. I don't know if I am able to recover from this and come to God in full honesty or if my heart is too cold. I actually don't feel anything much at all. I want to feel godly sorrow but I am in such deep sin I just don't know what to do.
Something i am dealing with at the moment. The answers are always in the bible.
The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?
Obey me, and I will be your God and you will be my people. Walk in obedience to all I command you, that it may go well with you.
24But they did not listen or pay attention; instead, they followed the stubborn inclinations of their evil hearts. They went backward and not forward.
25From the time your ancestors left Egypt until now, day after day, again and again I sent you my servants the prophets.
26But they did not listen to me or pay attention. They were stiff-necked and did more evil than their ancestors.’
God saw their hearts, he knows their hearts are wicked, stubborn and evil, but the problem isn that their hearts are wicked but that they followed their hearts instead of him.
25I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols.
26I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.
All i can tell you is to keep pressing forward, and to keep seeking God and truth. Doubt comes from a lack of understanding, and it will clear up as you understand more and more.