I struggle with depression. Most of it comes from alienation or being unprepared for God's next blessing. (In terms of relationship [professional, social, romantic] and career/educational opportunities, respectively.)
I just feel like I am behind the curve.
I am no longer a late-teen or 20 something, and I just feel like all my efforts during those times mean nothing. I worked several part-time jobs, graduated college [with a less than marketable degree because I was mathematically unprepared for engineering or computer science, or even healthcare. Sadly.] and now I feel it was all for nothing.
All of it. To be undesirably single, to have a job that is isolating, to make decent money but at the cost of sleep and a social life, to live in a city and go to a job where wickedness is the norm(even celebrated), it is all just for nothing I feel.
I try to read the bible and pray, and it does me well in the moment, but once I am done studying all my problems come rushing back.
I know life will be full of challenges. I get that. But there is resistance at every level, I feel. Even getting up is hard at times.
I guess I'm just worn out.
In my heart I know I just want to leave my job, move to a new city, retrain for a new career, and start a new life. Maybe even met someone great, but this is the challenge of life when you are getting older and you need healthcare,etc You can't just up and leave.
I am just past my 20s, losing touch with my old and good friends, and I have not been a date in 10 years, and my career prospects are narrowing and narrowing.
In short, I don't see what the point is anymore. I try to do everything your're are supposed to do in life, but none of it, none of it, ever works for me without compromise.
I just need something to work, for once.
I just feel like I am behind the curve.
I am no longer a late-teen or 20 something, and I just feel like all my efforts during those times mean nothing. I worked several part-time jobs, graduated college [with a less than marketable degree because I was mathematically unprepared for engineering or computer science, or even healthcare. Sadly.] and now I feel it was all for nothing.
All of it. To be undesirably single, to have a job that is isolating, to make decent money but at the cost of sleep and a social life, to live in a city and go to a job where wickedness is the norm(even celebrated), it is all just for nothing I feel.
I try to read the bible and pray, and it does me well in the moment, but once I am done studying all my problems come rushing back.
I know life will be full of challenges. I get that. But there is resistance at every level, I feel. Even getting up is hard at times.
I guess I'm just worn out.
In my heart I know I just want to leave my job, move to a new city, retrain for a new career, and start a new life. Maybe even met someone great, but this is the challenge of life when you are getting older and you need healthcare,etc You can't just up and leave.
I am just past my 20s, losing touch with my old and good friends, and I have not been a date in 10 years, and my career prospects are narrowing and narrowing.
In short, I don't see what the point is anymore. I try to do everything your're are supposed to do in life, but none of it, none of it, ever works for me without compromise.
I just need something to work, for once.
