1 Cor 7:5 and sexual intimacy

Both human beings and animals suffer from the problem of lust. Animals have their obvious ways of solving the problem, but we are human beings and are expected to behave decently and rightously, escpeciall if we are Christians. There is proper courtship between a man and woman that is accepted, and then there is brutal uncivilized behavior that is fordidden.

Marriage is sacred and created by God at the very begining of the world. God created Adam and Eve and declared them married, "For this reason a man shall leave his mother and father and cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one fleash."

Paul did say brief separation between husband and wife is allowed. Perhaps the husband and wife are not getting along. Maybe a brief seperation where the husband can go fishing at the lake and the wife can go shopping at the mall with her female friends. Instead of going shopping she could go to a beautiful public garden with lots of flowers and have tea in a gazebo. I like nature, so I would love to see some flowers or go to an art museum.

The couple should return and talk about their problems. I don't mean argue. I mean a decent conversation about what started the argument, they could get back together, wife could dinner, husband make dessert by brining chocolates, or a cake or pie, or flowers, wife could cook him a steak, or some potatos, maybe some stew or soup, they could watch a Christian movie together, maybe a funny movie, a bible or romantic CHristian movie, maybe watch some cartoons, Bible cartoons, Or they could try writing poems for each other.

Yes, I know these things sound really dorky. The truth is I have never been married so I don't know what to do. I an just brain storming ideas for couples to try. I am trying to keep my ideas clean. These are ideas for husband and wife.

Eat ice cream together, eat chocolate pieces together. Swim together, play with dog or cat, get the dog or cat trained together. Play music like a guitar, paint with art work, cook food. read poetry, books, dance, that's all I can think of.

ChristopherinLA said:

I have heard it said that a spouse is not a safeguard against sexual sin, but Paul says "Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self control". I understand that true self control from sexual sin is a gift from the Lord. Then why does Paul suggest "coming together" to avoid temptation in his scripture? I'm not trying to simplify sexual intimacy as I recognize that this is only a small part of the big picture, but what do you think Paul means here? I think what Paul is saying is that it is practical advice that spouses should be aware that if they withhold sexual relations the other spouse could be tempted. So part of a loving marriage is being aware that your actions or inactions could contribute to your spouse's temptations.

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Hello Christopher, who told you that a spouse is not a safeguard against sexual sin?

As far as self-control goes, we all have our limits in regard to that in this life, which is why the Lord tells us that He will not allow us to be tempted beyond what we are able to endure .. e.g. 1 Corinthians 10:13. So, while it's certainly true that self-control is something that every believer receives from the Holy Spirit .. e.g. Galatians 5:22-23, I believe that our spouses are a big part of the "gift" of self-control from God (over sexual sin).

As the Apostle (who was not married) said to singles,

This is a good thing, I think. Sexual desire is a POWERFUL emotion in most of us for a reason

If we all had the level of self-control over our sexual desires that God gives to those who choose to be eunuchs .. e.g. Matthew 19:12, then the 'filling of the earth' part of the blessing and admonishment to us from God (that we find in Genesis 1:28) would probably never be completed.

God bless you!!

--David

I think the linked article is making some very good, and important, points.

I don't think Paul is trying to tell people that they must have sex on demand lest their spouse be tempted. I think he's saying that people who recognise that sexual intimacy is going to be important for their wellbeing should seek to express that in marriage.

ChristopherinLA said:

I have heard it said that a spouse is not a safeguard against sexual sin, but Paul says
"Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self control". I understand that true self control from sexual sin is a gift from the Lord. Then why does Paul suggest "coming together" to avoid temptation in his scripture? I'm not trying to simplify sexual intimacy as I recognize that this is only a small part of the big picture, but what do you think Paul means here? I think what Paul is saying is that it is practical advice that spouses should be aware that if they withhold sexual relations the other spouse could be tempted. So part of a loving marriage is being aware that your actions or inactions could contribute to your spouse's temptations.

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Yes, I think Paul is just saying being intimate with each other regularly will keep temptation away because you are less tempted to sin if you are getting your needs satisfied. There's no temptation to steal someone else's food if you are getting enough to eat at home.

ChristopherinLA said:

This article I read in Focus on the Family prompted my post because the author said so. Here is the link. Forget Duty Sex: What You Really 'Owe' Your Spouse - Focus on the Family You will find her comment under the paragraph "Real Love in the Bedroom" near the bottom, first sentence.

Thanks for your insight. I do believe the author is wrong in this point because as you show in 1 Cor 7:9 spouses do play a significant role in self control.

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Yeah I don't agree with everything the article is saying. First of all it starts out talking about duty sex. If you see sex as a duty, then there is already a deeper problem. It's not a matter of is duty sex right or wrong, the problem is find out why sex has become a duty to you in the first place. Fix that part of the relationship.
Also getting your physical and emotional needs met by your spouse can 100% make you temptation proof. God made sex to be such a strong driving force because the survival of the species depends on. He had to make it strong so that humanity doesn't die out from people being too lazy to reproduce. LOL But we can resist temptation when we have the right outlet for that drive, which is a spouse. That's the legal way to do it. Anything outside of that is just lust.

ChristopherinLA said:

I have heard it said that a spouse is not a safeguard against sexual sin, but Paul says
"Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self control". I understand that true self control from sexual sin is a gift from the Lord. Then why does Paul suggest "coming together" to avoid temptation in his scripture?

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Well, you can help each other to give in to the temptation to argue, right? And then you both can get into more and more trouble, from that.

So, yes what we do can contribute to temptation. For one example > one might hold back from sex, right when the other is obviously interested. Now, the one being refused might not go commit adultery, but he or she might get tempted to feel rejected and suspect the spouse refusing sex is cheating or wants out of the marriage. And the refused one can give in to the temptation to be resentful, and maybe even do things to "get back" at the one refusing the sex.

Maybe the uninterested spouse just would like a while to rest, first, after the day. May be he or she would care to be still and pray for a while so he or she is refreshed so the sex will be a nice time. And maybe the interested one has made even no effort to first share with the other about things and how the other is feeling.

I would say Paul means this scripture for a couple who communicates with each other, so they will work this out with consideration for one another. And they will be getting to know each other and their relationship, so they can see how God means this for these two people who are unique in our Father's unique plan for them.

So part of a loving marriage is being aware that your actions or inactions could contribute to your spouse's temptations.

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And discover how this can happen, plus plan on growing up so certain things can't keep getting the better of you.

Because spoiling each other can help keep one another weak so we can get hurt and worry and fear and spoil things with our arguing and complaining about not getting what we have learned to take for granted > John 12:25.

We need to learn how to relate so we can feed our children with good example of how to grow and relate and gain God's correction in an intimate relationship - - - so our children can know how to love.

ChristopherinLA said:

I really like what you said about how spoiling each other can help keep one another weak.

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I think Paul is talking, in the verse you quoted, to a Christian couple . . . to two people who want to do what God wants. And they are willing to help each other.

So, they want to learn how to share intimately without spoiling each other. They first want to please God.

So, they might be able to overdo staying away from each other. But also one of them could take Paul to mean he or she should be spoiled.

So, they need to pray and be guided by God. And in order to do God's will, we need His way of correction, so we are strong and encouraged and wise in His love in our character . . . nothing forced > with Jesus "you will find rest for your souls." (in Matthew 11:28-30).

While I think a spouse can help the other avoid temptation by providing regular sexual intimacy, if the other spouse has never overcame their own sexual sin, they may still have adultery in their heart for example.

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"Let all that you do be done with love." (1 Corinthians 16:14)

"not in passion of lust," our Apostle Paul also says, in 1 Thessalonians 4:5.

So, lust is wrong. Lust can have me very intimate with my own sensual feelings, not really loving another person.

Therefore, by overindulging in sexual intimacy, a spouse could be preventing the other from being sanctified.
Philippians 2:12

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Each couple needs to find out what is right for them. God does give us "richly all things to enjoy." (in 1 Timothy 6:17)

So, I can see God won't give a couple self control to stay away from each other, if He wants them with each other. But lust is not attraction of love.

And God's word gives us plenty about how to become and how to relate in His love. And as we experience how God's love is, it becomes easy to tell the difference between this love and what is just lust.

And we need to not only be on the defensive against sinning, but grow and discover how we become able to share in God's love. And the pleasantness and intimacy of loving is better than physical, and can be enjoyed while we are doing chores and working out problems and finding out how to deal with impossible people > at any time, we can be sharing with God and one another in His love..

In the middle of anything, I think a couple can stop and be sweet and encouraging . . . romantic instead of frantic . . . with each other

ChristopherinLA said:

I have heard it said that a spouse is not a safeguard against sexual sin, but Paul says
"Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self control". I understand that true self control from sexual sin is a gift from the Lord. Then why does Paul suggest "coming together" to avoid temptation in his scripture? I'm not trying to simplify sexual intimacy as I recognize that this is only a small part of the big picture, but what do you think Paul means here? I think what Paul is saying is that it is practical advice that spouses should be aware that if they withhold sexual relations the other spouse could be tempted. So part of a loving marriage is being aware that your actions or inactions could contribute to your spouse's temptations.

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You make 2 premises that I can't connect to scripture.

ChristopherinLA said:

I have heard it said that a spouse is not a safeguard against sexual sin,......I understand that true self control from sexual sin is a gift from the Lord.

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To what scriptures are you referring here?

I enjoyed the article. The writer's premise is sound. Sex is not owed to your spouse and it is not to be used as a weapon to bribe one spouse to give in to the other's will. Love will conquer both of these extremes.

A marriage does act as a safeguard against adultery and fornication. It, obviously, is no surety of fidelity, either. I was wondering who said it was not a safeguard and why they would say that (from scripture).

Secondly, why do you think true self control from sexual sin is a gift from God? I'm not sure there even IS such a thing as true self control from sexual sin. It just struck me as an odd notion and I wondered why you think that.

Let us speak as the oracles of God. It is easy to hear someone say some profound thing and accept is as biblical when it isn't. Search the scriptures to see that the things you are being told are true.

It is this lack of truth seeking that has corrupted the church and damaged its effectiveness. It has to stop.

Oh, ok, I see what you mean. It is a blessing when we gain victory over the demons that once controlled us. If we do not know Christ we cannot know truth and it is the truth that sets us free, after all.

Thank you for taking the time to humor an old man.