Why can't everyone have a partner?

VCR-2000

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Since we tend to have strong drives to be attracted to someone, why do some of us have to suffer feeling alone because we are single and don't want to be, but other people could somehow date and even date different people serially. There are those who the opposite gender finds repulsive too or they are socially awkward. And a lot of people don't date the "caliber" of partner that they want. Why isn't everyone being guaranteed to have a partner a default condition in life? Why do people (usually on the male side) need to prove themselves to find a wife/girlfriend/mate?
 

rockytopva

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Some people find a mate very easily, and others never do. That is just how life goes.
I worked my way up to lab technician and am making good money. The women here, though, think I am too strict. I did meet a Christian woman and we started getting close. But the more that woman talked… I finally told her, “You know you can’t do those things and go to heaven.” And she… Being Baptist, replies… “Are you trying to threaten my salvation?” And the relationship went down from there. That lady would end up losing her job because of attendance issues.

Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife.But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned. Nevertheless such shall have trouble in the flesh: but I spare you. - 1 Corinthians 7:28-29

Had I gotten tied up with that woman I sense we would of had much trouble in the flesh. I'm not ruling out marriage.... But we would have to use our relationship in a sense of ministry and growth in the Christian faith.
 
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com7fy8

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but other people could somehow date and even date different people serially.
They can be serial daters because they are lonely and can not be satisfied. I do not mean this is true of all who go out with different people.

And, of course, the serial daters could be checking out different people, in order to find the right one.

Each one can speak for oneself.

I would be careful about comparing yourself with others. What is really happening, for each person, could be different than you suppose . . . especially if you have not gotten to know someone.

Plus, dating can be unreliable for evaluating someone.

How I have been as a person had a lot to do with who I could connect with.

After I got with Jesus and had things of God's word as my standard for how to relate, I think I did a lot better for companionship. And the best companionship could be during a few minutes of talking with someone who was encouraging and a good example for me . . . quality versus quantity.

So, I had better and better friendship, but without dating. Then I prayed about if God wanted me with someone. And then I got as ready as I could, by feeding on how the Bible says to relate. And then came my sweetie. But still I constantly need to stay prayerful in how I relate with her, and ready for love with any person . . . whether someone else is ready or not > Jesus wants us to love each and every person > "if you love those who love you, what reward have you?" (in Matthew 5:46) > so, Jesus wants us love all people; .

Things that helped me include >

"be content with such things as you have" > in Hebrews 13:5 > meaning to be appreciative of every moment I have to share with anyone. Love every person. I would be thankful to hold the post office door open for someone and share a smile. Be satisfied with however God made the way for me to have love with anyone, for a moment or longer :)

"Do all things without complaining and disputing," (Philippians 2:14)

This, I understand, means wrong kinds of anger and arguing and complaining > abusive arguing, me trying to control and use someone else, being unforgiving. If any negative nasty stuff even tries to start in me to get me to argue or complain . . . resist it, right away, trust God to get it away and get me the right way. And it is fun to see how we can be kind and gentle and creative, instead.

God makes us creative :)
 
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Lukaris

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Not all of us can socially bond properly with other people in general. This basically negates forming a monogamous relationship with the opposite sex. Then there are the factors of our intellects and emotions.

Personally, I have always been a heterosexual single and came to the conclusion that it is best I remain this way. This preceded repentance to the Lord Jesus Christ but I am thankful that it helped prepare me for what is really necessary.

I still struggle with much residual sin and have never made much socioeconomic progress. I also realize many people in the world face life and death daily just for being Christian and others have multitudes of hardships in daily living.
 
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public hermit

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Since we tend to have strong drives to be attracted to someone, why do some of us have to suffer feeling alone because we are single and don't want to be, but other people could somehow date and even date different people serially. There are those who the opposite gender finds repulsive too or they are socially awkward. And a lot of people don't date the "caliber" of partner that they want. Why isn't everyone being guaranteed to have a partner a default condition in life? Why do people (usually on the male side) need to prove themselves to find a wife/girlfriend/mate?

There is no getting behind things to see why God decided to create this particular world. I have many questions, too, but I know how things stand and so I work from there.

Many people have found fulfillment without a mate, so it is possible. Meister Eckhart says we should live without a "Why?" I take that to mean we should live the life we are given, pursuing the divine intention for us, without looking back to ask why this is our lot. You have one roll of this dice called "life." Try not to squander it in bemoaning what it should be, and seek what is good, and beautiful, and true right now. I know that might sound trite, but it's true. You are the only you there is, let that be enough. Besides, none of us are getting out of here alive. Don't feel as if so-called happy people won't suffer the loss of everything. When it's over, we're all dust.
 
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Juan777

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But the more that woman talked… I finally told her, “You know you can’t do those things and go to heaven.” And she… Being Baptist, replies… “Are you trying to threaten my salvation?”

There is allot of garbage out there.
 
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ajcarey

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Since we tend to have strong drives to be attracted to someone, why do some of us have to suffer feeling alone because we are single and don't want to be, but other people could somehow date and even date different people serially. There are those who the opposite gender finds repulsive too or they are socially awkward. And a lot of people don't date the "caliber" of partner that they want. Why isn't everyone being guaranteed to have a partner a default condition in life? Why do people (usually on the male side) need to prove themselves to find a wife/girlfriend/mate?

It could also be asked, why isn't everyone guaranteed that all their social awkwardness will disappear by the time they reach adulthood? Another way to look at it though is this: How much would the message of truth that we are fallen creatures in need of redemption, who need to take up our cross, abide in Christ, and receive God's grace on a momentary, daily basis be lost if God didn't allow the problems related to man's fall take their course to a significant degree? Pain and discomfort are a sign something is wrong. That goes way beyond ourselves. Even Christ, who was not fallen and never sinned, still had to bear suffering related to mankind's fall to purchase redemption for us. Much of that was suffering to do right before He ever even got to the cross where He suffered for our sins directly and tasted death on our behalf as our perfect sin offering. I think that having to deal with inadequacy brings a person face to face with their true spiritual state. I am not judging your spiritual state, I am only saying that even the Apostle Paul saw the need the know Christ in His sufferings (in the sense of doing righteousness and obeying God contrary to one's own inclinations and natural interests). There's no other way to partake of His resurrection power and actualize His purpose of restoring God's image in us. From that perspective, I'd feel sorry for someone whom things like financial hardship, bodily health, and maybe especially lack of a romantic relationship were never a major problem for. Not that such in itself will make or break someone in terms of how they respond to the Lord, but the message itself that such things have the potential to send has a lot of power to help us where most needed- if we will take heed as we ought to. He wants faithful worshipers who love Him and value what He values in His kingdom eternally. And choosing to be consumed with that doesn't guarantee that He will or won't bless us in other ways. It is a relief to have that in His hands and to know He has greater purposes, and therefore greater things for us, then the things we tend to think will give us fulfillment.
 
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FlorinFrau

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Not all of us can socially bond properly with other people in general. This basically negates forming a monogamous relationship with the opposite sex. Then there are the factors of our intellects and emotions.

Personally, I have always been a heterosexual single and came to the conclusion that it is best I remain this way. This preceded repentance to the Lord Jesus Christ but I am thankful that it helped prepare me for what is really necessary.

I still struggle with much residual sin and have never made much socioeconomic progress. I also realize many people in the world face life and death daily just for being Christian and others have multitudes of hardships in daily living.


Relatable, especially this part, "Not all of us can socially bond properly with other people in general." I don't like being single, but I also don't want to end up with just anyone and ruin my future. I'm especially wary of ending up like my mother. A lot of men where I live aren't Christian, they're lukewarm in their faith, already married/coupled, or they go out of their way to mock God and those who believe in Him, among other things. It's really uncomfortable, lonesome, and alienating, and even prejudiced, speaking as a minority in the states. Lots and lots of ignorance and unconscious bias. It's just too much.
 
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dqhall

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Since we tend to have strong drives to be attracted to someone, why do some of us have to suffer feeling alone because we are single and don't want to be, but other people could somehow date and even date different people serially. There are those who the opposite gender finds repulsive too or they are socially awkward. And a lot of people don't date the "caliber" of partner that they want. Why isn't everyone being guaranteed to have a partner a default condition in life? Why do people (usually on the male side) need to prove themselves to find a wife/girlfriend/mate?
Some people were imperfectly formed at birth. These may not want to marry and have children.
 
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DragonFox91

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I want to date too
But
The same reason some people are in jail
Some for crimes they didn't commit
Or are poor - really poor
Or 'have everything' but live according to Satan & not of God
Or live in fear for their life

God in his sovereignty has ordered the world a certain way.

This may not give you hope
Or trust

But there are things far worse then being dateless. Consider yourself blessed & be thankful & give it all back in praise to the One who has shown favor to you.
 
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Juan777

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I want to date too
But there are things far worse then being dateless. Consider yourself blessed & be thankful & give it all back in praise to the One who has shown favor to you.

Of course, but it is like a pebble in the shoe. If there was a bone tossed once and a while then it would not seem so bad. It's not just about being dateless, it's also being friendless or invisible to the opposite sex or getting poor or blah customer service when you are dealing with opposite sex inside the store, etc.... it really crosses allot of other areas apart from just dating.

I'm sure in your case you are not just dateless, you have no close female friends, you are probably not looking forward to meeting any sister at your church next Sunday, there are no prospects on the horizon, and online dating is totally useless.

But of course, there are always far worst things and that doesn't excuse not being thankful for the other blessings in life that God has provided. I still feel blessed and being divorced (ie which means I did a trial-run with a woman) know first hand there are worst scenarios than being happily single and free. Its being with a a wife that hates you and abuses you. Not signing up for that no matter how lonely I feel right now!


(Disclaimer: What I've posted may not reflect my personal situation, aspects of it might but be exaggerated or over-emphasized for dramatic effect for a more fun-read)
 
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