy relationship? I'll accept any advice or wisdom you can give. This is my first post on the forum, so please forgive me for any faux pas.
As a pastor for 50 years and having dealt with many marriages and divorces, I would encourage you to not marry anyone with whom you haven’t worked out all the main issues. One of the big issues is where you both want to go to church. These big issues should be worked out before marriage, not after. Let me know if I can help. I have videos on YouTube that may speak to these issues for you.
 
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