- Jul 22, 2017
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I have surrendered my life to Jesus and I still don't believe that I am save. I have surrendered my life to Jesus in the past but went back to my old ways.
The truth of the matter is that I don't know how to be a true Christian. All I can think about is hell. It is in my thoughts almost 24/7 even when I'm watching TV. I know that I do not ever want to go there. But it is the most scariest place to go. I worry about my mother whether she went to heaven or hell. I am asking God's forgiveness for my sins. I am not just asking God's forgiveness, I am begging him to forgive me. But I know that he won't forgive me unless I forsake my sin. I just don't know how to do that yet. Sin is so much more than just to our Behavior. We can send by the way that we feel like bitterness and anger. Or feelings of hatred is also sin. These sins are very strong Within Me.
But after surrendering to Jesus I do not know where to go from here. I don't know how to just stop sinning because I have lived a sinful life all of my life. I am one of those people that accepts God's word but I don't accept God's word with gladness I accept God's word based on fear.
So, where do I go from here?
1. I do not know how to love my neighbor as myself, for I have always despised other people. Not because I thought I was better than them, but because my feelings get hurt pretty easily.
2. I don't know how to get rid of my bitterness.
3. I don't know how to love my brothers and sisters. I have never loved them. My mom (died of Covid last year) was pretty much the only one that I have actually loved. But my brothers and sisters, well some of them, wants to have a relationship with me. Well, I did love my twin brother but my love for him has disappeared. Every time he calls me, I roll my eyes and say to myself, oh great, he is the last person that I want to talk to. He gets upset with me because I never go out of my way and talk to him. He keeps wanting me to come and visit him. But I don't want to. He has four children that I've never met before. I do not want to meet them.
4. I have same-sex attraction. Leviticus 18 talks about how homosexuality is an Abomination to God. I recognize this and I accept this. But I still have same-sex attraction. I don't know how to look at men and see them Through The Eyes Of God. Of course, I am not attracted to every single man. But this is sin.
5. I am angry with my mom. She is no longer here anymore. But I am angry at her for not practicing social distancing, even though I understand that it was her right to not practice social distancing. I understand that she had every right to take the risks. But I still feel angry at her and feel that she was selfish for not doing so. It cost her life. But I still love my mom.
The point is that I have a lot of baggage. And I don't know where to go from here after surrendering to Jesus. The truth of the matter is I still feel unsaved. I don't know how to hate sin or to leave it. It has been my master for a long time.
What does one do after surrendering their lives to Jesus? And how do they get rid of all their sinful baggage?
The truth of the matter is that I don't know how to be a true Christian. All I can think about is hell. It is in my thoughts almost 24/7 even when I'm watching TV. I know that I do not ever want to go there. But it is the most scariest place to go. I worry about my mother whether she went to heaven or hell. I am asking God's forgiveness for my sins. I am not just asking God's forgiveness, I am begging him to forgive me. But I know that he won't forgive me unless I forsake my sin. I just don't know how to do that yet. Sin is so much more than just to our Behavior. We can send by the way that we feel like bitterness and anger. Or feelings of hatred is also sin. These sins are very strong Within Me.
But after surrendering to Jesus I do not know where to go from here. I don't know how to just stop sinning because I have lived a sinful life all of my life. I am one of those people that accepts God's word but I don't accept God's word with gladness I accept God's word based on fear.
So, where do I go from here?
1. I do not know how to love my neighbor as myself, for I have always despised other people. Not because I thought I was better than them, but because my feelings get hurt pretty easily.
2. I don't know how to get rid of my bitterness.
3. I don't know how to love my brothers and sisters. I have never loved them. My mom (died of Covid last year) was pretty much the only one that I have actually loved. But my brothers and sisters, well some of them, wants to have a relationship with me. Well, I did love my twin brother but my love for him has disappeared. Every time he calls me, I roll my eyes and say to myself, oh great, he is the last person that I want to talk to. He gets upset with me because I never go out of my way and talk to him. He keeps wanting me to come and visit him. But I don't want to. He has four children that I've never met before. I do not want to meet them.
4. I have same-sex attraction. Leviticus 18 talks about how homosexuality is an Abomination to God. I recognize this and I accept this. But I still have same-sex attraction. I don't know how to look at men and see them Through The Eyes Of God. Of course, I am not attracted to every single man. But this is sin.
5. I am angry with my mom. She is no longer here anymore. But I am angry at her for not practicing social distancing, even though I understand that it was her right to not practice social distancing. I understand that she had every right to take the risks. But I still feel angry at her and feel that she was selfish for not doing so. It cost her life. But I still love my mom.
The point is that I have a lot of baggage. And I don't know where to go from here after surrendering to Jesus. The truth of the matter is I still feel unsaved. I don't know how to hate sin or to leave it. It has been my master for a long time.
What does one do after surrendering their lives to Jesus? And how do they get rid of all their sinful baggage?
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