So, am I boring?

LovebirdsFlying said:

And people are too polite to say so?

I get interrupted a lot. Not just by one or two individuals, but by people in general. Somebody may cut me off in the middle of a sentence to talk about another topic, or something happens while I'm speaking that immediately demands their attention. Usually it's something that cannot be avoided, but not always. Sometimes I'm interrupted several times in a row while trying to speak the same sentence, and I never do get it out.

Just now, for reference, I was starting to tell my husband a funny story while he was cleaning his CPAP equipment. He noticed a leak in the hose, and while I was in the middle of a syllable, he said out loud, "Whoops, sprung a leak." Conversation then turned to how to replace the equipment, and I never did finish what I was saying.

To sum it up, this is a clinical and factual observation, based on actual testing.

1. I tend to get interrupted more than other people do.
2. It can be just about anybody on the other end of it, not merely a person who has a habit of interrupting.
3. If I shut my mouth and stop talking, there is no, "I'm sorry; what were you saying?"
4. If I then quietly walk away instead of resuming the conversation, NOBODY EVEN NOTICES.

It happened just now. After my husband interrupted me, I stopped talking and walked out of the bedroom. He's still in there getting ready, and he hasn't figured out yet that I've left the room.

Of course, if I ever point any of this out, or act frustrated to any degree at all that I can't get a word in, then whoever I'm talking to acts like I'm ridiculously self-centered. I'm taking it far too personally. After all, it's not THEIR fault that whatever happened at that moment to interrupt me, happened.

They tend to address only the individual incident. I'm looking at the pattern.

The conclusion I've come to is that I'm just boring and nobody wants to talk to me. As a good wife, my duty is to shut up and not try to have conversation with my husband.

What's a Christ-like way to deal with that fact?

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No absolutely not. It's not you it is the increasing difficultly of people's ability to focus and listen. I for one have that issue at times. But I am aware of it and focus! Now your probably a good listener, God bless you for that ! We need more of you. So here are my suggestions:
1) Start your conversation with " I have something important to talk to you about".
2) When he interrupts say " excuse me I am talking ".
3) If he continues to interrupt say " when your ready to listen, let me know " then walk away.

Anyway, my significant other uses " excuse me I'm talking" quite a bit. It works. Thanks for sharing ! Keeps me in check.
Blessings!

It may be that people just aren't interested in what you are saying, especially if your opinions conflict with theirs.

Well, I think the first thing to understand, is that while you came to that conclusion, it may not necessarily be true. There are other reasons why people may interrupt you. I do it to my mom all the time and it frustrates her. I have ADHD so when she starts talking about something, I am usually quick to respond or a solution comes to mind or I'm distracted by other things. I'm not saying your husband has ADHD, but he just might already be ahead of you. With a desire to help, he might already formulate a solution. Or if he's in the middle of doing something, it is hard to stop what you're doing to pay attention to the person speaking. It's something I have had to personally work on and it's not a problem anymore. But she was open about the fact it bothered her and we talked about it.

It might just be familiarity or being comfortable with someone that communication changes. He may not even realize he's doing it.

LovebirdsFlying said:

And people are too polite to say so?

I get interrupted a lot. Not just by one or two individuals, but by people in general. Somebody may cut me off in the middle of a sentence to talk about another topic, or something happens while I'm speaking that immediately demands their attention. Usually it's something that cannot be avoided, but not always. Sometimes I'm interrupted several times in a row while trying to speak the same sentence, and I never do get it out.

Just now, for reference, I was starting to tell my husband a funny story while he was cleaning his CPAP equipment. He noticed a leak in the hose, and while I was in the middle of a syllable, he said out loud, "Whoops, sprung a leak." Conversation then turned to how to replace the equipment, and I never did finish what I was saying.

To sum it up, this is a clinical and factual observation, based on actual testing.

1. I tend to get interrupted more than other people do.
2. It can be just about anybody on the other end of it, not merely a person who has a habit of interrupting.
3. If I shut my mouth and stop talking, there is no, "I'm sorry; what were you saying?"
4. If I then quietly walk away instead of resuming the conversation, NOBODY EVEN NOTICES.

It happened just now. After my husband interrupted me, I stopped talking and walked out of the bedroom. He's still in there getting ready, and he hasn't figured out yet that I've left the room.

Of course, if I ever point any of this out, or act frustrated to any degree at all that I can't get a word in, then whoever I'm talking to acts like I'm ridiculously self-centered. I'm taking it far too personally. After all, it's not THEIR fault that whatever happened at that moment to interrupt me, happened.

They tend to address only the individual incident. I'm looking at the pattern.

The conclusion I've come to is that I'm just boring and nobody wants to talk to me. I don't have anything to say that's worth hearing. As a good wife, my duty is to shut up and not try to have conversation with my husband.

What's a Christ-like way to deal with that fact?

Click to expand...

While it can be irritating, best thing is to not take it personally.

I've had days like this where I get interrupted in the middle of a conversation without apology.

I think the main issue is that people's attention span is very short due to the culture we live in (instant gratification, OR ADHD).

Other times, people genuinely aren't interested in a conversation and are hoping for the other person to take a hint (which is fine, we all have topics we don't really care to discuss).

It could be beneficial to just work on being able to read the room, emotional intelligence is very key here.

Building up a good reputation among people starts with valuing what they have to say or valuing their preference to silence, then if you have favor.. they will likely apologize or explain if they let someone else interject into a conversation.

Earning respect is a thing.

For other people who are logically minded (as a personality trait), emotional intelligence is just not something that comes easily (not sure if this applies to you).

Emotional intelligence - the capacity to be aware of, control, and express one's emotions, and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically.

I know with men, if they aren't saying much.. then they don't care. At this point I just take a hint and stop talking.. I know for me, I would expect the same.

I have things I don't care about too, so I don't hold disinterest against anyone.

It's part of loving my neighbor as myself.

Sometimes men will act interested a little just to be polite, but again, if they really don't care then they will be very unengaged in a conversation (especially if they are busy with something).

Some things we learn while dealing with others takes wisdom.. the scripture says even Christ grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with both God and man.

'And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favour with God and man.'

(Luke 2:52)

LovebirdsFlying said:

What's a Christ-like way to deal with that fact?

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I actually like some of the advice of Charisma on command, Youtube channel on this especially them covering Joe Rogan and why people like him which also fits your OP because it also seems the sort of thing Christ would do in the gospels.

On his show Joe does the following
1) For the first few times it happens, Joe continues on his point he is making, and avoids being derailed.

2) If it keeps going on Joe calls it out.

3) Joe does not mind being interrupted by his friends and other guests if they are making a valid point, or joke, or of it otherwise does not come across as a manipulative tactic, and is OK with it in those situations even welcoming it if the input is really on target to the topic at hand.

LovebirdsFlying said:

And people are too polite to say so?

I get interrupted a lot. Not just by one or two individuals, but by people in general. Somebody may cut me off in the middle of a sentence to talk about another topic, or something happens while I'm speaking that immediately demands their attention. Usually it's something that cannot be avoided, but not always. Sometimes I'm interrupted several times in a row while trying to speak the same sentence, and I never do get it out.

Just now, for reference, I was starting to tell my husband a funny story while he was cleaning his CPAP equipment. He noticed a leak in the hose, and while I was in the middle of a syllable, he said out loud, "Whoops, sprung a leak." Conversation then turned to how to replace the equipment, and I never did finish what I was saying.

To sum it up, this is a clinical and factual observation, based on actual testing.

1. I tend to get interrupted more than other people do.
2. It can be just about anybody on the other end of it, not merely a person who has a habit of interrupting.
3. If I shut my mouth and stop talking, there is no, "I'm sorry; what were you saying?"
4. If I then quietly walk away instead of resuming the conversation, NOBODY EVEN NOTICES.

It happened just now. After my husband interrupted me, I stopped talking and walked out of the bedroom. He's still in there getting ready, and he hasn't figured out yet that I've left the room.

Of course, if I ever point any of this out, or act frustrated to any degree at all that I can't get a word in, then whoever I'm talking to acts like I'm ridiculously self-centered. I'm taking it far too personally. After all, it's not THEIR fault that whatever happened at that moment to interrupt me, happened.

They tend to address only the individual incident. I'm looking at the pattern.

The conclusion I've come to is that I'm just boring and nobody wants to talk to me. I don't have anything to say that's worth hearing. As a good wife, my duty is to shut up and not try to have conversation with my husband.

What's a Christ-like way to deal with that fact?

Click to expand...

You might find this useful: https://www.amazon.com/Assertiveness-Step-Overcoming-Common-Problems/dp/0859699250

I have to admit I never actually finished reading it, but it has real longevity as a recommended book for dealing with all kinds of assertiveness-related issues. As I remember it it's not so much about the typical be assert/speak up type idea but delves more into what it means to be assertive, engagement and things like that.

We are all "boring" at times, that's O.K. I'm sure sometimes your husband is talking to you and you either aren't interested in it or he told you before or you know where he is going before he gets there. Etc. So this isn't something unique to you. It is really about respect and politeness.

Often when my wife is telling me something I already know it or she has told me before or I'm simply not interested. I have to admit it takes a real effort not to interrupt her or cut her off and as often as not I'm not successful. (Your post is going to make me try harder to be polite about it.)

Also the timing of when you tell someone something is important. If they are in the middle of something else or preoccupied with a problem, likely they won't listen well. To help avoid this, it can be as simple as saying "When you get a minute, I'd like to tell you something." That way at least we aren't interrupting their thought process.

I think your bringing up a common situation. That is more a problem of respect and politeness on the listeners part, than being boring on the speakers part.

Very common. When most people are quiet, they're just thinking about what they want to say next, and not listening to you. I found that the best way to handle them is just be quiet and let them talk... they'll get tired eventually and ask you a question. Just nodd.

If you are generally a quiet person people might get used to you being the listener. I feel that this has happened with me both online and in real life. May take time for them to understand that you want to talk about yourself/share your opinions more.

When people get old they are afraid they will lose their thought if they don't say it right then.

returntosender said:

When people get old they are afraid they will lose their thought if they don't say it right then.

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This is funny because it is true! Sometimes my wife starts talking to me while I'm walking from room to room. She doesn't realize that it takes all of concentration to even remember why I'm going to the room!

You have to look at the personalities of people overall. People often are starved for attention but people that they already know accept/like them they interrupt them but listen to folks that they want to be their new buddies or are intimidated by them. I had a roommate that rarely let me talk much and even if so it was like I didn't say anything if it wasn't what he wanted to talk about. A lot of people are not good conversationalists and are insecure and introverted so when they do find someone that will listen they take advantage of them.
I've personally got mad at people interrupting me before when I was talking.
My advice is to let these people ramble and then reply.... "are you through yet?" is it my turn to speak?. Do this every time they interrupt you and if this has no effect or a negative effect then throw a fit and don't talk to them for a day. You can also irritate them after they interrupt you by holding your hand up in the air as they are talking and when prompted why tell them my teacher used to have me do this to not interrupt them and I cannot figure out when I'm allowed to speak when talking to you.

LovebirdsFlying said:

What's a Christ-like way to deal with that fact?

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There's a law of supply and demand; things are valued by quality but also by quantity.
I can't speak to what you are doing or if you are doing something wrong in general because I don't know you.

Men (well, me at least) really don't like being interrupted and engaged in conversation when they are in the middle of doing something or focusing on something, or if it's not of interest to them. If it's something your husband cares about, he'll probably be interested in talking about it if he's free to talk. But if he's trying to do something that he considers important to do, trying to engage him in conversation can be communicating that your desire for attention is more important. It genuinely might be on some occasions, but if it happens all the time like clockwork, that would be a problem.

You could (and this is a real suggestion) take a mutual spiritual Vow of Silence for a 1-3 days; not as a punishment (nor are a blessing). But it could be fun - you'd be communicating with each other with hand signs and notes, facial gestures, small acts of kindness - guessing at what each other means Might be a real peaceful growth moment for you both and I bet you would both appreciate the conversation afterwards.

LovebirdsFlying said:

The conclusion I've come to is that I'm just boring and nobody wants to talk to me. I don't have anything to say that's worth hearing. As a good wife, my duty is to shut up and not try to have conversation with my husband.

What's a Christ-like way to deal with that fact?

Click to expand...

Well, in the case of your husband working on his CPAP stuff . . . that was your unique husband in that unique situation.

And you made your generalization that if you stop talking, no one notices > yet >

LovebirdsFlying said:

Well, hubby noticed I was being quiet and asked me about it.

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So, there could be things which come to your mind, which you yourself need to not listen to!!

And if you do not know why a certain individual does what you say . . . this can mean you do not know that person very well - - I mean well enough so you can know why that unique person does not keep listening to you and interrupts.

So, you could let each person speak for oneself. And get to know people so you can understand why they do things.

And it is possible, simply, that there are people who do not know how to love, the way the Bible says, including >

"submitting to one another in the fear of God." (Ephesians 5:21)

"swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath" (in James 1:19-20)

And, of course, what are you talking about? If it is something a person values, they will pay attention. I suppose. So, it might not be about you, but what is a subject that keeps someone's attention.

But . . . my opinion . . . there are people who do not know how to give others good attention; you can listen to them, then, and get to know them. And then possibly you can know things to say to them, that can help them. And make quick comments, which are finished before they can be interrupted Say what is worth saying, so it does you good And pray.

I would say my lady friend loves me, but she does not want to keep track of something I am talking about, for over maybe ten seconds. If I keep something going, she is really in a fix, maybe not being able to pay attention for long. And one time, when I was driving her mind to keep paying attention to what I was intellectually explaining to her, she crashed her car! I possibly actually helped to disable her from paying attention to her driving.

She can insist on watching certain TV preachers whom she seems to appreciate and even honor. But, in moments she is concerned about the doggie or some thing; and I am trying to pay attention to the message so I can understand what she values hearing, yet she is getting distracted from it! So, then I might repeat something to her later so she can benefit from it. And, "Did you hear the person say this?" "No." lolololololololololol

But I note how, often enough, she will get away from me - - when I am lecturing her about how I disagree with some ministerial person. But criticizing who-knows-who is not a priority, for me. So, I watch this, more, now. And I pray about what really can be beneficial to say, and then I might lock in on her and notify her that I have something I want her to hear . . . or to consider. And she kind of gets, that that is when she needs to stay attentive.

But you're the only one like you. And it seems your husband appreciates having you with him, whether he is listening to you or not. That time, with the CPAP stuff he was not ready to multi-task more than one thing at once.

I keep finding that some number of people can not stay on the same subject for . . . very long. And you see how news reports jump all over the place, and advertisements. And Bible groups can have a lot of choppy stuff, with people jumping right in, every moment, even, it can seem. And I have been shut out by this. So, I would be still with God, and trust Him to guide me with the others. And with this, it seems I have gotten more with people of groups who do have more pausing when I can offer something. But I understand I should not try to take advantage of their attention every time everyone is being quiet; that can be time for God to quietly bless people.

Be prayerfully ready, then, for if a time comes when someone does give you attention . . . so you don't just run away with it and take over!

LovebirdsFlying said:

What's a Christ-like way to deal with that fact?

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It's an insult, so turning the other cheek. I tend to get interrupted in person so do not prefer in person conversations and tend to choose not to participate.

Paul spoke of "wanting an equal exchange" with one church, so that is reasonable. If Christians aren't even treating you how they'd like to be treated, encouraging such evil is not a good thing.

LovebirdsFlying said: ↑
What's a Christ-like way to deal with that fact?

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That same thing happens to me sometimes and I do what you did - I walk away and take it as a sign that the person was not even listening in the first place. So then if what I am saying at the moment is not "life or death" I drop it. And try to say "less" in general in the future when around "that" person.

Eventually this will happen when "someone else" is also in the room - someone a bit less self absorbed - and that 3rd person will pull the conversation back with "and you were saying??"

That is the moment to make a comment that you are getting used to discontinuing in the middle of a sentence when interrupted - but will gladly resume if there is interest.

"Running over someone" in the middle of their comment and not caring to get back to what they were saying - is a sign both of disrespect and of being self-absorbed. Since everyone has free will that person can certainly choose such a path ... but I seek to "cure them" of it by talking less. Eventually they complain that I am not talking "enough". However I have met people soooo incredibly self-absorbed that nothing would please them more than for everyone to keep silent while the self-absorbed one takes all the oxygen out of the air.

It is a funny world we live in.

having said that - as I am getting older and older I notice that a response to what someone has just said pops into my head - but if I wait a few minutes while they finish the "long version" of what they are saying -- I fear I will forget it. That unfortunate trend tends to make me more inclined to interrupt someone if I think I know the "short form" of what they are in the middle of saying.

bad habit trying to form - so am working to block it.

Hmm can I with a smile ..please. Every angel rejoice in heaven when He found you.. and GODs ear is always listening to you.. you just can't right now know how many times He says "THATS MY DAGUTHER!"